Kali had finally returned. Link could hardly believe it.
And she had almost immediately passed out.
Evidently, she had been suffering from heat exhaustion because Nabooru swept in after Kali's shaking sobs subsided as she slipped into unconsciousness, her entire body feverish. As Link watched Nabooru lay her gently on the sand and begin to relieve her of her cloak and scarf, he took her in once more. She had burst through the swirling with wide, nearly delirious eyes, her golden hair practically ripped from it's severe twist and tangled in wavy threads by her face. He had been alarmed at first as he registered the blood spatter on her face, the line of crimson that had dried in a sand crusted stream from the corner of her mouth, the bloom of blue and purple bruising on one side of her face. She had to fight to get there, which meant her cover as Pallas's companion was blown and this area may not be secure for long.
He felt Zelda's presence at his side, still watching Kali with disbelief. "I will admit. I wanted to have faith that you were right, but I can hardly believe that she is here myself."
Link only nodded silently with understanding, and he took in how the rest of the Gerudo tribe watched her with suspicious, glinting stares as Nabooru slipped tiny sips of water into Kali's mouth, pressed a damp cloth to her forehead that had been dipped in the cool waters nearby. He knew that the others would not believe it so easily either. "What will you do when we bring her back?" Link asked, his jaw tight as he anticipated what her answer might be.
Zelda's shoulders sagged slightly as she released a long, quiet sigh. He wasn't going to like what she had to say, "We will have to interrogate her. To verify that she is whom she claims."
Something nasty burned in Link's gut - anger, resentment. They finally got Kali back, and they were going to treat her like some kind of criminal?
"It won't be so bad." Kiden spoke from Link's other side now, interrupting his furious thoughts.
Link turned to him. The potion maker was watching Kali also, but even he could see that beyond those thick goggles, beyond that relieved expression, his eyes were guarded. "Kali has always been honest, and watching her face is like reading an open book…" He sounded so sorrowful as he said the words, like merely speaking them weighed him down.
But he was right. Kali often said exactly what she meant, honest to fault. But on the occasions that she tried to withhold her words, once someone knew her habits, her tells, she was as open a summer sky.
Link didn't care what had happened between him and Kali, he only cared that she was safe with her memories mostly intact. Though, he wondered distantly what memories had been stolen from her. A glint of pink-ish glare caught his eye and he noticed that Kali had dropped the lens of truth in the sand. He chuckled softly and went to retrieve it as he heard Zelda command the others to prepare for departure. His hand closed around it, and he raised a brow as he turned the hot metal this way and that. Unable to contain his curiosity, he put the lens to his eye and glanced around the area - hoping to catch a glimpse of what Kali had seen.
He felt like the air in his lungs was stolen from him as he spotted the shifting form of a shadow at the edge of the oasis, nearly blending into the swirling sands. Of course...He thought to himself as his throat grew tight, his chest ached with an all too familiar pain. The shadow watched him with glowing red eyes. Of course she was still hanging around, to make sure all of this business was done and to make sure everyone remained safe. "Thank you, old friend. For bringing her back to me." he muttered, hoping the slight, pleasant breeze of the oasis would carry his words to the shadow before it faded from view.
Once Kali's body was less feverish, the group helped her unconscious body into the saddle upon Epona, the only horse that would have been able to keep up with the Gerudo's particular desert running breed of stallions. Their horses were the color of cream, of fields of wheat with a mix of cotton white and chocolate brown manes. They were bred specifically to be able to travel in these sands, in this storm, in the harsh desert heat. Link slipped onto the saddle behind her, one arm held tight to her waist in front of him while the other guided Epona's reins. It was up to the riders to guide their horse as they were all equipped with a special sort of head gear that guarded their eyes from being blinded by the sands, but effectively made the horses unable to see during the ride. But with Nabooru in the lead, who knew this desert better than anyone, they made quick work of escaping the desert storm.
Upon returning to the sandstone structures of the Gerudo fortress, Nabooru's force decided to prepare themselves to battle with any stragglers that managed to make their way back from the desert first. With the mass of the army broken up into smaller, much more manageable groups, it would be a massive blow to the sheer size of Pallas's forces if they plucked the numbers from them bit by bit. Meanwhile, Zelda ordered Link to go ahead with Kali by way of Zelda's own personal coach. Epona's lead was lashed onto the back of the carriage in case something went wrong. "I'm afraid of Pallas catching onto her whereabouts, and the only place she is safe from his portals will be the castle. So she needs to keep moving, do not stop until you reach the castle." The princess explained firmly, "I have things to finish up here, but Nabooru and I will follow shortly."
Link tilted his head contemplatively as he hefted the unconscious girl into his arms. It reminded him of the first time he'd seen her, unconscious after collapsing in the forest from the freezing cold. "As long as Kali doesn't use her powers while we are on the move, I think we should be alright." he explained, "She said something before about how Pallas can sense the use of her power."
"Regardless," Zelda shot back, her eyes distracted by the Gerudo creating a battle formation near the edge of the wasteland. "She needs to get to the castle where she cannot be touched."
He noticed her attention snag on a figure walking near the battle formation, relieving himself of the tight goggles that had formed slightly red marks from being tightened to his face. "Kiden!" She called out, drawing him closer, "You go with them."
"I can handle this." Link muttered unhappily, receiving a sharp look from Kiden.
The look didn't last long as his eyes seemed to unwillingly drop to Kali's unconscious form in Link's arms. His eyes softened with affection and perhaps regret all in one look.
"He needs to go along just in case she wakes and is in pain, or has some sort of internal injury. She wasn't conscious for long when she arrived, and may need some kind of healing balm or potion." Zelda said firmly, her eyes hard as they shifted between them both, like she was daring them to fight along the way. "Now hurry, we can't waste time."
So Link obeyed, his jaw set as Kiden stepped toward the coach before him. Zelda's coach was all ivory and gold trim, like many parts of the castle, and the inside was lush with soft blue velvet. He carefully carried Kali inside, tucking her head close to him to keep her from colliding with the sides of the open door. He could feel his own strength begin to ebb out of him as he settled on the soft bench seat with her still bundled in his arms. Kiden sat across from them, and appeared to be trying very hard to not look at them. He released a long breath as he let her weight settle onto his lap, and one arm moved out from under her legs to allow them to rest sprawled across the seat, while the other arm kept her held close to his chest. Her head leaned limply against his shoulder and he shifted so that he could see her face, trying to ignore Kiden's presence all together.
He found amusement bubbling up inside him, a welcome feeling amongst all these months of crippling worry, of paralyzing fear for her safety and state of mind. Her face….was a mess, he had to admit. Her skin was coated with pale dust and clumps of sand that stuck to the blood on her face, and what appeared to be a trail of tears. The bruise had finally settled but bloomed like a dark flower, and left one side of her face slightly swollen. Her hair was a nest of pale gold, also covered in bits of sand. Galena was going to have a hell of a time cleaning her up, he thought. Still, she was striking even in this condition.
If she could see him fighting back the smile that threatened his tired expression, he knew she would pinch him or nudge him away, her cheeks pinking. He wished she would wake and do just that, to show him that she was still the same laughing, easily embarrassed girl. He only sighed softly and gently brushed the bits of sand from her face as best as he could, relieved her hair of the hair clips that held the bundle so tightly, causing the locks to cascade over his arm in a wild tangle that was familiar to him. She'd always seemed wild in his eyes, a caged animal that yearned to be free. He could see it in her fierce gaze, in her fighting spirit, in the way she did what she liked regardless of what others told her. He found that he loved it about her. He ran his fingers as smoothly as he could through her hair, doing his best to attempt to tame it knowing damn well it was pointless. But he liked the feeling of her hair entangled in his fingers.
He felt the stare that pricked at his skin, and he glanced up to find Kiden watching them sullenly from the corner of his eye. Normally he would have felt annoyed, as Kiden's presence often drew that feeling from him, but there was something so dejected in the boy's eyes as he gazed at Kali's face that it gave Link pause. His hand dropped from her hair, and the movement drew Kiden's gaze up to Link, where it hardened into something sharper. "You didn't have to come, you know." Link said quietly, half afraid to disturb the resting girl in his arms.
Kiden didn't respond for so long that Link questioned whether or not he'd actually heard him. Then he said, just as quietly, "I did."
"You could have just told Zelda you wanted to assist with the battle, to have your potions used there."
Kiden leaned chin into the palm of his hand and his stare fixed on something out the window. "I couldn't."
Link only frowned and didn't bother responding as he turned his head down to Kali's face again. Her face pinched slightly, as if she were dreaming, and then she released a long slow breath as it relaxed again. "I wanted to come. To make sure she would be alright." Kiden said suddenly.
Link looked up and Kiden was watching her again, his expression softer now. Link's heart twisted as he considered what the boy had been to Kali before, that she had actually chosen Kiden before...well before Impa died protecting him. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of her." Link said curtly.
"I know." Kiden said with a small sigh, and it was suddenly very clear how miserable this trip would be for him, "That's why she ran straight to you."
Link hadn't considered that. Kali had the option to run to anyone she wished. He vaguely remembered her spotting Kiden before her eyes fell on him and yet….his were not the pair of arms she's thrown herself into. The truth in it had his cheeks warming slightly. "But why do this to yourself?" Link asked, his voice less harsh now. He sounded more confused than anything.
He'd never really talked to Kiden like this before. Never wanted to, never had a reason to. Now they would be stuck in the same carriage with an unconscious Kali for potentially hours on end. It just didn't make any sense. Clearly something had happened that split the foundation of...whatever they were to each other.
He remembered the day he went to Kali after Impa had died. In the days prior, he hadn't even thought to go straight to her. He was too consumed in his own grief to think of anyone else immediately. He raged at himself, threw himself into training until his body would fail him. He punished himself to the fullest capacity for not being able to stop Bia, for being too caught up with Styx to be able to notice the attack on Kiden. Eventually, he'd gone to Zelda. Upon seeing his guilt stricken expression, she'd fallen upon him and he'd held her. He'd been her friend for just as long as he'd been Impa's, having met them on the same day when he was a child. Zelda had been only a child too, and Link could not understand the relationship between the princess and her attendant - having never known his own parents. Perhaps it was something akin to that snap in connection he'd felt when the Great Deku Tree had passed. His first real taste of grief…
Shortly after, he'd heard broken sobbing from one of the studies. It wasn't unusual to hear it after the castle had been notified of Impa's tragic death, but when Link happened to glance at who the wretched sounds belonged to, he stopped to listen. It had been Kiden, his glasses discarded on the table he sat at. He leaned into his clenched fists as his body shook with his weeping, and Link was stunned to find Nabooru sitting near him - her hand squeezing the boy's shoulder. He could see the glimmer of tears in her own eyes as she watched Kiden's trembling form with combined pity and understanding. Nabooru had always been one of the stronger sages, one of the most level headed. He could barely make out Kiden's words between heaving sobs, "I...I couldn't do anything. I didn't know what to say…"
"She is only in pain, Kiden. A lot of it. I am sure she blames herself." Nabooru said smoothly in response.
She? It could only have been Kali.
"But you didn't see how she looked at me….She was….It was like I was a monster to her. Like one of those shadow men.." Kiden said, pulling his hands from his tear stained face to stare in disbelief at his hands. His eyes were tight with despair.
"It isn't your fault."
"It is!" Kiden cried out, pressing his palms to his eyes as he cradled his head again, "She is hurting so badly, but I can't do anything. She won't tell me what to do, I just want her to be happy but I can't do that for her! She won't move from bed, she won't clean up, she won't even eat or drink."
At that, Link startled. It had been days since Impa had died, and Kali hadn't eaten or drank….anything? He rushed away from the study to find a tray of food immediately. He knew that Kali wouldn't be able to tell anyone how to help her, how to make her happy. She just wouldn't be happy, not for a long time. It was something that intense grief did to you...it made you incapable of putting your own needs above the intense agony that threatened to rend you in two. And Link knew as he rushed to her room with the tray of food, that the only thing, the best thing someone could do for her was to be stubborn enough to get her to go through the motions of staying alive….of living life to some degree until eventually, she could stand on her own again. And Link was just stubborn enough for the job.
Kiden's response to his question drew Link from the memory, "Because I love her."
Link's heart gave a leap at that, and the surprise combined with concern must have shown on his face because Kiden waved his hand dismissively at him. "I wouldn't worry about it. I can't…" he trailed off suddenly, and Link saw his throat work as he swallowed.
Link waited, his eyes searching Kiden's face for the words that had been lost to him. Kiden's gaze was still hard focused out the carriage window as he finally said, "I can't be what she needs. She's….different than when we met. Not that it's her fault." He added the last part with a sharpness that prompted Link to observe Kiden more closely.
Several minutes passed as Link considered Kiden's profile, illuminated by the orange light of the setting sun that shone into the carriage window. His words were sincere, and the emotion that swirled darkly in his eyes was very real, too real. Link knew the feeling very well himself. He had seen it in Kali's eyes once too, and still saw it there from time to time. "You blame yourself." Link said. It wasn't a question.
Kiden's jaw trembled, and he swallowed again before he grit out through clenched teeth, trying to mask his regret with anger, "Of course I do. You did too, once."
"Once." Link confirmed, and then glanced as Kali's sleeping face. He could practically see the sharp, meaningful look she would have shot him in that moment. With a sigh he admitted, "But only once. And I was wrong for it."
He couldn't believe he was actually having this conversation with Kiden. After months of working in a tense, silent tandem, brought to work together by the same goal to get Kali back, they had never once had anything that even resembled a heart to heart. They had never discussed their feelings for her with each other. He had never even asked how Kiden was doing throughout the passing months. Before, this topic would have resulted in a fight that would have distressed and distracted Kali from her training, and with everything else that weighed on her, they didn't need to agree to keep their mouths shut for her sake. They just did. It was strange. Kiden's admission of his love for Kali didn't rile him, it didn't fill his stomach with the ugly squirming whirl of jealousy as it had once before, it only startled him that he would tell him at all.
He considered it all as he gazed into Kali's pale, dirty face and when he looked back at Kiden, who was watching her again from the corner of his eye, Link knew what Kali would want him to say. "She didn't blame you either, you know. Not truly."
"How could you possibly know that?" Kiden said, his tone sharp and skeptical.
Link kept his eyes on her sleeping face as he said, with a certainty in his voice that surprised even him, "Because I know her."
It was such a simple answer, but the truth of it rang true in his heart. He did know her. He knew her habits, her fears, the things to do to make her laugh, her train of thought. He knew that Kali never really blamed Kiden. She had just been overwhelmed, and she projected the blame she didn't want to place on herself - the blame she surely felt even now.
There was another beat of tense silence, and eventually Link looked to Kiden who was now watching him warily. He was trying to decide if he should believe his words perhaps, or maybe trying to work out how Link could know her so well, but he apparently didn't. Then Kiden gave a harsh laugh and shook his head, "And that's exactly what I mean. You are what she needs. I can't give her that." he leaned forward and held his forehead in one hand, his elbows propped on his knees. "I used to be so good at reading her, her expressions, those little gestures. Things that made her so like an open book that….it was charming. She was charming, and lovely."
"She still is." Link interrupted.
"Of course she is. But...now there are things that I cannot decipher, decisions that leave me stunned. I feel that since I've met her, a darkness has crept in that I just….I can't imagine what it does to her. I don't know how to help, or to fix it."
Link nodded. He'd seen it too. It had really started after she was kidnapped the first time, and of course weeks of torture would change someone and taint their heart. That darkness had threatened to crush her, but still she overcame it - at least to a manageable degree. Link knew that something like that would always haunt her. Perhaps in frequent occurings, or perhaps only from time to time, but it would always be there.
"There is no fixing it." Link said quietly, his voice suddenly somber. "It's a shame, really. Sometimes I wonder who she could have been if she'd been free to live in Hyrule without threat of Pallas. She used to laugh more freely, she had just begun to trust people a little easier, and her eyes were so...so bright with hope and curiosity."
Kiden watched Link carefully, and he could see the potion maker struggling to keep his expression neutral as he nodded in resentful agreement. "I used to hope she would stay with me after this was all over. Even after the darkness changed her, just a little." Kiden admitted, to Link's surprise.
He supposed he shouldn't have been that surprised. Kali had outright told him that her feelings for him scared her, and her feelings for Kiden didn't. Perhaps they had been making plans before….before…"But then Impa died. And I think that cracked something in her on a much deeper level." Kiden went on, nearly finishing Link's own thoughts.
He caught the shine of tears in Kiden's eyes as he watched Kali again. He looked like he was struggling to stay seated, struggling to not reach for her, to stroke her hair, her face as Link had. "It cracked something between us too. Because….It was me that Impa defended. I know that every time she looks at me, she can't help but think of that awful moment."
Link flinched, and averted his gaze. He struggled to not conjure up the memory of Kali's thrashing body over his shoulder as he carried her away from the scene, of the insurmountable pain and rage that blazed in her eyes like green flames as she mercilessly drove that dark dagger into Styx, the wails that erupted from her bent figure over Impa's body. Maybe Kiden understood Kali's thoughts better than even he thought…
"She is healing, even still. A lot of us are." Link tried to explain, "Impa was literally the first person Kali knew when she arrived here. Believe it or not, they didn't get along in the slightest at first." He gave a short, half-hearted chuckle, "But Kali was different when she arrived here too. She was so full of anger and mistrust. She felt she shouldn't rely on other people for fear of being hurt by them, or being used by them."
Link suddenly realized what the right words would be for the pain Kiden felt. He knew that it wouldn't exactly give him hope of being with Kali ever again, but perhaps...even just being friends would be good for them both. He somehow knew that's what Kali would want, eventually.
"People change." Link said quietly, "Some people change more dramatically than others, and she came here looking for a brand new life and ended up with more burdens and death than she ever deserved to carry. So of course she's changed. I bet she will change even more after this is all over."
Kiden swallowed hard and leaned back in his seat, resigning himself. He looked less like he was going to weep and more like he was making some sort of bitter peace with himself as he returned his gaze to the window. "And once more, it's the last time I'll say it, I cannot provide her with what she needs when she does change. I cannot relate to the things she's been through...As much as I'd like to, for her sake. You have been able to adapt to her throughout it all. I love her still….I just want her to be happy."
Link furrowed his brows at that last solemn statement. He sounded like he was relinquishing hope. Kali stirred in his arms again, and he tightened his hold on her, hoping it would soothe her back into sleep. She tucked her nose into the spot between his chest and shoulder, pulled her legs up so that she was curled into him. Link's heart pounded as he watched her settle again, feeling the weight of her relax into him. The words were out of his mouth, and he wished a thousand times that he could take them back - to have this conversation with literally anyone else. He wished he would just fall into a hole where nobody, especially Kiden, couldn't find him again. "How do you know if it's love?"
Kiden's brows rose at that, and he considered Link as he felt warmth pooling into his cheeks. The carriage suddenly felt overly hot, and Link had to fight the urge to throw himself out the window.
"You are really asking me that?" Kiden seemed just as surprised as Link was that he'd dared to even ask.
"I guess so." Link murmured noncommittally, not bothering to hide his shame.
Kiden stared out the window, his eyes thoughtful as he tried to determine an answer to the question. It couldn't be that complicated, could it? He began, "It's like... They are the single thing that can brighten your entire day, even if it's the worst day of your life. You're fascinated by everything about them, even the small details - especially the small details. You make it a point to know the dumb things, like how much sugar they like in their tea, or how they like to wear their hair. You want to be near them all the time, to hold them, to kiss them. You'd do anything to make them happy I guess, to keep them safe. There's more to it than that….But it's difficult to describe. It feels like a lightning bolt, like a force of nature. Something undeniable, irretrievable and you have no control over it. But all at once, it feels like being at home"
Link listened intently, his heartbeat echoing like a pounding drum throughout his whole body. All of those things sounded like what he felt for Kali, even down to the part about there being something more than just those things, especially the part of feeling at home. He recalled every emotionally charged moment with her. He recalled when he first identified what could have been his feelings for her, when they found her in the lost woods after she was taken, perhaps even hints of it before then. When he looked her intently in the eyes in the weapons shop and told her to never settle for anything that didn't make her happy. The wonder and amazement he felt when he watched her break Bia's nose at the Kakariko Winter Festival. The intense joy seeing her bright grin brought him as he watched her ride across Hyrule Field with him. The sizzling bolts of energy that shot through his limbs when he stroked her skin, the desire that was so unfamiliar to him when he felt her shiver beneath his hands. So what did all of that mean? He loved her?
Kiden's voice broke the heavy silence between them, snapping Link from his panicked thoughts. "You do, you know. Love her, I mean." His grin was rueful, nearly outright spiteful.
"I...do?" Link stammered stupidly, his cheeks burning.
Kiden gave a long sigh and nodded. His gaze went to Kali's sleeping form one more time, and he closed his eyes briefly, as if in prayer, or maybe to resolve himself to something before he tore his face from her to stare at the last glimmering, red slit of the setting sun, "You sure do. And I love her enough to let her go."
They fell back into their usual tense silence with no more talk of love, or regrets, or Kali's needs between them as the coach carried them into the night - back towards Hyrule castle.