Chapter 34: It's My Mother
The thing people forget is, how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out. Once they are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control...you're not.
She looked into his concerned filled eyes and whispered, "It's my mother."
He looked at her quizzically and waited patiently for her to continue.
"Yeah, it's my mother. She isn't traveling. She isn't writing a book. She isn't anything. I've been lying to everyone."
He asked confused, "Why?"
She replied flatly, "She has Alzheimer's."
Derek frowned and asked, "How advanced?"
"Very. It's progressing rapidly. She's in a home and I'm the only one who even knows she's sick. I just don't know what to do anymore, you know?"
He kissed her forehead and smoothed her hair.
"That's why I moved here. Because she moved here six months ago and committed herself to a nursing home. She started deteriorating rapidly and I knew I had to be close. She's at Rosewood nursing home. It's between here and the hospital. No one knows and she doesn't want anyone to know."
"So, that's where you disappear to before and after work? That's why you run? To alleviate the stress?"
Meredith nodded, and Derek took her in his arms and held her tightly. He gently rubbed her back in long strokes.
"Honey. I'm so sorry you are going through this alone. You have me now. I'll help you any way I can. Just tell me what you need, Meredith."
She pulled back and said, "I don't know what I need Derek. I just…"
"Shh…It's okay Meredith. We'll get through this together."
Meredith just nodded. She was too tired to do anything else.
She said, "I think…I think I just need to lie down Derek. I need to get horizontal. I'm…exhausted. Mentally and physically. Every bone and every muscle in my body aches. I can't think straight or hold myself up and…I start my thirty-six hour shift tomorrow and I need to sleep."
"Okay. First, you need to eat. You said this morning you thought you were getting a cold. I'll make you something quick and then let you lie down."
He walked to the refrigerator and opened the door. It was empty. Completely empty. Not a tub of butter, not a container of yogurt, not a single thing. He opened the freezer and it was the same thing.
He turned to look at her incredulously, "I'm guessing the last time you shopped was when I took you a few weeks ago?"
She sheepishly nodded.
He bit his tongue to admonish her. He remembered what it was like to be an intern. And he didn't have her issues. The few minutes of free time you had, you grabbed a drink with friends to blow off steam and relieve a little pressure before you went insane.
He took a deep breath and said, "Okay Meredith. This is what we are going to do. You are going to go upstairs and put a bag together for tonight and your thirty-six hour shift. I'll get you settled in at my house and make you a decent dinner. You'll get a good night's sleep and be good to go in the morning."
"Derek…I just need to lie down. I'm not hungry. Besides, I…I don't want anyone to see me like this."
He asked softy, "Does that include me?"
"No, I mean… You're already seen me, and I've told you my big dark secret. Don't tell anyone. Not even Mark, okay? I'm just not ready to tell anyone else yet."
"Okay."
"You threw up what little you ate today. You're going to make yourself sick Mer. Hell. You already have. Mark's not home. Let me make tonight easy for you Mer."
Meredith chewed her lower lip. "I don't know..." Could she just once let someone take care of her? His house was comfy and homey. It was almost like going over to the Shepherds when she was little. She knew he was a good cook. The doctor in her knew she had to eat something.
He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the stairs. "Come on Mer. You don't want me putting a bag together for you. I will if I have to." He wasn't going to take no for an answer.
They went upstairs, and she quickly threw things into a small bag as he watched.
"Okay Derek. I'm ready."
He smiled and said, "Good. Come on then. What do you have a taste for?"
They walked down the stairs and he carried her bag. "Anything is fine Derek. I just need to get some sleep."
After they locked up, they walked across the street and Derek grabbed her hand. She gave him a halfhearted smile.
They went immediately upstairs and Derek opened the door to the guest room. Meredith stepped in and stopped. She gulped. She didn't want to sleep in there. She didn't want to be alone tonight. She wanted…she wanted to sleep with him.
"Are you okay Meredith?"
"Yeah. I'm…fine."
"You know Meredith. Mark isn't here now, but he will be later. I think you'd be more comfortable in my room. I'll stay in here. My room has a better shower and there is a sitting area to eat in. It's more like a suite. You won't have to leave the room unless you want to. Let's put you in there."
"Oh no Derek. I can't kick you out of your room."
He picked up her bag and started down the hall with her following him.
"Derek! Are you listening to me? I'll be fine in Nancy's old room."
He walked into his room, and she looked around. "Wow. It's…."
He laughed and said, "It's been remodeled." The entire back of the house had been bumped out and the master was huge. It had its own sitting area with a fireplace. A large high bed dominated the room, and it was covered with a large white fluffy down duvet. Meredith closed her eyes just thinking about how good that bed would feel.
He sat her bag down and motioned for her to follow him into the bathroom. There was a large, jetted tub and a large shower with multiple heads.
Derek said, "Why don't you take a shower Meredith? It's got a bench and you can sit down if you need to. You could take a bath, but I'm afraid you'd fall asleep in there. It might be too relaxing. And I think the steam from the shower might help your congestion."
"It looks great Derek. But I…
Derek smoothed her hair away from her face and gently kissed her. "What do you want to eat? I'll make it while you shower."
"Anything is fine Derek."
"Okay then. Take your time and we'll eat in front of the fireplace. It's too warm to use it tonight, but it's still a comfortable place to eat." He flipped the towel warmer on for her as he left.
Derek went downstairs as Meredith turned on the shower and started pulling stuff out of her bag. He tried to think of something to make that would be high calorie and high protein and easy on the stomach. The girl needed food!
Meredith stepped out of the shower and grabbed a warmed towel. Jesus. It was like being in a fancy hotel. She felt a little better after a warm shower. He had been right. She would have fallen asleep in the tub. She quickly put on her pajamas and glanced in the mirror. The pajamas covered her from head to toe, but they were thin. Didn't leave a whole lot to the imagination. She didn't think to bring a robe. She quickly combed her hair and decided to let it just dry naturally. She glanced at the robe on the back of the door. She didn't think he'd mind. Especially since she was using everything else of his.
She walked out into the bedroom and fell into one of the big comfortable chairs in front of the fireplace. She thought, god…she could just drift off in the chair.
Just as she felt her eyes closing, she heard Derek enter the room.
"Hey. You're still awake? I thought you might have drifted off already."
"No. The shower was great though. How do you get out of there in the mornings?"
He laughed and said, "It's not easy some days." He sat a tray with their food on the ottoman in front of the chairs.
Meredith said shyly, "I hope you don't mind. I…um…borrowed your robe."
"Not at all. It looks better on you anyway." She was dwarfed in it but had rolled up the sleeves and it hung past her ankles.
"It smells delicious Derek. I love grilled cheese and soup."
"Well the chicken noodle soup is just Campbell's, but it may help with your cold. And the grilled cheese does have ham in it too. What do you want to drink?"
"Can I have some wine?"
Derek wasn't sure that was a good idea, but after the day she had been through, a little wouldn't hurt. As long as she ate.
He winked at her and said, "Start without me. I'll be right back."
Meredith wrapped her hands around the steaming mug of soup and inhaled and took a sip.
Derek was pouring the wine when Mark walked in.
"Hey."
"Hey."
Mark raised an eyebrow at the two glasses and said, "Honey. How did you know when I'd be home?"
Derek laughed and said, "Not for you honey."
Mark raised an eyebrow and asked, "So you've got little Meri upstairs?"
Derek hesitated and said, "Yeah. It's not what you think. She had a terrible day, I think she's getting sick, and I made her a quick dinner. She needs to just sleep. She starts a long shift tomorrow and she's exhausted."
Mark said, "Yeah. I heard about Hahn's patients. What's wrong with Meri? Is she having a relapse or have her hands had a setback? Cause I'll look at …"
"Just a little cold after a long day."
Mark asked relived, "She's upstairs because…?"
Derek sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "It's a long story Mark and I don't want to break her confidence. Don't ask her any questions if you see her. She's got some personal stuff going on. I'd appreciate it if you didn't even mention that you know she is here tonight if you see her in the next couple of days. I'm just trying to be a good friend to her."
"Okay. Well don't keep her waiting then. I'll clean up the kitchen."
"Thanks Mark." Derek went back upstairs as Mark pondered this new information. As he started cleaning up the kitchen, he remembered what a good friend Derek was when they were little and essentially took him in as a stray. Meredith Grey was no stray. Derek wanted more than friendship from her. That he knew for sure.
Derek sat the wine down and smiled as he noticed Meredith had already finished her soup. The poor thing must have been starving.
"Good girl. Now the rest."
"Thanks Derek." He sat down and started eating. "Do you want to talk about your mom Mer?"
"Not right now… I just…"
He smiled at her and said, "Okay, whenever you're ready."
"I'd like your opinion about her condition. Not tonight. I just can't deal…"
He assured her, "No rush. Whenever you are ready."
She said sincerely, "Derek. I'm sorry."
"For what? You have nothing to be sorry for."
"About your patients. The two that you lost. I was so wrapped up in my own stuff. Do you want to talk about it?"
He took a sip of wine as he watched her nibble on the grilled ham and cheese. He was so glad that she was eating.
"Sure. Why not? It's actually a good teaching lesson and I could vent myself."
They spent the next half hour eating and talking until Derek realized she was just barely keeping her eyes open.
He asked gently, "Mer. What time do you need to get up tomorrow?"
She yawned delicately and said, "Um….five thirty."
"You're not going to see your mom in the morning or run?"
"No. They gave her a light sedative before I left tonight and I don't usually run on the days I have such a long shift."
"Okay then. Do you need anything else?"
"No. Thanks so much Derek; I guess I needed this."
"I'm going to take these dishes downstairs. Then, I'll set your alarm and grab my toothbrush and razor. There is a mini fridge under the bathroom counter if you need water or anything in the night. Why don't you get into bed?"
They both stood up and Derek left with their dishes. Meredith took off his robe and got into bed.
He was back a moment later and set the alarm as he watched her watching him. "You okay Meredith? You need anything?"
She shook her head. He said, "I'll just get some stuff out of the bathroom, and I'll be out of your way."
She watched him as he went into the bathroom and came back out quickly. He headed for the door and said, "Goodnight Meredith."
"Derek?" He had his hand on the doorknob.
"Yes Meredith?"
She whispered, "Can you… sleep in here with me tonight?"
Hey guys! I didn't forget about you. I've been quite busy the last week or two. That's why I haven't been active. Here is another chapter! I missed you all!