Chapter XXXII: Holding Up
Eventually, Ren reached the part of the school where the hallways were empty. Some of the students have gone to their after school curriculums and the rest simply didn't want to spend another moment in school on a Friday, even if it meant returning to their dorms to wait for their weekend to truly begin. Teachers were just as eager to leave and have locked up their classrooms. The utterly empty hallways magnified the echo of Ren's shoes against the polished tiles he treaded in a steady rhythm that didn't slow down. While for a split second he found room in the corner of his mind to wonder if he should have made an appointment this time, his brisk steps quickened when the door came into view.
"Hi, Ren." But that voice brought him to an abrupt halt. A part of Ren couldn't believe he heard it but he could already see where it came from in his peripheral. All the doors lined up down the walls were closed except one. Ren stood next to one that was wide open. He swore they were all closed. He can't remember it being open before he reached it. And she stood there at the frame, waving at Ren casually like greeting a neighbor in the morning before going to work.
"...Nozomi." Her name came out sounding strange, like he wasn't sure if he wanted it to be a question or not. But her smile widened into that knowing shape that he recognized as much as her voice, and she inclined her head back as a silent request for him to come in.
"I thought you said you'll be at the guidance counselor's office?" Ren sighed as he stepped into the classroom. And of course, it was empty.
"I said maybe I'll be there." Nozomi giggled playfully and the boy frowned at her disapprovingly.
"I should've known." Ren muttered and crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the wall.
"That's right, you should've." Nozomi waved a finger in mock chide as she perched herself on the teacher's desk. "Especially since I already told you not to expect me to appear just because you want me to."
"Then why are you here?"
"Just checking in."
"Checking in?" Ren's brows narrowed with his glare. "After telling me you can't get involved anymore?" Nozomi shrugged 'no comment' to Ren's question, making the boy curl his lips into a low sound somewhere between a sigh and a growl.
"…Do you have to be so misleading?"
"Maybe." The woman winked at Ren. "Why? Were you just heading to the guidance counselor's office? Were you looking for me?"
"What does it matter? You weren't there anyway."
"So you did." Nozomi's chestnut eyes slightly widened with fascination. "So how'd it go?"
"I'm not answering shit if you're not telling me anything." The woman pressed her lips together, nodding slowly as if to say she found his demands fair enough.
"Look, for what it's worth, I am here to see how you're doing. How're you holding up, Ren?" She sounded earnest. Ren couldn't hear the previous witty quip in her voice. But he still hesitated, chewing the inside of his cheek.
"I'll let you guess since you already know I went looking for you." Ren spoke quietly, and then scoffed as he shook his head and added, "then I run into Ryu, of all people."
"And how'd that go?" Nozomi asked again, not seeming particularly concerned with who had what profession or how unlikely it was. And Ren just shrugged while thinking to himself, surprisingly well, actually.
"He mentioned doppelgangers." Ren said instead, the terseness of his tone enough to know he was getting right to the point. Nozomi blinked, obviously thrown off.
"You mean those people who are supposed to be your double?"
"Yes, those. And now I know that's what I am... I'm a doppelganger."
"Why would you say that?"
"...Do you know what doppelgangers are?" Ren asked after a nervous pause. "They're imposters. They're not just complete look-alike doubles. Because the thing about doppelgangers is, if you run into your own, then that's it. You're done. They take over."
"Ren... that's just an urban legend."
"Then what else am I!? Because sure, it's the same name and face and probably even the exact same fingerprints and DNA. But we both know—" Ren stopped and swallowed hard on the rising dread. "We already established I never came from this world, that these memories aren't even originally mine. So why don't you tell me!? Am I the imposter that replaced the guy who was here first? Did I switch places with him? Did I ultimately kill him by making him take my place to take that fall from the hospital?"
"You don't need to worry about him."
"Why the fuck not!?" Ren's voice burst with the discontent that had been swelling in his chest. "What happened to him before I showed up? Or better yet, what happened to him after?" His voice was rasped, unable to hold back the desperation. But Nozomi stared back at him with nothing but helpless apology in her disheartened eyes. She didn't voice it as if she knew she couldn't ask for forgiveness. But her incapable silence dredged up a conversation. The one from the last time Ren saw those solemn eyes, and it made him shake his head.
"Of course, the fucking rules!" Ren threw his hands up and then they fell to his sides as he faced his back to the woman. His head bowed to stare down at the floor. He couldn't look at her. He could barely maintain a steady breathing. His hands curled to fists, like trying to cling on to his mind that threatened to flee by bursting out the window of this room to fall for a merciful end.
"Here's how I'm holding up." He spat in quiet venom and turned around again, unable to stand the silence the woman was allowing to stretch.
Ren's eyes went round as he stared at the desk she was just sitting on. He couldn't even blink to its emptiness, and his mouth went agape as he looked around the room. No one but himself. Ren darted to the closed window, and unlocked the one nearest to the desk. The hinges' squeak was impossible for Ren to have missed if it was opened. Still, he stuck his head out anyway, and snapped it left and right. But he pulled his head back in, knowing she couldn't have gone out any of the windows anyway. The lock he undid couldn't be placed from the outside.
Nozomi was gone.
She had done it again. As the realization slowly set, his baring teeth bit down on the stinging burn. His face was set aflame by his blood raging fiercely against his reluctance as he was forced to accept that he had no choice but to retreat empty handed. Again.
Defeat wasn't something Ren handled well, especially if it's been dropped on him twice by the same person. Going down these halls with such a brutal mar to his pride honed his presence into something more dangerous than he had been all day. And today had already gotten too far under his skin even before he was ambushed by the woman.
"Seriously, what are you up to?" Ren's feet came to an immediate stop next to a closed classroom door muffling the hushed words and the low giggle following them. He knew that voice laced with vixenish amusement. He could feel it disturb his senses the same way it did every time he heard it call a certain Ainu's name.
"You just do your thing and remind him how much fun he can have with you." Ren's gasp caught at the back of his throat as he also recognized Hao's voice. He inwardly shook to the inherent disruption that just got louder. With his wide dumbfounded stare glued to the door, he pressed his back against the wall next to it and inched closer. The tiny square window on the door indicated the lights were off, which meant this classroom should be empty and locked.
"I told you, I tried." Aoi's previously slightly lurid tone seems to have been replaced with a loud tired sigh. And since his voice emitted from the other side again, Hao apparently had the key to this one too.
"You obviously haven't tried hard enough." And Hao's tone also sharpened. "That greenhouse should've been the perfect opportunity with all that time I gave, and you didn't even get his pants off." Ren felt his heart stumble and his stomach turn over. His nerves viciously scratched at the surface under his skin, urging him to act on every instinct being inspired by Hao's words. But Ren sank his nails into the palms of his shaking fists in his effort to keep himself from unraveling.
"That reminds me." Came Aoi's voice again, biting back instead of shrinking down to Hao's harshness. "You never mentioned that part about getting caught by Ren Tao."
"You weren't caught doing anything—or anyone, for that matter." Hao sighed, and Ren could imagine he probably rolled his eyes to the other's retort.
"Don't say it like it's my fault." Aoi snapped and added with more apprehension, "anyway, I'm done if it means pissing off the wrong guy."
"Hey," Hao drawled, suddenly sounding like he was trying to console a spooked kitten. "I'm sorry about not telling you about Ren. But it's because you don't have to worry about him."
"Doesn't matter, anyway." Aoi huffed like to say he didn't care for Hao's smooth talk, although even Ren could hear the pouting in his tone was really encouraging for more. "I know when to take a hint. Usui-sempai basically ignored me all of yesterday and he's been avoiding me all day today." Ren's jaw twitched as he withstood the sensation that attacked him every time he heard him mention the name.
"Ignored you? But how could anyone resist a sweet thing like you?" Ren hung his tongue out in a voiceless gag at all the honey Hao was using to cover his feigned shock.
"I know, right?" But Aoi purred to the overly sweetened words, his own dripping shamelessly with suggestion. "Remember how much fun we had?"
"Why don't you remind me?" Hao murmured deeply and all Ren heard from the other boy was a low chuckle accepting the equally open invitation.
The loudness of opening the door was very intentional. Aoi scrambled to his feet but Ren already saw that he was on his knees between Hao's thighs, his hands reaching to unzip the crotch he faced. Hao was startled by the interruption but he remained sitting in the chair, even while Ren came trudging in with chagrin in his steps. Aoi's yelp was cut off by the wind torn from his lungs when his back slammed into the wall.
"W-wait..." Aoi's lips quivered while color drained from his face under his feeble attempt to beg for Ren to let go of his shirt collar. But his voice quickly failed him when he realized his feet weren't touching the floor. He helplessly stared into the cruel gold that glared back. They burned with the same barely tamed brutality that shook Ren's fists.
"You're right about pissing off the wrong guy." Ren seethed lowly through his teeth and the other let out a whimpered sound.
"Ren, let him go." Hao's calm voice broke the tensed air. The two turned their heads and the brunette stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his face stern but unreadable of what he was thinking. Ren didn't say anything but his intense eyes asked why he would want to do that. Hao sighed and spoke again with the same unwavering calmness.
"Just let him go, ok? I'll explain." He shrugged his shoulders like it was a casual request, but also eyed his roommate's hands that still held Aoi captive. Ren's brows narrowed as he understood that was the condition. Hao's demand he had to meet in exchange to have his met. The back of his teeth pressed in bitter reluctance as his fingers loosened very slowly, gradually undoing his fists until they released the boy. Ren's cutthroat glare on Hao intensified as the brunette kept watching his hands until Ren had lowered them to his sides. Aoi's unblinking eyes shot between Ren and Hao's faces, his whole body trembling in his petrified stupor. Hao nodded at him once, and the boy finally broke free from his spell and charged for the door, almost falling over his own feet. Hao waited until he could no longer hear the rapid rhythm of his panicked feet against the floor echoing through the empty halls.
"Obviously, he knew about the greenhouse because of me." Hao began in a matter of fact tone as he placed his hands down on the desk he leaned back on. "And he was there because I told him to be there."
"And how'd you know about it?" Ren's voice was surprisingly mild, almost hiding his simmering rage. Almost. His eyes couldn't keep it at bay.
"Usui-san told me." A corner of Hao's lips pulled upward into a devious shape.
"What?" A flash of murderous cruelty flitted through Ren's eyes that even sent a dark chill spidering down Hao's spine.
"Hear me out." The brunette let out a shaken scoff. "I told you I'll explain."
"So explain." Hao's lips went flat like Ren's tone, becoming increasingly aware of how unwise it would be to keep up the candid jest.
"That day you came back to our dorm later than usual... The one when we sort of argued about how late you were." Hao shrugged like he vaguely remembers the exchange himself. "You left your phone on the table when you went to the shower."
"You went through my phone?"
"I didn't go through it." Hao held up his hands in defense to Ren's narrowing glare. "But I noticed it received... I guess you could say an interesting text, mentioning homework at a greenhouse. It showed up on the screen that I happened to glance at while you weren't there."
"So?" Ren drawled while leaving a mental note to change his phone's setting on text notifications.
"So later I looked for it and found it."
"And Aoi?" Ren's lips curled at the name. Hao scratched his head like he didn't want to get into that part, even though he knew he couldn't avoid it.
"I knew the two had history—if you could call it that." Hao snorted at his own choice of words. "So I told Aoi where to find it—where to find him—while we were at the library for that project we were assigned. And... well, you know the rest." Hao closed his testimony with a finalizing shrug. He sighed and closed his eyes for Ren's verdict, which is why he didn't see it coming until it smashed into his face and sent him crashing backwards into the row of desks behind him. Desks and chairs clanged against each other as they toppled on the floor around him. Hao propped himself up at his elbows while his bones groaned where his protesting limbs made him cringe. A pair of hands grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and forced him down again, and he hissed at the sharp impact of the floor on the back of his skull.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Despite the violence radiating from him, making his shoulders rise and fall to his rasped breathing, Ren's voice was hardly a whisper. Hao only stared back, showing no sign that he even intended to answer the question that was more than likely rhetorical anyway. Ren grit his teeth on his silence and another impulsive fist struck the brunette again, the collision cracking a dull sound. But Hao opened his eyes and his head turned to face Ren again. It was hard to tell where his focus was placed; on Ren's face or the ceiling above him. He didn't seem to even notice the fist that was hanging above him, the same one that cut his lip and the reason he tasted blood in his mouth. Like he didn't recognize it to be some form of warning or threat. Ren shook his head, unable to read anything off of the face he was staring down. He couldn't make anything of his silence, and his unfiltered disgust explained his own loss for words. Unable to stand to stay in the same room, to breathe the same air, Ren let go of his fist and moved off of Hao.
"Don't you want to know why?" Came Hao's voice from where he still lie sprawled, but Ren didn't even look back at him.
"I don't care." He only said and the door slammed.
To be continued…