AN: heyyy! so just letting y'all know i made a trailer edit that i'm super excited about. its over on my twitter MS976_ so you can watch it there. and i had so much fun making it there'll probably be more in the future so come follow me! we can scream together.
November 1977
James' seventh year was going better than he ever could have hoped for. After their first date, he and Lily were closer than ever. Working on rounds and their other duties with the kind of closeness he usually only found with the other Marauders, even if his relationship with Lily was markedly different to that with his friends.
When they'd both made it back to their dorm, things had been momentarily awkward. Neither quite knowing what to do about their shared living space considering their new relationship. But after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, he'd suggested they start their potions homework together, and Lily had gladly taken the distraction.
Both slipping out of the room to put on their pyjamas for another of their late-night study sessions. Something that had continued even as they got more comfortable with the change, both of them determined to do well on their NEWTs.
Lily, needing them to pursue the Charms mastery she'd confessed she was hoping for and James because, despite six years of pranking and causing general anarchy with the Marauders, he actually wanted to do well. Knowing his parents would have expected it of him and he wanted to honour their memory.
Besides, the foolish jokes of their younger years felt rather less worthwhile with adulthood coming for them so quickly. All four of them suddenly aware that their years in the safety of Hogwarts walls were coming to a close and that when they did, they were entering a world at war.
One they already knew they'd be fighting in because they didn't know how not to. So, the Marauders toned down their childish pranks, a reflection of their changing friendship.
James didn't know exactly when it had happened, but at some point, it seemed they'd all grown beyond their little group a bit. That wasn't to say they weren't still close. They were brothers, and nothing could change that, but their relationships were shifting somehow — maturing as they did.
No longer spending every hour of the day together like they had in their younger years, they didn't need to cling to each other in quite the same way. All of them confident in their friendship, which had weathered enough storms at this point, that they could pursue relationships outside of it.
His relationship with Lily subtly altering their interactions when she was among them. Closer with him and Remus — who she'd been friends with long before she ever gave him the time of day — than with Sirius and Peter. But not in a bad way, just in a way that was different from the times the Marauders were alone.
Hermione, too, changed things subtly. She'd always been there, but it was different now — her relationship with Sirius changing things. The two of them often sitting on the edge of their little group, not purposefully separate but somehow slightly removed.
The pair talking quietly, something James never expected to see from his friend but that he thought suited him. Hermione a calming presence, while she also seemed lighter. As if being with Sirius helped alleviate some of the weight she always seemed to be carrying. So the two of them made up their own pair in the larger group like he and Lily had become.
All of these tiny changes to the Marauders previous bond of four. But there were other changes in their dynamic too. None of them bad; he and Remus doing rounds together, Remus and Sirius both happily abandoned by Hermione when she left them for Malfoy. Something she'd always done as Malfoy wasn't a part of their little group but was still Hermione's closest friend.
Even Peter had changed over the past year. He'd always been as much a Marauder as any of them, but James knew he wasn't as confident in that place. Never entirely understanding that while he and Sirius, and Hermione and Remus had their own bonds, he wasn't excluded from them. But he'd stopped clinging to them quite as tightly as in their younger years.
Instead, he too pursued things beyond the Marauders, even if he'd been tight-lipped about it. Moony suspected there may be someone from another house he wasn't quite ready to introduce yet, so they were all content to wait him out. Happy that their friendship remained as strong as ever, even with the changes it had slowly undergone.
Despite those changes, they were still the Marauders and passed the full moon in the forest with Moony. The four of them running free, a constant between them based on years of work and their unwillingness to abandon their friend to his suffering. Something that would always link the four of them.
And even with their heightened maturity, they still held the same propensity for mischief, and when Sirius' eighteenth approached, James took it upon himself to organise the celebration. Lily giving into his ideas with a laugh that he'd promptly kissed away out of gratitude.
The moratorium on birthday pranks ongoing, and likely forever to be, they usually would have celebrated in the Gryffindor common room, but with the newly available Heads Dorms, James couldn't resist inviting everyone there.
In reality, it was a small event for a Marauder's birthday. Usually, a bit of a free for all, they had only invited the Gryffindor seventh-years and whoever they brought with them. Hermione, of course, attended, and Dorcas tagged along with Marlene as usual, but it was a mostly understated affair, even if their tiny sitting room was packed.
Firewhisky free pouring despite the fact it was a Tuesday, even Lily indulged in the revelry. All of them enjoying the break from the increasingly depressing news reports and embracing the chance to be young and stupid, knowing they wouldn't be able to much longer.
Quickly descending into alcohol-induced madness. James was thankful for the silencing charms they'd cast earlier in the evening. Sure, McGonagall would be less than impressed by their celebrations and that have given into drunken antics. Sirius' muggle records blaring through the room while they cheered from the coffee table, kings of their laughably small dominium.
They'd all been lively at first. Excitedly presenting Sirius with gifts. Hermione giving him a motorbike helmet for the bike he swore he was going to get as soon as they left Hogwarts. As interested in Muggle culture as ever, Sirius had given her a swooping kiss in thanks before whispering something in Hermione's ear that made her blush bright red and that James preferred not to think about.
The celebrations had continued after that, but eventually, people started disappearing. Braving the halls while trying to avoid Filch, hopefully heading back to Gryffindor but likely to whatever dark corners they could find, based on the way they slowly disappeared in pairs.
Hermione and Sirius were among the first to go. Something James was trying valiantly not to think about, as while he was no longer quite as inebriated as he'd been earlier in the evening, he was not confident in his ability to maintain the contents of his stomach if he was forced to think about whatever whispered conversation they'd had earlier.
By the time the common room was empty, he was mostly sober. Turning back towards the sofa that Lily and Remus were slumped on next to each other. Lily leant on his friend's shoulder, fighting off sleep, Remus clearly amused to be stuck in that position.
"Alright, Evans?" he asked from across the room.
Watching as she blinked slowly in his direction, clearly still intoxicated based on the way she was snuggling against Remus' side. Neither of them the type to cuddle on the sofa without some liquid encouragement. He watched, amused by the way Lily was attempting to wrap her limbs around Remus. Apparently cold given the fact she'd stripped down to her camisole when she'd been lively earlier in the evening.
He'd seen her drunk before. Even the great Lily Evans wasn't immune to spiked punch after a Quidditch victory, easily giving in to the right of passage that was underage drinking.
It had always been before they were together, though. When he was stuck watching from across the room as she spoke animatedly with her friends, hands flailing, she talked. Skin flushed in a way he used to dream of being allowed to make it, and now he finally was.
"Mmm-hmmm – tired," she grumbled slightly, pouting while she said it. Still, not unwrapping herself from around Remus as he and his friend made amused eye contact.
"Yeah – want to head to bed?"
"Maybe," she replied, half-asleep, frowning as Remus tried to extract herself from her grip. Nodding goodnight when he left their dorm, leaving them alone for the night.
Sitting up without Remus to lean against, Lily glowered at him like she did when he accidentally woke her going to early morning Quidditch practice. Sleep-rumbled and hardly as threatening as she was awake with a wand in her hand, he bit back a smile, knowing she wouldn't appreciate it, even in this state.
"Come on, Evans," he cajoled. Pulling her up and directing her towards her room. Letting her get under the covers before summoning a sober up potion, so she didn't feel too terrible in the morning. Confident she'd find some way to blame him for her overindulgence, he left a glass of water on her nightstand as well.
Leaving her to sleep, he was shutting the door when she said it.
"Night, Jamie," a hair's breadth from sleep, she was snuggling down into the duvet, and he doubted she even knew she'd said it, but he still found himself biting down yet another smile.
Sirius had been the first person to try calling him that particular nickname. Way back in first year, they'd spent a week calling each other 'Jamie' and 'Siri' in increasingly ridiculous voices. Both confident they were too mature to have such ridiculous nicknames at the grand old age of eleven. But now, from Lily, James thought he may like it.
Hermione had been surprised when Sirius had slipped her a note asking to meet him in the Room of Requirement. He'd been strangely withdrawn all day, so when she entered the DA's classroom, she'd been confused but hadn't questioned his motives too closely. Something about his demeanour making Hermione think it would be best for the both of them if she went along with whatever he had planned.
They hadn't duelled long. Both falling onto the loveseat that looked so out of place in the Room, but that kept reappearing. Slumped on either end of the sofa, he'd shot her a cheeky grin that made Hermione think whatever it was that had been bothering him had passed after the chance to throw a few stunners at each other.
Pulling out a bottle of firewhisky, he'd taunted her slightly until she'd given in to his smirks and accepted a swig. The two of them passing the bottle back and forth until she could feel its heat in her veins. Prompting her to strip off her jumper and socks before settling back against the arm of the chair. Her feet in Sirius' lap as had become their norm.
The strange melancholy air persisted, though, and the room had echoed the feeling — the unseen light source dimming until they were left in twilight-like darkness. Just barely illuminated it, let her watch as Sirius pulled out a packet of Marlboro's and see his slightly raised eyebrow as she snagged one.
It wasn't a habit she indulged in often. Limited to when she'd drank enough not to think any better of the idea, something which, despite the firewhisky she could still taste, Hermione was not. Or when she was so stressed, she felt like the slow inhale-exhale of smoke was the only way to calm her panicked breathing.
She was neither of those things but still found herself giving in to the impulse — something about the ongoing dark atmosphere making it feel acceptable.
They were both quiet — only the sound of their breathing around them. The glowing tip of Sirius' cigarette was not enough to provide any real light but was enough she could track the movement of his hands. One moving to and from his lips, she could feel the other soothe a path along her legs.
They'd been quiet so long she was startled when he spoke. Assuming they would have continued silently passing the bottle between them until their cigarettes burnt out and then would be left to struggle to find some excuse to leave while neither of them really wanted to.
Still, his voice broke through the darkness, low enough it wasn't breaking the silence so much as disturbing it slightly, "I always used to wonder about this, you know."
He ran his thumb across her ankle while he said it. The skin there disturbed by a small circular scar on the bone. They couldn't really see it in the darkness, but they apparently both knew it was there, even if she was surprised, he was bringing it up. They both had scars they wouldn't talk about.
This one she didn't mind, though and let herself take another sip of firewhisky before speaking, "I got it after our second year."
"I know," she raised an eyebrow in question, and he continued. "Noticed it when you came to the Potters that summer. Could never figure out how you got it, though."
She smiled at the idea he'd caught such a tiny thing all those years ago, even if she wasn't surprised he didn't know where it came from.
"It was one of mum's bonding attempts. Tried teaching me to shave my legs the muggle way."
He shot her an amused but questioning look.
"It didn't go well," she laughed. "But the cut was small enough, and we couldn't really afford to waste the dittany."
"Your dad couldn't heal it?"
"He was away, a poltergeist or something, so only plasters for me," she hummed, taking yet another sip and allowing the alcohol to make her more talkative than usual.
"She tries, you know — she does. But she blames the wizarding world for what happened to Remus, so she kind of hates it too. Hates that part of us."
His eyes were locked on her, and Hermione found herself sharing more than she would normally, wanting to share something with him. She'd seen so many of his more vulnerable moments that part of her felt like she owed him this. Besides, another part of her desperately wanted to unburden herself.
"I worry about her. We don't exactly get along, but with everything else that's happening – I don't know. Almost thought about trying to get her to go away until everything's safer, but Dad would never go for it, and she wouldn't leave without him."
It was true. Hermione thought a lot about how to protect her mother. Her muggle mother with a half-blood and a werewolf for children. Who was married to a Wizard that had already made an enemy of one of Voldemort's followers.
Hermione knew her concerns were valid and that Hope would likely be a prime target as the war went on. And were she alone in the decision, she'd do what she'd once done to protect David and Helen Granger.
Send her away with no memory of her daughter to the safety of Australia or America or somewhere they'd never find her. But neither Remus nor her Father would ever agree to it.
Modifying someone's memories without consent wasn't exactly looked well upon, and despite Hermione's concerns, neither of them would ever allow her to do it. So, instead, she was forced to trust their father to protect her. It had always been his primary goal anyway.
While she thought, she realised what she was doing. Unloading her family troubles on a boy who'd literally run away from his own and how that may be insensitive, but he kept up a steady pressure on her ankle.
His thumb rubbing that same soothing motion, he looked at her as if telling her to continue. So Hermione took the final inhale of her cigarette before steadily breathing out the smoke like the confession she was about to make.
It was easy to do it in the low light of the Room. To let the alcohol and the comforting touch of his hands coax a truth she was ashamed of from her.
"I love my parents, but I don't particularly like them."
They were both silent for a few seconds, and Hermione thought the air should have felt heavy, but it didn't. They understood each other too well for that to be the case, and instead, she watched as Sirius swallowed down more of the whisky. His grip tightening around her foot before he made his own confession.
"I fucking hate mine. The whole family. Just all of them."
"Andie?" she asked hesitantly. Knowing they'd had this conversation before but that he'd had quite a bit more to drink than she had.
"Yeah – Andie," he allowed. Taking yet another swig before continuing, "And Reg, as much as the little prick may hate me, I can't quite bring myself to hate him back."
She didn't speak. Just let him work through whatever it was he was dealing with. Knowing that without imbibing, he would never have confessed any of this but also that he'd asked her to be here and that she couldn't bring herself to leave.
Instead, like that evening all those months ago after Alphard's funeral, she just sat with him and his firewhisky, waiting for him to continue.
"I'd have taken him with me, you know. Had I been in any state to and thought he'd even consider it for a moment, I'd have brought him with me."
She nodded in response. Confused as to where this focus on Regulus was coming from but recognising it as the likely reason he asked her to meet him so was willing to listen anyway.
"I should have got him out of that fucking house. But he'd never have come, and now fuck knows what's happening to him. Probably signing up to the Death Eaters as we speak."
She bit her lip to keep from correcting him. Knowing the truth was so much worse. That according to the diary she'd read and burnt a lifetime ago, he'd already been marked.
Had been for almost a year, and she'd done nothing to stop it. Even knowing he'd regret the choice that never truly was one because she needed him in to get the locket.
But Sirius didn't need to hear any of that, so instead, she watched as he raised the bottle slightly before speaking, "Still, Happy Birthday, I guess Reg. My baby brother — a man."
Regulus wasn't sure when wondering the halls had become such a common pastime for him. But with his increased desire for privacy and the fact he still couldn't face listening to the talk in the Slytherin common room, he spent plenty of time wandering them.
Using his knowledge as a prefect to avoid getting caught, it gave him hours alone to work on occluding the memories of the summer he couldn't escape.
The term had passed slowly. The start of NEWTs surprisingly uneventful; even his seventeenth birthday had passed without note.
Having withdrawn from most of his friends, not that he'd had many, to begin with, his housemates more being just that. People he went to classes with and shared a living space with but no more. The only thing of note had been the traditional watch from his father that had marked his coming of age.
But even that had been tainted somehow.
Knowing that the watch adorning his wrist should have been Sirius'. Some pocket watch heirloom that had been reset into a more modern wristwatch years ago. It should have gone to Sirius on his coming of age, but instead, like the responsibilities passed down with the watch Regulus now wore, his brother had escaped them.
Like he'd escaped their parents' other expectations, Regulus knew he was no longer shielded from his duties to the Dark Lord by virtue of his age and would be expected to join his fellow Death Eaters on their missions.
He'd already written to his parents to inform them he'd be staying at Hogwarts over the Christmas Holidays. Stating his desire to graduate with the best possible NEWTs to assist their lord in his task, but Regulus knew it was only a temporary solution.
He wouldn't be able to hide at Hogwarts forever, and when he was called to the Dark Lord's service, he dreaded to think what tasks would be bestowed upon him.
So, he walked the halls at night, trying desperately not to think about what the future held for him. He was always alone on these walks, never running into anyone, so he was instantly on edge when he heard voices.
His mind flashing back to the last time he'd come across people as he wandered. Thinking of Mary MacDonald's muffled screams and her crumpled form that he'd abandoned in a classroom.
Yet another thing that haunted him, because while Avery and McNair were no longer at Hogwarts, the memory of what they'd done still haunted the castle. And Regulus had never quite forgiven himself for not doing more, even if he still didn't know what else he could have done.
There were no muffled screams this time, though. Instead, there were just four quiet voices coming from one of the dungeons' many tunnels. Hearing them say their goodbyes, he hid himself and watched as Severus Snape, the Carrow twins, and Peter Pettigrew emerged.
AN: did you guess? also - feel like screaming now?