AN: Thanks as always for reading and reviewing!

"Dyad's Blessing, Dyad's Curse"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 35

"Ca-can't sleep?"

D-O's voice penetrated the darkness Ben was staring up into. "No," he said. "Even the sleep aid doesn't seem to be doing any good tonight."

He heard the buzz of the droid's neck craning. "Scared?"

"Maybe." Ben rolled over to face the general direction where D-O was, though of course it was as dark to his side as it was above him. "You really should go back to Rey tomorrow. It's not that I haven't appreciated having you around, but prison is no place for a nice little droid like you."

He heard D-O's wheel skid towards him – it sounded like the droid was right next to the bed now. "Friend. Ben Solo. You need a fr-friend."

Ben would have argued further with the droid except for the familiar twitch in his senses. He rolled back around, sensing Rey lying next to him, heard her breathing, smelled the familiar worn, sweat-lined odor of the t-shirt she wore to bed.

"Did you have a good time?" he asked, figuring that was as good a way to start a conversation as any.

"Yes," said Rey. "Did you enjoy the cake?"

"Yes."

"Good."

A silence followed, during which Ben wondered if she'd fallen asleep, but then she spoke up again. "Ben . . . I wish I could have done something to stop . . ."

"Don't," Ben interrupted in a hard voice. "Don't apologize for what's going to happen tomorrow – don't even mention tomorrow!" A twitch was growing in his hands. "If you had just let well enough alone, neither of us would have to worry about tomorrow!" With every word he spoke, his breath shortened more until his chest was hurting. "That moment when you kissed me, I actually felt peace – if you'd let me die, I'd be free of everything I did and you'd be free of me!"

He sucked in a gasp of air so loud that he almost missed Rey's whisper.

"I don't want to be free of you." It came out so small and so soft that Ben wondered if she'd even meant for him to hear it.

"Don't lie," he muttered. "You were talking about splitting the dyad earlier, remember?"

"All right, this – this thing – yes, it's annoying, it's scary, I don't know what's going to happen with it, but that doesn't mean I want to lose you."

"And the kiss?" Ben didn't know why he was bringing it up now of all times, but it came out anyway. "What did that mean?"

A sudden wave of embarrassment came flowing from her. "Why do you ask?"

Ben closed his eyes, not that it made any difference in terms of what he could see, but it felt more private behind his eyelids. "Because if it did mean anything, then you're setting yourself up for heartbreak."

"What if I don't know what it meant?"

His eyes opened. "What do you mean?"

"Just what I said. I don't even know what romantic love feels like and quite frankly, right now I've got enough to worry about without worrying about love!"

Why did Ben feel like a vice had tightened around his chest? If Rey didn't love him, that was for the best, right? "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

Rey let out a long sigh, tickling Ben's face with her breath. "I'm not saying I don't love you – or that I do – because I honestly don't know. That's the best answer I can give right now."

Ben gave a tiny nod. "All right." He didn't mention how some small part of him had been wanting her to kiss him again almost every time they'd linked since his waking – for that matter, he wasn't sure if that wasn't the dyad making him want it. In fact, he admitted, he wasn't sure what romantic love felt like either – he only knew that being with her felt right, as if part of his soul slept when she was gone and woke when she was around.

But maybe that was the dyad too.

"Ben?" Rey's voice wavered slightly, as if worried that she had broken his heart.

"What?"

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

The invisible vice around Ben's chest tightened further, squeezing him almost to the point of physical pain. His hands twitched, twitched, twitched, as if his fingers were determined to run away from his hands. In his mind's eye he yet again saw his father's pained, devastated face, glowing red in the lightsaber's flames . . .

"H-hold me . . . please . . ." The words were small, vulnerable, desperate, uttered almost without any signal from his brain. "P-please . . . hold me . . ." He sputtered the words out, the twitch in his hands extending to the rest of his body, reducing him to a shaking mess as hot tears started welling up in his eyes. "Please!"

Rey wrapped her arm around him, pressing his head against her shoulder, letting him feel her warmth. His own arm wrapped around her as the tears flowed into her t-shirt and she stroked his back in long, soothing movements, helping to calm the trembles.

"You're not alone," she murmured. "We told each other that long ago and it's still true, no matter what happens."

His breath and hers slowed bit-by-bit until they were inhaling and exhaling almost in synchronization, drawing comfort from each other's breathing. Ben found himself wishing he could pause time and remain in this moment for as long as he wanted, remain in the embrace with the woman he loved maybe romantically and maybe some other way.

Did it really matter?

"Do you think you can sleep now?" Rey whispered.

"Maybe," Ben mumbled, realizing that his eyes had closed without his mind registering it. "If you stay."

"I don't know how long I'll stay," said Rey. "Neither of us do."

"Yeah . . . I know," said Ben, his eyes drooping shut again. "It's just . . . wouldn't it be nice if our biggest problem was sorting out our feelings?"

"That would be very nice," Rey said with a slight groan as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Now sleep."

Ben yawned, feeling himself sinking down, her touch lulling him as it had done many other nights, but there was still an undeniable truth pricking at his mind, trying to keep him from fully relaxing.

He could fall into the most peaceful sleep, but he would still have to wake up.