33.

Hermione:

Why do my plans always go wrong?

Hogsmeade, like every weekend, came to life: Hogwarts students walked the stone sidewalks talking, laughing and pointing to shop windows. In addition, the trees began to show more and more green leaves, the grass consumed the earth and covered it, and already at this time of day, there was a pleasant, mild temperature. Hermione was enjoying the warmth of the Sun on her skin, glancing at Pansy, who was scanning her surroundings with concentration and silence. Although she asked many times, Hermione didn't tell her where they were going, so she was trying to find out for herself.

She felt a bit nervous even though she had planned the day from beginning to end, since where they were going was definitely a date. Of course she and Pansy went on outings that were much more than just hanging out with a friend, but the word "date" was questionable, much to Hermione's regret, who had no interest in doubting, for the eighth time, the exact definition. of her outings with Pansy and her level of formality... But she shouldn't be overwhelmed: all of this would be defined today. She would find out, at last, if they were girlfriends or not.

"You are not planning to kidnap and murder me?"

Hermione's brow shot up, looking into the eyes of Pansy who, it seemed, had gotten tired of analyzing Hogsmeade.

"You take me to an unknown place, nobody knows where I'm going, or for how long. And we all know the Gryffindors have a bad reputation," Pansy resolved, with a smug, sly smile. Incredible self-confidence with which to be saying such nonsense.

"Sure," she said sarcastically. "I've been spending time with you all year so that you end up letting your guard down and it's easy to kill you."

"Save your confessions for the trial. I trust Rachel will report my disappearance."

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Nice try, but I'm not going to tell you where we're going."

"You didn't even give me clues!"

"We're almost there anyway. You held out all this time, two more minutes won't kill you."

"The word kill again," she remarked. "I knew it. Everyone says it: never trust a Gryffindor, that's where the largest number of dark wizards come from."

And the rats, Hermione thought, biting her tongue not to say it, after all, telling things about Sirius wasn't an option. Even if she trusted Pansy, Dumbledore asked for discretion until everything was resolved.

"Pansy," a student said in a surprised tone. "Hello."

It took her a few seconds to recognize the figure that had emerged from the Post Office, he had been with Daphne Greengrass on the day of "Operation Checkmate"; a tall boy, brown hair, strong features, almost taciturn attitude...

"Isa," Pansy said. "At the Post Office again?"

"It's because of work," he explained with a nervous laugh, then looked at Hermione and his shoulders slumped a bit. "Hello. Hermione Granger, right?"

To say that she was confused was an understatement. Wasn't he part of the Greengrass group? Why was he talking to both of them now? Was he uncomfortable seeing someone from Gryffindor with a Slytherin? Did he get along with Pansy? She glanced at her then, trying to find an answer.

"Isa Rymer," Pansy interjected, "we talk sometimes."

"I see. Hello." She decided to be polite, although her bewilderment was palpable.

"I think I owe you an apology too," Isa said.

"Here we go again." Pansy rolled her eyes. "It's no big deal, stop apologizing for Daphne's actions."

Hermione just had more and more doubts.

"Did he apologize to you?" She asked then.

"Yes. Isa says "sorry" every other sentence. They apologized to me, and also to Luna one day when they found us talking."

"To the Weasley twins, too," he murmured, "although it didn't turn out very well…"

"They didn't forgive you?" Pansy's brow furrowed at that.

"I do not know. They joked a lot."

"I'm sure they will have forgiven you then," Hermione said, quite surprised at herself for wanting to ease Isa's anguish. It was hard not to empathize when he seemed to be so insecure, plus he and Pansy seemed to get along. "If they are angry, their jokes hurt. Physically, I mean."

A shy smile escaped Isa's lips.

"Granger... I'm really sorry I didn't stop Daphne, I didn't know what to do. But I swear I didn't know what I'd do... I was irresponsible. And I don't approve of it at all! It was wrong." He put his hand on the back of his neck, rubbing it as he looked at the floor. "If you need anything, anything ... I owe you."

Hermione couldn't believe her eyes. This boy was from Slytherin, and she had never seen a student from that house like the one in front of her. She was almost tempted to laugh. Rachel, Sophie, Isa, and of course, Pansy. Where had all the kind Slytherins been before? Why didn't she see it until just this year?

"Don't worry Isa. We're OK. Thanks for your concern," Hermione soothed.

"Good!" He flared up happily. "Well... Err... I'll take my leave?" He looked both ways, wondering what to do, and then back to Pansy. "See you."

"Of course. Have a good day, and try not to apologize ten more times today," Pansy teased.

Isa laughed, and after taking one last look at Hermione, turned to walk away from them.

"We are almost there," Hermione commented, when they were alone again.

"Oh yeah?"

Pansy's amused smile froze as she stared in surprise ahead: Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop.

Although she had had a couple of displays of public affection with Pansy, and they had been fooling around and spending a lot of time together, which showed that there was something forming between them, now it would be confirmed that it was not just a something: this moment would define a before and an after. Every Hogwarts student knew that going to the Tea Shop was a clear sign of intent, so Hermione chose to go there that afternoon.

Perhaps, on Valentine's Day, the place could be considered as just one more date. But on any given day? Only stable couples went to the Tea Shop, looking for a moment of peace and privacy. Although every so often, anyway, you would see a group or two of various girls having something there and gossiping. It was rare to see groups of only boys, since so much pink and delicate things seemed to scare them away. Hermione had tried to go with Harry and Ron too when they were younger, just out of curiosity about the place, but they refused to give her a chance.

"Shall we enter?" Hermione asked.

"Here?" Pansy's low voice managed to scare her.

She didn't look happy. She hadn't moved too fast, had she? They had dated, kissed, their respective friends knew they liked each other, and even cheesy things had been said! She couldn't be wrong! Damn. Had she scared Pansy? Because the countenance she had did not bode well. Hermione was terrified now too. What if Pansy wasn't ready yet? Maybe she had commitment issues and didn't even think about the possibility! Now that she was reviewing it, Pansy had never initiated any affection in public, she was much more closed on that subject than she... She never complained, but...

"Hermione?" She called her.

"Yes?" Now the one with the fearful voice was her. The silence as Pansy thought about what to say managed to make her explode, "We don't have to go in if you don't want to. I just thought... I... Didn't I screw it up? I'm so sorry, can we…"

"Merlin! Now you apologize too?" She mocked.

"But you don't like it."

"I did not say anything."

"Your face…"

"And should we talk about yours?" She cut her off. "I'm starting to doubt that you can kill me without your face saying 'guilty' all over the place."

"Idiot," she muttered, though she felt a bit of relief.

"I..." she began doubtfully. "I was just thinking that it was extremely obvious that you would bring me here. How could I not foresee it?"

"Not really…"

"Stop whining, and let's go inside."

Hermione hesitated, but obeyed and led the way into the shop. Was Pansy really okay with this? This wasn't how the day was supposed to go... not so tense and uncomfortable.

There were a couple of tables occupied, but the atmosphere was quiet. Madam Puddifoot approached them, with a friendly smile, adorned at the tips with plump, flushed cheeks. She had a dress with a frilly white apron covering it, and a shiny black bow that tied her hair. She advised that they could sit wherever they wanted, and that she would come over to serve them immediately.

"Where should we sit?" Hermione asked her.

The other looked around and decided on a table away from the windows and the door. Hermione felt a churning in her stomach as they sat down. She had no idea what Pansy was thinking. Was she uncomfortable? Did she want to sit there because she liked it, or because she wanted to hide? Did she agree to enter the Tea Shop because she wanted to? What if she decided to ask her for distance tomorrow, uncomfortable with...? Her intensity? Damn! She was. Hermione was intense. Pansy would feel stifled and regret trying anything with her.

"What would you like my dear?" Madam Puddifoot appeared, now with a notebook and a pen.

"Mint tea," Pansy asked.

"Lemon verbena for me."

"And do you want something to eat?" She asked as she finished writing.

Hermione did not feel that her stomach was calm enough to digest something solid, Pansy on the other hand looked at the menu slowly, oblivious to the insistent looks she gave her.

"Apple pie?" She asked, finally meeting Hermione's gaze.

"Yes of course."

"Two? Or will you share?"

"Share, if that's okay with you."

Hermione was glad she was able to handle the conversation. When they were both alone again, in a nervous gesture, she smoothed the tablecloth. A disdainful look escaped Pansy as she examined the table... And there was no more tablecloth left to fix to calm her nerves. Great.

In her mind, according to plan, Pansy should have smiled upon discovering the surprise, she should have scoffed at her "cheesy" idea and be content with the nice and pleasant place. Plus, Pansy liked tea better than butterbeer. What went wrong? Why didn't she like it? Was it because of the store, or was it because she was moving too fast in the relationship? Maybe she didn't want to present them as a couple.

"Are you okay?" Pansy asked.

"Yes," she answered, her voice cracking. Well, it didn't sound good, contrary to her words.

"Was it because of Isa? Or did I say something bad?"

"What?" Hermione was taken aback. "It's my fault."

"Eh?" Pansy's eyes narrowed, as if Hermione's nose had suddenly turned into a unicorn horn.

"You hate this."

Pansy's cheeks reddened.

"I did not want to…"

"Oh Merlin, I screwed up our date. I should have known. You wanted to know where we were going and …"

"Hey," she stopped her. "The only thing we can worry about in advance is the exams, you said so."

"But... you hate the place."

"And?"

"Won't you leave me?"

"Leave you?" She snorted, chuckling. "In five minutes of silence, can you create such stories?"

Hermione gasped, but couldn't say anything. Madam Puddifoot arrived with a tray, setting the tea for each and the apple pie in the center of the table. "Enjoy" she said with a honeyed tone and walked away.

"I do not get it."

"I feel like I might vomit," she murmured, fixing her gaze on Madam Puddifoot, and when she noticed that Hermione looked like a fish out of water, she clarified, "Enjoy," she repeated, her tone exaggeratedly sweet. "I will get hives."

"Pansy," she scolded her, trying not to laugh.

"That's what I think: not about leaving you, just that everything here is horrible. What kind of tablecloth is this? Checkered and floral print? My eyes melt just looking at it." She raised her head, looking at the decorations on top of the table, "if they don't do it first."

"How dramatic …"

"I hate this place. Okay? I think even Hagrid's Cabin is in better taste. But you... You wanted to come," she stammered, looking at the tablecloth as if she were appreciating it, which obviously was not. "I don't care if you choose horrible places, most places are ugly anyway …"

Hermione blushed and they both took the opportunity to drink some tea.

"So…" Hermione tried very hard to keep a serious face, but just in case she hid her smile behind the china cup. "For me you'd even agree to go to places you hate?"

Pansy's brow furrowed, in a silent threat that she would dare to scoff. But Hermione was not a Gryffindor for nothing:

"Do you realize that you are sweet?"

"The door is very close," Pansy warned.

She let out a laugh, feeling that all of a sudden everything was fine. Hermione felt loved, Pansy did things for her because she wanted to see her happy, even if she didn't like it. For god's sake! Hermione had told her several times to leave, and she still stayed.

"And the tea is fine," she murmured. "It's a bummer that the only place where you can drink a quality one is crammed with junk and couples."

"Do couples bother you too?" Hermione put her hand to her mouth, fighting back the urge to tease how childish Pansy sounded.

"Do you like them?"

"Well... On Valentine's Day maybe they're too much... But it bothers you now too?"

Pansy crossed her arms and motioned for Hermione to turn around. Behind her, two people were kissing, with their hands on the table, intertwined. When she looked straight ahead again, Pansy's repulsed face was worthy of framing.

"The love of others makes me sick," she explained.

"Wow! So romantic!" She chuckled. "We also kiss, you know?"

"It's different," she muttered, and Hermione raised her eyebrows in response.

"So displays of public affection bother you?"

"Uh... a little I guess. It's weird."

"And it didn't occur to you to say so?" She inquired, shaking her head in disbelief. "Pansy, it's cute that you want to please me …"

"It's not cute. And I don't."

"It's okay to give in every now and then, and I love to see that you don't mind doing things that would make me excited because you love me, but" Hermione's eyes widened as she realized what she said, "that is to say... like …"

"Yeah." Pansy leaned back in her seat, dismissing the matter. "I wasn't trying to please you." The last word, she said slowly and mockingly. "But we are girlfriends and I don't mind doing what you want. When I want to drag you to see clothes for hours I will, and you know it."

"But you could have told me you didn't like the Tea Shop."

"I did not want to make you feel bad. It wasn't a big deal, I wasn't going to die from going in." She drank some more tea, and that reminded Hermione to do the same.

"You weren't going to make me feel bad."

"Didn't I? She asked wryly. "When you saw that I stared at the entrance of the premises with disgust, your face was pale, as if we were watching the Hogsmeade bookstore burn."

"Okay! It's okay," she relented. "I just... I want you to be honest."

"You can have no doubt that I would have told you the place was disgusting as soon as we left it."

Hermione laughed, and brought the cup back to her mouth.

"As for displays of affection... Oh," she recalled. "Girlfriends."

"Were you always this eloquent, or does spending your vacation at the Burrow have this kind of effect?"

She was tempted to scold her for making fun of the Weasleys, but she had to focus on something more important:

"Are we girlfriends?"

"Hmn... Yes?"

"You never asked."

"Should I have?" She was taken aback. "I mean, we had dinner with the Weasleys together." Pansy shrugged. "Then. Are we girlfriends? Do you want that? If not we can discuss it in the future, I don't care much."

Hermione's mouth was parted, but she couldn't get the words out.

"Why are you so unromantic?" She complained. And suddenly, she laughed. "Is everything so simple for you?"

"And why do you complicate everything?" She returned, with a half smile.

"You're a horrible girlfriend," Hermione said, and a tingle ran through her stomach. Girlfriend.

"You're worse. Your surprises suck."

"Well, you'll take care of the next one."

"And I'll do a thousand times better. You'll see, Granger." She grabbed a fork, a triumphant look on her face, and sampled some of the apple pie. Without looking up from the plate, she spoke. "But I don't mind holding hands, or…" She snorted, embarrassed. "Saying all these things is stupid. I just don't want to make a fool of myself like all of these." Again, using the fork, she spun it around, to mark the space where they were.

"I understand," she replied, with a smile that expressed her amusement. She decided to take advantage and try the dessert too, wrinkling her nose as she chewed it. "How sweet."

"Too much?"

"As long as I accompany it with tea... My parents wouldn't be very amused."

"Ah, right. Dentists? Anyway, I don't get it. If you clean your teeth well, you can eat all the sugar you want …"

"For your own good, don't say that in front of them. You'll get a seminar on dental care," she joked.

It was easy to talk to Pansy. Hermione was left thinking about what this situation would have been like with someone else. She used to like Ron... How would all this have turned out if she had been with him right now? Would they have been angry and ignored each other for hours or days, for not knowing how to explain themselves to each other? Could he have talked to her about limits, what they like and don't like, and be okay with that? Ron used to shut down when upset, and she was too insecure to be left adrift, overthinking and getting angry easily. And with Viktor Krum? He wasn't very talkative, he just followed her around and never really knew what she was really thinking. Pansy's razor-sharp honesty, on the other hand, could be scary at times, but it was the unmistakable truth, and she was grateful for it. She said things to her, and never with the intention of hurting her, just wanting to make things clear. She said what she thought and felt; if she got angry, if she didn't want to talk, if she was sad... She was real, direct.

"Are you a friend of him, of Isa?" Hermione asked, when the tea was gone and they were finishing up the last pieces of apple pie.

"They're not him," she corrected. "They told me that they prefer to be called Isa and that they are uncomfortable being called 'him'. The truth is, I didn't ask them if they prefer me to refer to them as only Isa, without him, or her, or anything, or if they even use 'they.' Maybe I should have asked them …"

"How is that...?" Hermione cocked her head, processing the information. "They're nonbinary?"

"Exactly. I suspect it is quite recent, most of them treat Isa as 'him'. I didn't hear from the teachers, though I can't imagine Snape being nice and doing them a favor. Maybe McGonagall? She cares for everyone. Or Flitwick? He lives cheerfully, he would offer to help and everything."

"But Snape is their head of house... He's supposed to help."

"He wants Slytherin to win the House Cup. And maybe he doesn't harass us, since he has Gryffindor for that. But sit back and empathize with us? I'm sure if someone came up to him and said, 'Professor, I'm non-binary,' he would say something like, 'So what makes you think I'm interested in that?' I mean, there were several fights inside the Common Room, he even saw one of the times I had problems with Daphne. He passes over everything that happens, he doesn't care unless the noise bothers him."

"Snape is..." She growled, but didn't dare to complete the insult. "I hope Isa is not having problems."

"Do you like them?"

"I don't think they are a bad person."

Pansy nodded.

"I always thought it was more entertaining to interact with the ground than with Isa. But now that I had a chance to speak to them a couple of times... It's nice. Too bad they're so insecure, too desperate."

"Don't be mean."

"I'm not. I like them. I can like them and think they are insecurity made into a person at the same time."

"I read a few books on this," Hermione admitted, changing the subject slightly, "in other cultures, a non-Western perspective, the development of the gender is different."

"I was never very interested in the subject," Pansy said. "I know a bit, but beyond what others told me …"

" I guess I'm not the best example of a 'good person', I was a monumental idiot until less than a year ago. But it is not that difficult just to accept what a person asks of you. If something bothers you, then I don't do it and that's it. If you want me to call you Isa, I say Isa, it is not something I should question. At least, now I think like this, I don't want to continue hurting others …"

Hermione smiled back at her.

"I wish they all thought that way. I imagine that it is obvious that I am interested in any social issue, and I cannot bear injustice. And I can't believe I haven't thought more about this topic before! All of us simply assume everything about the other person based on physical appearance. It didn't occur to me that Isa might not consider themselves a man until you pointed it out to me."

"I didn't think about it either, it's not your fault," Pansy soothed.

"I know. But... isn't it unfair?" A heavy sigh escaped her lips. "Maybe if people hadn't assumed that I only liked men, I wouldn't have been so confused with you. If I felt like this... How will Isa feel?"

"I hope you're not seeing Isa as a house elf," she teased. "We don't need a SPEW for Isa."

"I hate you," she growled, while Pansy laughed. "I did not intend to do that. I'm just saying that there are a lot of outdated things in society. Too many. And nobody is doing anything."

"Well... People are usually not very receptive when it comes to changing things. Even myself, I had a hard time learning to be a fairly decent person."

"You're more than a decent person," Hermione corrected her, and put her hand over Pansy's, to show her affection for her.

"You only say that because I kiss well."

"Sure, you caught me," she teased, shaking her head.

"Do you want to leave now?" Pansy asked. "Let's walk for a while before returning to the castle."

They both paid then, leaving Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop. Hermione straightened her hair, as the wind was blowing stronger than before. When she turned to look at Pansy, she had a look of utter annoyance.

"Do you miss the store?" She scoffed, as it was curious to see her now more upset than before. "What did you see?"

Pansy's cheeks reddened, and she shook her head.

"Nothing, come on."

"Are you sure it was nothing?"

"Yes, I must have imagined it."

"What was it?"

"Nothing, Hermione," she was exasperated. "Come on, the clothing stores are over there."

"Oh, the start of your revenge."

Pansy's half smile appeared, so she guessed what she saw wasn't a big deal.

It wasn't until they left the third clothing store that Hermione was beginning to wonder if she really loved Pansy that much...

"Don't you want to sit down for a while?" Hermione asked.

"You need exercise, huh."

"What did you say? You don't do sports either."

Pansy chuckled and headed for a nearby wooden bench, in a place that looked like a miniature version of a park. They sat down and Hermione raised her arms and stretched. The sidewalks where people walked were behind them, although most of them were moving too quickly to enter the stores to shop (there was not much time left before it was curfew to return to Hogwarts). When she turned to look at Pansy, she had a smug smile on her lips and a small flower, the size of a finger, in her hand. On the right side of the bench, where Pansy was, there was a small flowering plant. In fact, it smelled very good. Although they were tiny, they had a strong perfume.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" She asked. Her smile was so smugly goofy, Hermione couldn't help but smile until her cheeks ached.

"Didn't you tell me you didn't care?" She teased.

"You said I wasn't romantic. I have to get my pride back."

"You are still not romantic," she stated.

Before Pansy could protest, or say another ironic phrase, she leaned forward and kissed her. She caressed her lips with hers and as she did so, she could feel Pansy's smile, which she reflected. They could barely resist the urge to laugh, so Hermione caught the other's bottom lip between her teeth a bit annoyed, and then pulled away pulling her a little.

"You don't kiss well either," Hermione kept teasing her.

"And my flower? Isn't it the most beautiful you've ever seen?" She flirted.

Hermione laughed, and grabbed the little white flower that Pansy had offered her.

"It is acceptable."

"Wow, how hard is it to get an 'Exceed Expectations' with you. But I really need to pass this, so I'll even accept extra classes."

"What an idiot," she said with a laugh.

Pansy grabbed her chin and turned her so that their faces were facing each other again. She still had that typical smile of hers, but mixed with an almost childlike glee, too amused with her own jokes. Again they kissed, enjoying the unhurried sensation, stopping sometimes to continue laughing a little more.

For such a terrible date, she was liking it; It turned out to be so different from what she had planned... but she was still pleasantly surprised. And her girlfriend, for being such an idiot, kissed pretty well.