The drive home had been peaceful and quiet. My parents cried quite extensively when we'd left. They had made sure to boldly remind Draco that nothing could happen to me and that we shouldn't be afraid to ask for help if the time came. When we crossed back into Britain it was even more somber when he pulled the car over and turned to look at me with serious eyes.
"You have to disapparate yourself back to the Order," he bluntly said. When I looked at him in surprise at the sudden request for me to leave he laughed and popped an eyebrow at me, "I can't just pull up there. Think they'd be thrilled to see your Death Eater kidnapper? And we also don't exactly have a street address darling."
He opened the car doors with the push of a button and I obediently got out, fidgeting painfully with my fingers. The tears and heart ache hit me like a bus as he unpacked my bag and put it down at my feet, pulling me into a hug.
"I will miss you so much dis week," I wept into his shirt.
He ran his fingers through my hair, "Likewise."
We stood holding each other for several awful minutes as the feeling of being apart slowly tangled back into our realities.
"Don't forget, you need to figure out what Potter is doing with his time this week. It's imperative that we supply the dark lord with better information or he will grow distrustful of your placement," Draco stated dryly. I listened to the grumble of his voice through his chest and nodded.
Then I stood back out of his arms, breathing deeply to calm myself down. The tears on my face stung in the wind as I closed my fingers around my bag and gave him one last look before disapparating.
The tulips at the farm were swaying dreamily in the warm air as I reappeared and fought not to retch from my terrible ability magically travel. The sun was just beginning to set, shooting orange colors across the sky vividly. The lights were on in the farm house and I could see familiar Order members milling about with dinner plates.
My palms were sweaty and fear drove itself through my heart as I prepared for the angry inquisition about my disappearance for the weekend. Begrudgingly I approached the door and pushed it open and everyone froze in shock.
"Well George, that'll be ten galleons," Fred held his hand out to his twin brother without even turning his head.
Harry stood from the table with burning eyes, "Where the fuck were you all weekend? We thought something terrible had happened, that perhaps Malfoy had been here. We almost left."
I dropped my bag knowing I had a pathetic expression on my face, "I went to France to see my family. My father is de Minister, and we 'ave 'is support should we need it. You are welcome." My sass with Harry was just a reflection of feeling embarrassed and defensive as dozens of faces glared at me.
Harry's nose scrunched up, "Terrific. But you can't just come and go whenever you please."
"So I'm a prisoner 'ere too, just as I was at de Malfoy Manor?" I retorted in a high pitch. A few winced or looked away from the argument.
Harry stepped forward with squared shoulders so we were directly in front of each other. His face had softened slightly, "I didn't mean it like that. But you have to at least let us know where you go and how long you'll be gone. Like I said, we never leave on our own, we go in pairs for a reason. You're damn lucky Malfoy didn't grab you."
I flexed my fingers in disbelief at how ungrateful he was about the news of my father's support. But perhaps he had a fair point. I should've just made up a reason to leave, but I hadn't even had that much foresight. When I'd first left it had been in a panic, and I had intended to run away to France even without Draco and possibly not come back.
"Fine, I'll let you know from now on," I grumbled under my breath. I picked up my bag and plodded towards the stairs.
"Wait!" Harry shouted up at me when I'd made it halfway up the banister. I paused and turned to look down at him with a blank face. He sighed, "Look, thank you, for talking to your father. We will need his help." A few of the friendlier Order members nodded their heads at me.
I went to my shack-like room without another word and groaned in contempt at the conditions in the room.
A few weeks passed with The Order and I had still not succeeded in convincing them to bring me along during Harry's daytime outings.
Boredom was an understatement when describing the way that I spent my days; mainly out in the tulip field tending to the sprouting vegetables I had planted there for them. Other times I was sent out to do laundry in the creek, or to assist Luna with her Divination in the windmill where she would spend hours looking at odd objects and crystal balls only to come up with garbled predictions.
I would sit with her sometimes for hours and watch through pained vision as she used her magnifying glass on random items Harry Potter gave her, then ask me to pass her a new one from a bucket she'd collected. The rate at which I was gathering information was unacceptable and if I didn't secure something for the next night when I was due to report to Draco I worried there would be consequences.
Back at the farm that evening I decided to make another pass at it. At dinner I took the seat closest to Harry, before Ginny could beat me to it given it was her typical choice. I caught her shooting daggers at me as she returned with her plate of food and was forced to sit further down beside Ronald.
Harry was preoccupied with the map I'd seen him playing with earlier; flipping it over at random to conjure different sections of whatever building it was that he was so interested in. I watched the black ink redevelop with each new folded arrangement. Foot steps with names drifted around that I didn't recognize: Severus Snape, Parvati Patil, Tom Riddle, Angelina Johnson, Dean Thomas, Cedric Diggory, Bellatrix Lestrange... Some were evidently clustered in a small tower, looking trapped, while others tended to mingle in a big open space named the Great Hall.
"'arry, what is dis map of?" I asked, leaning over his shoulder with burning curiosity.
His eyes quickly slid to where my long hair had fallen across his sweater. I heard him exhale sharply at my closeness, "Oh, Madeleine. Right. It's a map of Hogwarts." He swallowed heavily as I leaned my head on his shoulder to peer at the paper.
I knew mild flirting would put me in a good position to convince him to take me the next day so I was even more relieved to hear the sudden nervousness seeping into his voice, "It's where Lord Voldemort has decided to build his base. Essentially he's taken over the place, and well, let's just say we lost a major high ground there. It has these special defenses and in order for us to get back inside so we can defeat him and the remaining horcruxes we need to figure out the best strategy for entering the building."
My eyes trailed upwards as he unraveled it several more times before us. "And, is dat where you go every day?" I asked daintily.
He smirked down at me and pointed to the perimeter of painted trees on the map around the castle, "Yeah, I mean not every day. But mostly we do scout out where the defense ward begins and ends. We need to calculate the quickest route in once the wards are lifted. Or if we can lift the wards at all, really. The magic is complex."
"This would be much easier with Hermione here, instead of this brat," Ginny snarled under her breath, clearly dying of jealousy while watching me and Harry talk.
Harry folded the parchment entirely in half to scowl at Ginny, "Enough Ginny, it's hard enough mourning over her without you dropping her name in rude remarks."
Ginny stood abruptly from the table and ran up the stairs, banging loudly and angrily. Ron had finally snapped out of his intense focus on his dinner to notice the gaping hole that had formed to his left at the table. "What's she on about?" he inquired, furrowing his brows at where I had my head on Harry's shoulder.
I immediately sat up feeling awkward. Harry sighed, "It doesn't matter."
I turned my eyes to Harry who gave me a friendly smile and rubbed my arm, "She'll come around. Don't worry."
I bent my head towards him, "Can I come tomorrow, to de castle? Maybe I can 'elp. Give you a new perspective?"
He pursed his lips and looked faraway at the map before him in consideration. Ron was watching intently as Harry decided what to do. His blue-green eyes darted up to mine suddenly, "Well, you have helped us a lot here. You've kept us clothed and fed for weeks, and-and we really appreciate it. But I'm not sure if taking you to Hogwarts is safe." He frowned, looking guilty and his eyes suddenly were trailing any where but directly at mine.
I huffed, trying to mask my disappointment. Ron looked away licking at his spoon and pretended not to eavesdrop.
"Well you see, that bequeathment mark on your neck will give our location away to Malfoy," Harry suddenly defended his decision with more description. The entire table was now peering over at us in some format. Harry stuttered on his words as he noticed the crowd of onlookers, "And-and I've seen him there several times. He acts like a guard. If he notices us, and he does sometimes, it always turns into a fight. He could have us ambushed. The last time he found us, we lost Hermione..." He pressed his lips together apologetically.
"Den take me in de shackles," I loosely combated with pleading eyes. "I 'ave unique skills, and I've spent a lot of time living wit' Death Eaters. I could 'elp."
A short silence ensued, then followed by the loud stirring of a spoon grinding against glass. Pansy Parkinson was twisting the silverware around her tea cup obnoxiously loud to gain our attention, "You know, I don't think it's a terrible idea. Send her in shackled. Maybe she has a point about living with Death Eaters. And if they come and she can't defend herself...well now that's just hysterical." Her wicked grin mocked me from the other end of the table.
Harry's eyebrows raised and he looked to Ron for input. Ron grimaced, "Well don't bloody put this on me mate. It's Ginny who you've got to impress. But if you really want my input I still don't trust her. Fully." His eyes trained on my expensive clothing and straight spine like I was an invasive species, but I was grateful for the fully that he'd tacked on the end, implying some progress had been made with him.
"Just take the girl with yah, in the shackles. No one's seen any Malfoy's scouting around the perimeter for weeks," Fred leaned forwards on the table to wink at me in a supportive way.
Seamus cleared his throat, "Yeeh Potter, I'm getting ruddy impatient wit' this war. Anything to move these here field trips along quicker, or whatever the hell it is you're doin' out there." He had a grumpy expression on his face, somewhat reminding me of an angry dwarf.
Harry turned to me with bright eyes, "Okay, let's try it. Just always be on your guard. And pay attention to that mark on your neck at all times." He reached forward under the table and gently placed his hand on mine with a kind grin on his face. I could see the eagerness that laid within that gaze, the desire, the hope. It reminded me of how I'd felt while being at the Manor with Draco, wondering so many times if he could ever fall in love with me again.
He was handsome and sweet, strong, and a true leader. He was admired by others and caring, and would've been an amazing partner. But my heart was already taken. I squeezed his hand and felt sympathy in my mind towards him, knowing I couldn't give him what he wanted.