35

- Ianto

I am beyond twisted with turmoil right now, the trial against my father and sister now once again on hold. I hate this. In. Out. Up. Down. Filing for more discovery… what more do they want? What coloured underwear I was wearing at the time? Jack is a rock. A complete rock and I am so glad he is here with me.

The damn it I was about to call it the Estate… well… the kids love acting pompous … what does it matter? I am starting to prefer this to the town house actually. I feel safer here even if they would know where I am either way. The space around the house is clear, maybe it's that. Scope of eyesight of whatever. I just feel like maybe out here I have a better chance of protecting my children. God, I am a nervous wreak. Sure they were inside but… what if friends retaliate? What if my Father used some of his money the feds didn't find to hire someone to hurt us? I guess me disappearing would help their case right?

I know I am being a paranoid fool.

I don't voice anything to Jack, I know he is on edge already but trying to hide it so why echo what he is thinking too?

Jack's parents are great, Even if they spoil the little horror. I know I am a little rambly but I've not really slept for a while, I try. I do. I lay there as Jack snuggled against me, his soft breath deepening into that soft sigh telling me he let go and is asleep. Now I can open my eyes to stare at the ceiling, the outside lights on so there is enough light for me to see the outline of shapes in the bedroom.

I know I may being crazy. I know but… as long as the security lights are on, the alarm is set and that knife under my pillow is within reach… I can lay there and resist the urge to sneak out and check the kids like a lunatic.

I am only mildly a lunatic.

I think I am keeping it together, I hope so. Sometimes I am sure I cam screaming out loud, ya know? I wish they were dead. That is horrible to even think that. But there ya go, I am only human.

I must have drifted off because I startle awake like an electrical charge went through me and I know I had been snoring given the loud snort as I sit bolt upright in the bed. MY head is pounding and I have an irrational need to run but…. Wait. The light is off. Damn it. Jack must have got up once I was snoring and turned them off, he must have forgotten I wanted them on. Damn it all to hell in a hand basket. I turn to look at the clock but the screen is black.

This is when I finally realize we are in the middle of a power cut, the deep rolling boom in the distance must be a storm. Great. One of the perks of the 'country estate' is the power. Right. I gotta get the generator primed in case they don't come back on.

No power means no lights, nor breakfast either. God, no coffee. Perish the thought of….

Of….

No alarm.

I know I am panicking as I fall from the bed and thump into the side table as my hands as sliding around looking for the touch and I know with sickening clarity the little beast most likely has it in his room, damn it Jessie!

OK, I know this place like the back of my hand. Relax. Right? I rise and wander thought the black house and the curtains to the large windows are open, the dull light enough to comfort me even if the rain clouds are blocking the bright moonlight I would have preferred as I sneak to the side of the window and clutch the curtains, peering out like a bloody mouse from it's hole to see if the cat is out there.

Lawn.

Well. Go figure.

I snigger as I wonder what I look like in my PJ bottoms and messy hair, clutching at the curtains like a maiden at her petticoats. I drop the curtains and straighten up resisting the urge to grab at my crotch for extra masculinity. Get a grip mate.

I open the door and feel it.

Nope.

I close the door and stand there totally pissed off at myself for being a little bitch. Not only is it cold and raining…. It is DARK. But seriously folks… I am NOT going out there. Well... not without the bat.

Now I open the door again, the bat in hand as I slide along the house like there is recessional music playing and I get the shed, whipping inside and closing the door to lean on it then look around with horror in case I trapped myself. God, shoulda worn slippers, the wet decking underfoot was freezing. If I get locked in here I would freeze to death in my jimjams ya know.

God, I gotta stop with the Stephen King novels.

I flick the primer a few times, then the ignition and the generator kicks in, the lights flicker and catch and I let my breath out. I rewind the crawl along the veranda sliding along the house, back to the door inside and once in I lock it and check the alarm is set again. I then go back to bed with my heart still pounding, sliding under the covers with a pair of socks on so my feet don't wake Jack… even if he is so inconsiderate he wakes me with his cold feet all the time. Gods listen to me.

What a pussy.

I settle to sleep and tell myself to grow the hell up, get over it.

Then a little voice whispers that I did not lock the door.

FUCK.

Time for my rounds because I know I DID shut and lock it. But now I have to prove it to myself like the little pussy I am.

I will be so glad when this is over.

My inner voice scolding me is starting to sound like him and is it pissing me off.