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Chapter 34: As Luck Would Have It
Something woke Chris up out of a dead sleep, and she jerked upright, two knives appearing in her hands as she did so. She'd always slept better with a dagger or two under her pillow, and now was no exception. Even if she was in Winterfell. She really hoped no one had discovered the various purses she'd been snagging from the Northern nobles, because those kinds of questions could get real awkward, and she-
"SURPRISE!" shouted half a dozen happy voices, and after blinking a couple of times, Chris realized she wasn't in the room she was sharing with Brienne. This one was much more opulent, with rich cloth of gold wall hangings, elegant wood paneling and-
"Mom, and um, mom?" Chris managed, realizing her mothers were at the forefront of half a dozen strangers. "What are you…?"
Chris's mind worked fast, and she soon realized who the six smiling women with her mothers were. It wasn't exactly hard, seeing as she had seen their pictures everywhere for her entire life, even if they were a tad off.
"Um, Chris, I'd like to introduce you to your aunts," Eris sighed, gesturing to the beaming goddesses, who were all wearing odd pointed hats and carrying brightly wrapped packages along with what appeared to be a large cake decorated with a silver mask and Eris' coin. For her part, Ashara Dayne looked vaguely overwhelmed, her eyes glazed over slightly, but she was smiling and had on a strange hat too.
"We brought cake!" said the short busty one that had to be Hestia, even if she was wearing clothes Chris had never seen the like of. "We know it's not your name day, but we've missed so many we figured we had to have one right away!"
"Ohmygosh, Eris, she looks just like you!" Ristarte squealed, coming forward and depositing her box in bright yellow and blue paper with a bow on it atop Chris's bedsheets. "Why didn't you tell us? We always tell you when we're having kids!"
Chris blinked at the goddesses, then looked to her godly mother. "I thought you said I was a secret."
"Um, well, sort of. Aqua, er, sort of knew about you already, and, well, when she saw you at the tourney…" Eris trailed off, blushing as Aqua came over and placed an odd hat on Chris's head.
"Naturally, I figured it out right away!" Aqua bragged.
"... It's been more like two months, 'Mizu.' And seriously, that was like the worst disguise ever. At least there are other people who look like me. I've never seen someone with blue hair in my entire life."
"Pfff, no one ever figures out who I am," Aqua said dismissively. "I'm super good at disguises."
Chris looked to Eris, who was rolling her eyes behind Aqua's back. "It's because no one ever believes she could be an actual goddess, isn't it?"
"Young lady, behave yourself, or there will be no presents and cake," Eris threatened, though she had a smile on her face and was fighting back laughter as Aqua let out an indignant squawk.
"I like presents," Chris admitted. "Just, er, wondering where I am? Where's Brienne?"
"Oh, we had to take you back to my house for the night. We're technically not allowed in Winterfell, but-"
The door to the room opened, and a woman who looked an awful lot like one of the Stark direwolves in human form came in. She didn't have the funny hat, but she did have a package, though hers was wrapped in bark and tied with vines.
"Ah, this is your cub, Eris? She has been traveling with my own. I thought her scent was familiar."
Chris managed to get out of her bed, and soon found herself eating cake with Goddesses Old and New. Absently, she wondered if anyone had a life as insane as she did, especially as her mothers began to tell the tale of how Chris had been born, with Ashara even managing to speak despite having eight deities around her. For her part, Chris did her best to try and crawl under the table and die of embarrassment.
Fourteen years ago, Aqua and Eris had just finalized their plans for reincarnating the entire cadre of their loyal champions, save for Mitsurugi, who was, is and would always be painfully dull. However, there was one issue: Aqua wanted to include Chris the Thief, and Eris sort of wanted to do the same thing. It had been a long time since she'd incarnated herself as a mortal, something many of the goddesses did from time to time.
Madoka had, in fact, just gotten back from a stint as a mortal woman along with her companions, Homura having taken time off from being the Goddess of Dakka in another realm. They usually sped up time in the universe where a goddess was incarnated, to the point where a decades long life was only a few hours at most in the rest of the wider universe. That way, the goddess in question never missed out on her duties, and everything worked out in the end.
However, they couldn't very well do that for Planetos, being far from the only active deities, and Eris was running out of excuses as to why she couldn't simply send Chris down. The reality was, of course, that Eris WAS Chris the Thief, Chris simply being a representation of herself from her time as a mortal woman before her apotheosis. Everyone but Aqua was well aware of this fact, but Aqua had simply never made the connection, as her deductive reasoning was about as finely honed as a blunt crayon.
So, Eris did what she normally did when she couldn't think straight or had a problem on her mind: she became Chris for a night. She picked Westeros for her adventures, as she did want to do some scouting on the ground to see how things were shaping up. The Goddesses had initially had high hopes for Robert Baratheon as King, but he was rapidly falling short of all of them, save for the fact that he was highly entertaining and an excellent combat leader. Still, the Seven had a strict policy of allowing mortals to determine their own fate, and they had given Robert the Divine Mandate to rule by having the High Septa crown him.
Eris appeared in Oldtown, clad in black and with a silver bandana tied about her face, leaving only her purple eyes exposed. It was just before sunset, and the sun was sinking into the sea, casting gold rays and painting the rooftops of Old Town in glowing orange and purple. Her point of manifestation was in a shrine to her. Not a Sept, but a high place atop an old building out of the wind, with a small bowl filled with gold and silver, along with a few prizes from various jobs thieves had pulled. There was no one to watch the shrine, but it was rarely robbed, and only by utter fools. Her priests of Night's Fortune would come on occasion to collect the loot, and would see to it that it was put to good use. That could be anything from handouts to the needy, to being used to decorate septs dedicated to Eris.
Just as she appeared, the shrine had been in use, with a woman clad in dusty leathers placing a golden coin in the bowl. She jumped when Eris appeared, her own purple eyes going wide. "Seven Hells!"
"Oh. Hello there, Ashara. Hmm, pulling a job tonight? I thought you had a ball to attend. But I suppose you'd rather rob the Hightowers than marry Gunthor, wouldn't you?" Eris asked, smirking behind her mask.
"I-" the woman in question swallowed, then pulled off her hood, revealing dark silky hair. "Yes, Lady Eris. I, um, I was just going to ask your favor, and I-" Ashara prostrated herself, and began to babble near hysterically at seeing a goddess suddenly appear before her eyes.
Tutting, Eris knelt down and shook her head. "I'm not here to punish you, Ashara. I'm rather impressed that a noble such as yourself has managed to pull off so many jobs. Stealing Rhaegar's signet ring at the tourney of Riverrun was a particular triumph. Not bad for a woman from a family more famous for their swordsmen."
Ashara Dayne's stream of words halted when Eris spoke, and on hearing the words, a slow smile tugged on her lips, and she looked up. "Well. I think that was a pretty good job, but I have to say that my real triumph was when I swiped Cercei Lannister's wedding gift of a jeweled pendant on her own wedding night. I was actually a bit worried you'd be upset about that one, as you've always favored Casterly Rock."
"Cersei's a bitch, and she's woefully impious," Eris pronounced, and Ashara's mouth fell open to hear such crassness from a goddess. "Top marks. Tell you what. I need to clear my head, and I was going to pull a job tonight. Actually, the same one you just asked for my blessing on. So, how about it? You up for splitting the haul with Night's Fortune herself?"
Despite her mainstream reputation as a prim and proper Goddess of Fortune who favored merchants, bankers, and other economic ventures, Eris hadn't given up her thieving ways. Her old pantheon had been a bit stuffy, but Madoka and the rest of her new friends had no problems with a bit of grand larceny, so long as it was for a good cause, all of them finding gentlemen and lady thieves terribly charming. Even Athena, who could be a bit of a prude.
Thus, Eris was also the Goddess of Night's Fortune: she who favored thieves, swindlers, confidence men, and smugglers. She was no friend to common thugs or those who killed in their endeavors, but Eris had a fondness for those who robbed from the rich, and gave to the poor. Usually that meant the thieves, as they were invariably poorer than their victims, but Ashara Dayne was special. She stole from stuffy nobles, and kept her somewhat impoverished house solvent, but she did so with style.
"I...how could I say no, my lady?" Ashara said, taking Eris's hand up and getting slowly to her feet. She cocked her head to one side, frowning slightly.
Eris waited for the inevitable comment about how she was shorter and less well endowed than her typical depictions, and briefly considered kicking Ashara off the roof and into a dungheap. The other woman, however, was better bred and smarter than that, and merely said. "I've never worked with a partner before, and certainly not a literal goddess. What do you suggest, my lady?"
"First, for this job, call me Chris. Second, it's your job, boss. So you tell me what the scheme is. You case the place?"
"Of course, my-Chris. It's the High Tower, which is located on an island, about 500 yards out into the bay. Normally it's impossible to get into, but, well, there's a ball on tonight, and they're bringing in loads of provisions and extra servants, which means we have a way to get in," Ashara said as the two of them began clambering over the rooftops towards the harbor, where the flame at the top of the Hightower had just been lit. It was part fortress, part castle, and part lighthouse, and was the most overbuilt building in the Seven Kingdoms, being just under 800 feet tall.
(For those of you reading from home, that's more than twice the height of the Lighthouse of Alexandria, and just over the height of the Golden Gate Bridge. Westeros: Go Big, or Go Home.)
Before long, Ashara and Eris were down at the docks, and had snuck aboard a skiff poling its way over to the high tower. When it docked, they managed to sneak past the guards at the entrance by picking up bags of vegetables and hauling them inside along with a stream of servants who were bringing provisions in for the ongoing gala that Lord Hightower was holding to find potential brides for his second youngest son. They soon ditched the produce, ducking down side passages and avoiding servants and guards alike.
"This way. Lord Hightower keeps a copy of The Seven Pointed Star that is said to have been authored by the Goddess Ristarte herself as Tiana Arryn, kept in the Tower's Sept. Though I'm sure you know that already," Ashara hissed as they hurried up stairs and trap doors, making their way up the tower.
"Oh, he does. Pretty ballsy, stealing from Rista," Eris mused.
"He's going to give it to the Maesters. I plan to give the text as a gift to the Sept of the Moon in the Vale. In the name of Night's Fortune, of course," Ashara added hastily.
"Is he now? The Hightowers always did favor those grey rats," Eris grumbled. "Not a big fan of Maesters myself, but Rista insists that they do good work, even if they would be better off just joining her cult."
Ashara nearly stumbled as they made their way up a narrow servants stair, pausing to look at Eris in shock. "You...you don't approve of the Maesters?"
"They don't have the decency to charge for their services!" Eris ranted. "What kind of order of scholars doesn't put a premium on knowledge? Plus, they're not a big fan of the Seven. Not a bit of worship from a lot of them. Bunch of uppity mortals if you ask me."
"I...see. Well. That is most enlightening. But come, we're nearly there." Ashara led the way through a few more side passages, having visited the High Tower several times just for the purpose of casing the joint. There was, of course, a Septon on duty, this one a Fortuna Septon, one of the law-abiding members of Eris's clergy. At least when people were watching.
"It's your job, boss. What's the plan?" Eris whispered.
"Well, I was going to try to seduce him, then drop something in his wine to knock him out, but since you're here…" Ashara's teeth flashed white in the dim light. "Want to be the Cat, or the Paw?"
"I always love to see a good Cat working. I'll swipe the book, you just keep ol' Yancy distracted."
"You would know his name," Ashara murmured, then pulled out a rumpled dress from her pack, quickly throwing it over her leathers. Eris noted with amusement that Ashara had to stuff her bust, having a somewhat boyish figure herself, and not helped by the tight clothes she was wearing. When Ashara noticed, she flushed slightly. "Well, I mean, if nature doesn't give it to you... sometimes a girl has to put a little something extra into her getup, you know?"
"Do I ever," Eris agreed, thinking of a certain onerous phrase from old Axis Liturgy she'd FINALLY been able to get Aqua to get rid of when they'd changed pantheons.
Now in a slightly rumpled costume, Ashara began to weep, and then stumbled into the Sept. Upon seeing the distraught woman, Yancy looked up from his ledgers (he was a bit of a gambler, but in his old age he was getting boring and gambled on merchant ships instead of cards these days). "Oh! Young lady, whatever is the matter?"
"H-he left me! I found him cheating on me with Myra!" Ashara blubbered, throwing herself at Septon Yancy.
Nodding at the performance, Eris crouched low and snuck into the Sept. It wasn't hard to locate the book, and the lock on it was pathetically easy to pick even without using a spell. She took the book out, then tossed in a coin for Rista's trouble. She'd say sorry later, though Rista would appreciate having the book taken under the noses of the Maesters as much as Eris did. Giving a quick nod to the still hysterical Ashara, Eris slunk back out of the Sept, and a few moments later Ashara somehow managed to collect herself, and sniffling, came out into the hall with Eris. The two women grinned at one another, then headed out. They had not gone more than two steps when there was a cry from the Sept, then a shout of "THIEVES!"
"Bugger me blind," Ashara growled, and turned as Yancy ran out of the Sept. "Coin for the Lady!" she called, and tossed a dragon to the Septon, who snagged it out of the air, pausing in his shouts.
"If you can get away, then you've earned her favor. Otherwise, Satella have mercy on your idiot souls!" he told the thieves, then resumed the hue and cry.
"We'll have to climb down and jump!" Ashara told Eris, pulling out a rope and hook. They dashed to a window, lowering the line and beginning to rappel down the robe, hurriedly putting in some thieves spikes into the stone to prevent the guards from just cutting the rope and sending them plummeting to the sea below them. It was a near thing, but they managed to get to the end of the rope, looking down at the waves below them as guards shouted at them.
"Well, Luck," Ashara said, giving Eris a grin. "Hope you put the book in oilskin."
"Of course. And I think I'm feeling lucky tonight," Eris said with a wink, and the two thieves jumped into the waves below. After a very cold swim, they found themselves at a quay some distance from the tower. Already, drums were sounding, and skiffs and boats were heading for the area to search for the thieves.
Even soaking wet, Eris was actually enjoying herself as she and Ashara clambered back up onto the rooftops, squelching their way back to the manor house Ashara had rented for her stay in Old Town. It was almost like her adventures with Kazuma back in Belzerg, or in other worlds over the years when he'd been reincarnated various times. A small part of Eris regretted that she'd never taken a lover, but honestly not that much. While Kazuma was a good friend, he wasn't that sort of friend, and Eris had long ago lost any interest in that sort of thing.
Still, as they hopped over the fence and snuck back into Ashara's rooms, Eris wished desperately she could find a way to have Chris the Thief once more threaten the wealth of nobles. This night had been a blast, and with so many worlds she had to watch over these days, she rarely got the opportunity to simply relax and be a thief. If only she could find a way to split herself, maybe incarnate as Chris and do her duties. Or even better, if she could have a mortal scion, like a twin, or maybe a daughter running around. To do that though, she'd need to take a mortal soul and-
Eris blinked as she stopped in the middle of Ashara's room, and held up her hands. Within them glowed a bit of her soul. Only...that wasn't her soul at all. It was a new soul, with a bit of her in it. Almost like a child. It wasn't quite complete though, it needed something else. Eris wasn't really sure what, unlike Hestia or Rista she wasn't in the habit of making new souls (who had certainly gained experience with their husbands) and was a bit fuzzy on the entire process. But what to do with this shard of herself? Eris couldn't just make it go away. She wondered if she could incarnate it as Chris, that would be-
"What is this, my lady?" Ashara shattered Eris's thoughts by speaking and stretching out a hand to the glowing soul fragment. No sooner than her skin brushed the glowing light, then Ashara and let out a gasp as Eris felt something drain out of her, even as she was thinking of incarnating Chris the Thief. The next thing she knew, her soul fragment had vanished, and she was feeling a bit exhausted as she sprawled on the ground next to Ashara, who was groaning softly.
"What...what was that?" Ashara panted, shaking her head slightly. "I feel...odd."
"I…" Eris blinked, then narrowed her eyes. That bit of herself wasn't gone, exactly, it was just... broken off. Separated from her. And it had gone...right into Ashara Dayne.
Springing to her feet, Eris hovered over Ashara, who was rapidly overheating and sweating, looking dazed as though a flame was burning within her, threatening to overwhelm the mortal woman. That bit of soul was divine in nature, and not something that would mix well with a mortal's body or soul. If Eris didn't act fast, it would either kill Ashara, or transform her into something else entirely, likely a divine aspect of Eris, which she really didn't want.
So, instead, Eris tried to suck the soul back out. Only, she couldn't, not without simply killing either Ashara or the soul fragment. That felt...wrong. So something else had to be done. A soul couldn't survive without a body, and this soul needed one, and fast. Hastily, Eris searched for a vessel, one that wouldn't kill Ashara. She quickly found one. After all, female humans do happen to have a mechanism for producing new bodies, complete with fully attached souls.
"Um, Ashara, don't take this the wrong way, but, er, I need your help," Eris said hastily, feeling deeply embarrassed. "You um, you sort of got a bit of my divine energy in you, and it's trying to consume you. It er, needs a body, and um...and I can give it one, but...you sort of have to do most of the work."
"Anything for you, my lady," Ashara breathed, her eyes slightly wild with fever. "I...I feel so strange, what is…?"
"If you accept, you'll have a Child of Destiny. Er, sort of. It won't be an incarnation of a past champion, it will, um, well, it will be a bit of me. Sort of like...A copy of myself."
Ashara blinked, coming to an understanding of what Eris was talking about much sooner than even Eris had. "You mean...you mean you would make me pregnant? But...we're both women, and er, well, you're a maiden goddess, and I'm a maiden human, so, er…"
"N-not like that!" Eris stammered, flushing herself. "It would, um, be sort of a...maiden birth. I just...I have to give this soul a mortal body, and, well, you kind of have the mechanism for making a mortal body, and...and yes, I guess you would be pregnant…"
"I accept!" Ashara said, her eyes burning brightly with excitement. "I have always favored you, Eris, and would be honored to-"
"Great! Um, then let me just-" Eris put her hand on Ashara's abdomen, trying to remember what Hestia and Ristarte had told her about children. In the end, she had to rely on instinct and half remembered things from when she'd been a mortal woman, but she managed to get the soul fragment bound to a rapidly developing vessel. It would take time for the child to be born, as they would have only a divine seed within them, and they would be mostly mortal. But…
"I... I'm going to have a daughter…" Eris whispered. She blinked. "Or, you are? I don't... I'm not really sure how this works…"
Taking a hand from Eris, Ashara got to her feet. "I'm afraid I don't know either. This, ah, wasn't how I was told children are usually made, but… I feel... odd. Better now, but...am I truly pregnant with your child, Eris?"
"Yes, I can sense the child growing within you now. It, um, well, it's a bit unusual, but, I guess it will be our daughter? She's got bits of me, but I took your mortal, um, soil, and put my... let's just skip the metaphor, shall we? You, um, you'll have a girl in about nine months."
"I...see. What should I say? Should I run away from home? Travel the land as a roving thief?" Ashara asked, sounding half terrified and half excited at the prospect.
"No, no, don't run away from home. As for the, um, father, well, since there wasn't one...I'll explain things to your family. When you get home. But don't tell anyone! I'm a maiden goddess, I'm not supposed to, you know…"
"Well, we didn't you... I don't think?" Ashara said, scratching her head. "This is very strange. Not that I'm ungrateful! The daughter of one of the Seven...this is like a story of ancient days, from when Ristarte and Seiya walked the land as the Hero King and his wife Tiana! What...what should I do?"
"For now, nothing. When the time comes, I'll be with you. I'll look out for you and the child both. I'm not sure what exactly will happen, but...things will work out. I'm certain of it."
Nine months later, Chris Dayne was born at Starfall. She was a new person, neither Eris nor Chris of old, but her daughter in truth. She had her "mother's" looks, and mischievous streak, and both Eris and Ashara taught Chris everything she needed to know about being a thief. At the age of 12, she was sent to be a handmaiden for Margaery Tyrell.
Which was also the day that Dawn, the Sword of the Morning and ancient heirloom of House Dayne, went missing. But that's a tale for another time.
Cast of Characters:
Chris the Thief as: Has Two Mommies. Sort of.
Ashara Dayne as: The Madonna. Except, you know, a cat burglar.
Eris as: Technically still a Maiden.
And the cast of A Song of Ice and Fire as Everyone Is Jesus In Purgatory.