One day till the Chunin Exams. Four days ago, Kurenai-sensei came to us and told us that she entered our team, what a surprise. She told us if any of us didn't show up the others would be disqualified.
I sighed, walking alone towards a random training ground. I was slouched, my mind occupied with random thoughts swirling around - that was when I felt something and when I turned, I barely had time to dodge a kunai.
"What the…" I quickly readied myself for battle, when a man dropped down. He was wearing a cloak, dressed in black, his hitai-ate being one I recognized symbolizing Amegakure. "Do you seriously just go around and attack random shinobi?" I asked bewilderedly. "So, is this another test, then?"
"There's no test." he replied monotonely.
"Yeah, sure." I rolled my eyes. "If you wouldn't be testing me, I'd be dead by now, after all, you don't look like a genin." I told him. "Who wants to know my skills?" I rose an eyebrow.
"I said there's no test." he threw more kunai, that I dodged.
"Don't anger me, big guy." I moved around and positioned myself to use my clan's jutsu. "I might just end up killing you too fast if you do that." My shadow reached out, but he jumped away, closer to me, and tried to punch me, only for me to use Kawarimi and for him to punch a log. I quickly moved from my hiding spot on a nearby tree, jumping behind him, tanto in my hands, pointing it at his throat. "So?" I asked and he chuckled, but then he shunshined away. "Weird."
I put my tanto in its holster and began walking away. Later I was alone, near an unoccupied training ground and I was punching a tree. My sweat was dropping from my face, but I wasn't stopping. Four days ago, it all became clear to me. Kurenai-sensei was treating me differently. She told us we can't go to missions and she can't train us, then she looked at me with wary eyes.
I kept punching the tree.
My teammates were looking at me with a concerned face like they were feeling sorry for me.
I punched the tree and blood began gushing from my knuckles down my hands.
Why did I want to maim that man? Why did I act so cold? How could I kill without remorse? What was I turning into?
I didn't feel my knuckles anymore.
I used to be scared of blood. Yet, I had not been afraid. I used to be afraid of killing. Yet, I did it. I used to be different. Yet, I was changing. But what was I going to be? I used to be a pacifist, I loved to help others, loved peaceful solutions, loved compromise. Yet, I was turning into a sadist and a murderer.
"It's not a good idea to injure yourself before the exams." I heard Kakashi's familiar voice and I turned to him, letting my arms fall beside me.
I watched him and he eye-smiled at me. I could see he was trying to help me, he was thinking that maybe I needed help after my first kill, but I didn't. I wasn't fazed at all. What was I becoming? It was like I had a maniacal side of me trying to burst out. But I wasn't going to tell him that. Heck, my head was beginning to ache.
He was watching me, his smile dissipated and he showed concern, but I wasn't reacting at all. I felt numb. I didn't want to feel emotions. I was confused. A part of me was replaying my first kill and that part was crying and panicking. Another part of me was laughing at that. My past self was crying and my new self was laughing.
"That is if you enter the exams." he continued and I nodded.
He was a constant in my life. Always there, loyal. Just like a dog.
I took a deep breath, was every Hatake like that? I remembered his gift for me, the necklace. I remembered that I wanted to be like him. He was so loyal… So different… Was I too loyal to my team? Was my loyalty driving me nuts? I sighed inwardly. I felt so confused, but I couldn't dwell on that, not when the exams were coming by. I was ready, I knew I was, I just hoped everyone from my team was ready as well.
I watched his grey eyes and he watched my blue eyes. Grey and blue, it reminded me of ice, ice… Cold, like our scarred hearts.
"If I go against your student, who will you cheer for?" I asked him, he looked taken aback, I might have just caught him by surprise with that question.
"Tough question." he said, then he smiled. "No one." he kept eye-smiling. "I don't usually cheer."
I should have expected that.
"If I end up going against your students." I began seriously. "Train them hard. I won't go easy." he nodded. "I bet they want to win this?"
"More like Naruto, Sakura… I'm not sure. Sasuke wants to be better than others and test himself."
I sighed, Naruto was treating the exams, just like any normal child would - rushing in and thinking about it as a game. Sakura was probably feeling that she wasn't part of the shinobi and kunoichi world, just a simple civilian girl dreaming big. Sasuke was the only one that I was kinda interested in, some part of me wanted to actually meet him in battle, the kid was acting childishly, and thinking that he was oh-so-matured.
"I promise you, Kakashi-ni-san." I faced him and straightened. "If I go against them, I will give them the worst fight they could imagine, I will be harsh, brutal, and cold. But if they face me they will win the match, I don't want ranks or anything of sorts. I just want to find my place in all this mess of a world." I walked past him, but I stopped and without turning I continued. "Tell me, Hatake-san, which one is more likely to die by my hand?" I smirked when I felt his tenseness in his pose. "Don't worry, can't kill a fellow shinobi in front of an audience." I began walking once again, but then I stopped when I felt a grip on my left arm.
"What happened to you, Shikanai?" he almost whispered disbelief in his voice and some other emotions I didn't want to pinpoint.
"The funny part is, even I don't know." I whispered in panic, but then I grinned, shrugged his hand off and walked away.
He didn't stop me.
Amegakure = Village Hidden by Rain
Kawarimi no Jutsu = Body Replacement Technique
Hitai-ate = forehead protector
Shunshin no Jutsu = Body Flicker Technique
Do you remember the episode in which Iruka-sensei tested Team 7 before the exams, to see if they were ready? Well, the guy from Amegakure is actually Iruka-sensei disguised. This chapter mostly focuses on the internal struggle Shikanai feels and the fact that her bonds began to be... shaken... We are finally at The Chuunin Exams: Doubting Family arc, my favorite one.
I still don't own Naruto.
And oh-my... We've reached 100 favs, I'm so thankful everyone! It means a lot to me, both the favs, the follows, the reviews, everything. Thank you so much!
Hope you like this chapter and have a nice day!
Mimiyuh: I'm glad you like it! But honestly, I've never heard of Novel Star.