Envelope 35
Author's Note: This one is my funny/sad chapter (Aram provides the funny and Don & Reddington provide the sad) so be warned. Please review.
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Donald Ressler had to admit, there was something quite special about this tux, that and going away for one whole night away from his kids to New York City.
Where the rentals scratched at his neck, this one sat nicely against his skin, soft as silk. It fit him perfectly, a little closer in the leg and ass then he would have chosen, but he was assured that this was the way it was to be worn.
"Wow, that is one nice tux," Aram said as he approached Don.
"Care of our friend," Don said smiling. "I wanted to say no but now that I've said yes, I gotta say, this is much nicer than a rental."
"Is that hand stictching?" Aram asked as he looked at the lapel.
"I have no idea," Don said as he walked into the church with Aram. "Have you seen Alina?"
"No Ressler, that's the idea, she's the last to arrive," Aram chuckled.
"Right," Don nodded.
They walked to a pew and sat down looking around. It was an evening ceremony followed by a reception just across the street, so everyone was going directly from one to the next.
"Her parents must be loaded, look at this place," Don said as he looked around at the flowers draping everywhere, the candles and the…
"Is that Drake? Aram asked.
Valentino and Emily came into their row and sat next to them.
"Hey Valentino, Em," Don smiled at them.
"Seriously, is that Drake?" Aram asked again as he pointed at someone.
Don looked, he knew the music, but didn't know the man. "I've got no idea."
"And is that Nusky and freaking PNL?" Aram asked a little loudly.
"Aram…" Don warned him.
"Jesus Christ who are her parents?" Aram asked, his head turning around rapidly to see what other stars he spotted.
"Okay, I don't know who any of those people are, but you need to calm down," Don said as she looked around at people staring at them.
"Her father's in the music industry," Valentino offered.
"The super freaking cool music industry that has 3 of the biggest hip hop stars in the world at his daughter's wedding?" Aram asked, his breathing shallow.
"Okay, if you don't calm the fuck down, I am going to treat you like the kids and put you on a time out," Don warned his friend.
"Yeah, it looks like him," Emily said as she leaned toward them with her phone and a picture of one of the men on the screen.
"I guess he's a big music guy," Don said.
Harold Cooper took a seat with his wife in the pew in front of them.
"I was just speaking with Ms. Lauryn Hill," Cooper said as he turned around. "Lovely woman."
"Where?!" Aram asked as his body jerked around.
"Jesus Christ are you going to be like this for the entire thing?" Don asked.
"I think so," Valentino chuckled.
Just then Emily leaned forward again, "Is her father Yo Park?"
They all shook their heads and then Valentino looked at the program.
"Yes, it says Yo and Ming Park," Valentino said.
"Yo Park is the Creative Director and founder of Rock Hard HH," Emily read. "So, yeah, I think he's a big deal."
"Alina never said," Aram said as he tried to look around for other music stars and not get taken out of the church by Don for embarrassing everyone.
"We all have our secrets," Don said as he sat back.
"Tell me one thing you haven't ever told anyone," Liz said as they sat on her couch one night eating pizza.
"Like what, I pick my nose or something?" Don asked with a chuckle.
"Everyone picks their nose," Liz said with a laugh. "No, something deep."
"Deep?" Don asked.
"Yeah," she smiled at him.
He thought about all the secrets he held, like the fact that he was in love with her, had possibly been in love with her from the start. Was now the time to share that when things were going so well?
"When I was 16, I worked at a camp for the summer, a day camp," Don said. "Most of my days were playing sports with kids, swimming, keeping them busy."
Liz nodded.
"And there was this other counselor, she and I were good friends, she lived across town and I didn't know her before that summer, but she made me laugh like no one else. Honestly, I hope she got into comedy writing or stand up or something because she was that good."
"I'm sensing a big 'but' here," Liz said as she pulled her legs up and crossed them in front of her.
"She was a bigger girl," Don said. "Not, need a crane to get her out of her house, but a good fifty to seventy pounds overweight. She made me laugh and I really liked her, but I had never considered someone who…who looked like that before."
Liz nodded.
"You were a jock," Liz said.
"Yeah, and I'd had my share of girlfriends and conquests by then, but they were all pretty but no substance," Don said. "She was not conventionally pretty by teen standards, but now when I think back, she was really quite beautiful."
"Yeah, all those magazines and TV shows fucked up who we considered attractive," Liz smiled at him. "So, she was beautiful and funny but she didn't fit the typical girl that jocks dated mold."
"No, she didn't," Don said sadly.
"What happened?" Liz asked.
"One day, the last week of camp, she drove me home, I had missed my bus and she had her mom's car for the day," Don explained. "We talked non-stop all the way home and laughed and…and it was the first time I felt like I wasn't acting with a girl."
Liz nodded.
"And when I got out of the car, I kissed her, like really kissed her," Don said.
Liz waggled her eyebrows.
"And it was…electric," Don said. "Like my hair standing on end, electric."
"Wow," Liz said.
He then paused and looked at her, considering his next words.
"Like, you, electric," he said as he met her eyes.
She gave him a small smile and leaned forward and kissed him softly.
"Yeah," Don said afterwards. "Like that."
Liz pulled back and smiled at him.
"And I kinda dated her for the last week, not outside of camp, but we spent our lunches together and talked and…and it was really nice."
"Shit, I'm sensing another 'but'" Liz said.
"Here's where I don't look good, not at all," Don said.
Liz nodded. "That's probably why it's a secret."
"She came to my first game of the season at my school," Don said. "And I was so happy to see her in the stands, I had a couple of small plays but was basically on the bench, but she came all the way across town to see me. It made me feel…special."
Liz waited for him to continue.
"Then after the game, she was waiting for me to come over and see here and some of the guys made comments about the fat girl," Don said. "Jokes really, mean jokes and I knew they were talking about Paige."
Liz cringed.
"Yeah," Don said. "I was insecure and stupid and sixteen and…"
"And?" Liz asked.
"And I ignored her," Don said. "I didn't go see her, I hid in the locker room for two hours after the game so I wouldn't have to confront her, and told Robby if she ever called to say it was the wrong number. I was a fucking coward. She was the nicest girl I'd ever met, the one I had been most attracted to, and I let some idea of what I should and shouldn't consider attractive dictate my behaviour toward her."
"You were young," Liz said. "Did you ever see her again?"
"Once, around Thanksgiving, at this movie theatre downtown. She was there with a bunch of friends and I was there with a date and, rightfully, she completely ignored me," Don said.
"Fuck Ressler, you just broke my heart," Liz said as she lay down across his lap with her head on it.
"You asked for a secret," Don said as he looked down at her and played with her hair running it through his fingers. "That's a pretty shitty story of how I was an asshole, I have kept that secret for about 20 years."
Liz rolled onto her back so she was looking up at him.
"It was pretty shitty of you," she said admittedly.
"I never said it wasn't," Don said.
She nodded.
"Have you ever looked her up?" Liz asked.
"No, I haven't," Don said. "I'm scared she's dead from an overdose or something."
"You're a heartbreaker Ressler, but even you can't claim to send a sixteen year old girl down a path of drugs twenty years ago," Liz smiled at him. "How about I look her up and if it's bad news I say nothing, and if it's good I'll tell you what a happy life she's leading to put your mind at ease about the one time you were a complete asshole to a girl."
"Deal," Don said as he smiled down at her.
Liz laid in his lap the entire night as they watched a movie, falling asleep there as well. He didn't have the heart to wake her, so he slept sitting up, running his hands through her hair and hoping he hadn't shown her his ugly side and made her rethink what kind of man she was spending time with. But, when he woke at 5am to her unzipping his pants, he knew she had understood that he was a different man now than at sixteen.
He was drawn from his reverie when everyone around him stood, so he stood with them and watched Alina walk down the aisle in a huge white dress with a bouquet of flowers that looked almost as big as her. She looked beautiful and was glowing with happiness as she walked toward Peter her soon-to-be husband. The ceremony was long, but when it was done, everyone exited the church with them. Don noticed someone familiar in one of the vestibules off to the side and told Aram he would catch up with them at the restaurant.
"Afraid god may strike you down?" Don asked with a snicker as he approached the room with all the lit candles and the man staying out of sight.
"No, just enjoying the solitude," Reddington said as he met the younger man's eyes. "How's it feel to be child-free for an entire day and night after all this time?"
"Weird," Don said. "I wonder why I didn't learn another language or write a book or something with all the free time I used to have."
Reddington chuckled and put a coin in the slot to light a candle.
"Whose soul are you praying for?" Don asked as he watched the man light a candle.
"Mine," Reddington said.
"I better light a candle for that too, then," Don said as he dropped some money in the slot and reached for a match.
"Thank you, Donald," Reddington smiled at him.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong with you?" Don asked him.
"Late stage 3 lung cancer," Reddington said without any fanfare. "Well, there are other things wrong with me, but that is the thing that's going to kill me."
"Shit," Don said as he turned to look at the man. "Have you known for a while?"
"A few years," Reddington said. "It was found early, and I've been in treatment."
"Red," Don said softly, unsure of how he'd missed this. "You could have told me."
"You were very busy with Agnes and Christopher," Reddington said, explaining his reasoning.
"Still, I could have…"
"Dembe has taken excellent care of me," Reddington said. "And it was medication. My visits to clinics were scarce."
Don nodded.
"And what are the doctors saying now?"
"Now they are saying I should get my affairs in order because once it's stage four it's not…pretty."
Don nodded. "What do you need?"
"Nothing," Reddington said with a smile. "Donald, I've had a good life. I have experienced things that others never will in their lifetime, I have been places…"
"That doesn't mean you are ready to die," Don said, his voice caked with emotion.
"No, but it means that I accept it," Reddington said softly.
"You should come over more, spend more time with the kids," Don said, thinking of the smiles that his children always elicited from the man. "Come to the cottage with us this summer."
"I will, thank you, Donald" Reddington said with a smile.
Don felt helpless as he stood there with the man he had both hunted and loved.
"I'm sorry this is happening to you," he said through watery eyes.
Reddington met his eyes and nodded. "I need to know that you and the children will be okay."
"We're good," Don said with a smile. "Don't worry about us."
"Allow a dying man some unsolicited advice?" Reddington asked him.
Don nodded.
"Life is beautiful Donald, take time to stop and enjoy it instead of pushing through the days, enjoy your children and the wonder that comes with them as they discover new things, Open up your life and your heart to another person, you have too many years ahead to not love again. I know Lizzie would have wanted that. I want that for you. And above all else, look for the joy in everything around you, even on the days when you are dealing with monsters and think there can't be joy, seek it out and hold onto it to get you through. Seeking joy in life is one of the most rewarding experiences that is the human experience."
Don nodded and wiped at his eyes.
"You are the closest I have ever come to having a son Donald, and although we have had our differences, I have enjoyed my time with you and appreciate that you can see beyond what everyone else does. I can't tell you…I can't tell you how much it has meant to be included in your life and the children's. It's been…" Reddington got teary as he spoke and Don stepped forward and pulled him into a hug, cutting off what he was saying.
"We love you too," Don said muffled into his shoulder.
Reddington nodded.
And that evening, Don called Aram and said he wasn't going to make it to the reception, and he'd give Alina his present when she returned from her honeymoon. He went in his tux out for dinner with Reddington and Dembe at an exclusive restaurant in New York's Upper West Side where they sat in a fancy private dining room eating great food, drinking expensive booze, and listening to Reddington's lifetime of adventures and the crazy situations he had found himself in and gotten out of over the years. Some of them Don had heard before, and some he had not, but they were all hair raising and Don kept finding himself amazed that Reddington had lived this long, considering the life he'd had.
It was the best, and probably most expensive, night Don could have spent child-less in New York City, and when he stumbled into his hotel room at 2 am he undressed and carefully hung up his fancy tux before he lay in bed thinking about how he didn't have to worry about being woken by a child having a nightmare, or who was scared of a thunder storm, or who wet the bed. It felt decadent.
Donald lay in bed for a long time looking up at his ceiling thinking about life. The justice and injustice of it and everything in between. He thought about the years ahead, his children, his work, and the life he wanted to carve out for himself. And, just before falling asleep, he sent up a few words to a god he hoped was listening. It was the first time he'd actively sought out any kind of god in a log time. He prayed that Reddington would stay with them a few more years.
To be continued…