Chapter Thirty-Four

Onward to Paperwork

As we walked, Alistair stuck close to me. I shared a tent with him at night, but we hadn't… made our wedding official yet. I could tell he was trying to give himself some kind of pep talk, but he just wasn't ready yet – and no way in hell was I going to push him.

Cullen and I hadn't had that choice; I hadn't been allowed to let my mate go at his own pace – and I would spend years trying to make up for that even when I knew it wasn't my fault.

It took us a week to get back to Lothering – overrun as it was… meaning that I had ported to the tower the day before Cullen left for Kirkwall… last night; and also spent a night in Oribos.

"So, do you want to talk about it?" Alistair asked.

Everyone looked confused, "Talk about what?" Aedan asked.

"She went to Oribos – finally got the records about herself…" Alistair pointed out.

I sighed, "I did make an afterlife. They called me, The Healer; my land was where souls would go when they were… too traumatized to go anywhere else. The souls would spend centuries healing before being given a choice – become guides to help other souls like them, or be reborn and start anew. Guides were… my people are shapeshifters; because when you've been traumatized by people, animals help more – and vice versa. In fact, my Eternal Form was supposed to be that of an Elf with cat ears and a tail – not… the vampiristic thing it is now. Back on Earth, they called that Nekomata, I think. Cat spirit. My afterlife is still there – still functioning – just… without me."

"It sounds adorable," Leliana cooed.

I rolled my eyes, "You would think that. I just… vanished one day; no one knew what happened to me until I arrived there. But this has given them hope to finding the Primus. Also, I am being given a monthly supply of Anima that Inas finds. Anima is the essence of mortal souls that enter the Shadowlands; all souls produce Anima because it's the product of all of the soul's experiences and actions in life. The more… more the soul is – good or bad – the more Anima they have. The humbler the soul, the less anima. For example – Inas is a beautiful target for any afterlife because he's done so much in life. If I weren't an eternal one, I'd also be a yummy treat. Leliana shines with Anima already and will continue to grow. Cullen, Howe, Loghain, Alistair, and even Maric – all beautiful souls rich with anima."

"And what does this anima do for you?" Lyna asked.

"For me? It's food, power, restoration, life, nature, and everything in-between. Anima acts as the lifeblood of the afterlife, making trees grow and rivers flow; it flows through everything. The stuff is sweet – too sweet; it's like drinking a sugar drink laced with more sugar until it's basically syrup. Mortals can't drink the stuff without massive side-effects – but the denizens of the Shadowlands use it to power constructs, reanimate flesh for souls to use, change their bodies like the Kyrian, drink it in red wine to mask the sweetness, use it as a light source… Anima is everything."

I pulled out the small jar I was given with 50 small orbs of Anima. They glowed in one of three colors – showing where they came from. Dark Blue from Ardenweald, Green from Maldraxxus, Light Blue from Bastion and there would be Red from Revendreth. I wasn't sure if Inas could get Anima out of the Maw – if he could then white would be the fifth color.

I pulled one out and put the jar away, "All I have to do is dissolve it in a liquid of any kind and the drink becomes an Anima drink. They gave it to me in water after… what happened at Redcliffe. But Anima is far too sweet."

I plopped the small orb into my waterskin and the water began to glow at once. I wrinkled my nose, "Would you like a try, Alistair?"

"You said Mortals…" he began.

"You aren't mortal – not anymore. You're my mate; when you got that taste of my blood after I bit my lip too hard before a kiss the other day? It bound us completely – you're my mate."

He took the skin and sniffed, "Oh – it… it smells like candy." The skin was passed around for sniffs. Sten looked fascinated before handing it back to Alistair who took a hesitant sip.

He pulled a face, "Sickly sweet. Maker – how do you stand it?"

"Well, it's either drink it or die at this point…" I shrugged.

"How so?" Sten asked.

I sighed, "Now that I have anima, my body rebels without it. It's not so much that it's addictive than the fact that… it's like medicine. I can stop, but it'll weaken me greatly to do so. I'll be weaker if I stop drinking it than I was before my body was introduced to it. It sucks – because it doesn't give me any extra strength or anything – all it does is keep me from the backlash of drinking without permission."

"Wait – it does?" Rulen asked.

"Apparently – vision from Elune. I didn't test it because that vision came with a message; I have to be drinking anima for at least a year before that kicks into effect."

"Does Anduin know?" Carver asked.

"Yeah – he was there when the vision hit. We were… cuddling," I said delicately.

Sereda snorted, "That's one way to say it."

"No – we really were cuddling… it was right after we…" I flushed. My mates had a way of turning me into a small girl of 15 again.

Morrigan grunted in annoyance but said nothing.

I continued, "Anyway – I mean this is actually discounting my newfound ability to be sustained in my Eternal Form as well as possibly having the form return to it's original state rather than looking like some gargoyle vampire harpy thing. So I guess that the Anima does a bit more than just… null the backlash… but in my opinion, it's pretty useless. I'm not gonna stop asking for permission – at this point, it's ingrained into me; 10,000 years of being terrified to drink people without a 'go-ahead'… I don't want to risk it. And I rarely use my Eternal Form – and I don't see that part changing. I don't really need it at the moment. But the cost of not drinking this sweet-as-sin crap just isn't worth it, so… I drink."

Lyna hummed, "Will you show us your eternal form?"

"I can – but not for about… let's say two months? Three? When we get to Soldiers' Peak, I'll show you; we'll be far enough away from civilization then to allow it unless we all go to Oribos or some…"

My bracelet clinked and I blinked – why was Inas calling me? I answered, "Bro?"

"The Winter Queen demands an Audience with the Healer if she's going to save Ysera – please, Iris… we have like 5 minutes before…"

I teleported at once, looking up at the Winter Queen. She was taller than I was in my eternal form, but from down here, I couldn't accurately gauge it. Her blue-white skin matched her petal-like features and protrusions for ears. Her eyes were a bright blue, branches stood in place of her hair and sprouted lilac-colored flowers. She had two white braids – one on either side of her neck.

I bowed my head, "I answer the summons."

The woman considered me before saying, "Our duty is grim; many have been lost…"

"If you let Ysera die – all that is Emerald… dies with her. Isn't that right… Lady Moonberry?" I glanced at the little Fae – she was 4 feet tall with cerulean skin, soft white hair, and dark-blue and purple wings. The little Fae jumped and nodded, "She speaks true, My Queen. Those who have dreamed by it's side awaken with a joy and peace that whispers of wonder."

Ara'lon – 7'1 with hooves, lower body and 4 horns of a goat as well as his forearms and hands being furred; light blue skin, long ears atop his head, and black hair – spoke, moving slightly forward, "Some… must be sacrificed… but some must be saved. If we forget that, all that will remain, will be empty shells… and sorrow."

I sighed and leapt forward – I was going to regret this… a lot. I placed my hand on the wild seed and began pouring my own life-essence into the seed. The Queen was taking too long and if she stalled just a little more, then Ysera would die. I knew I had to link Ysera to Ardenweald so I lashed out a vine to grab onto Lady Moonberry.

Inas – not knowing what I was doing, but supporting me nonetheless – leapt to stop anyone from getting close to me. Blood began to pour from my nose so I chugged the Anima that I had already prepared.

My head felt like it was exploding – and I could see why the Queen had wavered. This was draining; very draining. It wouldn't kill me, but I would be weakened for few days.

I fell to my knees as the seed began to open – and light blue celestial light poured from it. The constellation of Ysera – the same one that appeared when Elune lifted her spirit from Val'sharah – burst forth before forming into a large green dragon with ivory horns and bronze jewelry décor and a purple underbelly.

She roared; knocking many of us back. I landed on my back and rolled twice – Ysera landed; looking the Winter Queen dead in the eye as I shakily stood. It was clear when Ysera opened her eyes – a glowing light blue at the moment – that I had succeeded in linking her fate to Ardenweald.

Inas helped me to stay standing. Ysera bowed her head to the Winter Queen who glanced at me. Yseras' voice filled the Grove of Awakening, "I awaken once again – but in a world not my own."

The Queen spoke, "You are reborn in Ardenweald, Child of Dreams."

I spoke, "To this realm you are bound – and you will share it's fate. Sorry, Lady Moonberry… that's why the vines… wrapped around you. I needed a way to link her and the Queen was going to be too late by demanding an audience with me. Inas… go get Andy… I need blood…"

He passed me to Ara'lon and shifted into bird form – I assumed flying to the nearest flight path.

Ysera looked at me before transforming, "Fae?"

"Not anymore – Tara now. Good thing, too; holding the name Fae while surrounded by Night Fae might be awkward. I had to bind you here, Ysera – that is your fate. That is how you help Tyrande and save the Shadowlands with Inas. Ardenweald will fall without you – and I couldn't let that happen. Shit…"

Ysera rushed forward and pulled me close to her, "Take from me – you need blood, I can offer it."

"No – you can't. You are now essentially my child; it was my essence that woke you so drinking from you is not only taboo… it won't do anything for me. Let's just hope Inas is quick to Oribos and back."

"Drink… blood?" Ara'lon asked.

"Vampire, Druid, Mage and Dragon – at your service, Ara'lon. Also a daughter of Elune…"

Surprise flashed through the Winter Queens' eyes. I spoke, "Your sister… did not abandon you, Queen. I cannot tell you more than that just now… but she did not…"

"I have heard of these… Vampires. They are no friend to Nature – yet you were chosen to be a Druid?" Ara'lon spoke.

"Who told you about Vampires?"

"Some who have died from being drained of their blood."

"Well… it's different for me. I have to have permission when I drink or… well, it isn't pretty."

"She almost died from proving just that…" Jainas' voice came. I fell into her in a hug, "Jaina!"

Anduin pulled me close to him – plucking me from Jainas' arms and said, "My wife – what have you done now?"

"I saved Ysera – I love you." I hummed while rubbing my face against his chest. He was wearing only cotton at the moment and I was just happy to see him.

He kissed my head with a chuckle, "Well – I can't be upset about you risking yourself again then."

"Andy – this is Ara'lon… he makes a good leaning post." I pointed. I was tired – sue me.

Inas coughed, "By Elune…"

Ysera cleared her throat, "She needs… blood…"

"That's what I'm here for. I finally convinced her to take me as a Familiar so I produce extra blood anyway." Anduin gave a cheeky grin.

I smiled at him, "Did you know that if you died… you'd be a Kyrian?"

Everyone around us stilled. The Winter Queen said, "You can tell such things?"

"No – but Kleia would view his life in full when he asked for an audience as a servant of the Jailor and… well, even the Firstborn would grant him an audience. Inas would come here to Ardenweald; I know that much. But I can't tell with Jaina or Thrall or most others. I know the future – not the souls."

Lady Moonberry asked, "The… future? So this one will be a servant of the Jailor?"

"No – I am allowed to save my mates – and he is one of my three mates. Mine – I told Zovaal to shove it. Unfortunately… they took my son in replacement. It wasn't supposed to be him. And now the Jailor has precautions against me. Oh… I need to go back; I didn't even tell the others where I was going. I just… poof…"

Jaina made a portal that linked to Alistairs' crown… and he came barreling through. When he saw me, he lunged and pulled me into a hug. I squeaked, "Alistair!"

The others all came through too – more slowly. Lyna was gaping, Carver looked stunned… the only one to take it in stride was Sten. He pointed to the Winter Queen, "I wish to spar with that one."

I snorted, "No."

"Why?"

"You'll lose so bad that I will have to piece you back together – then who will be Arishok?"

He seemed to pout. Alistair was looking me over and giving orders to Wynne – he didn't even stop to look around. Leliana was the one that noticed the tree against the Sky, "So this is Ardenweald – it is beautiful."

Anduin was highly amused, "So… you needed blood?"

I managed to pull myself from Alistair to go over to Anduin – who told me to hold off on the… fun bit. But – he held my head so I couldn't just take minimum. I pouted at him when I was allowed to pull away, "You, Genn, Cullen… what is with you and making me take more than necessary?"

"You starve yourself – taking only the bare minimum… is it so wrong that I want to see more color in your cheeks? What will you do when you get pregnant?" he pointed out.

I opened my mouth and froze, "… okay – you have a point. When I get pregnant… I will feed more properly… but we only know that it'll be after the Blight; for all we know, it could be a year or 3 or ten… I only know that Alistair was already King."

Alistair spoke, "At that point, I'd want to be your familiar too – that first one will be my biological kid, right?"

"According to the vision, yes. It makes sense – I spend the most time with you at the moment due to the situation."

"We should get back – we were almost to Ostagar when you just… teleported," Rulen said.

I flushed, "I couldn't let Ysera die… anyway – it was nice meeting you all! Andy, I'll call you tonight. Love you," I kissed him before ducking back through the portal.

"So… the woman in the armor – the green armor like your scale armor – was that… uh…" Alistair asked.

"Ysera – the Dreamer; mother of dreams and leader of the Emerald Dragon-flight. Sorry about the whole… vanish on the spot thing; Ysera was too important for me to stop and explain when her life held in the balance. The dreaming world – the Fade as you call it – would cease to exist without her. And without the Fade, all life on Thedas would cease too. This world can only sustain life at all because the Fade exists. It was better when the Fade and the Waking World were one, but… here we are.

We bean circling – looking for the area to get into Ostagar.

Sten looked contemplative, "Your brother – the tall purple man… I wish to spar with him."

"By all means – I'll let him know tonight. He'll have a bit of time soon anyway."

Unfortunately, as I spoke to Sten, Alistair put his size 15 foot in his mouth, "Something about being back here makes me feel old, Wynne."

"And what exactly are you implying, Alistair?" she asked, sounding stern but looking amused.

"What? Nothing! I just thought…"

"You just thought I might be an expert at feeling old and could share some sage advice?" my eyes fluttered closed at just how painful hearing this exchange was in person; Alistair shot me a pleading look.

"I… I just meant I was a different person then. I believed him; you know? That it would be… a glorious battle; that we'd win."

"I did too. We were all a little younger the last time we were here." She sighed but glanced at me. I hung my head in shame; I should have done something. I knew Alistair didn't want to be King… but Anora would keep the throne if her husband lived – until he deposed her. Then Orlais and Ferelden would be one. No good at all.

Alistair saved me… "Well, not you – you've always been old."

Wynne looked half amused, half annoyed, "With lip like that, son, you'll be lucky if you live to be half my age." I giggled despite myself.

Alistair shot me a pout so I said, "Hey – I can't help you when you tell a woman something like that. No one likes to hear that they're old, but women get touchy about two things – age and weight."

Leliana nodded and added, "We are all quite vain to some degree."

"There was a saying… what was it…? Oh! Women will lie about their age and their weight – 5 years off the age and 20 pounds off the weight. I don't see a point in that anymore, but for you young ones, it makes enough sense." I said.

Lyna snorted, "Why lie about it?"

Sereda said, "I guess it's a matter of wanting to seem younger and slimmer…?"

I nodded, "When I was human, I did just that. I'm fat and have no way of losing weight. It's just not possible for me. The trend of beauty was back to being slimmer is beautiful. These things go in cycles. There was a time – a few centuries before I was born – where shaving the hairline to have larger foreheads was the big thing. But I was… never really good looking."

Alistair pulled me into a hug, "You are beautiful – Cullen, Anduin and I…"

"Honey – you… how do I put this? I feel like I'm fishing for compliments when you tell me that kind of thing only after I mention it. It kind of… feels hollow. Look – don't worry about it. I love you – and I know you love me; my feelings about my looks are a personal problem that I will likely never overcome. Don't let it bother you."

He looked a bit upset but I began walking off. I heard Leliana telling him, "A woman who feels she isn't lovely needs reassurance – and not only when she mentions it. Atarah is beautiful, we all know it, but she must have felt this way for so long…"

I sighed, "My whole existence. The minute I hit puberty on Earth and then again on Azeroth… I gained weight until I looked like this no matter how well I ate or exercised. As soon as I hit 250 pounds – nearly 18 stones – I stopped growing. It was like that was a predetermined weight. I have a margin of about 20 pounds that I gain or lose, but otherwise it stays about even, no matter what. Even when I was being starved it didn't change much. Knowing what my afterlife is, it kind of makes sense – Animals weigh a bit more that a human would at their statures. That doesn't mean I don't feel like crap still – I do – but it means that I can understand a bit more."

"You heard all that?" Leliana asked, shocked – she had been whispering quietly and I was quite a ways ahead of them.

"Of course – Dragons have exceptional senses. I just… am so used to it that I don't even think about it. I can distinguish individual spices in the food, tell you all apart by scent alone…"

"That is… quite extraordinary." Wynne breathed. I shrugged, "Wynne you smell like a roll of yarn and a strawberry candy… Leliana smells like Andrastes' Grace flowers and a hint of wood. I could easily find any of you in a crowded market or hunt you down if you were taken. You've all become my nest-mates; my family; my Pack."

"What about me?" Lyna asked as we killed the first group of Darkspawn – the ones who held Cailans' Greaves. "Heartwood and Elfroot – a bit cliché for a Dalish Elf, but it works."

She flushed but looked happy. Alistair coughed as we gathered the greaves.

Wynne was the one to ask, "What's wrong, Alistair?"

"I don't know. It just feels wrong to find this here, pawed over by darkspawn and thick with their rot. It was his. And if this is here… where's the rest?"

"I know, I feel it too. But he is not the first king to ever fall in battle or even the first to fall to the darkspawn." She soothed. They were both watching me as I bit my lip and glanced around. Something felt… off.

"Yes, but this wound cuts deeper – he was my brother."

"And it will bleed longer. But we must keep moving. No doubt the darkspawn are eager to give us plenty more reasons to mourn."

I held up a hand and whole party stopped. We were ambushed from behind.

It was a large party – 15 with a Hurlock Alpha and the Vanguard that held Cailans Shield.

Zevran asked, "I do wonder… what my scent is?"

I smirked, "Deathroot and leather polish. And before you ask Alistair, you smell like fine cheese and Star metal."

He went bright red as the others all laughed as we collected the Shield from the now dead Vanguard. I looted the Mages chest and collected the Key to the Royal Arms Chest. I gave Wynne the Staff within.

Rulen opened his mouth but I shot, "Redwood and light-infused rubies."

I was rummaging through the Arms chest – damn thing was deep enough to fit me in it – when I heard Alistair hiss a breath as I held out his fathers' sword.

I pulled out the papers while Alistair put the sword with its scabbard on his hip, holding the Warden sword like he no longer knew what to do with it. I rolled my eyes and put it in my void storage before pulling the letters out of the chest.

It wasn't like Alistair would be using his fathers' sword at all – he relied on the set I had given him. He just had kept the Warden sword on his non-dominant hip as a back-up weapon in case he was disarmed.

I read the first letter aloud, "To his Majesty, King Cailan of Ferelden: My Warden-Commander assures me that we face a Blight. This thing threatens us both, and we must work together to fight it, lest it devour all. Our two nations have not had a happy history, but that is all it is-history. It is the future that is at stake now. Let us put aside our fathers' disagreements so that we may secure the future for both our countries. My Chevaliers stand ready and will accompany the Grey Wardens of Orlais to Ferelden. At your word the might of Orlais will march to reinforce the Ferelden forces. Sincerely, Empress Celene I. Well… damn," I sighed.

"So it's true! He had convinced the forces of Orlais to ally against the darkspawn." Alistair sighed.

Wynne nodded, "Empress Celene was merely awaiting his response."

"A response that never came and now never will, thanks to Loghain's treachery."

"Never is a long time, Alistair. Give it time and let cooler heads prevail. There will be peace between us yet."

I read off the next of the three letters, "Your Majesty, my men will arrive as soon as possible to bolster your forces. Maker willing, this Blight will be ended before it has begun. Cailan, I beseech you, as your uncle, not to join the Grey Wardens on the Field. You cannot afford to take this risk. Ferelden cannot afford it. Let me remind you again that you do not have an heir. Your death-and it pains me even to think of it-would plunge Ferelden into chaos. And yes, perhaps when this is over you will allow me to bring up the subject of your heir. While a son from both the Theirin and Mac Tir lines would unite Ferelden like no other, we must accept that perhaps this can never be. The queen approaches her thirtieth year and her ability to give you a child lessens with each passing month. I submit to you again that it might be time to put Anora aside. We parted harshly the last time I spoke of this, but it has been a full year since then and nothing has changed. Please, nephew, consider my words, and Andraste's grace be with you. It's not signed, but we all know who that one is from, don't we?" I sighed.

"Was Anora really… barren?" Wynne asked.

"No. In fact, she could yet have a child if Alistair had married her – but we all know that isn't going to happen. No it was far more likely that Cailan was the one with… issues." I shrugged. It was something I had seen as a… alternate path using Clairvoyance. Alistair made a face, "You're right – that's not going to happen. From what you've said, she's truly her fathers' daughter; she has no place as Queen."

I shrugged and read the very last page, "Cailan, the visit to Ferelden will be postponed indefinitely, due to the darkspawn problem. You understand, of course? The darkspawn have odd timing, don't they? Let us deal with them first. Once that is done, we can further discuss a permanent alliance between Orlais and Ferelden. Celene. If Loghain saw this… it's too informal – Cailan may have planned to marry her after putting aside Anora. Loghain views Orlais the same way the Qunari view Tevinter. It could have pushed him over the edge."

I handed the letters to Alistair who looked them over, "Well, it looks like my brother had the same thoughts about his wife as I do."

I chuckled as I snagged Cailans Heir papers. "By my right as King of Ferelden, I hereby name my half-brother, Alistair Theirin, son of Maric, my heir. In the event of my death, he will succeed me to the throne should I have no living children at that time. This is contingent upon him marrying the Azerothian Diplomat, Queen Atarah Stormlight. Signed, Cailan Theirin – King of Ferelden. Signed Witness, Loghain Mac Tir, Tyrin of Gwaren… Holy shit, I knew Loghain himself signed this and there are two other witness signatures, but damn… now I know why Cailan looked so damn smug when Loghain didn't look before signing it! Alistair only becomes king by marrying me – he already did, so no problem, but that sneaky little shit!"

Alistair looked floored, "That alone – with the fact that it has Cailan and Loghains seals… this will put me on the throne and make the Landsmeet magically more than okay with you being our Queen. Even Loghain wouldn't be able to say anything if he kept his title… he won't; I'm making him a Warden."

"Wait… you were serious about letting him live?" I asked.

"Yeah – with the Afterlives in disarray, I… even I won't condemn a man like him. Inas wouldn't know to look for him and…"

"Inas looks for all redeemable souls – Loghain would have been saved eventually if he wasn't used to make weapons first. But… I'm glad. That makes things so much easier for me in 10 years. He'll die instead of Stroud, Hawke or me."

"You…! Well, that seals my choice," Alistair quipped. I chuckled, "So it does."

We started across the bridge and when we got to the center…

We saw Cailans body then. Alistair paled and a tear rolled from his face. I threw my arms around him and he held me tightly.

Before anyone could say anything, however, the Necromancer called forth 8 skeletons to fight us. I was getting pissed and let out an oath.

I was furious – but rather than call mother dearest, I extended my abilities as Goddess of Shadows. I managed to clear the whole outside… but that fucking Necromancer managed to get away.

Aedan coughed, "Please remind me not to piss you off… or… start a war with you."

"The fucking mage got away. But on the bright side, the helm and gauntlets are on dead darkspawn now, so we can grab those real quick before heading after that beast."

It was mostly quiet from the peanut gallery until we got inside and to the giant hole… where – predictably – Alistair said, "Ugh – down the hole and into the deep. I don't even want to imagine where this leads." I coughed a laugh and he gave me a weary smirk.

We managed to not only collect Duncans Sword and Dagger… but his body too. I insisted we bring it with us for what we were about to do.

When we got back to Cailan, it was again Alistair who spoke. "Ugh – they left him here to rot! We need to… do something."

"He is of Royal Blood – he deserves a pyre. So does Duncan, a good commander." Aedan said softly. I had Sten pull Cailan down from the thing he had been stuck to.

When we got to a suitable clearing between Ostagar and Flemeths hut I used magic to build two pyres – one for each man.

I spoke as each man was placed on a pyre, "These men were brave – warriors who believed in what was right and good in the world. Both gave their lives for a better future. King Cailan is survived by his brother, Alistair – and though Duncan had no living family, he lives on in his recruits and all who met him."

Alistair, tears in his eyes, also delivered a small eulogy for both men, before looking to me. I set each pyre on fire and sang The Sound of Silence (The Pentatonix version rather than the original). And though this version was supposed to be A Capella, a magic speaker invention (obviously another of mine) made it possible for me to sing it now.

Hello darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain still remains

Within the sound of silence

"That was… beautiful." Leliana whispered into the silence that followed. I shrugged, "It felt… right."

We headed off toward Morrigans' old home right after that.