Chapter 34: A Different Approach - Neville Longbottom - Rated K+ - General

Summary: A glimpse of Neville's first year had the hat placed him in Hufflepuff.

Content Tag: Mentions Anxiety & Low Self-Esteem

Birthdays of Living Nightmares

Today was Neville Longbottom's fifth birthday. He quickly learned that he hated his birthday because it meant that he had to endure the same chaotic nightmare that his grandmother and Great Uncle always planned for it. Enduring what he could only describe as pain for the duration of a birthday party was not normal. Or so he had been told. Kids should like having a party, right? But he simply couldn't handle them.

Not only did they make his birthday an obnoxiously big deal, they filled it with noises he couldn't even begin to describe or fully comprehend when they all blended together. Balloons were popped in all directions, sound makers the kids had were being blown, and the general chatter of several people he barely knew scattered about the house physically hurt him. Complaining and crying about it in his distress got him nowhere, so he silently suffered in the quietest place he could find and discreetly cover his ears to block out what he can of the chaos of muddled noise that injected pain through his very being.

The cake he was forced to take and eat made him want to vomit. Whoever thought that a strange sugary textured sponge-like substance was a good idea to eat was very wrong. The mere thought of the sweet made his stomach churn and he felt nauseous. At the end of it all, Neville was faced with even more traumatizing experiences. His relatives claimed they were trying to give his magic a nudge, saying they couldn't have a Squib come from the great offspring of Frank and Alice Longbottom, that it would be putting their legacy to complete waste. Honestly at this point he felt like they scared the magic right out of him with their "experiments" that have nearly killed him before.

It left him very exhausted and shaken when he finally could get away. He would go so far as to say he felt scared around his family around this warm summer evening, especially when he nearly drowned at the pier mere hours ago. His relatives always expressed their disappointment in his lack of, well, anything really. Why shouldn't he feel the same way about himself? He could never do anything right, he could never please them with what they expected of him, he couldn't perform magic. He was nothing but damaged goods, a burdon, a disgrace to his family and name.

Today was Neville's tenth birthday, and knowing that he continuously failed his family every year in and year out on this terrible day sent him into a meltdown that morning. He did not leave his room. He did not leave his bed. Instead, he hid under the covers, hands over his ears as he fought against the whirlwind of anxiety that overwhelmed and shut down his ability to function. A numbness blanketed his physical body, but he wished it would wrap around his nerves as well. Knowing he had to face the inevitable event of choking and gagging down cake that he never wanted while shocks of pain jolted him from attempting to process the overexposure of all the party noise.

The knock on the door was unheard, the voice of his grandmother summoning him to prepare for his big day fell on deaf ears. Neville hoped beyond hope that if he stayed still, unmoving under the blankets long enough, maybe he could disappear. That would prove to his family that he had magic, that he was not worthless, that he was not a useless freak.

He often wondered what his parents would say if they knew all the horrible things his relatives said and did to him every year on the day that he should enjoy, not fear. He hoped that they would be livid with them all, treating someone that should be loved so horribly.

Another firm knock on the door shook Neville from his inner turmoil just enough to register that his Gran was entering the room. Her scolding words were barely registered as she pulled off the blanket from his head and magicked an outfit over to the bed. He let out a sigh, trying to hide his trembling body as he got out of bed to get ready for the dreadful day. Neville knew he was not going to endure the day already, his anxiety was simply too high to control. The thought of taking a bite of cake or hearing a balloon make that high pitch squeal made him want to faint.

Today, the routine was different, it seemed, as his Uncle decided to give the ol' magic scare a try before all the guests arrived for the party. And Neville, already distressed and overwhelmed from his own mind, couldn't handle his uncle pushing him out the window of the second floor window and catching him by the ankles. The act alone had him blackout temporarily, but he recovered enough when the feeling if falling returned, and he was seeing himself feel a sense of relief. At least dying will stop the pain and the clouded thoughts that circulated through him daily.

It would also relieve his family of their burden… oh he could only hope.

Originally Written For:

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments)

The Houses Competition

Word Count: 1,801

Originally Written: June 2018