Chapter 35 – Trying to Talk

After Elizabeth left the Grady house, she headed back to the cafe, she was so excited. She wanted to tell Abigail and Jack. When she got there, Abigail was making some sandwiches and Jack was just finishing up cleaning the paint brushes.

"Jack." Elizabeth said. "I was wondering if you had time to talk."

"Sure." Jack said. "I have some time. Here or somewhere else?"

"Here is fine." Elizabeth said. "I haven't told Abigail most of this, but I think that she knows."

"Okay." Jack said. "I will be in in a moment."

Elizabeth headed inside. She helped Abigail finish getting things ready. When Jack came in, both could tell that she was really excited.

"First." Elizabeth said. "I wanted to tell you that Bo Grady read to me today."

"That is amazing Elizabeth." Jack said.

"Thank you." Elizabeth said. "Abigail and I made shapes out of dough and he finally could see the letters. He said it all makes sense know. He still isn't where he needs to be, but this was a huge step. He is going to continue working on things. He might still work in the mine, but at least I know that if he wants to do something else he can."

"That is great." Abigail said. "I am sure that Martha was happy."

"Very." Elizabeth said.

"Abigail." Jack said. "Would you mind if Elizabeth and I went in the other room and talked alone?"

"No." Abigail said. "Go right ahead. I am going to be in her working on curtains."

"Thank you." Jack said.

Jack and Elizabeth picked up their plates and headed to the other room. It wasn't exactly private since they figured that Abigail could still hear them, but they knew that they wouldn't be interrupted.

"Okay." Jack said "You said that you wanted to talk."

"Yes." Elizabeth said. "I know that a lot has happened and we should talk about things. First I want to say thank you for being my friend."

"Your welcome." Jack said. "I like spending time with you."

"But the thing is." Elizabeth said. "I want more then just a friendship with you. I understand that you might not be ready, but I am not going anywhere. I will wait. I just wanted you to know how I felt."

"Thank you for telling me." Jack said. "Right now, I am not sure if I can offer more then friendship. I am working through some things, but if you are patient with he, maybe we can try."

"Okay." Elizabeth said.

"There was something I have been meaning to ask you." Jack said. "I don't mean to dredge up the past, but you said you contacted your cousin and he got information for you. How did he get that information?"

"It is okay." Elizabeth said. "I am sure that you have figured out that my family is very powerful, well my father is. Anyway, my cousin know people and he knows who to ask things of. I am sorry that I can't be more specific then that. I can promise you that he didn't break any laws to get the information that he got. He didn't tell he how he got it, I just asked him to look into something and I told you what he sent back."

"So you looked into Billy's past?" Jack asked.

"Yes." Elizabeth said. "Even thought I was mad at you, there was something that you said and then my own reservations, so I asked my cousin to look into things. Like I said, I didn't want to alarm my father. Besides that, I trust my cousin. We are close and have always been. We always have each other's backs. I reached out to him because I knew that he would be honest with me, even it was something I didn't want to hear. I am just sorry that I even got involved with Billy Hamilton."

"Okay." Jack said. "I will drop it, after I say this – I think Billy would have just kept trying and he would have pressured you to see him. From what I understand, he came her with the intent of getting back at your family because he was fired. I don't want to upset you, but I thought you should know. Now, can we never talk about him again."

"Okay." Elizabeth said.

"I was just curious, but should I be worried that you had me checked out?" Jack asked.

"No." Elizabeth said. "Is there something I should know? I mean I could have you checked out, but I would rather just hear things from you and I hope that goes for you about me as well."

"Not really." Jack said. "My father was a Mountie that was died as a result of injuries received on the job, I told you my mother was a teacher and I have a brother. I believe that he is in Hamilton right now. At least that was where he was the last time we talked. I will admit, that I asked headquarters about information on you, but I really didn't learn anything."

"I take it you aren't close with your brother." Elizabeth said.

"Yes and no." Jack said. "We use to be close, but something changed when I left for the academy. He started causing more trouble and then he left the farm and it got worse. I want better for him, but he doesn't want to listen."

"I get that." Elizabeth said. "My sisters, Viola is older and Julie is younger. Julie tends to get into trouble and father lets her get away with things."

"Siblings." Jack said. "At least they keep things interesting."

"That is for sure." Elizabeth said. "I wish that you could meet my family one day."

"I would like that." Jack said. "But from everything I have read, I doubt that they would approve of us."

"Is that something that is holding you back?" Elizabeth asked. "Because if it is, I don't care. I left Hamilton for reasons. I live in Coal Valley now. I don't care about all that high society stuff."

"Good to know." Jack said. "I think that there was a part of them that was worried about what your past, but I don't think that is the biggest reason. I want to be sure things are right. I don't know if I can explain it. I have seen people who think they are in love, but then things get hard and they run. I don't think I could handle that. If I get married, I want to make sure it is right. There is also still a part of me that thinks the Mountie life is not a good match with marriage. I don't think it is fair to ask you to move every couple years or go months without seeing me."

"Jack." Elizabeth said. "I don't care about that, well except not seeing you for months. I think that if people were meant to be together, it will work out. They just have to be committed to working through the hard stuff."

"Okay." Jack said. "Enough serious talk for now. I just want to spend some time with you for now. As we do that, we can see where things go. Okay."

"Okay." Elizabeth said.

They talked about some thing happening around town for another hour before Jack excused himself and left for rounds. Elizabeth was disappointed about the way that their talk had gone, but at least she had made it known how she felt, now it was up to Jack to determine if he wanted to make a go of things. After Jack left, Elizabeth walked back into the other room and Abigail looked at her.

"Want to talk about it?" Abigail asked.

"Not really." Elizabeth said. "I guess Jack and I are just on different pages. I want more, but he just wants to be friends."

"Maybe he just needs time." Abigail said. "Don't give up on him just yet."

"Okay." Elizabeth said. "I am going to head up. I think I will read for a bit."

"Okay." Abigail said. "Have a good night."

"Good night." Elizabeth said.

Abigail watched her climb the stairs. She knew that Elizabeth wasn't happy, but she hoped that Jack would come around. She was sure that he cared for Elizabeth, but the could also sense that he was holding back for some reason and she didn't think that it had anything to do with his work or Elizabeth family. Abigail let it go for the time being, but was not going to let it go for long. Elizabeth got to her room and pulled out her journal. She poured out her feelings into the pages as the tears fell from her eyes. Elizabeth had hoped that when she told Jack that she wanted more then a friendship, that he would have jumped at the chance. Little did either Elizabeth or Abigail know that Jack was out riding kicking himself for not telling Elizabeth how he felt. He wanted to be with her, but he was still trying to wrap his head around how that would all work. He knew that his life as a Mountie was unpredictable at best and he had saw how hard it was for his mother. Jack didn't want to put anyone through that. He just couldn't get past his fears.

Tuesday, Abigail got her first deliver of stuff for the cafe. She had gotten the pots and pans that she had ordered as well as the second icebox. She also was able to pick up a bunch of supplies from the mercantile. She figured that she still had to cook for her and Elizabeth and Jack if he wanted, so she might as well start stocking up on things that she could. Jack didn't stop at the cafe other to help unload some of the things that came in on the supply wagon. He spent most of the day in the office. He claimed he was working on reports, but the truth was that he really needed to think and he was avoiding Elizabeth.

For her part, Elizabeth had taken a picnic basket and her book and went for a nice walk. She spent most of the day by the pond reading. She cried and thought about things. She made the decision that if a friendship was all that Jack was offering at the moment, then she would take it and just keep praying that he realized that it could be more. She wanted more, but she also didn't want to lose him. She would have to do what she could to check her feelings and just enjoy being Jack's friend for the time. She had seen Jack ride by in his red serge, she was sure he hadn't seen her. He had stopped at on point and looked out over the pond. Elizabeth loved the way that he looked on his black horse, especially in his red serge. Elizabeth had to stop herself, because she started thinking about what it would be like to unbutton his serge and kiss his neck. She knew that she shouldn't be thinking of him like that, but there was a part of her that could stop.

Tuesday night, Jack wrote a letter to his mother like he did every week, but this time, he pour out all of his feelings, fears and reservations about Elizabeth and asked his mother for help. Jack also wrote a letter to a fellow Mountie that he would have called one of his best friends and did the same. It was so unlike Jack to do that, but he felt better writing everything out and asking people he trusted for their advise. His mother and fellow Mountie were probably the two people that knew him the best and he knew that they would both understand why he was asking and not make a big deal about him asking for help. Jack felt better that night for the first time in a long time. After he got the letters ready to post, he opened his sketchbook book and started to draw out a beautiful view of Coal Valley with the mountains and everything. He wasn't sure what he was going to do with it, but he couldn't get the picture out of his head or the words that Abigail had said a few day before. He even reached for his colored pencils and added a bunch of color to his drawing. He normally didn't do that, so he was even surprised. Jack went to bed that night and he feel asleep thinking about his future. At one point he woke up and had to draw the image in his head. It wasn't often that happened, but had learned to just go with it.

As the first rays of light were coming through the windows of the Mountie office, Jack looked down and his picture and he cried. He couldn't believe how clearly he could see his future at that moment. He had learned over the years that when he woke like that to just draw and not think about things until it was done. When Jack looked at the picture that had been stuck in his head to the point that he couldn't sleep, he couldn't believe what he was looking at. The picture held a large house with the mountains in the background and playing in the yard was an auburn haired woman and three little ones all with the same auburn hair. Jack knew that it was Elizabeth and his children that he had drawn, because the little girl had his dimples and Elizabeth's hair and eyes. Jack looked at the picture and cried. He pulled it from his sketchbook and filled in his desk. He didn't want anyone else finding it. He had put it in a folder with letters from his mother. Jack knew that he couldn't tell anyone about the drawing. He didn't even want to tell Elizabeth at that point. He figured that he would show it to her at some point in the future if something happened between them. He was having trouble believing that him and Elizabeth could have a future and he didn't want to scare her away by showing her the drawing.

Jack sat at his desk for a bit and then he went and got ready for the day. He figured that he could ride rounds early, since he wanted some time to think about what had happened. He knew that he was going to wait until he heard from his mother and best friend before he did anything, but he also had an idea to spend time with Elizabeth. He had been working on it the day before, he was almost done and would just have to find a time to talk to her about what he wanted. He just hoped that she was a good sport about it and would go along with it. He had an idea for some fun and a little payback. Jack left the jail and headed to livery, he spent some extra time brushing Sergeant before he saddled him and took off.