CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

I turn my back to him, deciding to be a right bitch, but then he's being an ass, and get out my pj's before pulling my top over my head. I hear his intake of breath as I say, "You really are an ass. I was talking too Happy about Cupcakes you know, the iced little cakes that he seems to think should be a food group by themselves."

I turn back to him, pulling my singlet down as I do. He looks a little stunned and I'm not sure if it's cause I took my clothes off, or that I put them back on. I'm sure he's not used to women putting clothes on in his presents.

Reaching to undo my jeans he turns in a hurry. I'm not sure why, he's seen me in a bikini, though the last time that happened was when I was when I was 17.

Pulling my jeans down and slipping on the shorts I've pulled out I go over and tap him on the shoulder, "I'm decent."

He turns around, looks at what I'm wearing and grins, "Hardly."

I glance down, the singlet I'm wearing is an old one, it's soft and slightly misshapen, it sags at the back and is tight around the front, I blush a little when I realise that in this it's very clear that both my nipples are pierced.

Jax seems to have noticed that as well and a hand reaches up, a fraction of an inch away his hand stops and I realise I'm holding my breath. Letting it out on a soft exhale I look up at him.

"Jax, sit please." I nod my head towards the bed and he takes a seat without a word.

"I told you the other night that I won't wait forever. That doesn't mean I'm going to rush into anything either. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I would regret sleeping with you tonight, cause I know I wouldn't. But I would regret it if you did. I've told you that I'm not going anywhere, and it's true. The fact that I just signed over a large sum of money for a house should convince you of that and if it doesn't then I'm not sure what will. And what would make you think that in the 2 days it's been since then that I would have changed my mind? I love Hap, the same way I love Tig, and Bobby and Chibs, even though I still can't understand all of what he says. I'm not going anywhere, so please stop trying to push me away and deal with your own shit."

Jax runs his hands through his hair, "I know you told me to get over Tara. And it's only been what 4 days?"

I nod confirming it to him,

"What if I think I'm over her? Is that really possible? I thought I loved her but it's only been a small amount of time." He sounds confused which re-affirms my decision that there will be no sex between us...yet.

"Jax, you might think you're over her, but can I ask you something."

He nods, hair tugging slightly from where his hands are still holding it close to his shoulders.

"When you think of her what is your first thought?"

"That she lied to me."

"Okay, and after that?"

"I remember how she left." I'm not sure he gets where I'm going, but hopefully the next thing I'm going to say will help him see where he needs to get to.

"So, at the moment all you can think of are the bad times. None of the good times that you had with her are coming to mind. When they do, and you can accept that they were good times then you'll know that she's out of your system. At the moment all you feel is this hugely emotional reaction to her, even when I said her name you're whole body tensed up. You can sleep in the twins' room if you're uncomfortable."

I turn to Doj, to get him sorted, after taking his collar off and getting him situated on his bed, throwing his soft blue blanket over him I turn back to the bed where Jax is still sitting.

He meets my eyes for a second before he stands up and pulls me to his chest.

"Thank you. I'll be back in a couple of minutes okay?"

I nod and watch as he leaves the room. I'm not sure if he's coming back so once I've plaited my hair I climb into the bed and move over to the wall so that if he does there's room.

He comes back in a few minutes later as he said, dressed in the same pants and t-shirt as the night before.

"We'll have to stop by your place and get some stuff for you tomorrow." I say, I haven't seen his house since I arrived back and I'm curious to see what it's like.

He nods sliding into the bed and getting himself comfortable.

I know I'm tense, my body is fairly stiff where I'm lying and I'm sure I won't get any sleep.

After 5 minutes of completely tense silence Jax growls at something, reaches a hand over and pulls me to his side. After positioning me so that I'm curled into his side he wraps his hand round my braid and gives it a light tug forcing me to look at him.

The light coming through the gap in the curtains barely gives enough illumination for me to see his face. "I do understand what you are saying; I know you're not going to wait for me forever. I hope that you don't have to."

He pulls my head up and kisses me gently on the mouth and part of me wants to say 'Fuck the getting over Tara, get over me instead.' But I know that I am right, he needs to be whole in himself before he can be whole in a relationship.

I smile at him, and I know it's a smile that shows pain, regret and sorrow, but it also shows the love that I have had for the blonde haired biker for over 10 years.

"Jax, I've waited 10 years for you, more time isn't going to make a difference to me." I lean my head up and give him a kiss on the chin before cuddling into his side, my arm over his chest. My hair is still wrapped round his hand and I'm not worried about it, until he decides to move its fine, almost like he can hear what I'm thinking he shakes his hand free of the hair and rests it on my shoulder, pulling me closer to him.

Taking in the complete silence of the room I can't help but giggle as Doj suddenly whimpers then growls in his sleep.

"That's one strange dog you have there." Jax comments.

I nod against his chest, "Yep, he's as strange as the people he was named after."

Jax doesn't say anything and I realise that he's got no idea of the origin of the dog's name. "Shall I explain his name?"

As Jax nods I feel his chin brush my hair, "When I got him I fully intended on naming him Bob, or George. Something completely normal in terms of names, but when I got him he would ignore me whenever I called him. I started playing round with other things. I thought about calling him Charming, I tried Teller, I tried Morrow. He didn't respond. In the end the name Doj came by combining the first letters of the names of the 3 people I missed the most from home. He seemed to like and it responded to it almost straight away, so it stuck."

I fade into a quiet murmur at the end; I'm not sure how Jax will take that my dog was 1/3 named after him.

He chuckles a little, "So for the last however many years you've been sleeping with Donna, Opie and me?"

I slap his chest lightly, "Perve. Only you would look at it like that."

"I bet it crossed Ope's mind as well, he's just knows not to say anything within Donna's earshot." I can tell he's smiling and as I wiggle my way further into the bed and pull the blankets up over my shoulder.

I guess the day has been tiring cause I feel myself start to drift off to sleep, I feel Jax's hand brushing my shoulder softly and I'm sure I hear his voice, "I won't make you wait too long, I hope."