OLLIE

Even though it was only the end of April, Rome greeted us with sunshine and shorts weather. As soon as I stepped out of the airplane I took an involuntary deep breath and I felt my shoulders relax after the long flight. The others seemed to react similarly around me, I even heard a sigh of relief from Hobi. We had all talked about how we should use the afternoon after arriving because there wasn't anything scheduled for once, but basically, as soon as we got to the hotel I couldn't resist lying down and only when I asked Namjoon whether we should get some coffee I realized that he had already dozed off. Tired I rubbed his back for a little bit before also falling asleep. It didn't last long because Namjoon turned around on his back and I - my forehead nuzzled into him from behind - let out a little surprised scream when I woke up because he was on top of me. Confused he moved off me when I - also confused - started laughing. "Sorry" he murmured and pulled me on top of him where I fell asleep again.

After the Rome concert, I was incredibly relieved that Namjoon's shoulder seemed to be fine for now. He was exhausted but still far from as bad as he had been in the US. After having had a little break from tour life shooting with the boys was fun again and it was visible in everyone. We went to Amsterdam next before staying in Paris for a whole week and two concerts. And while the guys used their day off to visit places that had been prepped to ensure a safe stay for them, the rest of us ventured off on our own. I would have loved to spend time with Joon. Him showing me around the Musée d´Orsay, me forcing him to have sugary treats at Square René Viviani before making the staff uncomfortable with how long we would stay at Shakespeare and Company. But there was just no way so we both did our thing, but apart. At least at night, we managed to sneak out. Sharing a bottle of Rosé, sitting at the Seine and talking as if we had just met. I felt light. Happy. And could have stayed much longer, but we both knew if we started staying out much too late, everyone else would follow suit soon. We walked back to the hotel around midnight, even though it was quite far but just walking next to Joon - even though he had pushed his hood so deep into his face just in case, which made him look like he was about to rob a bank in a 90s movie - felt normal and I had to admit that I kind of wished we could have evenings like this more often.

"How is Georgia?" Namjoon asked when we were almost at the hotel. I looked at him, slowly nodding. So he had noticed as well. It was hard to not notice. Ever since the whole thing between Georgia and Jungkook had started they had always been passioned, in everything they did. When they were enjoying each other's company it was almost annoying. But they would also fight. Sometimes over the smallest things. I had always tried to ignore it because - apart from the fact that I felt like it wasn't my business - I thought it was just... them... But it had gotten worse recently. More frequent fights, lasting days sometimes. They wouldn't talk to each other, even at work, doing the bare minimum to interact. It hadn't gotten to the point where I felt I had to scold her again, but when we were all together in our time off all gloves came off. Georgia's fuse was definitely shorter than Kookies, but once he was annoyed I was surprised how loud he would get, how poorly he dealt with something not going his way. Only a few days before we had left for tour Namjoon had actually taken Kookie to the side because when we arrived at the apartment it looked as if they were about to through dishes at each other. Eventually, they both calmed down and were making out on the balcony a bit later, but Europe and tour had only shown that this back and forth was still very much going on. "Yeah... I don't know. I asked her the other day and she got really defensive right away. Told me that it doesn't matter, that it's not like they are dating..." Namjoon snorted a little. "I mean. I know that it is their thing and that is what they are thinking. But even if this is just...hooking up over a long long period of time, they still should deal with it." I shrugged. "I think they care a great deal about each other and they are very alike. But sometimes it just gets a bit too intense. I don't want them to rip each other's hair out." "Should we get involved?" "Difficult. As colleagues? Or friends?" Namjoon shrugged and I sighed. "Well. Georgia is doing her job so I don't want to tell her off. But at the same time, we do all work with each other. And if this continues it will make things quite awkward. But... as friends I think I should listen but... I can't tell her what to do right?" Now Namjoon was sighing as well and put an arm around my shoulder. "Then let's hope for now they will figure it out? And try to never get into this position?" I looked up at him and tried to smile. It hadn't been that long since we were the ones fighting, even though it had been a lot less public. Joon smiled as well, leaned down and kissed me gently. "You know what? This kind of was our second date." I noticed and couldn't help but laugh. Joon raised a single eyebrow. "What?" "Well, I guess you could count the treehouse. But that was more of a trip. I think after the first time we met up to more or less go to dinner in New York we never had a proper date again." I saw him thinking about it for a while and then he nodded slowly. "That's true. Does that mean I get lucky next time?" I lightly punched his side. "Would you want to go out more often? I mean... it's difficult, I know you know that, but... I am sure we could make it happen somehow." At first, I didn't know what to answer. Because I had always just seen it as a given. That we couldn't go out in Seoul. Not in most places actually. "Well... we kind of went from having a crush to not seeing each other for years. And then from friends to old married couple with kids pretty quickly. Maybe... we should at least try? Tonight was really nice." "It was." He said, his hand moving from my shoulder to the nape of my neck, gently stroking it. He looked around, checked whether it was quiet before he looked down at me with a wide grin on his lips. "Want to make out in a dark corner before we call it a night? It is our second date after all." I bit my lower lip to hide a smile before we snuck into the alleyway next to the hotel entrance. When he kissed me - slowly, gently, his hands in my hair, mine holding onto his back - I felt butterflies. And I knew that I loved him as well.

SUE I should have known this was a mistake. All of it. And still, I couldn't tell her. Georgia's face had lit up when I had asked her to do my hair. And I loved the girl too much to take this away from her when she was feeling down anyways. It wasn't bad either, just a bit too much. So basically as soon as I got out of my room I rubbed some of the cherry red lipstick off my lips with the inside of my sleeve. She had done my hair, she had done my makeup, she had convinced me to wear a black dress. It only made me more nervous. I wasn't even sure why, every day I felt more and more comfortable around Jin, maybe it was because we had waited for so long to go out that now there was quite a bit of pressure. Especially because Jin had tried his best, but was told to not even try to go to a restaurant. He hadn't mentioned who would come, had said he wanted to eat with some friends who lived in Rome. Still...

So room service it was. One would have thought that would have been a bit of a letdown, but it actually eased my mind a little. At least we wouldn't have to look over our shoulders the whole time, but as soon as the door opened and I saw Jin - wearing a white dress shirt and slim-fitting jeans... I was very much aware that it would also mean that we would be alone. I was immediately distracted however, by the almost absurd amount of food on the table behind him. "Wha... who else is coming?" For a second I thought maybe I had gotten it wrong after all and this wasn't a date date. "I didn't know what you liked..." he simply replied, closing the door behind me. "So you ordered everything?" I asked, taking his hand, smiling. "I guess." He looked proud, moved his hands to my shoulders, gently pushing me towards the table.

The food was delicious. Way too much, but the damage was done and I had the luxury of eating something different almost every single bite. We also had some wine which calmed my nerves, but in combination with all that food, it made both of us tired. "Do you think it's okay if we just... move to the couch? I am so full..." Jin finally asked after we had given up, sounding somewhat nervous. I quickly nodded. Anything better than sitting at a table in front of half-empty plates. When I cuddled into Jin's side he mocked me by letting out a loud complaining sound because I had touched his stomach, but instead of jumping I just laughed and tried to lean into him without getting makeup on his shirt. "Movie?" "Movie!"

It got better after a while, we watched a whole movie and made fun of what we were wearing, both rather uncomfortable. And really comfortable at the same time. I could tell that he was moving in closer, holding his breath every time I turned around and still it took me a while to pick up the courage to just kiss him. Let him kiss me. But once we started it was hard to stop. His lips, his tongue tasted like wine and the lemon tart he had somehow managed to finish after all that food. The longer the kiss lasted the more I had the urge to climb on his lap, but eventually, he pulled me on top of him instead. Somehow we had made it almost through the entire movie to then miss the ending and while the credits rolled over the screen my skin felt like it was on fire. This felt completely different from the time we had almost ended up in bed in Cape Town. I felt safe, even though I was nervous. This time it maybe was more excitement than nerves. When we both caught our breaths and I looked down at him I could see that Jin's eyes were heavy and he was swallowing hard. While he took a deep breath his hands were grabbing at the fabric on my sides. I knew he was holding back. And because I knew that if I spoke right now it would have come out as more of a stutter than actual words I used a shaky hand to move his hand lower, to the hem of my dress on my thighs. Jin's eyes followed the movement, then looking up at me. He was smiling, kissing me once more before actually moving my dress up my legs. Once my dress had come off and I had helped him out of his shirt I couldn't help look down at him. His lips swollen a little, his chest covered in pink blotches. He was beautiful. And he made me feel beautiful with the way he looked at me. I knew that my self-worth probably should have come from loving myself, not from attention from someone else but... how could I not feel good when his skin was warming up against mine when his hands roamed up my stomach. When we eventually moved over to his bed we were both more stumbling than walking. But it wasn't embarrassing. We laughed and kissed more and by the time he took my underwear off I wasn't thinking anymore at all.

Who knew it would only be a couple of days later that I saw him pushing his tongue down some random French girl's throat.