Author's Note: This chapter depicts a funeral of a Native American tribe. Tribal rituals are a private matter and not readily available as public knowledge, often times. This depiction is in no way meant to represent an accurate portrayal of customs of the tribe represented in the Twilight Saga. Any information of funeral depiction in this chapter was based on limited knowledge and conversations with friends of other tribes.

'Be my friend, hold me.

Wrap me up, enfold me.'

Sia

Breathe Me

.

The morning of Harry Clearwater's funeral was somber from the moment I awoke. Uncle Charlie's usually quiet house was past the point of comfortable silence. I felt like a mouse as I snuck into the kitchen with only the faint blue light from the dawn lighting my way. With cautious movements I prepared the morning coffee that I knew both Charlie and myself would be needing in order to get through the day. More so, I needed it to help get him through the day. He had been through too much.

Slow, steady feet dropped onto each step as I hit the 'brew' button, I turned as Charlie reached the last step where he stopped and stared out the front door. He looked awful, and I didn't know if I should hug him or not in fear of not knowing if it would help or make him lose it entirely. Feeling sheepish, I looked away and reached into the freezer for microwaveable breakfast sandwiches.

"Coffee smells good," Charlie croaked with a hoarse voice.

Glancing his way as I turned to the microwave, I could see him still staring, unmoving. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen Charlie like this and trying to put myself in his shoes was impossible. One of his best friends had just died unexpectedly and his daughter skipped town. The pain he must have been feeling would be unbearable.

"Do you want some" I asked, grabbing the pot and some mugs. It was a rhetorical question, something to fill the silence.

"Yeah," he cleared his throat, his footsteps finally carrying him to the kitchen table. As I handed him a mug full of coffee he gestured to the microwave. "What, uh… what are you making?"

"Oh! I, um…" I leaned against the counter. "I grabbed some of those breakfast sandwiches out of the freezer. I figured cooking wasn't high on either of our agendas."

Charlie almost laughed before mumbling an agreement as the microwave beeped. I plated the quick meal, joining him at the table where we ate in silence before splitting off to get ready.

…

"And how's Charlie doing?" Aunt Olivia's voice came through the phone as I closed the spare bedroom door, praying my uncle wouldn't come out of the bathroom yet and hear us talking. She had called me to check in before she started heading back to Forks from Seattle.

"I don't think I've ever seen him like this before. Maybe once," I pondered, digging into my memories of Mom and Dad's funeral, but it was hard to recall. I shook my head. "He just seems so…"

"Defeated?"

"Exactly," I agreed. "Between Harry dying and Bella taking off, I'm not honestly sure how he is handling this. It's too much to process."

"Well, I'll be leaving Seattle soon, but I don't think I'll make it to the funeral at all." She sighed. "Are you going to ride with Charlie or drive yourself?"

"I hadn't though about it," I folded one leg up on the bed, bringing my knee to my chin. I picked anxiously at my toenail.

Olivia sighed, pausing to think. "Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, considering," I lied, my patience with my aunt running short. After all, she had to have known about Dad and Mom. Her family was "gifted" too, apparently. She had been deceitful and I didn't feel like talking to her right now before an already exhausting day.

"Are you sure?" she questioned, genuinely concerned. "If you want to talk about something –" "It's nothing. I've got to go."

"O-okay. I'll see you later, hun."

I hung up, rather abruptly. Talking to Olivia only made me think more about my own problems, which I was trying hard to avoid. For the day, everything else had to be brushed under the rug. As I opened the bedroom door, Charlie was stepping out of the bathroom wearing black slacks and an undershirt. His eyes were redder than before.

He cleared his throat. "Bathroom's all yours."

"Thanks," I whispered. Almost to his room, I found my voice. "Charlie?"

He turned to look at me, but I was already there, attacking him with the hug I had been holding back all morning. Stunned at first, he just stood there. After a moment, Charlie slowly wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him. I could feel him shake as he exhaled and, for a split second, guilt washed over me for making him cry. But this was going to be the day. It wasn't me, it was everything else.

…

We arrived at the Quileute Cemetery and parked the squad. As we got out, I straightened my black pants and black button-down shirt. Looking around, I felt a little out of place. Native American traditions were different than anything I was used to. Sure, everyone was in dark clothes, but at the same time, there was a certain flare of color that remained. Dark blues and purples and reds and greens. Being outsiders, I was shocked we were allowed. Shocked, honored, a bit nervous. Charlie and I made our way to the Clearwater's, offering condolences and comforting embraces. Billy was being pushed by Jacob over the rough terrain and grass.

"Billy," I leaned over, hugging him tightly. "I'm so sorry. I forgot to say that yesterday."

"Thank you, Valerie." He nodded to me as we parted. "It was kind of you to accompany Charlie here. I'm glad he has had you with him the last few days."

I knew what Billy was implying. Glad I was here, since Bella wasn't.

I swallowed. "Harry was a good man. I want to pay my respects. Uncle Charlie said you would be speaking today, is that right?"

"Yes," Billy shifted uncomfortably. "All the elders thought I would best deliver the service."

Charlie came over and took Billy, leaving Jacob and I standing there in an extended awkward silence, both staring at the group around the simple casket wrapped in shawls and blankets positioned over the hole in the ground.

"How is your dad, honestly?" I spoke up, not looking at Jacob yet.

"He's all over the map, but staying strong, I guess." Jacob sighed.

"What about you?"

"What?"

"Come on, Jacob," I kicked the ground a little, looking down at a pebble I moved around with the toe of my boots. "You don't have to pretend. Harry meant something to you."

Jacob stood beside me, stuck in silence as we continued watching. Charlie was giving Seth a hug, talking to him and trying to comfort him, while Billy was talking to –

"Is that Leah?" my thought burst out.

It was, it had to be. Leah, but with shorter hair. She was wearing a foul expression as she turned on Billy and charged off towards the path into the woods. I moved forward to follow her. We had only had a few conversations ever, but I wanted to offer my condolences and make sure she was okay. In the short glimpse I caught of her yesterday, I didn't have that chance. She retreated to her bedroom immediately. Some would call it being nosy, I would call it 'knowing what it feels like'.

"Valerie," Jacob warned as he grabbed my wrist, forcing me to turn and face him. His eyes pleaded with me as the heat of his skin radiated into my hand. "Don't."

"Why?"

"Because you don't know everything that happened." He let go of my wrist. "Talking to Leah right now might not be safe and I think you know that."

"Right now, I guess I don't care about that." I walked away towards the girl standing alone in the trees.

As she watched me approach, I saw her demeanor shift again into a defensive stance, her arms crossed.

"Hey, Leah," I greeted.

"Hi." She didn't look at me, but I could see the redness in her eyes. "Look, no offence, but I really want to just be alone right now."

"Oh," my eyes widened as I moved to back away. "Of course, I just wanted to…"

"Yeah. Thanks," she replied coldly.

I continued to walk away, but something made me turn around to face her again. "Look, I really am sorry," I shouted in my most sincere voice. "I know hearing a million people say that doesn't help at first, I've been there, but –"

"You don't know what I'm feeling," Leah bit back, still staring at nothing ahead of her. Just the dark shadows of the deeper forest.

"You're right," I bobbed my head. "I don't know exactly what you are feeling, but I lost both my parents, so I understand."

She stopped for a second to digest that information before speaking again. "Did you kill them?"

My heart jumped into my throat. "W-what?"

"Did they die because of you?" Leah finally turned her head to look at me. "I know you know what happens on the res, same as your stupid cousin. You know what Jake is, Embry, Paul. You know what I am, right?"

"I mean, I had my suspicions –"

"Well, did you know it doesn't happen to girls?" she stepped towards me, and I could practically see the anger building up inside her. Dark brown eyes bore into me like she was trying to kill me. Like she would kill anything that got too close, like a wild animal. "That was the last thing my dad said to me. 'This can't be', followed by him collapsing in front of me and saying my name one last time before –"

She sobbed and slammed her fist into a tree before shrinking down, crouching on the balls of her feet, the hem of her knee length, deep purple dress touching the dirt in the back.

"This is all my fault," Leah shook as she ran her hands through her short, jet black hair, balling them into fists. "I don't deserve to be here."

I looked back out towards the gathering to see Jacob and Embry walking hastily towards the woods where we were. Facing Leah again, I paced towards her and without thinking knelt down in front of her and pulled her into me, forcing her into a hug.

"None of this is your fault, Leah." I spoke quickly as I held together the shaking body. "I know I barely know your family, but I know that Harry had heart trouble. He had health problems and that doesn't make you responsible for his death."

"You're lying," Leah's screamed through her angry sobs as she tried to pull away, the shaking becoming more violent. "You're just telling me what you think will make me feel better like everyone has been, but you don't know me! You don't understand."

Jacob and Embry were almost to the woods' edge. I didn't have much time left with her.

"Exactly," I swallowed hard as I held her tighter. "I don't know you. I don't know the first thing about you."

The shaking stopped.

"I'm not your friend," I continued. "I don't owe you anything. But I'm just looking at the facts here and it wasn't you, Leah. This was going to happen and it sucks but you have to accept that so you can go out there and mourn your father. So you can be there for your family."

Her fingers dug into my back as the shaking returned, just as Jacob and Embry's footsteps entered the woods. Leah's trembling turned into loud, mournful, uncontrollable sobs as she collapsed into me. I leaned back on my heels, letting her lay into my lap as she wept. Her crying was contagious, and I too had tears dripping from my eyes. Part of it may have been the bruises I could feel forming on my back from her tight grip.

"Leah," a female voice came from behind me. I turned to see Sue running up to us, her face stricken with concern for her daughter. "Oh, Leah!"

"Mom!"

I shifted out of the way, allowing mother and daughter to hold each other. Sue, after a moment, calmed Leah down enough that they could walk out to begin the burial. Embry, who I realized I was seeing for the first time in his 'new form' followed them out while Jacob lingered, waiting for me to move.

"That was a really nice thing you did for Leah," he said. "You know, comforting her."

I stood, brushing the leaves and dirt from my knees. "I've been there, that's all. So have you."

"Yeah, well, it was also a really stupid thing to do." Jacob's voice was calm, yet unsteady. "You knew. You knew what she was and yet you moved towards her when she was about to… You could have been hurt."

"Leah didn't want to hurt anybody," I looked at him placidly. "She's just in pain. Sometimes when you're falling apart, the only thing you want is for somebody to hold the pieces together."

Jacob broke his eye contact with me, dropping his eyes to the forest floor.

"We should get back –"

"I shouldn't have left you," Jacob interjected quickly. He stepped into my path that lead from the woods. "The night that Harry died and Bella left, you asked me to stay and I walked away from you. I failed you as a friend."

"Jake," I began.

"No!" He exhaled loudly, nostrils flaring. "I was selfish."

"You had to get back to Sam," I tried to ease his worry. "It's fine."

"It wasn't fine, Valerie." Jacob looked down at me with remorse. "I can't imagine what you were feeling, finding out about all of this. You told me you were afraid and I just –"

I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around his torso, squeezing tightly. No, I hadn't been happy with Jacob, but I didn't want him to be feeling so terribly about himself. The truth was that there was no blame to place on him. He had a duty and he kept that duty. Deep down, I blamed myself for not having reached out to him before that stupid night.

"Can we forget about that night? Just for today? If I'm going to get through today, I can't…" my voice shook as a pleaded, still clinging to him. I wished so much to be able to explain to him everything coursing through my head. In that moment, I was the one who wanted to be held together.

"Heh," Jacob sniffed in as his voice lightened. His arms were wrapped around me in return. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right."

Hesitantly, I admitted, "I missed you."

"Same," he said before pausing for a long time and squeezing a little tighter. He spoke again as we finally started to part. "You know, you shouldn't make a habit of approaching irritable wolves."

I snorted. "Yeah, I guess that's not the best idea."

"Come on," Jacob wrapped an arm around me for a few paces as we trudged back towards the gathering of people. When we got there, I took my place beside Charlie as the funeral began.

…

At the log cabin-like community center, a feast took place after the burial. Everyone from the community was there, even if they hadn't been at the burial itself. The whole tribe was there in support of the Clearwater family. I stuck by Charlie, afraid of getting lost in the crowd and not knowing anyone but the few shapeshifters who didn't seem to give me the friendliest of looks. Of course, I wasn't exactly giving them accepting vibes.

I sipped on my water and watched from across the room. Jacob was talking to his new friends, if that's what they could be considered. At least Embry had been his friend all along. The rest of them were questionable. My heart pained as I thought of the one missing friend of the original trio. Quil hadn't even shown up today, and I wondered if the prospect of facing his old friends was too much. I made a mental note to check in on him, or maybe guilt Jacob into it.

Leah and Seth were beside their mother for the entire gathering, and I tried to catch their attention and give a comforting smile a few times. Seth was receptive, while Leah avoided me entirely.

"You really don't give up, do you?"

I turned. Jacob had slid up next to me at some point. He wasn't looking at me, but he gestured his chin towards Leah.

"She's not exactly the cheeriest person to be around, even when she's not in mourning," he clarified. "Just because you know what we are now doesn't mean you should try to befriend Leah. I don't need to tell you again how dangerous that was. I wish I could explain more." Jacob's breath caught in his throat as he sighed deeply and looked at our surroundings.

"Not exactly the time or place with all these people around," I agreed. "Still. I'd rather risk being around Leah than the other…" my words fell short. The other monsters.

"Hey," Jacob was watching me now. I watched him back. "You know I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

I gave a small smile to acknowledge my understanding. "Yeah. I know that."

But can you protect me from myself?

"Hey," Uncle Charlie's voice interrupted as he walked over. "You ready to head home?"

I sucked my lips inward and nodded, turning to leave with Charlie after he bid Jacob farewell. He had clearly moved on from blaming Jacob for all the previous drama, which was good.

"Oh," I turned back to Jacob quickly. "Can you… Could you maybe thank the tribe or elders or something for letting us come to this? This was really interesting." Oh god, had I seriously referred to a funeral as interesting? "Er – I mean, not interesting but –"

Jacob laughed a little and nodded. "I know what you're saying. Yeah."

"Thanks," I smiled bashfully and headed to leave again before I felt a hand on my wrist.

"Hey," Jacob turned me to look at him. "Maybe we can talk later, then," he questioned, almost begging.

I grabbed his hand reassuringly for a moment, squeezing lightly. "Yeah, of course."

…

When Charlie and I got back to the house I didn't linger long He wanted to be alone, and I understood that and wanted to respect his wishes, no matter how much I was going to worry about him all night. I changed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt before gathering everything in my duffle, aside from Mom's leather jacket that I had slipped on instead, and I meandered down the steps to the living room where Charlie sat in silence, grasping a beer can. He didn't look up from the spot he was staring at on the floor, unaware that I had entered the room.

"Uncle Charlie?" I lowered my duffle strap off my shoulder to the floor, walking cautiously to him.

Charlie's heavy brown eyes lifted. "Got all your stuff?" he asked, shifting in his chair, still wearing the funeral attire that looked disheveled now.

"Yeah," I paced to the arm of the chair and kneeled down. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

"Valerie –"

"I just want to make sure you'll be alright."

Charlie sighed, setting his beer down on the coffee table and pulling me up into a tight hug.

"Love you, kid," he slurred together the string of words. Charlie was never very good at that stuff.

"Love you too, Uncle Charlie." I hugged him tighter before we broke apart. Heading for the door and grabbing my duffle, I turned around once more. "I'm just a call away if you need anything at all."

The cold damp air of March shot through my clothes as I stepped out the door. It had been raining on the way home from Harry's funeral and had since stopped, but the trees were still dripping occasionally on the concrete sidewalk to the driveway. The pitter patter was the only sound in the silent night, except the sound of a whisper –

The whisper of Bella and Edward Cullen talking next to a black car.

I froze about 20 feet away from them, my heart leaping into my throat. My brain was fighting against the instinct to run, reminding me of what the books said, and what Jacob had told me. The Cullen's wouldn't hurt anyone. Anyone human. That fact didn't quell my fears.

"Valerie," Bella said as she stared at me. "Val, I'm –"

"Save it," I cut off my cousin with a cold, venomous strike. My glare shifted from Edward to her.

"I understand what you must be feeling," Edward stepped in front of Bella, one step too close for me. "Bella explained to me that you know about my family and myself. Your discretion is appreciated. I hope we can –"

"Shut up," I growled. "Don't think that my silence about the truth of you and your family is to benefit anyone but myself and my family. You think anyone would believe me? No. I'd be locked up in a psych ward for the rest of my life. I won't say a word to anyone, but don't expect me to like you. Every day that you are around my cousin, you risk her life."

"Val, don't blame Edward," Bella interjected.

"You," I pointed a finger at Bella before curling it back into a strained fist. "Don't think I'm forgiving you either. Being with him risks all of us. With that other vampire that wants to kill you lurking around, you put all of us in danger. You put me in danger that day in the woods. Me, Charlie, Olivia. What happens if it comes looking for you and finds us instead?"

"That won't happen. My family will be watching all of you to protect you from any harm that Victoria may try to cause," Edward stated with a smooth, sickly calm voice.

"No, I don't want your protection," my voice cracked. "I don't want anything from you."

"You can accept Jacob for what he is, but you can't accept Edward?" Bella spat. "You're a hypocrite."

"Pretty sure Jacob doesn't eat people. He also doesn't pull you away from your family and he doesn't terrify the shit out of me." A scoff escaped me. "I mean, Jesus, Bella. Do you have any idea how screwed up all of this is? This isn't the real world. None of this is supposed to be real and I just –" my eyes threated to spill tears. "I can't do this right now. I just want to go home."

Walking through the grass to avoid them, I reached for my car door handle, cranking open the door with a small creak. "By the way," I tossed my bag into the passenger seat and looked to Bella again. "You missed Harry Clearwater's funeral. Be gentle with Charlie when you go inside, or I swear I will make you regret coming home."

.

Author's Note Again: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! The next few might be a little slower to come, as I want to make sure everything is as well written as I can. Creative juices aren't flowing as well at the moment and these chapters weren't already written by my past self in my notebooks. Apparently I only cared about the fun chapters. Ha! Thanks, past me.