Chapter 36: Pranked

Disclaimer: This author in no way profits from the writing of this story. All characters, dialogue, or other referenced material from the Mass Effect trilogy belong to BioWare.

Author's Note: This story does not necessarily follow any particular story and may not be chronologically accurate.

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Just over half an hour later, Vadix made it to the core.

Without Cassana.

The sneaking part itself hadn't taken that long. The main reason it had taken them 30 minutes was because, after scoping out their surroundings, they couldn't agree on a plan.

He'd tried to persuade her to a different course of action, but she wouldn't be swayed. The infuriating woman had insisted on a full-frontal assault in order to give him the best possible chance of remaining undetected.

It wasn't really an assault though. She'd merely introduced herself to the engineer and asked for a brief tour of the bay.

The other human, Gabriella Daniels, had seemed hesitant at first about leaving her post, but Cassana had nearly begged her, claiming she was going to be late for her class and was in "dire need of assistance".

Somewhat reluctantly, the engineer had acquiesced and escorted the redhead out the door and down the stairs.

Vadix had been waiting on the far side up from the cargo bay, watching for them. While Engineer Daniels descended the stairs, the turian had ascended them, easily slipping into the engineering room and beyond to the drive core.

He breathed a sigh of relief that the other engineer hadn't suddenly appeared. After all, they had no back-up plan; his arrival would have been disastrous for their assignment.

"Excellent work, Mr. Ramraka," came their teacher's unsolicited voice, causing him to jump back.

Kasumi materialized in front of him, grinning knowingly.

All Vadix could do was scowl. He didn't like being snuck up on, ever.

The human tut-tutted at him, shaking her head mockingly. "Now, now, there's no need for such behavior. You've done so wonderfully after all. You really should be proud. Even if you could have done it faster," she tapped a finger against her jaw, leaning against the railing.

Grunting in response he turned away, ready to return to his companion—whose company, though irritating at times, was immensely preferable to this mysterious woman.

He didn't know why she annoyed him so much. After all, they'd only just met less than an hour ago. But she did.

"Come now," she purred, sidling up to him as she blocked his exit. "Surely you can't be that eager to get away from me. What's your hurry? You know, I've always wondered about your type."

The man took a step back, her proximity adding to his irritation. What was she going on about? he wondered. "We should probably go get Cass," he murmured, unsure to what Kasumi was alluding. But he didn't want to encourage her, whatever it was.

"Ah, I see. You're not very primal, are you? More of an emotional creature, I suppose. Very well." She said all of this very slowly, almost soothingly.

It had the effect of further confusion on the turian.

Then she continued, suddenly businesslike. "Now your task is to return to the cargo bay, undetected."

And she disappeared. Again.

Vadix felt his jaw drop slightly. She was asking the impossible.

Not all of them could simply turn invisible on demand.

He felt a tap on his upper arm, and he turned.

Kasumi appeared for one moment, saying with a smirk, "Just kidding. Race you." She winked, he blinked, and she was gone.

Growling subvocals expressed his irritation, but he took off at a run anyway.

Nearly barreling into one of the engineers—both were now present on the deck; thank the spirits he'd made it in time—Vadix raced around the corners and down the stairs.

Their instructor sat primly on a crate, one leg tucked under the other, as she unhurriedly scrolled through something on her omni-tool.

"Vadix!" Cass exclaimed, jumping down from her own crate. "Are you alright? What's wrong?"

Throwing another scowl at Kasumi, he answered under his breath, "Nothing." His ears were roaring with the sound of his secondary vocals, but neither woman reacted in the slightest and Vadix came to a sudden realization: humans must not be able to hear subvocals.

If they could, both would have sworn at him to tone it down.

This discovery offered him some relief, momentary though it was.

Kasumi hopped down as well and strode toward them. She looked at them both, separately, before speaking. "Not the best run, I'm afraid," she began, nodding sagely. "You need to learn to act more quickly, relying completely on each other. But it could have been worse too. Which makes my job a bit easier, thankfully. Are you ready to continue?"

Sharing a glance, both the turian and the human nodded—one of them was far more enthusiastic than the other.

"Excellent," the hooded woman grinned. It was almost scary. "Vadix, I'm afraid you're not really cut out for undercover ops—not your fault really; generally speaking, your species just isn't great at stealth—but Cass, you've got enough natural grace we should be able to mold you into a lithe and sneaking… well, maybe not an assassin, but certainly a seductress." At this she winked at his partner.

Who also grinned.

Damn her, Vadix thought, grinding his jaw. He was hoping to have an ally in his dislike for this magician thief. And damn this Goto woman, he added for good measure. Though a part of him agreed with her, much as he wanted to deny it. Despite all his years with C-Sec, he'd never been selected to participate in a sting operation. The turian had wanted to believe it was due to prejudice, not a lack of skill.

Most likely, though, it was both.

"..homework will be to pull pranks on various crew members. The only rules are that you must not be caught, and no endangering the mission." Kasumi looked sternly at them both, and somehow Vadix knew that she knew that he hadn't been listening. Only the mention of 'homework' had been enough to draw his attention again. "You have two days. Now, let's see if you can impress me." She smiled that catlike smile once more and, as seemed to be customary for her, vanished.

Facing each other once more, the man could see immediately that his partner was genuinely excited, which surprised him. He wanted to know if she had natural inclinations toward prankster tendencies.

She beat him to the punch. "I love this. It's gonna be great. We just need to plan some things out, and then we can have some real fun!" Cassana's eyes glittered with delight, morphing into sparkling smoke, nearly suffocating him. "Come on!" she exclaimed, grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the cargo bay.

Good thing too, because Vadix wasn't sure he would know where to start: it seemed he hadn't a single frivolous bone in his body.

But it seemed that Cassana definitely did.

The realization was both terrifying and exhilarating.

Maybe she could help him loosen up.

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After several hours of planning, they had one solid scheme, one potential plan, and one crazy idea.

Perhaps the hardest part had been selecting targets: since they didn't really know anyone else on the crew, they weren't sure whom to prank. Who would be the easiest victim? Was anyone off limits? How would each person react to a practical joke?

Cass had suggested the pilot, Joker, based almost exclusively on his nickname. Plus, he'd seemed like a good-natured person from the one admittedly short conversation Cass had had with him.

Vadix felt the need to get back at the muscular human who had seemed too interested in Cass—both on the very first day of their assignment with Commander Shepard as well as since they'd boarded the Normandy—even if the marine wouldn't know about the ulterior motive. The turian merely told his partner that Lieutenant Vega seemed like an easy guy to fool, and she seemed to believe him.

Then they had both agreed that the engineers would be a safe bet, considering they'd been participants in their earlier training, albeit unwittingly.

These last two would be their first victims, to get the most difficult part done first. The layout of the engineering deck wasn't particularly great for practical jokes, but that wouldn't stop them. After some creative thinking and several extranet searches, they'd arrived at a consensus.

First item on their to do list was to collect some cups—a lot of cups—and a couple gallons of water. These they managed to loot from the mess area. They hoped it would be enough; surplus materials didn't seem to be the norm on a military frigate.

Next they found a relatively secluded hallway where they could work out the sensitivity of the automatic door sensors. If they got too close, they'd give themselves away and fail their homework assignment.

Vadix wanted to do some reconnaissance, learn their victims' behavior patterns, but Cass insisted they didn't have time for that. Though it would have been helpful for their mission, she silently agreed.

Waiting until both engineers had recently returned from their breaks, spaced about an hour apart, the would-be pranksters figured it would be at least another hour before either of the crew members left again.

They moved into position between the double set of doors leading from the main hall to the engineering room, ready to begin.

Cass counted the number of cups they had, doing some mental math. "I wish we had more," she bemoaned aloud.

Vadix simply shrugged, a soft smile on his face. "You've said that already."

"It's still true," she grumped, shoving him playfully. "We'll have to be strategic with placement in order to block both halls."

Waving a hand noncommittally, the turian murmured, "You place; I'll pour. Just keep your voice down."

She scowled but did as she was bid. Calculating how close they could get to the door separating them from their victims, Cass set the first cup down close to the wall, then another about a foot away, then another, and another, until the first row was complete. The next row would be slightly offset to create diamond shapes, but the cups needed liquid first.

This was Vadix' job, so the woman moved aside to give him space. After they were filled, Cass laid out the next set, not quite a whole foot back from the first row. Again Vadix poured water into each cup until they were about half full, then Cass would move back in to set up the next round. Working in companionable silence, they followed this pattern until they'd created a barrier about three feet wide spanning from wall to wall.

They stepped back to admire their handiwork.

"If a person really wanted to, they could probably maneuver through this minefield without tipping anything over," Vadix commented.

Turning to stare at him, Cass wondered if he was going to suggest they change something. They'd already spent nearly 20 minutes on this side and they still had to finish the hallway across the cargo bay—they could be seen at any moment!

He continued, "But they'd probably have to be nimbler than even Miss Kasumi Goto to manage it." The look he gave her was subtly proud, and it made the woman's stomach flutter, something she hadn't experienced for a long time.

The realization made her stop.

What was happening? Cass had avoided emotional attachments for years. Her consulting work may have been heavily tied to the metaphysical side of relationships, but her own personal interests had been entirely carnal.

Feelings of any kind would only open a person to mental or physical pain. Or worse, both. It wasn't something she'd allowed to happen ever since her mother had been taken and she'd been taken in by Kublai. That relationship had left her feeling raw and vulnerable, exposed to the cruel claws of so-called love.

It wasn't an experience she ever wanted to repeat.

Until now.

Now there was one set of claws to which she'd gladly expose herself, body and soul.

This thought made her heart race, until she remembered he'd made it very clear his interests were directed elsewhere. Momentary exhilaration slowing, Cass plastered a grin on her face. "Excellent," she opined, faking enthusiasm. "Now the other side." She left without another word, the desire to flee coursing through her mind.

If only she could escape her own emotions.

Vadix followed without comment, and once again they set about setting up their barrier. At some point they could hear the engineers speaking loudly, yelling even, and both the turian and the human froze. The voices were indistinct and the door remained resolute.

"Probably best just to keep going," her partner murmured. "We can't stop them from using the doors, but the sooner we finish the less likely they'll catch us."

Cass nodded, "Agreed."

And just like that the awkward tension she'd been feeling dissipated, evaporating in the face of potential discovery.

Working quickly, they completed another moat of water-filled cups several feet wide. This time they didn't stick around to admire the finished product. Holding the remaining two cups, Cass dashed away with Vadix behind her, easily lugging the nearly empty water jug. She couldn't help the giggles overtaking her as she smashed the elevator call button.

The man looked at her like she was mad. "The likelihood of them finding us now is slim to none," he pointed out, clearly impassive to her own imp-like behavior.

"You never know!" she stage-whispered, hopping slightly from foot to foot. "You ready for round two?"

"'Round two'?" Vadix repeated. "We didn't talk about trapping anyone else with cups."

Rolling her eyes, Cass explained with the utmost patience. "No, I mean our next prank. Kasumi didn't specify any time limit or quantity requirement, but I think the faster we do things, the better. Before anyone catches on to what's happening."

The turian nodded, understanding spreading across his face. "A brilliant strategy, Cassana. Then our next item of business is to download a PLN program onto one of our omni-tools." For maybe the first time ever, he looked positively gleeful.

Ignoring the twitter of butterfly wings brought on by the simple use of her name, she replied as nonchalantly as possible, "Sounds like you're actually enjoying yourself now."

Vadix glanced at her as they stepped into the elevator. "Maybe," he allowed, the ghost of a smile twitching one mandible.

The human lifted her hands in defense. "Just saying, mischief can be fun, you know." She paused and then, when he didn't answer, continued speaking, "But I have to ask: what's a PLN program?"

With a shrug, her partner explained, "Stands for Personal Layover Network. Utilizing one will mask a user's online identity. Makes it harder to trace any searches you do, among other things."

Cass felt her eyebrows pull together. "Why would we need to hide who we are?"

Again Vadix shrugged. "You never know who might go looking for you. And since the whole point of this exercise is to be sneaky, I figure it can't hurt to cover our tracks. Even on the net."

"Whatever you say," she replied drily but with a smile, teasing him. "You planning on looking up naughty things?"

One sideways look later he answered her. "If you consider user manuals 'naughty', then yes."

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I hope this chapter made you smile - I sure had a blast writing it!