May 2021
Anna had never really spared many thoughts as to what hell on Earth could look like, but if she had, there was some chance it would be close to what was happening now all through India's major cities, including Hyderabad. From the first day of opening, their field hospital had been filled within a few hours, which meant that the workers had to handle two hundred and fifty admissions in less than twelve hours, including fifty critically ill patients. No one had ever had to handle that much new patients in such a short time. There had almost been a brawl outside the field hospital's tents, as people rushed to have their relative admitted. The staff had to call for the hospital security, and they had to put up barriers to tame up the flow. As much as they hated that, the doctors and nurses had to go outside and assess people in a few minutes, on the pavement, and hastily decide who was going to be taken inside and who was not. Every time a bed was freed, either because the patient had died or because he or she had got better and had been released, his or her place was filled within the next half-hour. Since that first day, time was but one long unending shift for the healthcare workers. There was no schedule, no day- or night- shifts, no day off. People were working as long as they could stand on their two feet, stopping for a few minutes now and them and grabbing whatever they could lay their hands on to eat. When they were too exhausted, they went back to their hotel room or their home, for the locals, slept a few hours, and came back. As Anna had feared, it was very uncomfortable working in full PPE in the heat, and she thought she lost several pounds in sweat every day. She cherished every time she could enjoy the luxury of a fresh shower.
x x x x
Five days after the facility had opened, Anna had been once again running to and fro for many hours, drenched in sweat inside her plastic overall, and she was looking for Gwen, in need of a nurse to help her with a patient. Every member of the staff she could lay her eyes upon was already deeply busy. As Harendra passed by her, she called after him:
- Harendra, have you seen Gwen?
He barely turned back, mumbling:
- No I don't know.
She went to look into the part of the tents that was used as a makeshift nurses' room, and finally found a white form, crumbled on the floor in a ball, whiffs of red hair visible out of her partly put down hood.
Anna swiftly crouched beside Gwen, shaking her softly, wondering if her friend had fallen asleep right there on the floor, or if she was feeling sick.
- Gwen? Hey girl, what are you doing here?
Her friends' touch and voice made Gwen shake up, as if she was coming out of some sort of trance. Her face was wet with tears, and she cried:
- Oh Anna… I can't bear it, I'm sorry, I though I could but I'm not strong enough! All those people outside, the crying, the yelling, I can't take it. It's too much.
Her words faded into harsh sobs. Anna sat down on the floor in front of her, and took her hands. She waited for a moment until the crying slowed down a bit, then talked:
- Gwen. Look at me. You're not responsible for what's happening outside alright. You have to try not to think about that. We know we can't save the world. And we can't save every person that's waiting outside, no matter how hard we want to. These… she added, gesturing to the alleys of the makeshift hospital, these are the people we can help. You have to focus on them. We have to focus on doing what is within our power to do, not on the rest. Otherwise we will all become crazy. And that won't help anyone. Alright? Do you understand what I'm saying?
Gwen nodded through her tears.
- Yes, yes. I know you're right, I know that. But it's hard.
- I know it is. Do you think I don't dream about them any time I go to sleep?
Gwen nodded once again, and wiped her cheeks.
- Go back to the hotel, advised Anna. Get a little sleep.
- Yeah, alright.
- OK. Go, I'll see you later.
Anna got up and went back to the ward, looking for another nurse to help her in her task. It was not uncommon that one or the other member of the crew that worked there had a breakdown now and then. Anna herself cried about every time she tried to get a little sleep.
x x x x
A few days later, as she went out of a much needed and heavenly-feeling shower, and prepared to get some sleep, she suddenly realized that it had been five days since she had last talked to John and Timmy. She always sent short texts to let them know she was still alive and fighting, but things had been such a whirlwind that she had not taken time to make a video-call. She looked at the time. It was nearly midnight, which meant it was about eight o'clock in York. Timmy would be going to bed. She could maybe catch them before he was asleep. She sent a text to John, and got an almost immediate reply. A few minutes later, the incoming Skype call was ringing on her laptop. Tears immediately came up to her eyes when she saw her son's and John's smiling faces.
- Hi Mummy!
- Hi sweetheart, how are you? asked John, concerned. It's been a long time…
She swiftly wiped her tears, not wanting to worry them more.
- Hi Timmy! Hi John! I'm alright, I'm alright… Tired, but OK. I'm sorry I haven't called more, it's kind of hectic here. There's so much work…
- Yeah, I've been watching BBC World, it looks… frightening.
Anna shook her head, not wanting to discuss the gruelling things she was witnessing in front of Timmy.
- How have you been, you two? How's school Timmy?
- It's good Mum, I got an A+ in reading!
- Oh, wow, great! I'm so proud of you darling.
They spent more moments discussing Timmy and John's day to day life. It eased Anna's feeling to hear about the normal and unimportant things they had done. They told her about their bike rides, about the things they had worked on for the house. The renovation seemed to be well under way, and John was confident that they would be able to move in soon after Anna came back. The thought of that made her heart swell. After a little while, Timmy yawned, and John said:
- We were going to bed, in fact, when you called. Do you want to stay on line while we tell the story?
- Oh yes, I'd love that.
She settled on her bed, while Timmy and John did the same on Timmy's bed thousands of miles away. She almost dozed a little as she listened to John's soft voice telling Timmy's favourite story. When the story was done, John said:
- We've taken a new bedtime habit, of singing one or two songs on the guitar. Do you want to hear? I've been working on some new ones.
- Sure! she nodded.
- We watched the "Trolls" movie the other day, so Timmy asked me to learn "The Sound of Silence". It's a beautiful song, though not very cheerful.
- Oh, yeah, I like that one.
John reached for his guitar, while Timmy lay in his bed, his head on the pillow, ready to listen. The first guitar notes echoed in Anna's hotel room, and she immediately felt soothed, as John began to sing:
- "Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
"Fools" said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence"
- That was so beautiful darling. Did you like it Timmy?
- Yes mum. Another one, John? asked the boy.
John smiled, and said:
- Alright, but just the last one. After that, it's time to sleep.
- Yes, agreed Timmy.
- This one I learnt after we watched "M. Peabody and Sherman", remember Anna?
- Yeah, which one was it already?
- Listen…
He sent her a happy wink before he started playing again, and her heart swelled with love when she heard and remembered the lyrics of that song. Oh how she couldn't wait to be back with them.
- "Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait to see you come of age
But I guess, we'll both just have to be patient
'Cause it's a long way to go, a hard row to hoe
Yes, it's a long way to go but in the meantime
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy"
When the song ended, Timmy was not yet quite asleep, but Anna was. John looked through the laptop screen and laughed to Timmy:
- Look, I think you mum was very tired, she's fallen asleep.
The boy very accurately noted:
- She works too much.
- You might be right, my boy. But she loves the job and she's very good at it. Now you should sleep too. Good night, he said, bending to kiss Timmy's head.
- Good night John. When's Mummy coming back?
- In eight days, she's coming back to England. Then she has to stay two weeks in quarantine to make sure she's not ill, and then she'll come back. We have ticked the days on the calendar, remember?
- Oh yeah, it's true. I miss her… he frowned.
- I miss her too sweetie, very much. But she'll soon be back, don't worry. Goodnight.
Timmy settled himself under his blanket, and John turned off the light, before leaving the room, holding the laptop.
x x x x
Looking through the tiny plane window beside her, Anna thought she had never felt that much tired in her whole life. Even in the early days after Timmy's birth, when she had been alone with a sleepless newborn, tiredness had never crushed her that way. It was a combination of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. The memories of the last three weeks were rushing through her head in a blurry whirlwind, through which from time to time, emerged a face, a name, a situation that came back clearly. She tried to put her attention on the movie she had launched on her personal screen, but her mind was too tired to focus on the story, so she gave up. Gwen beside her was sound asleep, as exhausted as herself. After her breakdown, the young nurse had held it up quite well. Anna squeezed her hand and turned her head to look back through the window. Thoughts of her friend Danhia came back to her suddenly, and fresh tears ran down her cheeks. Her brother had been taken ill a few days earlier. He only had mild symptoms for the moment, and Anna prayed with all her heart that it would stay that way. She had noted his phone number and intended to ask for news regularly. She herself had had a negative PCR test the day before, so that she and the rest of the English crew were allowed to board their plane home. It was something they took great pride into, that none of the staff who worked in the field hospital, after a good training on the correct and thorough use of PPEs, had tested Covid positive during the three weeks they had been there. It was quite unlikely it would stay that way forever, but it was already something. Now, after the eight hours flight, fourteen days of quarantine lay ahead of her.
The hotel that housed Anna and her colleagues was filled only with quarantining people, instead of the usual tourists and businesspeople. This time, of course, she was alone in her room, and not allowed to go out. The silence and the cool temperature were a stark contrast to the noise and agitation and heat she had lived in for three weeks. Every day, a nurse from the NHS Quarantine Surveillance Program called her to check on her physical and mental state. She had spent the first four days sleeping around the clock. She woke up for short periods of time, only to eat a little, go to the loo, shower and send texts to John, and then she fell asleep again. On the fifth day she started feeling a little more rested, physically at least. Now that she was awake, she quickly felt bored, so she tried to organize her days. Three meals were delivered to her door each day, and she could order whatever more she liked through Uber Eats or the hotel reception. She started exercising a little, with the help of some YouTube fitness channel, caught up on some shows she had been watching on Netflix, and called Thomas so that he would send her some work to do. They were part of another controlled study at the hospital, so he sent her a bunch of patients' files that had to be analysed and entered into some Excel files. That filled a few hours of her time each day, and helped her brain go back to "normal mode". Then, she had her daily online appointment with John and Timmy. Since she had been back to Britain, they had started playing some online games together, and it became their new tradition, to share about half an hour of playing every afternoon. It was even more frustrating being away from them, now that she was back in her country, feeling perfectly healthy, and had nothing left to do. She had started to count the days until her return too. Timmy continued to cross each day on his calendar. But she noted to herself that it was much easier quarantining with all the modern technologies. How bored she would have been if she had had only some books and a phone that only made phone calls.
At last, after fourteen long days, and one last negative PCR test, the whole crew met up in the hotel lobby. There were laughs and hugs, and they finally made their way to the train station, where the train to York would take them home.
x x x x
- Is she coming soon? asked Timmy for the umpteenth time.
They had been waiting on the platform for about twenty minutes, and the boy was getting restless. John had warned him that they would be early and that they would have to wait for some time, since Anna's train only arrived at four pm, but Timmy had insisted they go to the station right away when John had picked him up from school. John had tried to distract him with a snack and a walk in the nearby park, but now there was nothing more that could tame Timmy's excitation at his mum's return.
- In about ten minutes, replied John patiently.
A few dozen miles away, Anna was getting restless too, shifting in her seat. Her knee kept bouncing up and down, as she felt the minutes lasted longer than they should. After that so peculiar time in her life, all she craved for was normalcy, a routine existence with her son and partner. She looked at the blurry landscapes, and tried to focus on the music that was playing in her earphones. Across the table, Ed was dozing in his seat, and next to her, Gwen was texting her boyfriend. Anna thought about what they had lived through together for the last fourteen months, and felt like there were bound forever by those special memories they shared.
Timmy started jumping up and down when he finally saw the train approaching in the distance.
- She's coming, she's coming! he yelled.
John took the boy's hand, worried that he might start running off on the platform and get lost, or get too close to the edge.
- She is. Only a few more minutes to wait.
As she got off the carriage with her backpack and her suitcase, Anna immediately started searching the crowd for the two familiar silhouettes. She said goodbye to her travel companions and started moving towards the end of the platform. Her heart suddenly bounced when she finally got a glimpse of them. As she came closer and saw Timmy more clearly, she could have sworn he had gotten bigger during her month-long absence.
- Mummy! yelled the boy, as he shook off John's hand and ran up to her.
She almost toppled over as he threw himself at her with all his might. She received him graciously and picked him up in her arms, although she could barely carry him up now that he had got so heavy.
- Timmy, my sweet darling! she said, tears flowing on her cheeks.
She put him down, and looked up to see that John had come up to them too.
- John, oh sweet Lord I'm so happy to see you, she cried. I've missed you both so, so much!
As John and Anna hugged, Timmy tugged at their clothes:
- I wanna hug too, I wanna hug too!
So John bent to pick him up, and laughed:
- How about a sandwich hug?
And he took in the wide embrace of his arms both Timmy and Anna, and all three of them shared some laugh and some tears. When John had finally put Timmy down, and picked up Anna's luggage, the boy took her mother's arm and pulled her towards the station:
- Mum, come on, we have a surprise for you!
- You have? What kind of surprise? she asked, looking sideways to John.
- I can't tell, replied the child.
Anna arched her eyebrows, casting an interrogative look to John, who shrugged in pretend ignorance.
- He cannot tell, and neither can I, he smirked. We can only take you to see it.
So the three of them started walking hand in hand to the parking lot.
Home, sweet home! ;)
Credits:
Simon & Garfunkel - The sound of silence
John Lennon - Beautiful Boy