Apologies for any confusion last time LOL we still have a handful of chapters to go. The last chapter will be 40, though, and the epilogue will follow. Weeee.

Love love love to Hadley, Liv, May, and Rahnnie! Couldn't and wouldn't wanna do this without them!

See ya Friday?

Chapter Thirty-Five
EPOV

"Was it always this good?" Bella asks, a hitch in her voice when I thrust my hips harder.

"It's better," I tell her. It's the fucking truth. We've always been good together, but this is… this is something else.

She's on top of me, then, her hips moving lazily now. I slide my hands up her ribs, my thumbs tracing her tits. She picks up her speed, and I groan, half from how wet and warm she is, and half from the pressure of her leg digging into my thigh. This pain is welcome, though. It's mixed with pleasure and her, and there's no way in hell I'm gonna tell her to stop.

She notices my wince and slows down. "Should I—"

"No."

"But—"

"Keep going," I urge.

Her knees dig into the mattress, and she falls forward until our chests are flush then covers my mouth with hers. Her hair's in my face, and her kiss is heated until she's sucking on my neck, teeth grazing lightly.

"Don't stop, 'cause I know you're close." I say it to taunt and tease, and when she pulls back a little, the look on her face is exactly what I was going for: surprise, mixed with a little bit of smugness.

She laughs seductively. "Oh, am I?"

She is. When she used to be on top, she'd always bury her face in my neck right before she'd come. I pick up the pace and grab her ass, fucking and loving and showing her how much I do know her. I pound and push until I hear her little pants and gasps. Until I feel her clenching around me. Until I'm coming, too.

I never want to leave this bed, and I tell her as much. After months of not knowing what was gonna happen with us, not knowing if I was gonna be able to heal enough to make it back, or if she'd even want me again if I did, things feel… good. I feel good.

It also doesn't hurt that the way she was riding me felt fucking great.

I know it can't be like this forever, though. We've been wrapped up in each other for the last two days. No distractions. No interruptions. Just endless hours of being together. She doesn't know it, but it almost feels like it used to. Like we're us again. Like I could close my eyes, and for a second, it'd be last summer with lazy days in her bed and all the time in the fucking world. We can't go back, though. Too much shit has gone down. Even if we're not the same two people we were months ago, our feelings for each other haven't changed. We just have to be careful. We gotta bide our time until we can leave. Which is why later tonight she'll go to her parents' place to celebrate becoming a fucking Witherdale. I'll be here, trying not to punch my fist through the wall when I think of how James believes she's his.

If his hand finds her lower back, her body will have been branded by me. If he tries to kiss her again, her mouth will taste like mine. Thinking of those little things keeps me grounded. They keep me fucking sane.

"Hey," Bella murmurs, her face close to mine.

I smile. "Hi."

The way she's looking at me makes my chest feel funny in the best fucking way. Her eyes are tender, and she presses a single kiss to the skin above my heart, like she knows I'm worried. Like her kiss will take all of that pain away. I wish it would.

"I love you," I tell her. I don't think I've said that yet. At least not with those exact words. I've shown her, though, and there's no way she doesn't know. There's no way she doesn't feel that intensity from me. Her gaze is soft, but she stays quiet. Maybe it's too soon to confess things like that, but I don't care. It's the fucking truth.

She opens her mouth, and I wait.

And wait.

Then she says it back.

"I love you, too."

I grab the back of her head, fingers tangling in her hair, and bring her face close again. Our noses brush. Our mouths hover. And when I ask her to say it once more, it feels even better than the first time.

Bella POV

I've tried to come up with a million reasons why I shouldn't go to my parents' place tonight, and Edward's thrown out a million more as to why I should. Mostly, we don't want to bring attention to my absence. If they think everything is fine and going according to their plan of pairing me up with James, then everything can go according to our plan.

Edward's right. I still don't like it, though.

I shower and shave, blow-dry and curl. My stomach twists with nerves. The thought of seeing my parents and being around them after everything Edward divulged about our past is going to be hard—maybe one of the more difficult things I've ever had to do. But I've been biting my tongue around them for the last few months, so maybe nothing will be that different.

James calls around two to let me know he'll pick me up around six, and I panic. It's not like he'll come inside, and even if he does, Edward will just hide until we're gone. But still, it feels unnecessarily risky, so when it gets closer to evening, I keep looking out the window for his car, determined to intercept him before he comes to the door.

Edward sneaks up behind me, arms around my waist, and I shut the curtain.

"I love this dress on you," he murmurs, lips on my shoulder, fingers grazing over black silk and settling on the small of my back.

I turn around to face him. He keeps saying things like this, letting on just how much he remembers.

"You've seen me in this before?" I ask, wrapping my arms around the back of his neck.

His eyes twinkle. "You wore it the night I proposed to you… to some benefit your parents threw. Although when I proposed, you were naked in bed, so…" He pauses, eyes dancing with mirth before the light fades out. "That was also the night your dad threatened me if I didn't break up with you."

"What?"

"He offered me money then hinted toward violence when I declined."

"Jesus Christ, Edward." I cover my mouth. Maybe I shouldn't be shocked by this, but I am. I know what my parents did, obviously, but I don't know everything leading up to it. Hearing this makes me sick. It makes me defensive for Edward and enraged for me. "Did they hurt you? Did they—"

"No. I mean, other than the Procedure, no."

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry," I mutter, dropping my head against his chest.

"Don't be sorry. You're not the corrupt asshole."

"I don't want to go tonight," I mumble. I don't think I can do it. I can't be around them, knowing what they've done. I can't look them in the eyes. "I can pretend I'm sick or something. I can stay home and—"

He smiles, but it doesn't meet his eyes. "Tempting. But I think you gotta go."

"It feels weird. Wrong, even."

"I know." He swallows. "I don't like the idea of you going out there and being someone's… I mean… fuck. You're James' wife, I guess, right?"

My heart sinks. "Legally, I guess. But that means nothing to me."

"Yeah." He nods solemnly. "Just… hurry back, okay?"

As hard as it is for me to leave and pretend tonight, I realize it's going to be even harder for Edward to stay behind and wait.

"I will," I promise. His hands smooth over my hips and down my ass. "So, we'll head to your place tonight? When I get back from dinner?"

"Yeah," he agrees. "It'll be good to spend some time with my mom. Not that I didn't enjoy hiding out here for the last two days. We definitely wouldn't have been able to… reconnect as much at my place."

I laugh. "Reconnect, huh?"

"It's true." His grin is smug and sexy, and I want to kiss it off his face. "We wouldn't have been able to make up for lost time with my mom and Jasper around. The walls are too thin for what we've been doing here."

"You're right," I say coyly.

He hums and dips his head to kiss me, slowly and softly. "Hey."

"Yeah?"

His forehead presses to mine. "Don't let him kiss you tonight."

Guilt tugs at my heart. "I wasn't going to."

"Okay. I hate to ask, but… it'll make me feel better about you going."

"I don't want to kiss him." I fake a cough. "Besides, I think I'm coming down with something anyway. Wouldn't want to get him sick."

His smile meets his eyes this time, and it makes my heart soar. When he leans in for another kiss, our lips don't quite touch before we hear a car outside, the engine cutting in front of my house. My eyes dart toward the window, even though every curtain is shut tightly.

"Okay." I take a deep breath and look back at Edward. "I'll be back soon. I love you." I say it first this time, and it sends a thrill through me.

"I love you." He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in for a hug. "Good luck," he breathes into my hair.

We kiss briefly then let go, even though I don't want to, and I watch until he disappears into the bedroom. With another deep breath, I smooth my hands down my dress and open the front door.

I smile at James, but I'm thinking of Edward.

It will be the only way I'll make it through the night.

XXX

The night drags. It would've been painful anyway, but knowing Edward is at home waiting for me makes me anxious to leave sooner.

I steer clear of my parents as much as I can. At one point, though, Charlie comes over to check-in. I'm smiling when I lie and thank him for hosting the party. It's amazing how he can look me in the eyes. How he can pretend like he cares. It makes my stomach simmer with acid and anger, but I wash it down with the knowledge that I now know the truth. I'm no longer a pawn in their game. I'm playing now, too. An opponent. They just don't know it yet.

James and I don't even spend that much time together during the party, each pulled in different directions. I'm asked a million questions about the upcoming wedding, and I toss back champagne and offer details for a celebration that isn't going to happen. At least, I hope it doesn't. I reply that I prefer cream over white for a dress. Lace is definitely my style. The floral arrangements will include hydrangeas from the bush in my family's garden. And yes, I do want kids immediately. Two will do, three would be ideal. As I say it, my mind drifts to Edward. My smile is genuine when I think of doing it all with him someday. I don't know if it's possible or what our future holds, but I know I'll take whatever I can get with him.

A few times throughout the night I catch Carmen's eye, and when she finally makes her way over to me, she squeezes my hand.

"I heard the good news," she says pointedly, smiling warmly. "I'm very happy for you."

If anyone were to overhear, they'd think she's talking about James and me. But from the twinkle in her eyes, I know better.

"Thank you," I gush, swallowing back emotion from Edward's arrival. "It's all a bit shocking, isn't it? I still don't even feel like it's real."

"He's a very lucky man," Carmen says with a wink.

Edward is lucky. To be alive. To have made it back.

"I agree," I say softly. "I'm lucky, too."

We don't talk again after that, but I have a feeling I'll be seeing or hearing from her again soon.

It isn't until dinner is served that James and I are even in the same vicinity. He pulls out my chair as a gentleman would, and when he leans in close, I try not to pull away too much to make it obvious that I don't want him near.

"You look beautiful," he murmurs in my ear. "Did I get to tell you that yet?"

My eyes dart across the table toward my mother, who's watching us.

I lean into him and brush my fingers over his cheek, playing the part as I smile in return. Thankfully, he doesn't try for a kiss. I'm not sure how I'd explain pulling away with Renee watching, but I'd find a way out of it. I promised Edward it wouldn't happen. And it won't.

After we eat, toasts are made. First by Charlie, then by James' father. They wish us well and promise a lifetime of happiness and wealth, earning a chuckle from all the guests when Charlie emphasizes the wealth part. I sit stoically throughout the nauseating speech, not even waiting until the end to drink. Our parents must truly think everything is perfect. Their plan worked. They've gotten away with everything. They must think that finally, the dust has settled from the scandal that surrounded Emmett and Kate, and we can all move on.

I can't wait for the day when they find that I've left. That the only place I could be is in the unincorporated land. It's easy to smile after that. In fact, I'm nearly beaming. I look at my parents, then James. Their expressions mirror mine. They must think the happiness I'm exuding has to do with them. But I have a secret—and they won't know it until I'm gone.

XXX

After dinner, I excuse myself to the bathroom.

When I'm on my way back to the party, I pass by Charlie's office, slowing my footsteps. I don't know what compels me to go in, but I do. It's dark inside. Cold. I leave the lights off and move around his desk, looking but not touching. Nothing stands out. Nothing that screams corruption or lies. But then again, my family has always been good at hiding their true colors.

I open a few drawers, unimpressed with what I find. But when my hand bumps the computer mouse, the screen blinks to life.

I wasn't intending on snooping. Not really. Knowing that Charlie has access to everyone's full files—the ones only doctors can acquire at the clinic—makes me curious though. I want to know for certain what was taken from me. I want to know when and where. What time. I want to see Edward's name permanently etched in my file from when they forced the Procedure onto us. I don't know why it feels necessary, but it does. It will only fuel my rage, but I need to stay angry.

There's a password to log into the computer, of course. I try a few things, but it doesn't work. I grow nervous, afraid of somehow locking myself out from too many failed attempts, and bringing attention to the fact that I was in here at all. But then my eyes land on a framed photo of Emmett and me sitting on the desk. It's a younger photo of us, from our adolescent years. Having it here on my father's desk would warm my heart if I didn't know the truth about what he's done and how he's treated Emmett's death. I try a variation of mine and Emmett's name, including our birthdays, and finally, the computer opens after typing in the correct password.

For a second, I'm stunned that it actually worked. Then I begin my search. I open the program we use at the clinic to access the schedule and patient files. Charlie's login information is prepopulated, so I hit enter. I type my name into the search bar and open my file, scrolling through the different pages. My personal information, allergies, medical history. What I don't find is any documentation that I've actually had the Procedure. Certain I've skimmed over it, I look through everything again. But there's not a single note about my surgery.

It's as if I've never had it at all.

I frown and reread it all for a third time. It doesn't make sense, though. Charlie, and all of the doctors, would have full access. The fact that there is information missing from my file is not only suspicious but alarming.

I type in Edward's name to check his file this time, and the same thing. It only indicates he's had one Procedure, the one I assisted with months ago. It lists a woman's name, Chelsea, but there's no mention of mine at all. No mention of that day they forced us to have the Procedure. For a split second, I wonder if any of it was even true. But I have the scar to prove it. And I know Edward wouldn't lie to me. My parents would, though. The government, too. The only thing that makes sense is that they were trying to keep it all a secret, but wouldn't there still be a record of it somewhere? Surely they'd need to keep track, even if it wasn't our choice.

Quickly, I log out and send the computer to sleep again. I don't have enough time to snoop further or question this. I know I don't have the full story yet, but I make a plan to come back when I know my father is gone.

Before I leave, I grab the silver photo frame and remove the picture of Emmett and me, leaving the frame bare on the desk. My heart nearly jumps out of my chest as the door opens, and Renee walks in. I nearly blurt that she scared me, but I bite my tongue. If I appear nervous, she'll be onto me.

"There you are," she says, switching on the lights. "What are you doing?"

"Just needed a minute," I say, thankful the computer screen is black. "I just needed a breather. It's… a lot of attention, you know?"

She eyes me suspiciously and moves around the desk, her gaze landing on the photo in my hands.

"And I wanted this," I tell her, my voice small. "I love this photo of Emmett and me."

"Hmm." She reaches for it and admires the memory. "That was a good day."

She says it like she was there, but she wasn't. Emmett and I were at our lake house with some of our friends, and Carmen was supervising. In the photo, I'm on an inflatable pizza float, and Em's in the water next to me. I'm grinning and gangly, and there's a mischievous smirk on his face. If I remember correctly, he flipped me upside down after the photo was taken.

"I miss him so much," I tell her, wondering if she knows the truth about him actually escaping. She must, though. She must know he got away. She might even assume he's alive. But only I know the truth, and I can't even tell her that he's really gone for good. I can't tell her that she should be mourning because her son didn't survive.

She scrutinizes me for a moment, her eyes lingering on my face.

"Glad to see you're coming around and accepting your placement," she says neutrally, avoiding the topic of Emmett.

I'm confused for a second. I never once tried to fight being with James or voiced that I was unhappy. Mostly because I knew it was futile. So, I'm not sure why she would have thought otherwise.

"What do you mean?"

"I could see it in your eyes that day. James is not who you wanted. That much was obvious."

Maybe the front I'd put on was less believable than I thought. At the time, I was just going through the motions. Feeling like a ghost of myself. I didn't know where Edward was, and my heart was broken. But tonight… tonight is different. Tonight, she's buying my act. They all are. It's easier to pretend that I'm happy and in love because I am. They just don't know that it has to do with Edward. They don't know that soon enough, we'll be gone.

"You and I aren't so different, you know," Renee says quietly.

It's my turn to scrutinize her now. We are far different, I want to say. I would never willingly hurt someone. I would never meddle with one's life. Instead of lashing out, I try to think about what she might mean. When I stare at her, there's a sadness behind her cold, detached gaze. I've never truly tried to place it before, but right now, all I can see is heartbreak.

I take a guess. "You didn't get placed with who you wanted?"

She gives me an appreciative look. "No, I did not."

"You've never had the Procedure, though," I say hesitantly.

"He and I weren't together long enough to register or require the surgery."

Her gaze grows distant then, like she's remembering a different time. If they weren't together long enough to register, that means they were together for less than two weeks. But I know from experience that love can happen in that small amount of time. It's almost sadder, really, knowing she's lived with these memories for over twenty years.

"His name was Phil," she tells me, and I'm surprised because I wasn't going to ask. I try my best to think of any family friends or acquaintances from over the years with the name, but I come up empty. "He was placed shortly after I was placed with Charles," she says, ending my curiosity. "We went our separate ways. But I do wonder sometimes."

"You didn't try to be with him? To choose him?"

"There was no use in trying. My fate was to be with your father."

It's not fate as much as it is expected. But surely she knows that.

"Do you love him?" I ask.

She thinks about this for far too long, and when she speaks, her voice is smaller than I've ever heard. "It was a different time. I was a different woman. But yes, I imagine I still do."

"I was asking about Dad," I clarify, and she looks down into her champagne glass.

"Well." That's all she has to say about that.

Maybe part of me should feel sorry for her, but I don't. The only thing I can take away from this tidbit of information is that misery truly does love company. She didn't get to choose who she was placed with, and when it came down to it, she made sure the same went for me. She could've changed my fate. She could've given me an opportunity that she never had. Instead, she let history repeat itself and allowed an even darker event to take place when Charlie forced Edward and me into the Procedure.

I do envy her one thing, though. She was able to keep the memories of Phil for all of these years. Though it seems it might've brought her more pain—knowing what could've been, but what wasn't—I'll never get to remember being with Edward the first time around. For that, I will never, ever forgive her. No matter how broken-hearted she's trying to seem.

With a tilt of her head, she drains her glass.

"Enough of that," she says simply, back in the here and now. "No use living in the past."

"You're right," I agree, offering a tight smile of my own. I'm not going to dwell on what's happened, but I am going to use it to my advantage. I'm going to let that anger fuel me in every move from now on. Because if there's one thing for certain, it's that I do have a future. And this time, it'll be on my terms.