Chapter 36: Fight or Flight

Please read: A lot of people have commented about Harper being left out. The thing is, the story isn't over yet. Yes, she has been left out, but it's not because I'm forgetting about her. The point of this story is to be as real as possible, and that means that Jane and Maura won't always be perfect parents (which is what their conversation in the previous chapter was supposed to remind you of). All six of them are in an incredibly difficult situation and Jane and Maura are doing the best they can. They won't always get it right. That would be unrealistic. Parents of multiple children always have to try to balance their kids' needs. And the truth is, it's not always possible to do so. It sucks. That doesn't mean they love Harper any less. In a traumatic situation, people often respond to the most acute needs, and so far, Harper's needs have been less acute than her sisters'. That doesn't mean they are less important. It doesn't even mean that her parents think they are less important, but it does mean that they might be accidentally missed in the emotional chaos of rebuilding their family. Rest assured, Harper still has a BIG role to play in this story.

This chapter is NSFW.

Maura: June, Present Day

The family continued to settle into a comfortable routine over the next few days. After Sophie's adoption, they let Sophie excitedly tell all of the family about it, but they decided to wait to have a large celebration until all of the kids had been adopted. They wanted to have a big party to celebrate at that point.

Maura was happier than she had ever been, even though she still had some lingering anxiety that everything was going to fall apart again. She knew that these fears may never fully go away, but hopefully, they would become less intense over time. Jane had gotten recommendations for therapists for Maura and the kids when she went to her next therapy appointment, which took place the following Wednesday. They both hoped that this would help all of them with time.

What made Maura happiest though was watching her four daughters together. She still couldn't believe how easily Sophie bonded with her sisters. It was likely a combination of how well Sophie got along with other people and how accepting Emma, Finn, and Harper were in general, but there still seemed to be something more – something that Maura really didn't understand, something so much deeper than Maura had ever experienced, something that only existed between siblings.

Neither Emma nor Finn had had another outburst, and they seemed slightly more comfortable around Maura. However, they were still not seeking out interactions with Maura. They answered her normally if she talked to them, but otherwise, they both focused their attention on Jane or their sisters. Maura didn't want to push them, and she figured they would have a chance to bond when they visited the science museum on Thursday.

Tuesday was rather uneventful. They had decided to order Sophie's bed to curbside pick-up instead of going to IKEA, so they went to pick it up immediately after Emma and Finn went to school. Jane spent most of the rest of the day putting it together with Harper and Sophie trying to "help" her; although Maura was sure they were more of a hinderance than a help, but Jane didn't seem to mind. Maura also enjoyed watching them interact, so she spent most of the day "supervising" under the guise of keeping Harper and Sophie from getting in the way. However, as long as Jane didn't seem annoyed, Maura didn't stop them from "helping."

Wednesday was Emma and Finn's last day of school, so all four of them went to pick them up at the end of the day. Maura drove, so when they were in the pick-up line, Jane got out of the car to greet the girls. They both came running towards her with huge smiles on their faces. Jane pulled them into a hug and twirled them around playfully.

Maura could hear them through the open car window, and she couldn't keep the smile off her face as she watched their interactions.

"I'm so proud of you guys," Jane squealed as she set them back on their feet. "I can't believe I have two second graders!"

"We're done!" Emma shrieked happily, throwing her hands into the air in celebration, causing Finn to giggle next to her.

"Yeah, you are!" Jane said just as happily. "Let's get in the car, though, okay, so we don't hold up the line?" and all three of them got into the car.

"Emma, Finn, Emma, Finn, Emma, Finn!" Harper repeated her sisters' names over and over again at the top of her voice until her sisters gave her their attention.

"What?" Emma huffed in mock annoyance, sounding so much like Jane it was uncanny.

"We got all da stuff for cookies today!" Harper excitedly told her sisters. "Don't worry, we'll save you guys some," Harper added, her tone very serious, causing Jane to chuckle.

"Note, we're making the cookies for everyone, okay," Jane said over her shoulder.

"Yeah, but Sophie and me still get to eat some while we make 'em, right?" Harper asked.

"Sophie and I, and yes, you will get to test some," Jane replied with a smirk in Maura's direction.

"I wanna bake cookies, too," Finn added.

"We'll do it again, I promise," Jane said. "But you and Emma get to go to the science museum with mommy, remember?"

"I wanna stay with you and bake cookies instead," Finn pouted. Maura's heart sunk. She had to admit that she had been expecting one or both of them to change their mind about spending the day with her, but it still hurt to hear.

"You love the science museum," Jane replied, turning in her seat to look at Finn directly.

"I wanna stay with you," Finn repeated.

"Jane," Maura started quietly, but Jane stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm and a glance in her direction. Maura had intended to tell Jane that she didn't want to force them to do something they weren't ready for, but she decided to wait and talk to Jane about it at home, away from the girls.

"Let's talk about it later, okay?" Jane suggested to Finn. "Right now, you and Emma should decide what you want for dinner. You get to pick tonight to celebrate the last day of school." Maura recognized the redirect, but otherwise didn't comment.

The girls talked happily the rest of the ride home; none of them mentioned the planned activities for the next day. As soon as they got home, Harper and Sophie immediately roped Emma and Finn into playing school (with Harper – to no one's surprise – insisting to be the teacher). When they brought probably every doll and stuffed animal downstairs and lined them up in the family room, Maura couldn't help but laugh. It amazed her how quickly four kids could mess up a perfectly clean room.

When Jane ran upstairs to get something, Maura followed her, deciding that it was a good time to try to talk to her while the kids were entertained.

"Hey," Jane said when Maura closed the bedroom door behind her. "Everything okay?"

"Yes, I was just thinking," Maura started.

"That's not new," Jane quipped, smirking at Maura.

Maura laughed and rolled her eyes. "I was thinking about tomorrow," she continued. "If the girls aren't ready…"

"I really think they'll be fine," Jane cut in. "I mean, if either one of them starts getting really insistent that they don't want to go or get really anxious about it, we won't force them to go, but I don't think we're there yet. Yeah, they're a little nervous, and I'm guessing you are, too, but I think that's okay."

"But Jane, you don't think that we might be setting them up for a bad experience? I'm concerned…"

"If you don't want to go, just say so, Maura!" Jane said angrily, catching Maura off-guard.

"That's not what I…" Maura started, but Jane's frustration was quickly getting away from her.

"You're trying to get out of taking them," Jane cut her off. "I don't get it. Why don't you want to bond with them? And what's worse is that you're trying to blame it on them."

"Jane!" Maura cut in firmly, her own voice rising in response to Jane outburst.

Jane didn't let her continue, as she turned on her heel and quickly left the bedroom. She started to slam the door behind her, but at the last second, she stopped herself and closed it quietly – Maura assumed this was so that she didn't alarm the kids.

Maura didn't follow, instead dropping to sit on the edge of the bed. She let out a frustrated sigh. She was pretty sure that Jane didn't actually mean or believe the things she had said, but Maura still wasn't really sure what had set Jane off. She wasn't exactly surprised either. Jane had been the glue holding all of them together for so long. Jane had been so strong that Maura sometimes forgot how hard this must be for her, too.

Maura took a few more minutes to gather herself before she decided to go after Jane. When she got downstairs, Jane was nowhere to be found.

"Do you guys know where mama went?" Maura asked the girls who were still playing in the family room.

"Prolly to your place," Emma responded without looking up.

Maura's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Um, where is that?" she asked slowly.

Emma finally looked up at her, clearly realizing that Maura was confused. She pointed to the backyard and said, "Behind the trees. Is mama okay?"

"Yes," Maura said, offering a reassuring smile to the girls. "I just need to talk to her. Are you guys okay in here?"

"Yeah," Emma replied, returning her attention to her sisters.

Maura let herself out the back door. She stepped onto the deck and looked around, quickly spotting a clump of trees in the far corner of the yard. She assumed that must be what Emma was talking about. She walked in that direction as quickly as she could – which wasn't as fast as she would have hoped; walking through grass in heels was always difficult as her heels kept sinking into the ground.

When she walked around the trees, she found Jane sitting on a bench facing a small pond. Jane looked up as soon as she heard Maura approaching, and Maura could see the contrition written all over her face. She gave Jane a small smile and sat down next to her. She gently bumped her shoulder against Jane's as she asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry, Maura," Jane whispered as she continued to stare at her lap.

"You don't need to apologize," Maura said genuinely, "but I am concerned about you. I didn't expect you to get so upset when I brought up the trip to the science museum. I actually thought you'd want to talk about it after Finn brought it up in the car. And I think you know that I want nothing more than to bond with them."

"I do," Jane said thickly, and Maura could hear the tears in her voice that Jane was trying so hard to hide.

Deciding to give Jane a few minutes, Maura reached out and squeezed Jane's hand as she looked around. She had been so focused on Jane when she first arrived that she hadn't taken in her surroundings. When she noticed the autopsy table built into the waterfall, she stood up and walked closer. She turned to read the inscription on the rock. "Here's to the months that turned into years with the friends that turned into family," she read under her breath. Raising her voice to a more normal volume, she asked, "Jane, what is all this?" as she turned back to face Jane.

"A koi pond with a waterfall," Jane replied, but Maura could see the slight blush on her cheeks.

Maura tilted her head and smiled sadly as she returned to her spot next to Jane. She once again took Jane's hand in her own and pulled it into her lap, grasping it with both hands. "When I asked the girls if they knew where you had gone, Emma said you went to 'my place," Maura said gently.

"It was easier than I expected to buy an autopsy table," Jane said quietly, and Maura laughed lightly in response. "After the girls were born, I knew that I'd have to move to a bigger place, but I kept stalling," Jane continued. "We had already sold your house, and Kent had taken over your office. Plus, I was no longer in homicide. My apartment felt like the only place left that had also been your space. It was the last space that I could still look around and see you sitting on the couch or at the kitchen breakfast bar. It was really hard for me to let go. We didn't move until the May after Emma and Finn turned one. I tried putting up some of your stuff in the house, and it helped, but I needed a space where I felt like I could connect to you. I thought the girls might need something too as they got older. We had this built just before your birthday that year, and on your actual birthday, the three of us planted the last of the flowers and put the koi into the pond. Well, I mostly did the planting, and Emma and Finn spent the entire time trying to catch the fish," Jane added with a laugh. "They were only a year and a half old, but still I wanted to be able to tell them that they helped build this." Jane gestured towards the pond with her free hand as she finished her explanation.

"It's beautiful," Maura whispered, her own voice now thick with tears as she got choked up looking around the space.

"I'm really sorry I yelled at you," Jane added quietly. Maura turned to look at Jane as she continued, "I do know that you want to get to know the girls, and I know that you weren't trying to get out of taking them to the museum tomorrow. I just…" Jane paused, and Maura remained silent, knowing that she had to let Jane finish before she spoke.

Jane shook her head as though trying to clear it. She was trying to figure out exactly what she was feeling.

"I don't know what happened. I wasn't even upset when I went upstairs. It was just like it hit me out of nowhere, and all the sudden I was just so angry. Not at you, just at…I don't know…the situation, I guess. I'm so sorry I took it out on you."

"It's okay, Jane," Maura said honestly.

"No, it's not," Jane countered.

"Do you remember the conversation we had Monday morning?" Maura asked quietly.

Jane's eyebrows knitted together slightly as she tried to remember what Maura was referring to. "About bringing Harper to Sophie's adoption?" she guessed.

"During that conversation, yes," Maura said. "You said that we won't always get everything right with the kids." Maura paused before continuing, "We won't always get everything right with each other either, Jane, and that's okay."

Jane nodded, but Maura could tell that Jane didn't really believe her. "You also told me earlier in the week that you always want to be my safe place and that you will never leave even if I misdirect my anger onto you. Jane, I want to be your safe place too. I'd rather you let it out – even if that means I'm on the receiving end – than to hold it all inside and let it eat away at you."

Maura turned and wrapped her arms around Jane, pulling the other woman against her chest. "You've been holding all of us together since the minute you opened the door last Saturday. No, actually, you've been holding all of us together for much longer than that. You are so incredibly strong. You take care of all of us. You're my biggest support, and you're the girls' biggest support, as well. But you need to take care of yourself too, and I want you to let me take care of you as well."

"I think I'm just angry at the world that you have to get to know the girls, if you know what I mean," Jane mumbled into Maura's chest.

"I do," Maura whispered before giving Jane a kiss on the top of her head. "But I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Yes, you are right that I am also nervous, but I wasn't trying to…"

"I know that, Maura," Jane cut her off, lifting her head from Maura's chest to look her in the eye. "I know you weren't trying to get out of going with them. I know that you were only worried about how they feel. I still think that even if they're a little nervous, it will be okay. We can see how they are in the morning, though."

Maura nodded. "I trust you to decide what you think is best, okay?" she said gently. Maura lifted her hand to Jane's face, cupping her cheek as she leaned in for a kiss. When they separated, Maura added, "You are an amazing mother, co-parent, and partner – never doubt that. I love you so much." Maura captured Jane's lips in another kiss; this time she deepened the kiss after a few moments. They got lost in each other as their lips moved together and their tongues engaged in the now familiar dance. Maura's hands grasped desperately at Jane's back as she tried to pull the other woman as close as possible, and she moaned when Jane's hand slipped under her shirt.

They both jumped and pulled away from each other when they heard a loud call of, "Mama!" coming from the direction of the house.

They laughed lightly as their eyes met before Jane called back, "Coming!"

"I'm guessing we have some hungry kids inside," Jane said to Maura before she stood and held her hand out to Maura. "Continue this later?" she added with a smirk.

"Absolutely," Maura replied with a smile, leaning in for one last kiss before they headed inside.

Jane and Maura: June, Present Day

As soon as they closed the girls' bedroom doors for the night, Maura grabbed Jane's hand and pulled her towards the bedroom. Jane laughed at Maura's lack of patience, but she allowed Maura to pull her into the bedroom. She barely had time to shut and lock the door before Maura had her on her back halfway up the bed.

"Jesus," Jane gasped out under her breath as Maura's lips began attacking her neck. She couldn't believe how quickly she was getting worked up. She was so incredibly turned on; it blew her mind how fast Maura could take her from zero to ready to explode. They were both still fully dressed, and they had barely touched each other, but Jane felt like she was going to fly over the edge any second.

"Clothes off," Jane demanded, her voice huskier than ever, as she pushed Maura back slightly in order to reach to pull her top off.

But Maura was faster. She had both of their clothes off in record time.

"A little impatient, are we?" Jane teased, but despite her joking tone, Maura's impatience only turned her on more.

"Well, you thought it would be a good idea to get me all aroused then make me wait all evening to do something about it," Maura purred as they moved into the center of the bed together before Maura resumed her assault along Jane's jawline and down the column of her neck.

"That was very impolite of me," Jane played along. Her breath hitched as Maura gave a light nip to her earlobe. "How can I make it up to you?" Jane's hands continued to travel up and down Maura's body as the other woman hovered above her, just inches away from her body. All Jane wanted was to feel Maura's skin against hers and Maura's weight on top of her body.

It was Maura's turn to gasp when Jane roughly pulled her down and their searing hot bodies finally made contact. Maura buried her face in the crook of Jane's neck, letting the sensations flood her body as Jane's hands continued to roam. She knew what she wanted, but she was slightly afraid to ask for it.

"Do you promise to say no if it makes you uncomfortable at all?" Maura finally whispered into Jane's ear.

Jane pulled her head back so that she could meet Maura's gaze, and Maura could see the surprise on Jane's face. Maura's eyes searched Jane's face as Jane answered.

"Always," Jane promised, and she meant it. She felt comfortable enough with Maura to be open and honest about how she was feeling, even when it came to sex. She hadn't always been that way though, especially with past lovers, and she knew that Maura knew that. "Tell me what you want," Jane repeated. "I promise to tell you if it's something I'm not comfortable with."

Maura's eyes stayed locked on Jane's face in an attempt to read Jane's expression as she answered, "I want to sit on your face and ride your tongue until I come hard into your mouth."

Jane smiled at the intense flush that covered Maura's face, neck, and chest as her request spilled out of her mouth. "God, yes," Jane breathed out as a flood of wetness rushed to her center. She pushed gently against Maura's hip to get her to move into position.

"Are you sure?" Maura asked as she lifted her weight off of Jane, and Jane could hear the concern in her voice.

"Yes!" Jane said, and it came out sounding more desperate than she had intended. She pushed Maura towards the head of the bed again, and Maura finally acquiesced. Jane scooted down in the bed so that Maura could straddle her face and still reach the headboard.

Maura made eye contact with Jane one more time before lowering herself down so that her center made contact with Jane's mouth. "Fuck!" Maura cried out as Jane ran her tongue the length of her slit.

"Shh!" Jane chastised with a laugh as she pulled back slightly. "The kids will hear you. They might not be asleep yet."

Maura nodded vigorously, but the feeling of Jane laughing against her center sent a shiver through her entire body. She responded the only way she could, by pressing down against Jane in an attempt to regain the contact she needed more than anything. Jane didn't make her wait any longer as her tongue once again went to work.

"Oh my god," Maura moaned as quietly as she could as Jane's tongue pressed against her clit. She hissed as she sucked in a quick breath when Jane circled her clit before wrapping her lips around it fully and sucking hard. Maura's grip was so tight on the headboard that her fingers were turning white. She squeezed her eyes shut as her hips moved without her permission. She continued to grind down on Jane's face while Jane's tongue worked wonders on her body. Her entire body was shaking as Jane drove her higher and higher, and her hips continued to move faster. Eventually, Jane had to wrap her arms around Maura's hips to hold her in place.

Maura bit her bottom lip hard as she tried to keep from crying out, but she couldn't stop the grunts and whimpers that escaped her every so often. "Jane!" she whispered desperately when Jane's tongue entered her. Maura turned her head to muffle her cries against her own shoulder. She simultaneously desperately wanted to come while also wanting to make this last as long as possible, but when Jane surprised her by entering her with two fingers at the same time that she sucked hard on her clit, Maura couldn't hold back. Her hips thrust forward, increasing the pressure of Jane's lips against her center, as her orgasm crashed through her entire body. Wave after wave consumed her, and every muscle in her body spasmed violently. Jane continued to curl her fingers inside of Maura, prolonging her orgasm until Maura couldn't handle any more.

Maura pulled back from Jane's face and used her hand to push away Jane's hand. Jane gently guided Maura's trembling body back to the bed, and Maura collapsed against her side, breathing hard. Maura's eyes remained closed as she buried her face in Jane's hair while she recovered. Her body twitched every once in a while as the aftershocks of her climax hit her. As she came back to herself, she could feel Jane's hands rubbing her back. It took her a few more minutes to regain enough energy to lift her head and look at Jane.

Jane met Maura's gaze with a smile. Jane got lost in Maura's eyes. The gold specks in her hazel eyes sparkling brightly in the low light of the room and the afterglow of her recent high. Maura's lips tugged upwards as a gentle smile took over her face.

Maura leaned forward slightly to capture Jane's lips in a lazy but loving kiss. Maura couldn't help the moan that escaped at the taste of herself on Jane's lips.

"That was fucking amazing," Jane whispered when Maura pulled back, still trying to catch her breath.

Maura giggled breathily as she wrapped her arms around Jane's body. "It was," she agreed.

"I've never done that before," Jane admitted.

"Really?" Maura questioned, slightly surprised.

"I mean, I've gone down on someone before," Jane clarified. "I've just never done it that way."

"Well, you're really good at it," Maura said quietly, and she laughed at the self-satisfied smirk that took over Jane's face. "Don't get too full of yourself," Maura teased as she pinched Jane's side, causing her to twitch slightly as she tried to pull away. Jane just laughed in response.

Maura couldn't tear her eyes away from Jane's as her fingers began drawing idle patterns on Jane's side, slowly moving closer and closer to her breast. Maura smiled when Jane's eyes fluttered shut and her breath caught in her throat when Maura's fingers finally made contact with a taught nipple. Jane pressed her hips up against Maura's as Maura's fingers continued to play with her breast and nipple and her mouth left a searing trail of open-mouthed kisses everywhere she could reach. Jane's breathing was quickly becoming fast and shallow as her body strained against Maura's in an attempt to gain more contact.

"I want to taste you," Maura breathed into Jane's ear in between kisses.

"Yessss!" Jane hissed, causing a giggle to escape Maura.

Maura shifted her body to give her hands and mouth more access as she worked her way down Jane's body as slowly as she could stand.

Jane's hands gripped needily at the back of Maura's head as she moved torturously slow down Jane's body. "God, Maura, stop teasing," Jane breathed out as her hands pushed Maura's head in the direction she wanted her most. Maura chuckled, and she did continue moving down Jane's body, but she skipped where she knew Jane really wanted her, drawing another groan from the woman below her. Maura slowly kissed, licked, and nipped up the inside of both of Jane's thighs until she finally took pity on Jane. She used her fingers to spread Jane's folds, giving her tongue better access.

Jane had to stifle a moan when Maura's lips wrapped around her swollen, throbbing clit. Jane was already ridiculously close to the edge. Bringing Maura to climax combined with Maura's slow torture had every nerve in her body on high alert. Her body was shaking violently as Maura's tongue traveled between her clit and her opening. It was a particularly hard press of Maura's tongue against her clit that sent Jane flying over the edge. Jane's thighs clamped down hard around Maura's head, and her back arched off the bed. Maura continued alternated between circling Jane's clit and pressing her tongue against it as hard as she could.

When Jane finally collapsed back against the bed, releasing her death grip on Maura, Maura climbed back up her body, meeting Jane's lips in a passionate kiss. When Jane couldn't continue the kiss because she needed to catch her breath, Maura curled into Jane's side. She pulled the blanket over them since the sheets were tangled up underneath them and she wasn't ready to move.

When Jane came down from her high, she gave Maura a soft kiss on the top of her head and wrapped her arms tighter around Maura's body. They laid together in comfortable silence for a long time, but before they fell asleep, they made sure to clean up and finish their evening routines. When they returned to bed, they both fell asleep quickly, looking forward to the next day.

A/N: Yeah, I still have no idea how to explain this burst of productivity. I was worried about getting out a chapter a week over the next six weeks (and I guess I still am), but apparently that's not a problem this week! So, ENJOY! ❤