A primordial being in the form of a giant spider versus six immortal, near-invincible humans with enhanced strength and stamina – who would win?

There was no winning this fight, Tony soon understood. They couldn't kill Ungoliant.

The good news was that the demon couldn't kill them, either. The bad news was that they couldn't escape it. They'd tried to make a run for it, but the ancient demon, though awkward on its legs, moved like a silent killing machine when in the air, supported by robust, elastic threads.

Tony had already lost both his arms twice. Ungoliant had bitten him, rendering his body temporarily limp and useless – not that he was much help to begin with. It had thrown him so hard at the hedge that he'd landed on the other side of it. When he'd returned, he'd been crushed under the spider's bulging belly, every bone in his body cracking and popping, until it moved again. Now he was sitting in a puddle of acidic mud, the legs of his trousers slowly melting off, and he was contemplating the scene in mute horror, unable to think.

The Ripper hacked and slashed at Ungoliant's wobbly legs whenever she could but, despite its ungainly shuffling on the ground, the spider didn't take much damage. In the meantime, it attacked with everything it had, and even the Ripper had had to retreat until her right leg grew back. Ted and Eddie had transformed into their Wolfish alter egos, but despite their strength and speed, they had trouble landing a blow. The pincers pinched and threatened anyone who found themselves on the wrong side of the spider.

Although, arguably, there was no "right" side to it.

Tony suspected that, even if it was the spider's nap time, it could keep on fighting until the end of the universe. So could Tony and his friends, in theory, but unlike Ungoliant, they had more important things to do. "Why are you attacking us?" he yelled. It had to be Loki's doing, somehow, but why? Was their escape too easy for his taste? Not entertaining enough? Was he testing the Ripper, was this part of her interview to become a demon?

As expected, Ungoliant didn't deign to answer.

Tony stood up gingerly, moved away from the puddle of acid and closed his eyes. Lilith, my lady. We need your help.

No response.

Fenrir?

Nothing. He concentrated harder, a feat, considering the ongoing mayhem.

Hades? Persephone? …does anyone copy?

There was a sound like sardonic laughter, and Tony realised it came from inside his head. "You have a lot of nerve," a smooth voice said. Great. Of all the godly beings or greater demons who could have answered his plea, it had to be the absolute worst. "I respect that."

Hey, Set. Long time, no hear. Little help here? Tony paused and opened his eyes. Please?

"You know, it's funny. A few Pandemonic hours ago, I would have acknowledged your request only to mock your predicament, but it has come to my attention that rebellion is brewing."

Tony had no idea what Set was talking about and he didn't care. Can you help us or not? he insisted as one of Fake Tony's feet flew past him.

"What's in it for me?" came the silky reply.

You…get to…participate in the rebellion by going against Loki's orders? If there was a rebellion, one had to assume that its purpose was to overthrow Loki.

Set was overcome with laughter. "Nice try. But I will not make my move until it's safe. Until the rebellion becomes a proper revolution, and the Union has dealt with Loki. You are keeping him distracted, so it's in my best interest not to disrupt this…enjoyable brawl."

The Union? An oddly mild name for a rebellious group of demons. Just tell me what you want, then. If it's the mortal for a snack, though, the answer is no. Tony looked around quickly, but Sirius hadn't moved. Tony had invoked a magical shield to protect him, and placed him as far away from them as possible. If Sirius lost an arm or leg, it wouldn't regrow. Nor would his head.

"What I want..." Set paused, and Tony had a full minute to observe his immortal friends being massacred over and over again. "What I want is to be a god again. Being in charge of this place, bringing Loki down…it'd be nice, sure, but, ultimately, my goal is, and always has been, to regain my rightful status, my divinity."

Um... How am I supposed to help with that?

He could almost hear Set grin. "I will recall the spider if you swear to put in a good word for me."

A good word to whom?

"To whom do you think?" Set said impatiently.

Tony truly had no idea. It couldn't be Loki. Was there someone above Loki? I don't-

"By the blood sands, it's hardly a brain teaser. You only know the one Divine."

I know two, actually, Tony corrected him. Hades and Persephone.

There was a moment of silence. "Right. I forgot. You hail from the wrong twin world. It's Persephone I need. Only she can reverse this cruel punishment that she inflicted upon me."

It was Persephone who demoted you? Why?

"Well, technically it was the Council's decision, but it was her idea. As to why, it's none of your business," Set snapped. "Just promise that you will do it. Or have your new friends do it, since she's their goddess. Tell her that I generously saved your worthless lives out of the goodness of my divine heart."

Fine. I will. I promise.

"Swear it on your soulmate's life," Set commanded.

Tony rolled his eyes. This again. Set had just admitted that he was mixing up their worlds… In Tony's home world, Evey was definitely not his soulmate. As another severed arm nearly hit him in the face, however, he decided to humour Set. I swear it on Evey's life.

"Mm. That'll have to do, I suppose."

Make the spider go away, then. There were puddles of blood and body parts everywhere. The air stank of Ungoliant's acrid venom and the demon's body odour. It was making Tony's eyes water.

"Sure, sure. In a moment. I thought I might offer some advice first."

Tony swallowed his impatience. Advise away.

"You shouldn't have rescued them."

Tony scoffed. And why is that? Are you truly so starved for entertainment that you wish to keep them trapped in here forever?

"They're not quite as entertaining as you are, let me tell you. But no, that's not it. They're a danger to their home world. If they return, they will destroy it. That's why the Master gifted them to the Spider. For safekeeping."

Tony scowled. That was unlikely. Loki seemed like the type to destroy worlds just for fun. Why would they destroy their own world? That makes no sense. They're trying to save it.

"Oh, they won't do it on purpose. I'm sure they have its best interest at heart. But believe me, their fellow denizens will rue the day you cut them loose." Set paused. "Then again, it will only hasten the End." His voice was a bare whisper in Tony's head. "What's meant to happen, will happen eventually."

What are you talking about?

"Eh, don't worry about it now. There'll be plenty of time to worry later."

Tony wanted to insist on receiving a proper answer but, before he could, Ungoliant froze mid-movement, her pincers half an inch away from Eddie's neck. The Ripper seized the opportunity of her enemy's immobility to hack at its legs, but the attack left the spider indifferent. "Change of plans," it intoned. "Again." It sounded aggravated. "I shall complain to the Master about this. Leave now, puny humans."

They didn't need to be told twice. Ten seconds later, Tony had taken hold of Sirius and the seven of them were out of Ungoliant's sight. Or sense of smell, or whatever it used to detect its prey.

"Well, that was fun!" Ted said – or was it Eddie? Tony couldn't tell which one, and the words were as likely to come from one or the other.

"What happened?" the Ripper demanded at the same time as Amelia asked, "Why did it desist so abruptly?" The Ripper glared at her, though Amelia ignored her as she awaited an answer.

"I made a deal with the demon-god Set," Tony explained. "He stopped it."

Judging by their grimaces, they knew who Set was and had likely encountered him before. "That was unwise," Fake Tony said. "Making deals with demons is a terrible idea."

"Did you have a better one?" Tony countered. "Because apart from getting maimed, you weren't doing much."

"At least I was fighting," he retorted. "Instead of standing still and watching everyone else risk their limbs."

"You think losing a thousand limbs for no reason makes you a better person than me?" Tony said.

"It certainly makes you a coward," Fake Tony muttered under his breath, though every immortal present could hear him just fine.

Tony spun to face him and tear out another of his limbs, since he loved it so much, but Ted caught his arm. "Easy, mate. Whatever you did, good job. We did what we came to do. Now we can finally go home."

"But what was the deal?" Amelia asked. "What did Set demand in exchange for forcing the spider to retreat?"

"Actually, not much," Tony said. "It's not like I had to sell anyone's soul for it. You just have to talk him up to Persephone when you get home."

"Persephone?" Amelia repeated. "Like the…Greek goddess?"

Right. Unlike Hades, Persephone did not stop by the Macnair estate for tea and biscuits on a regular basis. "Yes. She…owns your world, which is twin to ours. Hades is our resident god." He wasn't certain what that meant, or what it entailed, but that was essentially what Persephone had told them. "We met her when we visited your place."

"You…met a goddess." Amelia sounded dubious. Well, Tony couldn't blame her. He had been quite rattled after meeting Hades for the first time.

"Just ask Ev…I mean Angie. She was there. She'll know what to do." There was no guarantee that Persephone would answer, let alone that she would do anything about Set's unfortunate situation, but Tony didn't mention that. It wasn't his problem. He had done his part. "Just tell your goddess that Set was nice to us and that he wants his divinity back. The rest is up to Persephone."

"Are we done talking?" the Ripper said. "Let's move. I want to go home."

"But how?" Fake Tony demanded. "The Master teleported us right inside the spider's lair. Is there a portal near the entrance? How do we get out of the maze?"

Those were actually good questions, Tony had to admit. He'd seen no portal. The only major demon in the area was Ungoliant and he was reluctant to ask it for a ride. Set probably couldn't teleport them if he wasn't physically present.

"This is getting ridiculously annoying," the Ripper complained. "Loki, you disfigured son of a jötunn, get us out of here, for fuck's sake!" Silence greeted her appeal. "Fledgling, do something," she commanded.

Tony started. "Me? Why me?"

"Because you're the one who comes up with ideas! I kill things, Ted is the comic relief, and you're the idea man. So come on, work your magic, Wizard."

Fake Tony cleared his throat. "I do not recommend the use of magic inside Pandemonium."

Tony was about to enquire – most of the spells he'd cast so far had worked as they should – but the Ripper spoke over him. "That was a manner of speech, doppelgänger. Shut up and let my fledgling think."

Tony was at a loss, but he was also weirdly flattered by the Ripper's confidence in his ability to come up with a solution to this new predicament. "Er… We could…" Ugh, everyone was looking at him expectantly now. Thanks, guys. No pressure. "Well, Loki has no reason to come to our aid," he said. "Lilith seems to be limited in her movements, otherwise I'm fairly certain that she'd help us. Set has already done his part. The greater demons we met earlier on were rather useless; they didn't even offer to portal us where we needed to go. Maybe they can't do that at all, or maybe they were simply being arseholes. That leaves…Fenrir. I tried him earlier, though, and he didn't respond. Then again, not sure if telepathy works with demons… I think that may be a godly ability." He turned to Ted. "Maybe if you call to him?" He gestured toward Eddie. "Both of you."

Neither Wolf had time to protest: two figures had just appeared, one shrouded in black, the other in red.

The First Sacrifices. Not their biggest fans, Tony recalled.

On closer inspection, however, something caught his eye: the woman was wearing black, this time, and the man red. "Follow us," they said in perfect unison. They started moving before the doppelgängers could even ask who they were. They had to use their enhanced speed to keep up; Tony had to carry Sirius.

"Who… I mean, what are those?" Eddie asked after a moment.

"Namtar and Samyaza," Ted replied. "They were-"

"We know who they are," Amelia cut him off. "Their names are known to all Wolves and Ancients. They're part of our history."

"No need to get testy, Miss Know-It-All," the Ripper grumbled.

Amelia glared at her, and the Ripper gave as good as she got. Tony hoped that those two wouldn't end up fighting, on top of everything else.

They were out of the maze in record time. Someone was waiting for them near the exit: Fenrir, in his human form. "There you are! I heard someone call out my name before, but I couldn't find you. This bloody maze," he spat out.

Tony had assumed that greater demons knew how to navigate the labyrinth but, apparently, he was wrong. Telepathy did work with greater demons, though. Fenrir shrugged. "Not all of us. I've inherited the ability, but I can only hear bits and pieces."

Of course, everyone else stared at the demon with some confusion, since they had not heard Tony's mental remark. "Ah…thanks for coming," he said when no one else spoke. "What are the odds of you sending us back to our respective worlds without trickery?"

Fenrir grinned, exposing his razor-like fangs. "Not good. But let's talk in my office."

A sudden icy storm swept them off their feet and they landed in a heap in…well, it was in fact an office. Sirius lay on the ground like a lifeless mannequin. Tony helped him up and sat him in a chair. The rest of them remained standing, on their guard.

"What fresh devilry is this?" the Ripper demanded. "What is this place?"

"I've been redecorating," Fenrir said with a trace of pride in his booming voice as he settled in the office chair behind the desk. "Is it realistic? Does it look like a mundane office in the human world?"

Tony took a closer look. The walls were a dull shade of beige and the floor was grey linoleum. The neon lights hurt his eyes. The wooden desk was plain, like the chairs, which also looked quite uncomfortable. There was a poster of Uncle Sam with its famous inscription: "I want YOU for the U.S. Army." That was random enough, but below it were pictures of world leaders...of a certain type. Benito Mussolini hung between Augusto Pinochet and Joseph Stalin. There was Adolf Hitler besides Idi Amin, and there was a shot that somehow gathered Pol Pot, Khomeini, Mao Zedong and Robespierre as well as a bloke with a luxuriant grey beard that Tony didn't recognise.

"Eh, close enough," Eddie said.

"Let's discuss terms," the Ripper said without preamble.

Fenrir raised an eyebrow. "Terms?"

"We want to be returned to Macnair manor, in the world where we came from. Our reality, our dimension, whatever you call it. The plane of existence in which we were born. The four of us, together at the same time," she said, pointing to Ted, Sirius, Tony and herself. "We want to be returned in one piece, in our present condition, alive."

"I can't magically make you alive, Miss Ripper, nor the fledgling. That's beyond my abilities."

Tony silently thanked Hades that he had not called her by her true name in front of the others.

The Ripper slammed both hands on the desk. "You know what I mean, you mangy beast."

"I'm sure he does," Ted said, "but we'd better be careful with the…phrasing." She threw him a nasty look, but he paid her no attention. "Just out of curiosity," he said to Fenrir, "how many worlds are there?"

"Who cares?!" the Ripper exclaimed.

Fenrir cocked his head to the left. "Carcharoth!" he bellowed.

Tony's ears rang with the word, of which he couldn't make sense – not until another demon appeared at the door. This one didn't bother with a human body: it was a werewolf, though he stood on its hind legs and somehow carried a notepad in its front paws. It was even wearing glasses. "14,000,605," it barked.

"How many worlds with humans in them?" Eddie asked.

Carcharoth flipped a page. "13,707,666."

Eddie whistled through his teeth. "Impressive."

Fenrir smiled cruelly. "How many of those were destroyed by said humans?"

Another page. "13,623,998." There was a slight pause as Carcharoth squinted. "Oh, wait, make that 13,623,999."

Ted sighed. "Also impressive, but in a depressing way. Is there a world where they've achieved world peace? In case one of us considered moving…"

Fenrir and his subordinate's laughter was answer enough.

"Are you going to open a portal for us, or not?" the Ripper erupted.

Fenrir flicked his wrist and the werewolf demon retreated. "Actually, yes."

"In exchange for what?" Fake Tony asked warily.

"Nothing," Fenrir said with wide-eyed innocence. "Father has granted me permission to return you to your respective worlds."

That didn't bode well. "What's the catch?" Tony insisted.

Fenrir half-raised his hands. "I'm just doing as I'm told. Now, who goes first?"

Tony hesitated. It didn't matter who went first. "We need to set a date," he told his friends. "Otherwise he'll return us to the Bronze Age or something."

Fenrir smirked. "Nah, I couldn't do that even if I wanted to – and I must admit, it is enticing. But your past is your past and it cannot be tampered with. I can send you back to the second after you left, though."

Tony saw that Ted was about to acquiesce, but he had a better idea. "How about the second after our friends back home have found a sure way to remedy Sirius's condition?"

The Ripper nodded approvingly. "Good thinking, fledgling."

Fenrir's grin widened. "What if they didn't find a way?"

"Of course they did," Tony said without faltering. Evey wouldn't take no for an answer; Fenrir might have to send them a hundred years into the future, but she would not rest until she found a way to restore Sirius's soul to its original condition. Or she would die trying.

"Fine, you caught my clever bluff," Fenrir said, though he didn't look disappointed in the slightest. "But you're lucky that it didn't take them more than a few weeks. Your world won't last another hundred years."

Fake Tony eyed them all with suspicion. "I thought you'd defeated Tom?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "For the dozenth time, we did. Fenrir's just messing with us. Our world is perfectly fine." Never mind the scenes of carnage and devastation he'd witnessed during his passage through the malfunctioning portal. He didn't want to think about that, not when he was so close to going home.

"Can we just go already?" the Ripper said impatiently.

"Sure," Fenrir said, smiling at her. "We'll see you again soon, Miss Ripper." He snapped his fingers.

An instant later, they were standing in front of two very familiar gates. It was the middle of the night; the air was cool and pure, the new moon barely visible in the clear, starry sky.

"Damn, we didn't even get to say goodbye!" Ted complained. Thanks to his enhanced reflexes, he caught Sirius before he could fall.

"Who cares?" the Ripper said. "We're home, you big oaf! At long fucking last," she muttered. She pushed the gates open without further ado. "Come on. I need a bath."

Ted followed her with Sirius in tow. "But I had so many questions about their world… Do you think that Eddie-"

Tony stopped listening. He stood frozen in place, stunned. It had all happened so fast… Could it be that easy? Were they really home? There was no way of knowing, not until they reached the house. Who was waiting for them inside? More demons in disguise? Another Evey with a baby?

"Hurry up, fledgling!" The Ripper was already ten corpses ahead of him.

There was nothing for it. Tony braced himself and started walking.

"Just like that, huh?" Eddie said, looking at the space their otherworldly doppelgängers had just vacated. "Well, I guess it's our turn." He turned to Fenrir expectantly.

"Not so fast, Wolf," Amy whispered. "We need to dictate our own terms, otherwise God only knows where and when we'll end up."

Tony nodded. "She's right. Let's think about this carefully. Besides, I have more questions."

"I don't have all day," Fenrir protested. "Plenty of demons to torture, you know. If you take too long, I might send you back to the labyrinth…"

"If we do what your father suggested," Tony said, "will it truly-"

"It will accomplish exactly what you asked for," Fenrir interrupted him. "The artefacts will be rendered useless, every single one of them."

"But the cost-"

Fenrir chuckled. "Oh yes. It's quite the conundrum, mm? So many lives at stake... And the fate of your world depends on your decision." Their predicament seemed to amuse him greatly, just like it had amused the other demons they'd encountered.

"Is there no other way?" Amy pleaded. She'd confided in Tony that she was reluctant to even mention Loki's suggestion, when they returned home. She didn't want to be responsible in case they ultimately chose to implement it.

Fenrir stroked his chin pensively. "Not to my limited knowledge."

Limited knowledge, my arse, Tony thought. Fenrir knew more than he let on, and he was almost certainly lying through his fangs. Still, they had no alternate solution. It would have to do, and it had to be done.

"We can always appeal to Persephone…" Amy murmured. "If she's a benevolent goddess-"

Tony snorted. "Do you really believe that she exists? And if she does, which is improbable at best, do you think she'll help us? If she could help, she would have done it sooner, Amy. Before everything went tits-up."

"Why is it so improbable?" Eddie countered. "Loki's a god, and so is Set. Or they were gods, once. So we know that gods do exist. Besides, why would the other Tony lie?"

"He did seem frightfully concerned about our world," Amy said.

"About Angie, you mean," Tony retorted. "Can't make the distinction between another man's wife and his own, the fool."

"Of course you could ask the old lady," Fenrir said dispassionately, "but I doubt she'll be helpful. The problem with the Divines, you see, is that they're limited in the assistance they're allowed to provide their pet humans. Severely limited. Us demons, we have no such restrictions on our turfs. We may be lowly scum to them, but we're much freer than they'll ever be." He smirked. "Ah, the joys of democracy."

"You're also free to lie to us," Tony noted.

Fenrir shrugged. "So are they. Everyone lies, little fledgling. Lying is not only human nature; it's a fundament of existence itself."

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. "Alright, I've heard enough. Take us back to our world. The one presided over by Persephone," he added with a wry twist of his mouth. "We want to be returned in our current state of undead-ness – or alive, in Eddie's case."

"We want to go straight inside Macnair manor, in the kitchen," Amy said.

Good thinking; who knew what fresh hell awaited outside the wards?

"We want to be returned together, at the same time," Eddie finished.

"What time would that be?" Fenrir asked with uncharacteristic politeness.

The trio exchanged glances. "What if…" Eddie began hesitantly. "If we go back to the Ministry, do you think we could still save…"

Tony knew exactly what he was thinking, and it was tempting, but it was also risky. "If we go back to a time before our doppelgängers visited Angie, they might not come rescue us. Then again, we might not need rescuing...?" He turned to Fenrir with a frown. "How does time travel work? Would that affect-"

"How would I know? I'm just a pesky demon," he said with a broad grin. "Just tell me when. You can deal with the consequences of your choice."

For Harry's sake! "Ten minutes after the 'gängers left the manor, so we don't run into them, and so Angie doesn't have to wait too long to see if they managed to rescue us?" Tony suggested to his friends. They both nodded. "Yeah, then," he told Fenrir.

"As you wish," the demon said, his eyes glinting with malice as he snapped his fingers.