"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."

Numbers 6:24-26

"Just do it, TwoBit. It doesn't gotta be long or anything. It only has to be from your heart."

"Soda here was waxin' all poetic, while we were closing the DX up early."

Soda punched Steve's shoulder, as he sat down on the Randles' porch swing. "What's that even mean, Stevie? It makes me sound like I'm tryin' to write one of those poetry books Pony likes to read."

Steve took a seat next to Soda, a hand on his best friend's shoulder, as he looked to Nicholas, who had joined them outside. "So, Dad, are you going to be kissing Audrey underneath the fireworks?"

Nicholas saw Steve's wink, rolling his own eyes in response. "You keep it up, Son, and I'll kiss you while they're going off."

Soda laughed at Steve's expression that was one of disgust. "Aw, man, I'd sure love to see that."

Steve shook his head to rid it of the image, his face softening into a smile at the sound of Soda's continued laughter. "Geez, Dad, I think you broke Sodapop."

Nicolas started to chuckle himself, as he watched Soda let the humor move through him. "I don't know, Son. He sounds pretty good to me."

Soda kept smiling, as he lay his head back on the swing. "Cause I am. I don't feel broken anymore. I feel like I'm almost fixed."

"You'll do just fine, Dar. Cause it's for Soda, and you'd do anything to help him. I know you love both of us cause we're your little brothers, but Soda came first. So you can't tell me what you have with him isn't something special."

"Hey, man, you know I didn't mean anything by that earlier, right?"

Soda walked beside Steve, the two headed in the direction of the Curtis house. "You didn't mean anything by what? What'd you say?"

Steve moved along the sidewalk, looking down at the concrete that carried their shadows along its path. "I mean that crack about my dad breaking you. Cause of what you said right after about feeling like you're almost fixed."

"Oh. I knew you were just kiddin' around, Stevie. I didn't take it in a bad way or anything."

"Good, buddy. Because I never want to sound like I could think you're broken."

"You didn't sound like that at all. You were jokin'."

"I don't want you to feel like it either, you know? You aren't and have never been broken. You don't need to be fixed."

"But I kind of think that I do. Or I did anyway. Not as much right now. I mean, with the flashbacks and stuff, my thoughts and feelings needed to be fixed. So did my spirit."

Steve was quiet for a short stretch of time, his feet slowing their pace. "I think the feeling you've got is different than the one I had. I sure hope it is anyway."

"What feeling did you have?"

"That I was broken. My actual being. My self. But not just that, I felt like I couldn't be fixed."

"I think it is different, Stevie. Cause that feeling comes from a whole other place for you. One that's deeper cause of what happened."

"It comes from shame."

"Yeah. So we're talking about different kinds of broken and fixed. I've felt broken, but not in the same way, and I look at healing as fixing that."

"That makes sense, buddy."

"So when I talk to Dr. Morgan or to you about stuff, that's fixing what's hurt inside. It's fixing me. And just like you've said, it means I'm getting myself back."

"Thanks, Penny. This will mean a lot to Soda, and I swear I won't read a single word of it."

"Hey, little buddy. What are you two knuckleheads up to?"

Soda greeted Darry by putting his arms around him and laying his head on his shoulder. "Just hangin' out, Dar. And getting ready for the fireworks."

Darry gave Soda a squeeze, his casualness replaced by concern. "You okay, Pepsi Cola?"

Soda nodded, though he didn't pull away just yet. "Yeah. I'm okay. Just need to hold on for a second."

Steve stepped forward and laid a hand on Soda's back, reminding his best friend of his presence. "Yeah, Superman. Coleman had us close the DX up early for the holiday, and we've been shootin' the breeze ever since."

Darry met Steve's eyes, his middle brother still not letting go. "I got home a little early myself. I thought we could grill some burgers and hotdogs before heading over to the strip. Sound good, Sodapop?"

Soda lifted his head up, as he smiled. "It sure does, big brother. Let's get out in the backyard and fire up the grill."

"Aw, shut it, TwoBit. I'm getting along just fine."

TwoBit sat back in the lawn chair he'd put in the grass next to Steve's, seeing the grin on his buddy's face. "Really, Steve-O, I can see that you are. You're in a much better place now than you were this time last year."

Steve watched the Frisbee sail across the yard, as smoke from the grill wafted into the air. "Yeah. I sure am."

Soda tossed the Frisbee to Pony, seeing his little brother run to catch it, before he made his way over to Steve and TwoBit. "You two chattin' it up over here while the rest of us are busy gettin' high off life?"

TwoBit grabbed his beer bottle and held it up. "I'm gettin' drunk off beer."

Soda sat down in the lawn chair beside Steve, looking over to see Darry flipping one of the burgers that was cooking on the grill. "This sure is nice."

Steve reached over and squeezed Soda's shoulder. "You've got that right, man."

TwoBit took a swig of his beer, noticing Soda's gaze had locked with Steve's. "Hey, you two need a moment or somethin'?"

Steve's eyes moved to TwoBit, as he swatted at his head. "I'll show you a 'moment' if you don't cut it out."

TwoBit ducked away from Steve's hand. "Chill, Steve-O. I didn't mean nothin' by it."

Soda chuckled, as Steve let out a huff and sat back in his chair. "It's okay, Stevie. It ain't like he's sayin' anything bad."

Steve looked down at the ground, before shifting his gaze back to Soda. "Our moments are between us, and that's it."

TwoBit chose to speak once more, despite the tension he could see in Steve. "Hell, yeah, they are. I ain't makin' light of them, bud."

Steve felt his face soften, as he looked at TwoBit, seeing the apologetic grey eyes that stared back at him. "Sorry, TwoBit. I guess I'm just...protective."

TwoBit smiled, as he slapped Steve on the back. "Don't sweat it. I don't blame you for being protective. You've got every damn right to be just that. As for me, I'm just real glad ya'll have each other and whatever moments happened behind closed doors helped both of you survive."

"I wonder what that was about."

Darry stood in front of the grill using a pair of tongs to put hotdogs on the plate Pony was holding. "There's no tellin'. TwoBit probably stuck his foot in his mouth. Steve's different these days, but certain things still get under his skin."

Pony looked down at the hotdogs, the black stripes and aroma showing how well-cooked they were. "So are the burgers almost done too?"

"Yep. They will be soon. When are you planning to give Soda what you have for him?"

"Right after we eat. I'm kind of nervous about it, honestly."

"Why?"

"Because it'll probably make him all emotional."

"Probably. But it's the kind of release he needs. Soda's one to feel everything there is to feel. So when he sees those, it'll be good for him to let any emotions he has inside show."

"You can tell me the truth, Samuel. If you're feeling any fear, I won't be upset."

Samuel felt Vivian's hand slip into his own, as he sat in Matthew's former bedroom, the wooden chest not far from them. "I am. I'm feeling scared, and I guess I should've expected it."

Vivian laid her head on her husband's shoulder, her eyes sweeping the room, as she pictured the memories that already existed there as a parallel to the ones she hoped to build. "I'm scared too. I'm a mother who's been through grief. I know all too well the risk that comes with loving a child. So do you. But do you realize what else we know?"

"What?"

"We know what a blessing being a parent is." Vivian lifted her head up to meet Samuel's eyes. "We know fear and sadness. But we're also well-acquainted with joy."

"Hey, Soda, will you come in here for a minute?"

Soda sat on the porch steps, eating the last bite of his hotdog, as he turned to see Pony holding the back door open, two envelopes in his hand. "What are those, Pone?"

Pony motioned for Soda to follow him inside, then took a seat on the couch. "They're for you."

Soda perched on the edge of the couch cushion, as Pony handed him one of the envelopes. He opened it to find a folded sheet of paper inside.

Pony watched Soda's expression turn from one of curiosity to one of recognition, as he took the paper out and unfolded it. "You wrote me a letter? Why?"

"Because I want you to be able to read how much you mean to me any time you need it." Pony held the second envelope out to Soda. "And that's not the only one."

Soda tucked Pony's letter back into its own envelope, before taking the next one and opening it to find three more folded papers. "These are letters too?"

"Yep. They're from Darry, TwoBit, and Penny."

Soda took out each letter, unfolding them to find the handwriting of more of the people he loved. "Did you ask them to write letters for me?"

"Yeah. So now, you have Steve's and all of these too. If you're feeling down or sad or anything else, you have lots of words to tell you how loved you are."

Soda scanned each of the pages, his watering eyes making the words blurry. "This is just beautiful, Pone. It's exactly what I need too."

Pony touched Soda's arm, feeling himself getting choked up at the sight of the emotion on his middle brother's face. "Hey, no bawlin' now. You've looked like you're doing good today, and I don't want you to start having a hard time."

Soda put the letters back in their envelopes, intending to read them later. "Aw, little brother, you know I'm the bawl baby of this family. But it doesn't mean I'm havin' a hard time. These ain't those kind of tears."

"What kind of tears are they then?"

"The kind that come when you're happy. I'm not cryin' cause I'm sad." Soda looked down at the pair of envelopes, knowing the love that had gone into each of the four letters they contained. "I'm cryin' cause my heart is full."

"Kid even got you to write a letter, huh?"

TwoBit made himself a second hamburger, then sat down with Steve, plate in his lap. "Yeah. I wasn't real sure about it at first, you know? Cause I ain't a good writer or anything."

Steve ate the hamburger that was on his own plate, his eyes moving from TwoBit to the back door, where they'd seen Soda follow Pony inside the house a few minutes earlier. "I don't think writing your buddy a letter's the same thing as writing essays and stuff for school though."

Darry joined the conversation then, as he covered the plate of leftover hotdogs and hamburgers with aluminum foil. "It's definitely not the same. Hell, I was good at writing school essays, but I felt out of my element with this. At first anyway. I've got plenty to say to Soda, but putting the words to paper didn't feel as natural as talkin' to him when he needs me."

Steve thought back to his own letter to Soda, reflecting on how the words had flowed almost without effort once he'd gotten started. "Yeah. I know what you mean, Superman. I don't think I'm usually much of a letter-writer cause it is different than talkin'. But when I was writing to Soda, I thought of what I would say outloud and put it just like that. Then, the next thing I knew, the letter had every word it could possibly need."

You're my big brother, and I want to be one of the people in your life that you can lean on while you heal.

I don't even remember life without you, Pepsi Cola. And I'm glad my memories always include you.

It might sound corny, but there's nothing in the world like your smile, and I like knowin' it belongs to a buddy of mine.

I love you in a romantic sense, but I also love you because we have a bond that makes us friends.

"Hey, buddy, you ready to go?"

Soda heard Steve's voice from his place on his bedroom floor, as he tucked the letter into the shoebox, the lines he'd just read finding a place within his heart. "Yeah. I'm ready."

Steve waited a few seconds, seeing that Soda wasn't moving from his spot. He then went to sit with his best friend, a hand touching his shoulder. "Pony sure did good, didn't he?"

"Yeah. He did. I wasn't expectin' it at all either."

"I bet surprising you was part of it, man. Especially since he got TwoBit, Darry, and Penny to write letters for you too. That was a real tuff thing to do."

"I told him it was beautiful."

"That's an even better word for it." Steve slipped his arm around Soda, giving him a squeeze. "So what do you say we-"

"Please don't, Stevie."

"Please don't what? I was just going to ask about getting down to the strip to see the fireworks."

"No. It's not that. I mean, it's just you've got your arm around me, and I don't want to fall apart tonight. But that touch, it makes me think I will."

"Oh." Steve reluctantly let go of Soda, putting his arm over his middle. "I'm sorry."

Soda looked at Steve's face, a pang striking his chest at the fallen expression there. "There's nothin' to be sorry for. I didn't say you were doin' anything wrong. Cause you weren't. You were just being here for me, like you always are. You were doin' what you always do."

"Yeah. I was."

"Aw, shit, Stevie. I'm going to cry anyway just cause of that look on your face." Soda leaned closer to his best friend and took his hand. "I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have even said it, buddy. Cause I don't ever want to hurt you or seem like I'm pushin' you away. I wouldn't do that."

Steve squeezed the hand that held his own. "I know you wouldn't. It's okay."

Soda's eyes met Steve's, a smile forming on his face. "TwoBit would laugh his ass off right now, wouldn't he? Cause we are havin' a moment this time."

"I don't know why I got mad at him."

"Just like you said, you're protective. You know what I meant just now, right? About your arm being around me?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"It's comforting. So feeling you holdin' onto me after I just got done readin' through those letters, I thought all the emotions would pour out, you know? Cause I'm really wearin' them on my sleeve right now."

"I've been able to tell that since I came in here."

"Yeah. I'm sure you could. They're just below the surface, and you even sort of hugging me is like this cue that I can let go. It's a good thing too, Stevie. That kind of touch tells my spirit it can do whatever it needs to do cause you're with me. It's like love is holdin' and comforting me in the way that only you can do cause of your empathy."

"Damn, Soda. For a guy who doesn't want to cry tonight, you're sure as hell about to make me do it."

Soda chuckled, as he gave Steve's hand a squeeze, then slid the shoebox up under his bed. "All right then. Maybe we'll need more heart-to-heart later. But for now, let's go celebrate the Fourth of July."

"Hey, when are they going to start?"

"Hold your horses, Kid. It's not even quite 9:00 yet."

"Good one, Steve-O!"

"What the hell is so funny, TwoBit?"

"You just told a kid named Ponyboy to hold his horses."

Soda lie back on the grass, listening to the banter among his brothers and friends, as the first of the fireworks was ignited. He heard the whistle, as it shot into the air, and a spray of color shimmered up in the night sky.

"That sure is pretty."

"Of course it is, Kid. It always is."

"But it's better this year."

"Yeah. I know what you mean."

Soda watched the next set of fireworks go up, colorful sparks erupting so that they seemed to mingle with the stars

"You know what else it is, Steve?"

"What, Pony?"

"It's not just pretty. It's gold."

"Hey, Stevie, are you sleepin' over tonight?"

Steve sat on the porch swing, his eyes looking up at the sky, as Soda came to sit next to him. "Yeah. So long as you want me to."

Soda followed Steve's gaze, still hearing faint sounds of popping and cracking in the distance. "Of course I want you to. Did you ask God if he liked the fireworks? I think he did."

"I'm sure he thought they were glorious."

"Hey, look at you borrowin' my poetic word."

"Yeah, man. Cause it works."

"So what else are you thinkin' about?"

"What makes you think I'm thinking about anything? Maybe I'm just sitting out here."

"I can read you just as well as you can read me. Besides, I sit and stare at the sky sometimes too. I was doin' that the other night when Darry came out here with me. He could see I was thinkin' about something, just like I can see it on you right now."

Steve's eyes moved from the sky to Soda, as he attempted to put his reflective thoughts into words. "That stung more than it should have."

"What did?"

"Earlier when you didn't want me to have my arm around you. I guess I'm just so sensitive about certain things now. But I shouldn't be about this because you've got a right to ask for space when you want it, and I should be okay with that."

"Just like you've said to me, there's no should or shouldn't here. You feel how you feel. So it's okay that it bothered you, Stevie. It really is."

"But I know you weren't trying to push me away. I know you just didn't want to start crying. It didn't mean anything that's as bad as how it felt. It didn't mean that you-" Steve stood up, interrupting his own words to move from the swing to the porch steps, sitting down on the top one. "No. Cause it didn't mean anything. It shouldn't have hurt this much."

Soda didn't hesitate to join his best friend, sitting down next to Steve, as he saw him put his hands over his eyes. "It didn't mean that what? How did this hurt you, buddy? Please let me try to fix it."

Steve felt Soda's hand on his wrist, the grip a gentle one that led him to uncover his eyes. He looked at the man beside him, seeing the face of his best friend, who sought to give him any support possible. "It didn't mean that you didn't want me there with you. It didn't mean you'll never want me to hug you again."

"No. Of course it didn't mean that. It didn't mean anything besides what I said."

Steve looked down at Soda's hand that still held onto his wrist, the warmth from such a simple touch helping him keep going. "I understand too cause I know what it's like. I know how somebody holding you can release everything that's in there. I know what touch can do."

"But it still hurt. Even though you get it, that moment still stung."

"Yeah. It did, and I wouldn't have expected it to."

"I hope I can do for you what you always do for me. Cause no matter why the feeling is there, it's valid. So it's okay for you to feel it and talk about it, even if you're not exactly sure how to explain it. And for whatever it's worth, I can understand how something like that would hurt. Especially after hearing you talk about touch the way you did after your last session with Laura."

"That's worth a lot, buddy. You sitting here with me and listening to this means so much more than I can tell you right now."

Soda let go of Steve's wrist, then put his arm around his shoulders, his eyes looking up at the sky that held the makings of a blank canvas, despite its darkness. "Right after my appointment on Monday, Pony told me he saw me and you hugging each other. He said it looked like we were prayin' too, and we were. It was last Friday night."

"He told me the same thing. Well, the part about us hugging anyway. He said it's what got him thinking about what it means to be a brother."

"So he didn't mention anything else he saw?"

"No. What else is there?"

"Pony said he saw a glow around me and you, and it was real bright."

"The kid says he saw a light?"

"Yeah. He said it was like a presence right there with us, and he's never seen anything else like it. So he thinks it was God."

"Not too long ago, I would've thought the kid was off his rocker."

"What do you think now?"

Steve put his arm around Soda, his spirit still able to feel the hurt he'd been describing, though compassion and transparency had dulled its sting. "I think he's probably right. I've felt God's presence before and so have you. So it's not a big stretch for Pony to see something. Especially in a moment like that one. Because of what we've been talking about, it makes me think of what I told Laura too."

"What did you tell her?"

"She asked me what the touches between me and people I love are about. I said they're about being connected to each other in a way we can feel."

Soda grinned at Steve, as he rubbed his shoulder. "I like that, Stevie. It's true too."

"Yeah, and I told her that with my dad, it's about us having what he didn't when I was younger. It shows how close we are now."

"Yep. It sure does. Cause you've come so far, bein' affectionate is something you get to have with each other."

"That affection, that touch, is something I need too. It seemed like a weird thing to be thinking about at first, but not so much anymore. I told Laura that for me and you, touch is about being present with each other, and hearing that Pony says he saw a light reminds me of the way we've talked about God and our friendship."

"It's nice to think he was there with us like that, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It is. So that means while we were physically holding on and as present as we could be with each other, God was there. He gave us what we have, so he let there be a glow to show his presence was there too."