Molly sat playing with the cuff on her jumper and kept her eyes low as she sat in the shrink's office.
Monica, the woman that she had been talking to for a little while now, wrote down what Molly had told her. "So how is your sleeping?"
"Not very good" Molly kept her eyes down and pulled at the fabric on her jumper, it was leaning towards Autumn now so it was getting colder, well she guessed that it was always cold here in the UK.
"What do you mean by not very good?"
Molly hesistated for a moment and cleared her throat a little before she looked up from the cuff of her jumper to look at Monica. "The nightmares are bad, I often wake up screaming because in my dream I see him"
"By him you mean," she looked back at her notes "Poya? What is he doing?"
Her lip trembles a little and she could feel the hot burn of the tears at the back of her eyes so she looks down again at her cuff. "It's still the same as what happened but every time I can hear him laughing before he shoots me, I never make it back on to the helicopter"
Monica nods and writes down everything that Molly just said to her about Poya and the helicopter. "You probably feel like that's what you think should have happened because then your boyfriend wouldn't have got shot"
Molly plays that over and over again in her head too especially when she watched as Blue put his hand over his front and the blood that had been on his gloves, in fact the blood had stained the gloves so badly that they had to be chucked. "At least then he wouldn't have got hurt, if Poya had killed me then at least he-" she clenched her hand tightly around the cuff but she then moved her fingers so that they were cutting into her palm.
"You can't think like that Molly, what Special Forces do every day is amazing as well as every member of the Armed Forces, if it hadn't been you it could've been something else"
Molly looked up and over at the window. "My friend got engaged and they were worried about telling me, I have no sense of reality sometimes because I'm stuck in my head"
"What is your head telling you to do now?" Monica put the book down on to the small table next to her. "Tell me, what does your head want you to do?"
"It's telling me that I should've died" she finally admitted and looked at Monica in her beautiful hazel eyes. "I miss him so much" Molly finally allowed herself to speak the words that ached her heart. She shook her head a little and she felt her bottom lip trembling again and she grabbed one of the tissues that was in the box on the table next to her chair.
This was the hardest bit of her job, watching people like Molly break down but she couldn't give her a hug or nothing because that would be wrong and the last thing Monica wanted was to be taken off of Molly's case because of the fact she had done something stupid. She had picked up a trust with Molly and if she was reassigned then it could put the other woman back a bit. "I know you do"
Molly wiped her eyes and then looked towards the window once more.
They sat and spoke about other things after Molly had had a drink of water from the bottle that she had brought with her.
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"- and then I told him to get the right ones but he never listens" Debbie spoke as she stirred some sugar into her tea. She moved her dark eyes up to look at Molly who was staring out of the window onto the rainy street.
Someone crossed her vision and she blinked before she shook her head and looked back at Debbie, a soft smile on her lips. "Sorry I was just a little bit away there"
Debbie hated seeing Molly like this, she was stronger than she gave herself credit for and she could get through this too. "How did the counselling session go today?" she lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip of her tea before putting the cup back down on the table.
"Broke down and finally told the doctor about the dreams but I always feel like the more I'm talking about them the more they come out and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere"
"It's not going to go over night, it's going to take a while but you're going to get through this" she gave Molly a smile and she smiled back. "Now, you're going to have to eat that cake because if it sits there anymore then I'm going to scoff it myself"
Molly laughed, an actual laugh, before she picked up the cake that Debbie had got her and then took a bite of it. She always felt like she could laugh more around Debbie and Elvis was definitely damn lucky to have her and if he messed it up again then Molly was going to hunt him down herself and kick him until he gives in.
They sat in silence while they started eating the cakes that had been brought. Debbie had a nice cinnamon swirl and Molly some carrot cake. Then out of nowhere, after she had finished her cake, Debbie said "Have you gone to see him?" Molly shook her head "Why not? He wants to see you and he doesn't blame you at all! In fact he misses you just as much as you miss him"
Molly looked up at Debbie at that "He does?"
"He knows what he's getting himself in for when it comes to being Special Forces, Blue loves you" Debbie smiled at her.
Then Molly's mind flashed back to that day on the former Camp Bastion American base in Afghanistan. The day she thought she had lost Blue.
What really happened:
Elvis held on to her as she screamed out Blue's name. No one ever called him Ben but she felt like it was more needed now than ever.
"He's going to be ok" Elvis whispered into her ear.
Molly turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck and held on to him tightly, the only other person she's held on to that tightly had been Charles. Her body shaking with a sob. "I can't lose him, Elvis, I just can't"
Elvis wrapped his arms around her and ran his hand up and down her back to soothe her. He looked in the direction of the room that Blue was in and wished really hard that if one of them was going to have the happy ever after with someone then let it be Molly because she deserved so much more than this shit that kept coming her way.
The door opened and the doctors walked out, Molly pulled back from Elvis and looked at them. "He's alive and we will definitely keeping a closer eye on him, if you want to go and speak to him then make it quick" the doctor smiled at them and then let Molly walk in.
Blue or Ben, had his eyes closed again and she moved to his side and put her hand in to his once more. Her lips were trembling and she swallowed hard, trying so hard to hold the tears back but it wasn't easy because she wanted to break down. This had been her fault, if she hadn't been here in the first place then he would be ok. He would be at home or doing some silly shit that he was known for. Instead he was laying in a bed after having surgery for being shot.
"I love you but.. I can't look at you without blaming myself, I am so sorry" she whispered to him and kissed his hand before she walked away and back out the door. Molly held her hand up to Elvis to tell him to leave her alone for a while.
When Blue finally came around:
"Well you certainly kept us on our toes, how you feeling?" Elvis asked and leaned back in his seat.
"Like I've been shot" he then looked around to see if Molly was there.
"She's not coming, mate" Elvis finally had to break the news to him, he had caught up with Molly a little while after she had left Blue's room and she had finally admitted to him that she couldn't be by his side because she was the reason why he had been there in the first place. Elvis had tried to talk her around but she just wasn't listening and in the end he was sitting here in the chair. "Molly blames herself for you being in here"
"She's walked away, hasn't she?" Blue asked and looked over at Elvis.
"Yes, she has" Elvis hated to be the one that told him this because he knew that Blue liked Molly and he knew that Molly loved Blue but being shot and nearly dying Molly went into a blame game and figured it would be better to actually stay away from him. "And when you're safe to travel you'll both be sent back to the UK, as for us we're going to do some more digging in the country to see just what the hell is going on here"
"You make sure that nothing comes after Molly again, she's gone through enough"
"I promise" Elvis was going to make sure that they done everything they could to keep both Molly and Blue safe. "You get some more rest, and I'll see you before I go" he smiled before getting up from his seat.
"Elvis.." Blue called out to him. "I love her"
Elvis nods his head "And she loves you, don't forget that"
Back at the cafe, UK.
"Please go and see him, he wants to see you" Debbie reaches out and takes her hand. "I can't pretend to understand what you went through with your husband but even you know that Blue is not Charles, you are safe with him, your heart is safe with him"
Molly knew that she was safe with him and that her heart was safe too. It's just that she still blamed herself for being in Afghanistan in the first place, not that she had any say in the matter.
"Promise me you will go and see him, at least before our wedding" even though she didn't know when that would be. Debbie at least wanted the two of them to be together again because they were amazing.
"Will you drop me off at his place?" Molly asked after a moment and smiled at Debbie who smiled back at her.
"Of course I will"
They sat and talked for a little bit longer before they both left and Debbie dropped Molly off at Blue's place. It was quite a bit away but Molly did promise the other woman that she would pay her for the petrol.
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Molly stared at the front door and she knew that she couldn't back out of this because of the fact Debbie had already left her here. She walked up to the front door and knocked on it.
She stood with her back to the door as she looked around and then heard the lock go and the door open up. Molly turned and looked at Blue. He looked so much better and having some time off from SF worked wonders on him. "Hello Blue" she said with a soft smile.
Blue put his hands into the pockets of his jeans and watched her for a moment before he was then taking his hands out of his pockets and putting them against her cheeks and pulling her in for a kiss. It was hard and it wasn't passionate but he just had to put his lips to hers to make sure that that feeling was still there. It was and it was pulling him deep especially when she kissed him back.
Molly slowly pulled her lips from his but kept them close to his. Her breath blowing against his lips. "I'm sorry, god I'm so sorry for you getting hurt"
Blue shook his head, "Don't apologise, there's nothing for you to feel guilty about"
"I need you, I've always needed you" Molly didn't know how she had kept herself from him for two months but she had. Now she really wished that she hadn't because there was just so much love between the two of them. "I love you"
Blue smiled at her. "I love you too" he then took her hand and walked her back into his place. He just wanted to hold her if anything. To be near her again, to look at her eyes and her face and to know that she was his, all his and no one elses.