34.

Pansy:

Ah, the future!

Life under a bridge, I see.

"No, thanks. I hate asparagus," Pansy said, declining the food Sophie offered her.

"Seriously? Really? Or will we see you eating them next week?" Rachel scoffed. "You know, like it happened in Hogsmeade" and to further annoy her, she mimicked her with a childish tone "I wouldn't be seen dead having a date at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop".

Few things as terrible crossed her mind as her girlfriend taking her to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop for a date, but there were certainly worse things: like Rachel finding out that her girlfriend took her to the Tea Shop for a date.

It was when they left the store with Hermione that Pansy caught the eye of Rachel, who was just walking across the street. She had a smile of absolute satisfaction because she had caught her leaving the premises and by her side was Sophie, who when she saw how happy Rachel was, her jaw almost fell to the ground. Damn! She had tried to pretend that her friends weren't there at the moment, to convince herself that they would ignore her or that she could excuse herself. But it was impossible to fool them, they had seen her in Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, her, Pansy Parkinson: the girl who always made fun of half the world for going to that trashy place as if it were something romantic.

"Rachel," Sophie scolded, though she was laughing at the situation unashamedly.

"I hate you," Pansy muttered, preferring to look down at her plate of food.

It had been a week since that horrible date with Hermione, but she remembered it vividly on a daily basis thanks to that pair sitting across from her, having dinner. Pansy ate the last of her pumpkin soup in her bowl, wishing she could forget everything, especially the memory of the decorations in the Tea Shop, with their flower-patterned tablecloths and plaid pattern.

"I just can't get over it!" Rachel exclaimed, and then looked at Sophie. "It's true what they say, love clouds people's judgment."

Pansy felt her cheeks redden. How she hated talking about this kind of thing with others! Also, she didn't change for Hermione. Ridiculous.

She just... agreed to enter the Tea Shop because she didn't want to see her sad. When she had stood in front of the entrance of that disgusting place, she was about to spit something like "What the hell, should I rethink why I go out with you?", But it stuck in her throat when she saw her with that scared look. She couldn't even try to be cruel to Hermione. She almost snorted, but held herself back; Rachel was right, right? Pansy would never have kept those kinds of comments to herself so as not to hurt another...

"At least she doesn't have a crush on a guy she never spoke to," Sophie pointed out to Rachel.

"Isa?" Pansy asked, eager to change the subject of the conversation.

"Who?" The other two asked at the same time.

"Isaac Rymer," she clarified, and then Sophie agreed with her.

"Why do you call him Isa?" Rachel's brow furrowed, her mind hooked on that detail, getting defensive. "Do you nickname someone you don't talk to? Do Hermione and I need to worry?"

Pansy clicked her tongue, remembering that she never commented on these details to her friends.

"I like them," she said in exasperation. "We talk sometimes. And don't say Isaac, it's Isa. They are not a boy."

Sophie and Rachel undoubtedly spent too much time together, because their eyebrows arched at the same time, as if they were the same incredulous entity.

"Okay," Rachel murmured slowly. "And can you tell why you never told me that?" She asked through clenched teeth. "By Morgana Pansy, you speak to him! And you did not tell me anything! Why didn't you introduce me to him if you knew him?" Rachel's cheeks turned red, before correcting herself. "I mean, why didn't you introduce me to Isa? Damn, it's better that you didn't. They would hate me, for being an idiot who keeps calling them "he". I'm the worst."

"Oh shut up. It doesn't matter, "Pansy demanded, stopping Rachel's ranting.

She could already imagine how Rachel would want to jump into the Black Lake for disrespecting them like that, but she didn't feel much interest in putting up with that drama. Especially when her idiot of a friend was making fun of her minutes before.

"We all treat Isa like a boy, I never heard otherwise from anyone... Are they uncomfortable?" Sophie mused.

"Maybe... We should talk to them, some day, to find out how they're feeling, if they need help. Maybe they're just becoming aware of their identity," Rachel suggested, glancing at Pansy from the corner of her eye.

"How quickly you forgive yourself," Sophie scoffed.

"It's just me," she stammered, looking down sadly. "Isa is so cool. I would like to talk to them, to know how they are."

The grimace that Pansy made showed that she thought the opposite (in addition to the disgust that Rachel with a crush generated). "Isa is nice, that's true, but not in a million lives would I think they're cool". In fact, now that she thought about it, Isa has an air that reminds her of Luna, only that hers is more melancholic. Although, on the other hand, they have a band, so... more "cool" than Luna, it is.

"You look like a groupie," Pansy said with a half smile.

"Shut up Parkinson," Rachel complained. "You are still more pathetic. Hermione says "hi" to you and your legs are shaking."

"We can leave it as a draw," Sophie sighed, adjusting her glasses, almost looking professional, as if she were going to give an official competition result. "You are both a walking joke."

Pansy and Rachel's grimaces of annoyance seemed to please Sophie.

. . .

When dinner was over, Pansy stepped into their Common Room. On the bulletin board, there was a huge piece of paper in the center, standing out from the rest, and it said:

VOCATIONAL ORIENTATION.

During the second week of the summer term, all fifth-year students will have a brief interview with their head of household to discuss future careers. The dates and times of the interviews are listed below.

Today the first meetings began. Next to the name Parkinson was attached the date of April 2, at three in the afternoon, just after her potions class, therefore, tomorrow a day with too many hours with her head of house awaited her. Snape had been clever, choosing the Slytherin students' off hours to hold meetings. As far as she knew, McGonagall had been more merciful: Harry missed his Divination class today to conduct the interview; Ron like her had the date of the second, but at two in the afternoon, so he had not wasted time in bragging that unlike Pansy he would skip a class (and Pansy, of course, when reunited with Hermione, Ron and Harry to study in the library, returned the gesture: kicking his chair out of the way before he sat down, causing Ron to fall to the floor on his butt and earn a reprimand from Pince for the noise); Lastly, Hermione was meeting with her head of house on Thursday, and she was not at all pleased about it, she would never be happy to skip a class (although she did smile a lot when Pansy offered to lend her her notes from the class she would be missing: Astronomy). She sighed reluctantly as she remembered that she would have to take notes for Hermione on Thursday instead of sleeping in class.

There were some students on the couches, going through the brochures on different professions. Most likely they were rereading them, the brochures had flooded every common room since they returned to Hogwarts. Most of the Slytherins were quite anxious. Pansy hadn't given much thought to her career future during the year, but coming back from Easter break it was like a slap in the face to come across that announcement for the interviews. She read all the brochures, but all she got out of it was more confused. In addition to the nerves of not knowing what to do were those of knowing who the teacher in charge was. Pansy adores her house at Hogwarts, she is a proud Slytherin, but for Snape to be their counselor... Although she hated to admit it, she would have preferred the advice of McGonagall, Flitwick or Sprout a thousand times more.

She went to bed, and kept her eyes closed as her roommates joined her. She was really trying to sleep, but couldn't. Before she knew it, the room was dark. All the candles were out, which meant that everyone there slept. She turned to one side, and to the other. Fetal position, straight, hugging the pillow... it did not matter, she could not fall asleep.

What did she want to do in the future? Now that she thought about it, she wasn't even quite sure what she was good at, or what she wanted. She is not a great witch, she does not have any talents. Unlike her, Hermione is good at everything, but especially she is a true genius in Transfiguration, she is McGonagall's favorite for a reason. But what about Pansy? What should she specialize in? She bit her inner cheek nervously. Now she was regretting not asking Aurora for her opinion, even in one of her letters. Her mother had studied so many things... Why didn't she take advantage of one of her virtues?

She left the Slytherin dungeons and began to wander through the dark corridors of Hogwarts, perhaps that way she would tire. She stepped carefully, so as not to alert anyone that she was breaking the rules. It was when she was walking through the Astronomy Tower that she heard footsteps coming up the stairs, approaching it, so she hid behind one of the columns. Unruly auburn hair appeared, and a smile escaped Pansy. Of course Hermione would be doing her duty as a prefect! And on top of that she was lucky to run into her of all people.

"I think I saw a cute kitten," she teased with her arms crossed, leaning her weight against the column, showing herself.

Hermione jumped, spinning on her feet with a speed that almost made her fall to the ground. She had turned pale with fright.

"Pansy," she growled, putting a hand to her chest. "You scared me."

"I know. It was my intention."

As Hermione shook her head angrily, Pansy approached her, with a satisfied smile.

"You shouldn't be out of bed," she scolded her.

"Oh, excuse me, prefect of Gryffindor."

"I'm not kidding."

"We broke the rules several times together," she reminded her.

"Still... You don't... I should report this to the teachers!" She was outraged.

"You didn't do it the other times," she insisted.

"You must follow the rules. I can pretend not to see sometimes, even I break some rules from time to time…"

"From time to time," Pansy repeated under her breath wryly, earning a glare.

"You can't get used to me always covering for you. It's not right. I am a prefect, the teachers trust me."

"Then tell them," she resolved, shrugging. "It's fair, you caught me and we hadn't met to see each other. Judge me like the rest of the students."

Hermione said nothing, looking her up and down as if she were a dangerous animal, as if at any moment she was going to throw a trap in her face. Pansy couldn't blame her: it was exactly what she was going to do.

"Tomorrow go and tell McGonagall that you have been using your privileges as a prefect to kiss a girl that is too sexy, hot, ravishing, beautiful..."

"You done?" Hermione cut her off with a raised eyebrow. "I'm not kissing you and you know it."

"Oh," she sighed in mock, exaggerated surprise. "I never said the name of the supposed girl. I am her? The sexy, hot, dazzl…"

"Pansy!" She complained without letting her finish, almost choking on laughter as the color rose to her cheeks.

One side of her lips twitched upward, beginning a lopsided smile.

"Am I sexy to you, Hermione?" She asked suggestively, placing one of her hands on her hip.

Pansy's smile spread wider and wider as she watched as Hermione seemed to go into crisis. She was being mean, and she knew it: she loved to upset her. She moved closer, while Hermione did the opposite, backing away. Luckily for Pansy, the walls existed, so she managed to corner her.

"Pansy," she warned.

"What?" She questioned, with an innocent tone that contradicted her expression.

"Stop teasing."

"I'm not."

Hermione crossed her arms in response, using the wall behind her for support; she was trying to show a control that she clearly did not possess.

"You didn't answer my question, know-it-all."

"I'm not going to answer that."

"Ah?" Pansy was surprised, sounding pleased. "And why not?"

"For heaven's sake, you're so…"

"Sexy?" She interrupted.

"Stupid," she bit out.

At that, she couldn't contain her laughter, stepping back and then leaning against the wall as well, next to Hermione. Neither said anything for a few seconds, after the laughter stopped. Pansy looked towards one of the windows, from this part of the castle the sky was beautiful, full of stars.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" Hermione was interested.

She shifted uncomfortably at the question, but at the insistent gaze of the other, she admitted:

"I was wondering what job I'd like to do."

"Wow," she was surprised. "Still can't decide?"

"Do you already know what you want?"

"I have several options in mind in the Ministry mainly. Anyway, I am aiming to pass all the OWLs as high as possible, so I am not trying to decide between the various options right now. I'm looking forward to Professor McGonagall's opinion."

Pansy reached for her own hand, uncomfortable, twirling the ring on her finger.

"I don't think there's anything I'm good at," she admitted very quietly.

"You're good at a lot of things," Hermione contradicted.

"I was supposed to work at Bradley."

"Oh Pansy," she whispered softly, being aware of the other's pained tone.

"Ever since I was a child, I always knew that that would be my place. It was mine. But not anymore."

"You'll find something you like. You don't have to decide now, just... Try to get as many OWLs as possible."

"I'm not you," she said, and then gave a bitter laugh. "I'm not smart enough to pass everything."

"You just have to make an effort," she encouraged her. "I'm not perfect. I just study hard. If you try hard, I know you will. You have an excellent memory."

Pansy didn't take her eyes off her hands, especially her ring.

"You can make a list of pros and cons to choose from," Hermione offered.

"Ah, easy," she spat in annoyance. "Pros: I am cute and witty. Cons: everything else."

"It's shocking how you can be so confident and insecure at the same time."

She looked up in surprise. Hermione was looking at her worriedly, and Pansy was embarrassed.

"I was joking," she excused herself.

"You weren't," Hermione stopped her, a little anger seeping into her tone of voice. "You've said similar things to me before. You really think that? That the only thing that matters is your looks, and maybe your charisma?"

"I…"

"I like the way you think," she said indignantly. "Reading together, talking about the things we had in mind .. You are not just a pretty face."

"I actually think my attitude matters more than my appearance itself," she murmured.

"Agh!" She grunted and stalked to a halt in front of Pansy. "You are good at looking at details, with Ana you were sharp, smart. Your memory is excellent, we did the best work of the class in Astronomy, I was so surprised to see that you learned all the positions of the planets so quickly... Before reaching the middle of the assignment, you no longer had to review the book . And the potions? Maybe you lack a little patience, but you take good care of the details and you are good at improvising when things go veer from the instructions."

"Wow." Pansy's eyes were wide, and her back was straight, a little intimidated by Hermione's intensity.

"You're not good at practicals. And that? That doesn't make you mediocre." Her arms crossed over her chest, before her tone became more smug. "Besides, you should worry about what you want and work on that. For the Ministry positions that I have in mind, Transfiguration or Charms are not that important, which are things in which I excel. Do not ask yourself what you are worth, ask yourself what you want. And do it!"

"How bossy," she joked.

Hermione took a step back, rolling her eyes, but Pansy hugged her around the waist, preventing her from escaping.

"Let go of me Pansy."

"Don't be mad," she begged mockingly.

"I hate that you see yourself like that," she whispered sadly, not meeting her eyes. "You are smart, ambitious…"

"And sexy."

"And," she remarked, ignoring her, "that you don't realize it makes me mad. You should think about what you would like to do. It is what I did. I want to help people, magical creatures, I want to make changes in the world."

"I'm not the only ambitious one here," Pansy said with amusement.

"What do you want?"

The confidence with which Hermione looked at her was captivating. They were still very close, Pansy was clutching the other's hips. Hermione was holding her arms, she had started doing it to avoid her, to separate, to move away, but she ended up releasing and loosening her grip, leaving them there, just because.

She had no idea what she would like, Pansy felt like she still didn't know anything about herself. Should she already know what she wants at sixteen years of age? Her father had always hinted to her that she didn't have to worry, that she could take all the time in the world. He was probably not joking, since they had enough money so that Pansy could travel, discover the world and not worry about anything. She could have gone a lifetime without knowing herself. But things were no longer like that, everything changed. She herself was different now.

She felt safe under Hermione's watchful eyes. Her gestures had been relaxed by the seconds of silence. She waited patiently for Pansy to say something, slowly rolling her eyes over her face. She liked this, that Hermione paid attention to her like that. She looked pretty when she was lost in her own thoughts, she liked being able to see her so closely when she did.

"Hermione?"

"Yes?" Her eyes came back up, focusing on Pansy's gaze.

"About using your prefect privileges to kiss the sexy, hot, ravishing, beautiful girl..."

Hermione stiffened her gestures a bit, because again Pansy was joking.

"I'll think about it," she stated, dodging Hermione's possible anger, "what I want, I swear I'll think about it carefully."

"Sure, without joking?" She asked.

"Yes," she confirmed with a nod. "But later."

"Why later?" Her head tilted, somewhat confused.

"Because now I want to kiss you."

Hermione's cheeks turned a little red, surprised by her statement. It was easy to read her face, how her mind was first aware of the closeness, and then its compromising position, around her arms. Pansy leaned over to Hermione and placed her lips on hers, it was chaste, but she stopped there for a couple of seconds, enjoying the contact, and then smirked as she pulled away.

"Unless you have another girl in mind to break the rules with, of course."

"And then you say you're sexy?" She complained, with a stroke of bravery. "Just... Stop making jokes."

"So when I'm serious, do you find me sexy?"

Hermione's exasperated growl made her laugh, though then she swallowed it at the pressure of her other mouth on hers. This was better, she certainly preferred to kiss her and not think about her vocational interview.

She ran her hands up Hermione's sides, and felt her girlfriend's hands slide up, past her shoulders and then entwine behind her neck. Pansy was pulled down, merging better into the kiss. When she felt her tongue stroking hers, she tightened her grip on her hips and felt how the other tensed from it. Hermione moved forward, cornering her further against the wall, pulling their bodies closer, and Pansy hugged her in response, finally cutting the separation between them completely. At the surprised sigh Hermione let out into her mouth, she winced. She had never seen her do something like this, and now her heart was beating faster, ecstatic. She was suddenly very curious. She wanted Hermione to sigh again.

But it seemed she wasn't the only one affected by the discovery, for she felt the fingers on her neck grope and explore, stroking up and down slowly. Pansy's skin prickled to the touch and in reaction she moved her hands up Hermione's hips again. Their mouths parted then, seeking air. Their noses were still touching. Hermione's warm breath on her lips, along with those fingers still moving on her neck, felt good. She cocked her head, to kiss her again. Hermione was surprised, because she had been distracted looking directly at her mouth and didn't see her coming, so she tightened her grip on her neck; Pansy sighed. One of Hermione's hands moved forward, tracing her thumb from her collarbone to her jaw. Surely she could feel Pansy's heart racing as she caressed her, but she didn't say anything about it, she just caught one of her lips between her teeth, then pulled it loose and tilted her head to the other side, to kiss her from another angle. . This was the second time Hermione bit her in the middle of a kiss, and she was tempted to imitate her. Now she caught the other's lower lip between her teeth, attentive to her reactions, and dragged her hands towards Hermione's back, she did it with force, knowing that with the cushioning clothes she shouldn't worry. The other hand left her neck as well, and with both of them she held her shoulders at the same time, pushing her back. Pansy resisted the separation slightly, not loosening her teeth, but gave in to the tug and released Hermione's lip.

"Wow" was all she could think of. Hermione's cheeks were red and her lower lip looked wet. She was like that because of what they were doing, and she looked cute. Her hazel eyes looked so intense on her right now… "Wow" was definitely a good description for her.

"Pansy," she stammered. "It's late."

"I know," she said, moving one of her hands behind Hermione's back. That seemed to upset her, much to her delight.

"I'm serious," she scolded her, backing away to finally free himself from Pansy's arms. "We have classes tomorrow. I should have finished my round as prefect by now, I must also return to my common room."

"Okay, okay," she agreed.

They both walked towards the door, exiting the Astronomy Tower. Pansy wondered, glancing at Hermione, if her heart was beating as fast as hers, too.

. . .

When Potions class was over, Hermione gave her a "good luck" smile before leaving with Harry and Neville. Ron had been able to escape earlier, because of his own meeting with McGonagall for career guidance.

"Parkinson," Snape said, once they were alone in the classroom. "Sit down."

She obeyed, walking over to the desk, where Snape was already sitting. He had thrown "accio" wordlessly towards a chair, to be placed on the other side of the desk, in front of him. Pansy sat up straight. The professor's dark and distant gaze was unpleasant, but she did not avoid it.

"So," he continued reluctantly, "Parkinson. I have an obligation to help my undecided students determine what subjects they should take in sixth and seventh year, as most do not seem intelligent enough to do it on their own."

Pansy's lips tightened, she knew Snape didn't hold her in high regard. The only student he ever seemed pleased with is Draco. Although he didn't adore him either, Snape is a curse to everyone.

"Did you already think about what you would like to do when you finish your studies at Hogwarts?"

She had obeyed Hermione and had been seriously thinking about what things she liked. The first thing she thought about was clothes, she liked to look good, that things in general are pretty. Pansy was not an artist, she was very sure of that, but, although she had not commented on it to others, she drew decently and considered that she had a good aesthetic sense, her mother had taught her a lot about it as a child, from how to apply makeup to what colors should never go together. The second thing that occurred to her were the books. Part of her longed for Bradley editorials. Maybe... she could rebuild it? Her father loved that business, and so did she, really. The smell of the newly assembled books could not be forgotten no matter how much time passed. There were times when she was in meetings with Narcisso, out of curiosity, and he was the boss, he could take his daughter to work if he wanted. It was inspiring to watch her dad debate with his peers, saying which books would be a loss to Bradley Publishers and why. He knew his audience, he had an eye for quality. Pansy wanted to think that she did too, her father told her that he knew she would handle her position well when she wanted it. Did she want that? She should start all work from scratch, just like her ancestor Jacinto Parkinson. It would be difficult, very difficult.

"Well..." She hesitated. Snape's look of disdain managed to distract her. "I thought about studying design, maybe something that has to do with fashion."

The professor showed no emotion on his face, he only let out a reluctant sigh.

"Those professions are silly."

"Wow, thanks" she thought scathingly, though she didn't vocalize it, and Snape kept talking:

"Hogwarts has serious subjects, science, advanced studies of magic."

Pansy couldn't help but wonder if the professor included Divinations in his speech. Hermione would have a lot to say about that.

"Things like art require nothing," he concluded.

"So what, I don't study?" Pansy was outraged.

"You can do whatever you want, Parkinson," he said condescendingly, he hadn't liked his student's outburst at all.

"I would recommend that you think of other more useful options, but if not... It would be better if you put more effort into Charms, your grades are on the verge of being bad, and it's a magic that many... Designers... Use" He didn't even try. hide the mocking tone at the end of the sentence. "Muggle Studies too. Many... Artists... are inspired by them."

"Damn idiot" she thought, "he's laughing in my face." But she was surprised by that detail anyway, she didn't know that Muggle Studies might be something she would need, and it turned out to be a miracle that she had been taking that subject for these last few years as well. She had chosen it because everyone said it was easy enough, and because a lot of Muggle things were funny and weird. Daphne, Millicent, Tracey, and she had all entered the subject in their third year. They ignored the teacher and chatted most of the time. Also, better Muggle Studies than Divinations, where there was a lot of horrible incense sticking to your clothes.

The funny thing was, for Snape, a Hogwarts professor, he was being quite dismissive of Muggle Studies. He himself said that this is a serious school, with serious subjects... Why make fun of that?

Pansy wanted to end this meeting now.

"Any questions, Parkinson?"

"No."

"Then get out."

Snape didn't have to say it twice, she gladly walked out of the dungeons. She really wanted to complain about all this to Hermione, and she had no doubt that she would be as outraged or more, so she went looking for her.