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Chapter 35: Reduce, Reuse, Reincarnate
Winterfell was not built in a day, and the Northern Lords did not simply march off to war the day after Kazuma and Megumin's wedding. Instead, there were many more days of preparation and planning that had to be conducted. Kazuma and Megumin forced themselves to sit through most of the planning sessions, desperately trying to learn just what the heck all the adults were talking about. At least they had a fairly good basis for understanding the talk of logistics, which Southron lords could be expected to help and which to hinder them, thanks to the years of training as nobility.
A great deal of time was also spent with Kazuma composing letters to the various lords of the realm, to the point that Winterfell's ravenloft was soon emptied as he dispatched missives to each of the Seven Kingdoms stating his claim to the Iron Throne and demanding the allegiance of the nobility. It was all dreadfully tedious, which was why Kazuma was almost glad when Cecily grabbed both him and Megumin for some lessons.
The manic Septa had given Kazuma a few lectures before, typically when he and Megumin had been caught doing something they probably shouldn't have, but up until now she had mostly left him alone. A couple days after the wedding though, she collared Kazuma and Megumin and hauled them to the Winterfell Sept for some "instruction."
"What, we didn't even do anything this time!" Megumin complained as Cecily ushered them into the Sept. The eyes of all seven Goddesses looked down on them, which made Kazuma gulp slightly. He paused to bow before the statue of Madoka, and wondered if he should give her an offering. She was after all the chief of the Goddesses, and was said to be the chooser of kings.
"More like you haven't been caught. But this ain't about that. Come on, the others are waiting in the back," Cecily said.
"Others? Are you making Yunyun come for this too?" Kazuma asked.
"I'm making every single one of you here come, and Chris too, her mom said she should," Cecily said, shooing Kazuma and Megumin inside the small study in the septa's quarters and then shutting the door. Inside the room was rather crowded, with Yunyun, Komekko, Darkness, and Chris all sitting in chairs or on the floor.
"About time, I was getting bored," Chris opined. "What's this about anyway, Cecily? I'm not taking any stupid lessons. I got all MY lessons already. I'm just about fourteen, I don't need them anymore."
"There is always more we can learn, Chris," Darkness said seriously. "I am a woman grown now, thanks to Robb, and I-"
Chris rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in the air. "Oh, will you just shut up about that already? You got laid. Big whoop. I don't show how that changes anything."
"Well, it gives me a better claim to the loyalty of the Reach if nothing else," Kazuma said, slumping into a chair. "But what's up? Why do we need more lessons?"
Cecily wrung her hands a bit, then took off her septa's headdress. She looked at it a moment, then sighed and set it down. "It's time to tell all of you who you are. Who we are."
"What, that they're the reincarnations of past heroes that my mom and Aqua dumped here?" Chris asked.
"No, that-" Cecily blinked, then glared at Chris, who gave her a shit eating grin.
"What? That's stupid," Kazuma declared. "I'm not some ancient hero, I'm just a kid! Well, I mean, I'm also the king, but you know what I mean."
"No! It is true! I have foreseen it in my dark, terrible visions! I am Saint Sayaka reborn, the Sword Saint of Madoka, she who was mistress of terrible power and battled against all sorts of Witches and Devil Kings!" Megumin declared, jumping up and posing dramatically. "And Yunyun is the reincarnation of Saint Kyoko, and Komekko is Saint Mami and-"
"Yeah, no. That would be... super gross," Cecily groaned, rubbing at her eyes with her palms and sighing. "Look, you've all read the Book of Awesome Things That I've Totally Done, right?"
"I like the pictures!" Komekko said helpfully. "Vanir says that Aqua's kinda dumb though."
Cecily bristled at that suggestion. "Aqua is not dumb! She's wonderful, and kind, and-"
"And the one who's responsible for the Kinslayer," Kazuma pointed out. "She's a goddess, but she's not exactly a genius."
Cecily wilted slightly at that, and nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, er, that's... that's sort of why we're here."
"What do you mean, why are we here?" Yunyun asked suspiciously.
"You, me, the rest of the Children of Destiny... we're here to fix Aqua's mistake, and stop the Kinslayer," Cecily answered quietly.
"Are you serious? Are we really Children of Destiny? But the last one of those was-" Kazuma cut himself off, his eyes going very wide as he went pale, unable to say the forbidden name.
"Yes. It was…" Cecily looked around and dropped her voice. "-Arthas Menathil. He was sent by Aqua, but he fell. So now she's sent us, and the others. We're here to stop the Others and save Westeros. And, um, kill Kefka too."
"That is... that is quite the claim," Darkness managed after a few moments of silence that had even Chris staring at Cecily in shock. "That would explain my odd abilities... but... do you mean to say we were sent by Aqua? But that would mean-"
"I'm the Devil Queen!" Komekko said happily, which made both of her sisters jump and look nervous. "But I'm being good: Daddy said."
"You can't be the Devil Queen of Another World, that's insane!" Kazuma protested. "What would that make me, anyway? You can't mean-"
"You're the Adventurer because you're a stupid NEET!" Megumin said triumphantly. "The Adventurer was a lazy pervert at the start of his journey with Aqua! Just like you!"
"Are you saying... are you saying that we really ARE the Crimson Demon Clan?" Yunyun asked worriedly. "I thought Megumin just called us that because she liked the story about the village of powerful sorcerers, but... but I always did know some magic, and Megumin knows a powerful spell like the Archwizard, and I like to make friends like the Chief of the Crimson Demons, and... oh my."
"Then I really am the Crusader Darkness! I just... I admired her from the stories I heard as a child and named myself after her, but, but if I really am-" Darkness cut herself off, looking worried. "Um, that is, ah, was the Crusader in Aqua's tale such, a, um…"
"You've always been a pervert according to my mom, but she likes you anyway," Chris said with a shrug. "I'm not the reincarnation of anyone, my mom just named me after her mortal disguise or something."
"THEN I TRULY AM THE FOREMOST GENIUS OF THE CRIMSON DEMON CLAN!" Megumin declared, jumping up on top of the Septon's desk and scattering a large number of papers. "I, MEGUMIN, SHALL ONCE MORE WRITE MY LEGEND IN FIRE AND BLOOD ACROSS THE LAND!"
"Wait, wait, hold on," Kazuma said, looking deeply concerned. "Are you seriously telling me I'm not, you know... me? That I'm some asshole from another world that just happened to be reborn as a prince?!"
"No, Aqua put us all for a reason. Besides, you know that people reincarnate, or at least you should. You did listen to Septon Larris who taught you back in King's Landing, right?" Cecily demanded.
"Yeah, he's like my third cousin or something and I mostly paid attention," Kazuma agreed, still looking uncertain. "But I didn't think about it all that much. My mom always made me offer incense to the Seven, especially Aqua, but... but I didn't think I was actually one of the heroes of legend."
"Are you kidding?! That's why we have so many amazing powers!" Megumin said eagerly, grabbing Kazuma by the shoulders, her red eyes burning with excitement. "You're chosen by the Goddesses to be the King! Stannis doesn't stand a chance! Everyone will have to bow to you!"
"Er, yeah, about that," Kazuma rubbed the back of his neck and glanced over at Darkness. "Um, you're from the North Megumin. Darkness probably knows though. Being a chosen champion of Aqua... that's not exactly super great news."
"Aqua has many devoted followers, it is true, but... she is responsible for the Kinslayer, and the Curse of Harrenhal," Darkness agreed. "It would be unwise to trumpet that Kazuma is another Prince That Was Promised, especially from her. People would think he could bring about another Scourge of the Seven Kingdoms."
"Yeah, er, we can't really go telling everyone about this," Cecily agreed. "But, you did need to know about yourselves. And the others."
"What others?" Yunyun asked worriedly. "Do they know too?"
"There were children given to each of Seven Kingdoms, born into the great noble houses. Except for me and Riverrun, as I am just a Septa's bastard daughter ," Cecily explained. "You three girls were given to the Starks, and I always figured since your mother is a Tully you count for both."
"Wait, each of the houses? Does that mean-" Kazuma blinked, then grinned. "Dust! Dust is a Child of Destiny too! Oh man, I can't WAIT to tell him!"
Cecily nodded, forcing a smile on her face. "I think he's one, yes, Aqua and Eris haven't been super clear on all of them, but he has the signs. Your cousin, Rain, was given to the Lannisters. You and Lean were born to the Baratheons." Thankfully, not even Chris noticed the tensing of Cecily's body, or how her eyes darted away from Kazuma.
"Wait, what about Sylphina?" Yunyun asked. "Who is she supposed to be? She has to be a Child of Destiny too, right?"
"I'm not really sure, but I do know that she is one," Cecily agreed. "I've mostly been charged with looking after you three Starks, and now Kazuma, Darkness, and Chris."
"Hey! I don't need some Axis Septa looking out for me! I can take care of myself, thank you very much!" Chris snapped.
Darkness looked at Chris, a concerned expression on her face, but she held her peace. Yunyun, however, spoke up, jumping to her feet, her red eyes glowing slightly.
"W-we have to save cousin Sylphina from Baelish! I-I just know that dirty pervert is going to do something awful to her!"
"Yes! We shall strike down the foul traitor and rescue our fair cousin with our mystic might!" Megumin agreed, hopping down and posing next to her twin sister, a wide grin on her face.
Kazuma nodded slowly, turning to Cecily. "How important are the rest of the Children of Destiny? And how many ARE there, exactly? Is Theon Greyjoy one?"
"Theon?" Cecily binked, then shook her head. "No, it's his sister, Claire. And, well, I think you're all important. After all, you're up against the Kinslayer and the Lord of Light. We're going to need as much help as we can get!"
"Right…" Kazuma nodded, rubbing his chin. "We've all got hidden abilities, right? I never noticed anything about Rain or Sylphina that was strange, but Rain thought I was a pervert because-well that's not important, and Sylphina is-OOF!"
Glaring at Kazuma after she'd elbowed him in the ribs, Megumin stood over Kazuma, her red eyes glowing with irritation. Yunyun looked angry as well, and Komekko was standing beside her sisters, aping their irate expressions and crossing her arms over her chest. "You didn't do anything perverted to our cousin, did you Kazutrash?!" Megumin demanded. "She's sickly you know, she can't handle that sort of thing!"
"No," Kazuma groaned. "I never did anything like that to my Little Sister! She used to make me play house with her! I could never mistreat her!"
Megumin paused, exchanging a startled look with Yunyun, but Komekko spoke up, looking intrigued. "You played house with Sylphina? How come?"
"She, um, well, you know she's kinda sickly, and she would look so sad if I said no, and then Myrcella would pout and- look, I wasn't king back then, so it was OK!"
"Why, Your Grace, I didn't know you had such a sensitive side," Darkness said, hiding her mouth with her hand. Chris was far less polite, sniggering and shaking her head.
"Oh, think that's funny, do you?" Kazuma demanded. "Well! I have a plan, and YOU are going to help me, Chris!"
"Oh yeah? And what's in it for me?" Chris demanded, folding her arms over her chest and glaring at Kazuma.
"You get to heroically save my little sister from that asshole Baelish," Kazuma declared.
"Yeah, don't care about that. I mean monetarily."
"Chris! You are to be a noble knight! A knight does as her lord commands, and serves with honor and pride!" Darkness protested.
"Yeah, no. I'm only here because my moms made me. Plus, hanging out in Starfall was super boring. If I'm going to risk my neck saving some kid from danger, I expect to be appropriately compensated for it," Chris sniffed, sticking her nose in the air.
"How does 1000 golden dragons sound?" Kazuma asked, a sly grin on his face.
That got Chris' attention. "Well, that sounds OK. But what about expenses? Rescue operations can get expensive, you know."
"Oh, the crown will cover all your expenses related to this venture. But you have to go and get my little sister Sylphina back," Kazuma ordered. "I don't know what the crazy goddesses have planned for us, but either way I want my Little Sister back. We'll figure out a way to get Lean, Dust, and all those other Children of Destiny on our side later. We've got a pretty good start so far, but we've gotta be careful. People find out we're from Aqua and there could be... issues. So we hold off on that. Maybe we could claim we're from Madoka or Hestia. People like those goddesses."
"We are not turning our back on Lady Aqua! You met her, you know she's not such a bad person!" Cecily snapped.
That got the others to look at her in confusion, save for Chris who sighed. "Remember Mizu? Well guess what."
"Huh? There is no way that blue haired bimbo is a goddess!" Megumin argued.
"She was, um, nice, but, ah... I don't think she was, er, very smart," Yunyun said diplomatically.
"That's 'cause Aqua's kinda an idiot," Chris laughed, only to let out a yelp when Darkness poked at her.
"Chris! Control yourself! You might be the daughter of Eris, but you shouldn't blaspheme! And, as I am one of the chosen of both Goddesses, I shall allow no one to besmirch their names!"
"Yeah, well, fine. But Mizu is totally Aqua. My mom says that's 'Japanish' or something for Water. And Aqua's just old Valyrian for Water, I think."
"It's Latin," Cecily sighed. "Not Valyrian. Though the Valyrians did steal several Latin words and the whole 'marble and togas' aesthetic from the old scriptures of Hestia and Athena, which you should know. You really need a better education, Chris. And just so you're aware, your mother has put me in charge of seeing you get it. So before we leave, I guess some language lessons are in order."
"Right, Ms 'I-Can-Make-Up-Languages-Whenever-I-Want.' No one's ever heard of Latin, that's dumb," Chris said with a smirk.
"Actually, Latin is mentioned as the language of the Romans, who were one of the people who worshiped Athena and Hestia. It's brought up in Balor the Blessed's 'Religions of Other Worlds' as well as High Septon Justice III's 'Realms of the Goddesses,'" Kazuma explained. "But yeah, I have a hard time believing that Mizu is Aqua either."
"She, um, totally was," Cecily admitted. "That's, er... that's why your parents and myself were all panicking. They recognized Aqua."
"Wait, why didn't my dad know who she was then?" Kazuma asked suspiciously. "He mentioned bedding Aqua."
Cecily opened and closed her mouth for a second, then managed, "I know! Let's ask Chomusuke! She knows who Aqua is!" Dashing over to the door, Cecily ripped it open, revealing Chomuske and Lady sitting at the threshold in humanoid form. "Hey! Chomusuke! Was Mizu really the goddess Aqua?"
"Obviously. I'd recognize that blue haired bimbo anywhere. Why, did Megumin finally figure it out?" Chomusuke asked, poking her head into the room, one of her furry ears twitching slightly.
"You... you're serious!?" Megumin demanded, going slightly pale. She looked at Kazuma, who had taken on an unhealthy pallor as well. "But, but that means... oh no."
"I hit a goddess," Kazuma groaned, looking rather green around the gills. "I'm going to hell."
"Nah, you've been good, I promise not to take you! Plus, Aqua and Eris would get mad and stuff," Komekko said cheerfully.
Kazuma whipped his head around just as a blushing Megumin and Yunyun both covered their younger sister's mouth with their hands.
"Don't listen to her," Megumin said quickly.
"Yes, um, Komekko, she just says crazy things sometimes!" Yunyun agreed, giving Kazuma a nervous grin. "She has such an active imagination!"
"No, she's the Devil Queen. I used to work for her before I switched over to the Old Goddesses," Chomusuke said with a shake of her head. "I blame you for sealing me inside your familiar as a cat, Megumin. Though I can't be too mad, you at least keep things interesting."
That got Yunyun to let out a squeak of panic, and Megumin to let out a snarl and launch herself at Chomusuke, who yipped and shifted back to her wolf form to roll around on the sept's carpet as they wrestled.
"Yeah. We're DEFINITELY not telling anyone we're the children of Destiny," Kazuma sighed as the two girls fought like, well, cats and dogs.
"Are you... are you really the Devil Queen?" Darkness asked Komekko warily. The little girl shrugged, then nodded.
"I think so. But I'm mostly eight. It hurts my head to think about all that stuff. And daddy is back so I don't hafta be the grownup anymore. I'd rather be a little girl; it's much more fun!"
"Um, please don't tell anyone. Just Megumin and I know. Mom and dad... they just think she's a blessing of the Goddesses like the rest of us," Yunyun pleaded.
"We'll look out for the little squirt," Cecily said, ruffling Komekko's hair affectionately. "It's what I've done since she managed to bind her first demon and Aqua sent me up here in a panic."
"Yup! And Cecily taught me it's bad to eat people's souls! Unless they're really naughty. Then it's OK!" Komekko said cheerily.
"Yeah, um, that would be bad," Kazuma agreed, rubbing the back of his head. He looked to where Chomusuke and Megumin had come to rest, with the wolf easily pinning the girl to the ground with a large paw as Megumin panted in exhaustion. "And, er, Megumin, you remember you're queen and stuff now, right? We need to act properly."
"A true Queen does not allow anyone to direct aspersions towards her, or her family! She fights with honor!" Megumin gasped, glaring up at Chomusuke. In response, her wolf began to lick her face, which made Megumin howl, then laugh at her familiar's antics.
"Uh-huh. Well, remember we've got the coronation tomorrow," Kazuma said, then glanced at Cecily. "That's everything?"
"For now. I'll do my best to advise you, Your Grace, and to help gather the rest of the Children of Destiny. Except for that bitch, Iris," Cecily sniffed.
That made Kazuma nod slowly. "We'll have to plan this carefully, or we could end up with a split between the worshipers of Athena, and those of Aqua. Aqua's popular with the small folk, but Athena's the war goddess. And we'll need her blessing too. Come on, Megumin, Chris. We got a plan to make." Kazuma took the two girls to his chambers, closing the door and glancing at Chris. "Can you put some sort of spell on it so people can't listen?"
"Sure." Chris walked over to the door, and opened it, revealing Chomusuke, who was sitting at the threshold. "Anyone tries to listen, bite them, got it?"
The old goddess bared her fangs and wagged her tail, and Chris winked at her before she closed the door. Grinning, Chris spun around to face the less than impressed king and queen.
"What? Sometimes, the best methods are just good ole fashioned ones. I learned to use a lockpick even if I can use a spell. Never know when that will come in handy!"
"I could have done that," Megumin sniffed. "But anyway, what do you want to talk about, Kazuma?"
"We need to rescue Sylphina," Kazuma explained. "And, I can't go do it myself. Neither can you, Megumin, or Yunyun. I need both of you in battle. Your spells could turn the direction of the entire war."
Though Megumin had looked like she was going to argue, the mention of her spells changing the direction of the war made her puff up in excitement.
"Yeah, well, I know some cool magic too, missy," Chris muttered darkly.
"You do, but most people don't know you're the daughter of Eris. Just Ned, and the rest of us kids," Kazuma pointed out.
"Brienne too, and Lady Olenna. But they don't really care," Chris said with a shrug. "I mostly keep it a secret. It would be a real drag if everyone started following me around like I was some sort of chosen one. I'd never get to steal anything!"
"But I bet you could steal Sylphina," Megumin said, looking to Kazuma, who grinned and gave her a thumbs up. Megumin smiled and continued. "You're a master thief, right? You could sneak into the Eyrie, and spirit Sylphina to safety!"
"Well, I mean, I am pretty good," Chris said nonchalantly, making a dagger appear and disappear in her hands. "But it will cost you. Like I said, a thousand dragons is a good starting point. But I want full looting rights."
"Go for it. Lysa Arryn is our enemy; she's with Stannis," Kazuma agreed. "Anything you can do to hurt her. Now; what will you need for the job?"
"Hmm. Well, much as I hate to say it, I probably can't go alone," Chris admitted. "I'm pretty smart and tough, but I do look like a kid still. I can pass for a boy if I have to, and people are usually less suspicious of a boy on their own than a girl, but it's a long way off. I should take an adult along. Probably Brienne. She's kinda a stick in the mud, but she's pretty strong and not too dumb, and she's good to have in a fight. I mean, she practiced against Darkness, and let me tell you, anyone who can keep up with that freak of nature in a spar has to be something else."
"That works. You could go as a hedge knight and squire. The Vale has called its banners, and a freerider would be the perfect disguise to get in," Kazuma agreed. "I'll write you a letter, so Sylphina knows to trust you. Get her, and get out. And, well, maybe cause a little chaos along the way. Don't want to make things too easy for Stannis. Ned says some of the Vale lords might swear to me, he's written letters to them, but it wouldn't hurt to make Lysa look weak."
"Yes! Make sure that everyone knows that it was Kazuma and Megumin, the true rulers of Westeros, who sent you, and rescued the fair maiden from great peril! I shall show you how to pose properly, that all might know the glory of the Crimson Demon Clan!" Megumin agreed, hopping up and putting a V sign by her eye.
"Yeah, see, that's sort of antithetical to the whole 'stealth mission' thing," Chris said, eyeing Megumin with an amused expression. "I'll do the whole rigamarole if the opportunity presents itself, but we're supposed to get in, get the loot, and get out."
"You mean my little sister," Kazuma prodded.
"That too," Chris agreed easily. "But you got the money, right?"
Kazuma gave Chris a predatory grin. "Please. I'm half Lannister. And we always pay our debts."
"Works for me. I'll let Brienne know. We can head out ahead of the army, and move faster on our own. We'll need mounts and stuff, I'll let her figure out all the logistics, she's good at that," Chris agreed. "Now. Tell me about Sylphina. How do I get her to come with me? Since I assume stuffing her in a sack and running for it isn't the best plan."
"I'll give you a letter," Kazuma reminded her. "And, er, you might have to play house with her. She, um, she likes that."
"Right. Pull the other one. I dunno if you think I like to play house just because I'm a girl or something-"
"I do not 'play house,'" Megumin sniffed, taking on an imperious look.
"-preach it, sister."
"Instead, I practice my posing, and unleash my ANCIENT AND MYSTICAL MIGHT UPON UNSUSPECTING FOOLS! For I am Megumin, Foremost Genius of the House of Stark, I mean, Baratheon, and I shall bring low any who doubt my might."
"Well, you do you," Chris sighed. "But anyway, I'm not playing house with your 'Little Sister' no matter what you say."
"It's the best way to get her to like you. She loves to be the mom. I was always the deadbeat dad, or older son who wanted to move away and be a merchant, or something. It happened more than I'd care to admit," Kazuma explained.
Chris studied Kazuma's face, then shrugged."Sure. But playing house is another 100 gold dragons."
"You get my little sister back, and I'll make sure you get rewarded, don't worry," Kazuma promised. "You just get her to me safely."
"Sure. But what about Lean?" Chris asked. "I can do her for another thousand."
"You focus on rescuing Sylphina Arryn," Kazuma ordered. "Get Brienne and figure out what you need."
"You got it, boss!" Chris agreed happily, heading out of Kazuma's chambers.
Once she was gone, Megumin frowned and turned to Kazuma.
"What are we going to do about all this? I mean, if we really are the Children of Destiny…" She licked her lips, shifting uncomfortably. "Talking about fighting horrible demons is one thing, but, actually fighting the Kinslayer and the Lord of Light? I don't know, Kazuma. I'm worried."
"Me too," Kazuma admitted, taking Megumin's hand. He forced a grin on his face. "But the two of us can handle it! Now, we need to worry about getting the rest of these reincarnators on our side. If they have powers like we do... it could be dangerous. So, here's what we're going to do about Lean…"
As Kazuma explained, Megumin's mood brightened. His plan was complex, crazy, and a long shot. Just the kind of plan that a Crimson Demon would approve of.
Cast of Characters:
Kazuma Baratheon as: Kazuma Sato
Megumin Stark as: Megumin
Yunyun Stark as: OK I think you get the picture.
Cecily Rivers as: The Mad House's Keeper
And the Cast of a Song of Ice and Fire as stuck on the wheel of destiny.