Epilogue ending 1 (aka the one that makes sense)

1 week after arriving in District 8

Jia Yang 15 District 8

"Move on," is what they say. That's what everyone said. But how can one move on? After everything I saw how can I move on?! I thought seeing my parents again would help… it didn't, they almost as naïve as I was before I left here. It's the faces you see, they keep flashing before my eyes, their smiles, their cries, their anger. Ryker stood in front of Kirin for me, he gave me the last bit of hope I needed, Wrenna gave up her endless time loops so that I could keep going. I don't even need to mention what Pat did but all I can think of were his last words and how he was not ready to die, and he died for me. I can never let that go… it's not right! Even Emmy, I have thought more about her since getting back. Although I can never forgive what she did to Wrenna, she was only a girl, a girl the same age as me and fighting for survival like everyone else. She had a family just like me, a sister named Moon… I knew that much. And I took her from them in an act of vengeance, I bet her loved ones feel sick with even the mention of my name. Kirin was the real one to blame, he manipulated her and so he's the only death I don't feel sad for even though I caused it…

It's funny how quickly the people in my district I called "friends" abandoned me so quickly. They're not really interested in your struggles. They just want the old Jia back, the Jia they were friends with before she was reaped but she's gone and she's never coming back. So whoever I am now is no good to them I guess.

I want to be alone anyway, it's the only way I can cope. Near my house is the only bit of nature allowed to exist in District 8. It is a lake, surrounded by greenery, I have been going there for the past couple of days to be by myself because no one else can seem to understand what I've been through even if they try. I know it's not their fault. Also the lake is away from all the big crowds of the district and crowds massively stress me out now, something that didn't used to happen to me before the games. The other thing that stresses me out now is small, tight spaces. I understand that one. After spending all those days underground in that dark maze, feeling like there was no hope that I would ever get out at times. So at the moment I spend as much time outside as I can, something my parents are also struggling to understand.

After crossing a bridge, I perch myself on the bank of the lake against the soft breezy grass. As I look around the sun beaten water I see paths that go around the lake. Insects are ignited by the sunshine and are darting between people causing my attention to turn to the people. In particular, the few couples holding hands, they have everything I don't. They have what was taken from me so quickly. Nobody could ever love me like Pat did again I know that as a fact. Yes, I'm thinking about him again, I managed to go all of 5 minutes without doing so but it's hard. How could I not think about him? How could he not be with me for the rest of my life? Although I didn't know it at the time, those days spent on the train and in the training rooms with him were some of the best of my life. Even protecting and looking out for each other in the arena. I can't forget, I can't move on especially after his last words to me.

I reach into my pocket and feel a collection of metal objects inside, in my palm I find the pieces of the key that Pat gave to me before he died and that Wrenna smashed not long after. I snuck the pieces back home with me as some kind of remembrance of him I guess. His face flashes before my eyes again after staring at the pieces, if only I could have been quicker and taken him to day 12. Then we could have decided properly who lived and who died!

Finally, I feel the tears flooding down my face. I can't stop them, they just keep coming but I am at last able to cry over him again… the first time I have done so since his death…the tears are blocking out my eyes, I can't really see clearly out into the lake anymore, only the light from the sun glistening off my tears.

Hey guys make sure to read Epilogue 2 as well (alternate ending)