Moonlight
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.
A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly read and reviewed the last chapter.
Chapter Thirty-Six-Edward Cullen
It was her first night in the Black's house. As soon as Charlie had retired to bed, Jacob had taken off to join his brothers on patrol. Bella was already missing him. In the few hours she'd been in bed she must have woken up six times. Not for that long each time, but enough to break her sleep into un-refreshing chunks. With every disturbance there was a new nightmare scenario she had conjured up in her frazzled mind-all of them revolved around Edward and his impending arrival. She was absolutely dreading it.
After another hour or so of tossing and turning Bella switched the bedside lamp on, her mind was moving faster than a racing car on a track, like it was stuck on fast forward and the volume was jammed right up. She wanted to wash her brain in cold water, chill the whole thing right out but she couldn't. She wanted a coffee but knew the caffeine would push her right over the edge.
Bella was out of the bedroom in minutes, heading for the kitchen she warmed up some milk instead and retired to the couch to wait for Jacob to return. Every passing minute remained a futile tussle of conflicting thoughts. But she knew that between now and the return of daylight were her zombie hours- when she remained mostly awake but dozing in fitful spurts. Minutes felt like hours. Her subconscious chastised her, warning her that it was pointless fretting about things that couldn't be changed.
In the end sheer exhaustion pulled her under completely. The empty glass of milk rolled out of her limp fingers and fell onto the cushion beside her. Her tiredness seeped into her pores, dowsing her mind in its thick toxicity. The usefulness of her thoughts left long ago, leaving the fatigued neurones to fire almost randomly- flailing without direction.
Bella felt the tip of a cool finger brush against her lower lip. "Bella."
"No." She moaned in her sleep as Edward's hypnotic tones infiltrated her dreams. "Go away."
"Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." Edward responded with a half-smile on his beautiful face. It wasn't a happy smile. "I thought you would have worked it out by now. I can't live in a world where you don't exist."
"Leave me alone." Bella's head swam as she opened her eyes blearily.
Edward stared deep into her eyes with a sincere, earnest gaze. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."
Bella froze, her muscles locking down as if for impact. She felt a pain in her chest, like it had been cracked wide open. The pain took her breath away. Her heart was beating too strongly, it cried out for Jacob. She felt Edward's hand grip her shoulder, shaking her lightly to in an attempt to loosen her rigid pose.
"Listen, I need you to understand. I am a good liar, I have to be, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." He winced. "That was…. excruciating."
Bella waited, still frozen, her mind uncomprehending. This nightmarish scenario was beginning to feel all too real.
"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye…." Edward's voice was barely above a whisper. "You weren't going to let go. I could see that. I didn't want to do it-but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."
Hysterical laughter bubbled in Bella's throat, borne out of weariness. "A clean break." Her words came out slurred. "Well, it worked. I did move on."
Edward's eyes tightened with misery. "I wasn't expecting that. I never thought it would be so easy for you to do." His tone was almost accusing now. "I thought it would be next to impossible-that you would be so sure of the truth that you would hold onto the memory of what we had. I regret leaving, Bella. It was a worthless effort-especially on my part. I'm sorry that I left. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work."
"Bullshit!" Bella sneered through gritted teeth. "You're pathetic!"
Edward flinched, his fingers digging painfully into her shoulder, the chill seeping into her skin from his touch further convincing her that this wasn't some nightmarish scenario she had conjured up in her frazzled brain. Edward was really there, in the Black's house, standing in front of her, selfishly risking a war with the wolves in a vain attempt to convince her that he had always loved her with his pitiful excuses.
"How could you believe me, Bella?" Edward pleaded thickly. "After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?" His brow furrowed slightly. "I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept-as if there were any way I that I could exist without needing you?"
The pain in Bella's chest was acute, completely robbing her of her voice. His words were incomprehensible, because they were impossible. He shook her shoulder again, not hard, but enough that her teeth rattled.
"Then Jasper came to me and told me about the wolves, and that you were involved with one of them. The news sickened me to my core." Edward's gaze had turned icy. "Really, Bella, what were you thinking?"
Bella pushed past the suffocating pain in her chest and found the will to speak. "Tell me this is a nightmare and you're not really here."
"You're impossible!" Edward said harshly, and he laughed once, a hard laugh, frustrated. "How can I put this so you'll believe me? You are not asleep. I'm here, and I love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."
Bella shook her head as angry tears oozed from the corners of her eyes. "You should have stayed away, you selfish, selfish bastard!"
Edward's face went bone white at the ferocity in her tone. "You have every right to be angry. I understand that." His eyes narrowed, and his jaw tightened. "I know you doubt me, that you doubt my love for you. Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"
"This isn't real. You're not real!" Bella shook her head in denial, wanting none of this to be true.
"I'll prove that you're awake. That this is all real." Edward promised, his topaz eyes glowing with resolve.
He caught her face securely between his iron hands, ignoring her struggles when she tried to turn her head away.
"Please don't." She whispered.
Edward stopped, his lips just half an inch from hers. "Why not?" He demanded. His sweet breath blew on her face, making her head spin. "Is it because I hurt you too much? Am I too late? Because you have moved on, as I meant you to? If it had been anyone else other than one of the wolves, I could have borne it, up to a point. But I would still have done everything within my power to win back your love. Please-just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" He whispered pleadingly.
Bella stared at him darkly for a long moment. "You want to know how I feel about you?"
"Yes."
"I don't feel anything for you, Edward. Not even hate. I feel absolutely nothing at all. You mean less than nothing to me. You ceased to exist for me the moment I experienced what true love really was." Bella responded coldly. Her heart was pounding out a jagged, disjointed rhythm while her breathing quickened. "You have signed your own death warrant by coming here. The wolves are going to tear you apart for daring to touch one of their own. And I am one of them. I belong to them and they belong to me."
In the distance a wolf was howling. Soon others joined him-together they filled the air with their powerful song. Bella breathed a sigh of relief, instantly recognising each individual voice, Jacob's being the loudest, as if they were inscribed on her heart. Exultant, she expected Edward to make a run for it, but to her astonishment, his hands roamed her face instead, as if memorising it. Then his mouth was on hers as he staked his claim.
There was no way Bella could fight him, he was so many thousand times stronger than she was. She could feel his marble body press against every inch of hers, trapping her against him. When she was starting to get dizzy, he pulled away, only to lay his ear against her heart. "It still beats only for me." He murmured, before he abruptly vanished into the ether as the wolves' howls drew closer.
A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.