CHAPTER 36

It was nearing the end of February and I still hadn't heard anything from Jace. I hadn't talked to Junior in several months either, despite leaving several messages in his voicemail and I was beginning to become concerned. Had something happened to Jace that Junior was afraid to tell me? Or had Jace had a change of heart and was feeling contempt towards me again for telling him we could never see each other? My mind was swirling in all different directions. I couldn't concentrate. All I could think about was him.

"This is ridiculous," I said, picking up the mouse to my office computer and searching for the Menninger Clinic in Houston, Texas. I found their website and located their phone number at the bottom of the home page. I picked up my office phone and dialed the number. As the phone on the other end rang, I searched through the top drawer for it. I found it just as the operator answered.

"Menninger Clinic. How may I direct your call?"

"Second floor nurses station, please." A few clicks and two rings later, I was connected.

"Two West nurses station. This is Loretta. How can I help you?"

"Hello, Loretta. My name is Madeleine Casey. I'm the head of the Department of Assessment and Referral at Lakeshore Hospital in Chicago. I'm looking for a patient that was admitted there four months ago and I was wondering if you could help me locate him. I know he was admitted to a private room on Two West," I said. The words tumbled out of my mouth like they were gumballs falling out of a machine one after the other.

"That doesn't necessarily mean that the patient will still be on this unit, ma'am," she said in a curt tone.

"I realize that, of course, but would you please look for me?" I replied.

"What is the patient's name?" She sounded annoyed that I had called and interrupted whatever she had been doing.

"Jackson Walker," I said. A dead silence hung in the air for what seemed like several minutes. "Hello? Are you still there?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, are you going to tell me anything?" I was beginning to lose my patience with this woman.

"Yes, ma'am...he's still here, but it seems we have an issue, Mrs. Casey. Mr. Walker has left implicit instructions for us to not accept your calls. He has no desire to speak with you."

I sat there silent as the numbness crept through my body. I was unable to comprehend what she had just said. When Jackson woke up from the coma in Odessa, he had demanded to see me. But now, he wanted nothing to do with me? It didn't make sense.

"Are you sure you have the right patient? Jackson Cooper Walker."

"Yes, ma'am. That's the right patient. He was transferred here from Odessa. An attempted suicide. Six foot four inches tall...long dark wavy hair...steely blue eyes."

"Yes, that's him. Are you certain it's me he doesn't want to talk to?"

"Yes, ma'am. I am certain."

"Look...I mean no offense, but I'd like to hear that directly from him and not you."

"I am the head nurse on this unit and I know what he said and Mr. Walker does not want anything to do with you. I'm sorry, ma'am. Goodbye," she said, abruptly hanging up on me. I found it odd that she became defensive and rude. And the way she described Jackson seemed a little too personal. Maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me and being handed the news that Jackson wanted nothing more to do with me. Perhaps it was for the best that things ended up this way. Jackson had obviously moved on, which was the main objective of his going to therapy to begin with. Maybe now, Matt and I could live the rest of our lives in peace, knowing that Jackson was no longer a threat to us.

"What's meant to be will always find a way, I suppose," I said the words out loud because confirming them in my head wasn't enough. Jackson was a huge part of my past, but my life and my future were with Matt, Finn and the baby boy inside me, regardless of who his father might be. If Jackson had decided that he wanted nothing more to do with me, then he has given up the privilege of knowing if this baby might be his. Matt would love this child more than enough and that would be all that I and this baby needed. I picked up the receiver on my desk phone and dialed Matt's cell.

"Hey, baby! This is a nice mid-afternoon surprise! Is everything okay?" The sound of his voice never failed to soothe me.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I just wanted to hear your voice."

"How's my boy?"

"Very active. He's currently doing somersaults, but will eventually be tap dancing on my bladder around three o'clock." The sound of Matt's laughter filled my heart. I could picture his cute little dimple being prominently displayed on his left cheek as he smiled broadly.

"Will you be home at the normal time tonight?"

"I should be. Why?"

"I just can't wait to see you, is all," he said.

"You are the sweetest man in the world, you know that?"

"I love you, Maddy."

"I love you right back, Captain. See you in a few hours."

"I'll try one more time, Mr. Walker, but that's going to be it for today. There are other things I need to get done before my shift ends." Jace was beyond frustrated with Loretta. Every time he asked her to call Madeleine in the last week, she would make excuses to get out of it. Either she was too busy or too understaffed or just too mean to accommodate him. He watched her closely as she brought the receiver to her ear and pushed the numbers again. He waited and watched, silently praying that she would answer this time.

"Hello, is this Madeleine Casey? This is Loretta from the Menninger Clinic in Houston, Texas. I have a patient here that would like to speak with you. His name is Jackson Walker...I'm sorry...what was that? OK, Mrs. Casey...I will tell him. Thank you. Goodbye." Jace looked up at her and waited for her to say something.

"What the hell was that all about, for Christ's sake?!" he blurted out. He couldn't wait any longer. Loretta was obligated to tell him what Madeleine said to her.

"Well, Mr. Walker...it seems that Madeleine Casey does not wish to speak with you." Jace noted how her eyes seemed to sparkle with a nasty yellow glow as she spoke.

"Bullshit," he said succinctly. He knew Madeleine better than that. "You're a fucking liar, Loretta."

"You can say what you want about me, Mr. Walker, but the truth is that your little 'Cookie' wants nothing more to do with you." And with that, she yanked the phone cord from the wall jack, wrapped it around the phone and headed for the door.

"Wait," he said, his voice was dark and low. It always sent a chill down Loretta's spine when he spoke like this. It reached down to her very core, a place she held inside of her just for him. She loved the way he made her feel, even though he had no idea what he did to her. She stopped and turned on her heels.

"Yes, Mr. Walker?"

"I want to call my brother. There's something I need," he said.

"And what is that, exactly?"

"None of your fucking business," he growled, meaning to intimidate her, but it only served to further excite her.

"I make it my business to know everything about my patients, Mr. Walker. Surely, you've learned that by now."

"And surely you've learned by now that you don't intimidate me like you do the rest of the fucked up people on this floor, so march your fat ass back here and give me the phone."

"You should have also learned that you will get nothing when you take that tone with me, Mr. Walker. This conversation is over," she said, turning on her heels again and exiting the room. Jace's first instinct was to pick up his water glass and smash it into oblivion, but he knew that his impulsiveness would only set him back. He needed to get out of this hospital and back to his life before he lost what was left of his mind. He didn't belong here with all of the other patients on this unit. He wasn't like them. They were all mental degenerates who had violent tendencies. The only reason that he was here was because of his aggressive behavior when he was first admitted. At his last therapy session, Dr. Jacobs had begun to talk about transferring him to another unit before he was discharged. He would be sure to talk to him tomorrow and he would be informing him about Loretta's behavior, too. Something about her had changed over the last couple of weeks. She was still the stern, no nonsense nurse she had always been, but she seemed to become almost possessive of him and Jackson intended to put a stop to it in one way or another.

"Oh no, Loretta, this conversation is far from over, you bitch."