Beginning Notes

warnings for this chapter: mentions of death, major character death. it's a really depressing one today, so if you don't feel like reading it that's completely fine, next one will be lighthearted and fun again, i promise.

weirdhead: What if... Sally dies after giving birth to Estelle? (not that I hope for it, but angst)

Nooooo you guys have been giving me so many angsty prompts lately hdbfjdnf. But I mean, if this is what you want then I'll try my best to deliver. So yeah, the title for this chapter was inspired by You're My Everything by NCT U, and characters belong to Rick Riordan. Hope you enjoy..?

Percy

After nine months the time was finally there: Sally was ready to give birth and Percy was finally going to be a big brother! He remembered looking forward to that moment so much, to be able to hold his little sister, to tell his mother and step-father how happy he was for them. To be one big happy family, like he'd always dreamed of when he was younger. Looking back on it now though, it only caused him pain.

He was sitting in the waiting-room, impatiently bouncing his knee. His mother was giving birth right now, and he and his step-father, Paul, couldn't be with her, so they were waiting for a nurse to come tell them all was well and they could go see Sally and the baby.

Each second that ticked by felt longer and longer. Percy knew that giving birth was very painful, but he hoped that it wasn't too bad for his mother.

More time passed and after a while Percy started getting a little anxious. He knew there was no reason to be scared, giving birth could sometimes take quite a while, but he was certain they'd been in the waiting room for at least two hours now. Maybe a bit longer, maybe a lot longer, he'd kind of lost count.

After what felt like forever, a nurse finally came to get them, and Percy let out a sigh of relief. The nurse, however, hadn't come to tell them that everything was okay. Percy didn't know what was going on, and the nurse was only talking to Paul. He felt scared. Was the baby okay?

He nervously started fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater as the nurse kept talking with Paul, a stern look on her face. Percy didn't know when it had started, but he suddenly noticed the tears rolling down Paul's face, and his chest felt tight. Something was wrong. He needed to know what was wrong, so he asked:

'What's going on? Is everything okay? Did...' His voice fell to a whisper, for he was scared to ask, but he managed to force the question out. 'Did the baby survive?'

'The baby survived,' the nurse told him.

Percy frowned. But if the baby had made it, then why was the nurse looking at him like that? What did that sad look in her eyes mean? A thousand thoughts were running through his mind, but one single thought kept coming back. He tried to ignore it, because he didn't want to acknowledge the fact that it could be true.

But when the nurse told him she was sorry, his worst fear was revealed to have come true.

Every time he thought of her, he felt like crawling into a hole and weeping himself to sleep forever. He'd had nightmares about it happening, but never like this. This was supposed to be a happy memory, not his worst.

His mother had meant the world to him. She'd always been there for him, protected him, comforted him during the darkest time, and he couldn't even be there for her.

They'd said the pain would never go away, but that it would at least become bearable one day, but he couldn't think of a day where it would be bearable. Every time he thought of her, tears welled up in his eyes and his chest would feel tight. He'd feel alone, trapped, with no way out, and she wasn't there to comfort him anymore.

At least he still had Paul, and Percy knew he was trying his best, but he was hurting too. He'd told Percy that he could stay home from school for a few days, but that he couldn't miss too much because he still needed to graduate so he and Annabeth could go to New Rome together.

Oh, how he'd looked forward to graduating and leaving with his girlfriend, but now the thought almost seemed impossible. How was he ever going to get through graduation with this weight on his shoulders? And even if he somehow managed, he couldn't leave Paul to raise Estelle on his own.

'We'll be fine without you, Percy,' Paul would assure him. 'You have to fulfill your dream, Sally always wanted that for you. You can't slack off now, kid. I know it's hard, but you're almost there. Imagine how proud she'd be.'

He tried thinking about how his mother had wished for him to graduate, but then he remembered how she helped him study for every test he'd ever taken. He remembered the soft and comforting smiles she'd given him when he didn't understand, the proud look on her face as she hugged him when he finally did, and the way she'd jump up in excitement when he'd come home with a pass for a test. How was he ever going to do this without her?

Any and every memory of her hurt. It was the worst pain he'd ever experienced. Tartarus seemed like a stroll trough the park compared to how lost and broken he felt.

Paul tried baking him a fresh batch of blue cookies, but the sight of them just made him cry even more.

'Percy! The cookies are ready!' his mother called.

He ran to the kitchen as quick as his little legs could carry him. On the table stood a plate of delicious smelling cookies. But even better than that, they were blue!

'Wow, blue cookies?' he asked, amazed, and his mother nodded happily.

'Don't believe what Gabe said, sweetie, food can be any colour you want it to be. Even blue.'

Everything reminded him of her, and memories of her made him cry. Percy wanted to move on, he wanted to be able to bear the pain, but he feared he might never be able to. Not without her by his side.

It was only when Annabeth came to visit that he finally felt safe enough to pour his heart out. She listened to him, she comforted him, and Percy felt better than he had in weeks. Yes, it hurt, and it would always hurt. Nothing would ever be able to take the pain away, but Annabeth holding him close to her, carefully stroking his hair, telling him it was going to be okay, made everything the slightest bit bearable.

And that was all he needed to move on. Baby steps, like Annabeth had told him. He didn't have to feel better within a few days, but as long as every day felt a little better than the last, that's all that mattered.

She helped him find his happiness in blue cookies again and she helped him appreciate the beauty of Estelle's little giggles. She helped him study and get ready for his graduation just like before. She helped him make every day a little better than the last.

With Annabeth's help, the pain eventually did become bearable. He graduated, went to New Rome with her, and together they made sure to Iris Message Paul and Estelle at least every week. It would always sting, that wound that would never close, but at least now he was able to take care of it. He was finally able to accept everything and move on.

He was going to okay. Because that's what his mother had always wanted; for him to be okay, for him to be happy. So from then on, he tried making the best out of every day, and looked back on all the memories he had of her with a fond smile. He would be okay.

End Notes

hands you some tissues cause I know you're crying*

I honestly had no clue what to write for this, but then I went to YouTube and put on some 'sad songs for the broken souls' playlists to get in the feels. And then I wrote this while silently sobbing so yeah...

This was quite different from my usually dialogue filled writing, but I think it was a good way to practice something I don't usually do. Again, a very sad chapter, but I hope you still enjoyed. If you didn't, well, I'm sorry. This was pure pain, I know, it's okay. But like stated at the beginning, the next chapter will be lighthearted and fun again. So I suppose I'll see you there. Have a magnificent day, I love you! Byeee :)