Feel Something

(Wednesday Afternoon, September 25th)

"I know you're there," Audrey calls, and the boy steps out from the bookshelves.

"I didn't think you wanted me around."

"New rule." She looks up at him. "If you're going to stalk me, you need to tell me what you're thinking." His eyes lower. "So, what are you thinking?"

He walks over to the round table. "I don't know, but… I feel alone without you."

"Loneliness?" Audrey disbelieves. "That's what you want help with?"

"Maybe." He contemplates, "Feels like more."

"Take a seat," she offers. "I'll let you help me with this."

He moves adjacent to her. "What is it?"

"Call it a present for when Ben wakes up," Audrey answers. "He's fallen behind on his homeless apartment endeavors. So, I've got permission to set up a charity at the lock-in. I'm thinking low cal brownies."

"How about some blood brownies for the carnivores?" he suggests.

Audrey raises an eyebrow. "Blood brownies? Is that even possible?"

"Yeah." He smiles. "That one girl with the blue hair, I saw her make them once."

"Evie?" She hurries, "Well, do you remember how to make it?"

"No," he answers, and Audrey frowns. "But I know where the recipe is."

Audrey closes her notebook and stands from the table. "Show me."

He strides through the stacks, and she follows him out of the library and to the kitchen. "There's a notebook in the second silverware drawer, underneath the wooden tray."

She pulls it out and flips through the pages. "All of her recipes are here." She falters. "Is it ethical, you think, to make money off of it?" There's no response, and when she turns, he's disappeared. She shakes her head and shuts the drawer. "It's not like I'm profiting off of it. Think of all the homeless people who will have a roof this winter." She finds the page for blood brownies and yells, "Are you kidding me? She didn't even write the instructions."

"Story time," Hayden requests.

Chad curls under the covers. "I told you, I can't."

He argues, "You know, I only told you I'd keep your secrets if I got the full story."

"You never said that," Chad disputes.

"Who else are you going to tell?" he counters. "The counselor?"

"No," Chad groans.

He jumps onto Chad's bed, hovering over him. "So, tell me what happened."

"I'm selling myself for drugs," Chad gives in.

"To Hawthorne," he interprets. "What happened?"

"Fuck off." Chad tries to push him away, and Hayden places the knife to Chad's neck.

"Tell me how it happened."

Chad's face wets with tears, as he grits his teeth. "Find another story. I'm done telling you about mine." Hayden glances at the knife. "Go ahead. Kill me. I've got nothing left to lose."

"But your story's so interesting," he rejects. "Raw. Painful."

"You're worse than him," Chad whispers, and Hayden presses the knife a tad harder. "What do you want from me?"

"Make me feel something," he urges.

Chad gulps. "Get off." Hayden slowly moves off the bed, and Chad follows suit, dropping his boxers to the floor. "Pin me down. I dare you."

He shakes his head. "Get some help."

Chad gapes, pointing to his chest. "I need help?" Hayden hides the knife in the leather holder inside his jeans and drops his t-shirt over the handle as he strides towards the door. "Wait. Where are you going?"

He opens the door and turns back to him. "It's past curfew. I'm sure the vampires are in the kitchen, having their midnight snack. Maybe I'll entertain them."

"What?" Chad exasperates. "Do you have a death wish?"

"I'm finding another story." A chill washes over Chad, and somehow it reminds him of the night Ben had been on the roof. The door squeaks shut, and he races to pull on his pants.

"Hold on." He opens the door, catches a glimpse of Hayden heading down the stairs, and Chad chases after him. "Hey. Hayden!" He's already breathless, and once he reaches the ground floor, he places his hands on his knees, panting as sweat lines the hair of his forehead.

"Prince Chad." He jumps back and tumbles against the stairs. The tall man blocks out the light. "What are you doing out so late?"

"Me?" He heavily breathes. "What about you?"

"Well, I'm training Nurse Kate in the ins-and-outs of nightshift patrol."

Chad's eyes shift to the right, and he sees the woman with black curls. "Did you spin that?"

"Excuse me?" she questions.

"Your hair," Chad explains. "Did you iron it?"

"I curled it," she unsurely says.

"Don't." Chad's frown deepens. "Ben will drain you dry."

She hesitates. "I didn't think he liked girls anymore."

Chad gets to his feet and meets her grey eyes. "I don't need any more competition."

"King Ben can be very… promiscuous." Hawthorne turns to her. "His appetite is something to be taken seriously." Chad turns up the stairs. "Hold it." Chad rolls his eyes and turns back to him. "Is there something you needed?"

"My roommate left," Chad complains. "I was trying to get him."

"Hayden?" he inquires. "Yes. I believe he's trying to donate tonight."

"And you're letting him?" Chad disbelieves. "That's illegal as hell."

"Sadly," Hawthorne sympathizes, "the government doesn't understand that when you restrict someone's needs, they tend to do the most horrible things."

Chad glares at him, and the nurse interrupts, "Is there something? Maybe I can help."

Chad turns towards her, but his stomach still knots. He holds his hand to it, hurrying back up the stairs. He slams the dorm door and races to the bathroom. He must have taken too much. His heart pounds. What if he dies? He grabs the toothbrush and gets on his knees.

"What's your game?" William's blue eyes pierce into him.

"Not a game," Hayden says. "Just make me feel something."

"Hell no. Who knows what's in your blood." Hayden pulls the knife out, putting it to William's neck, until the vampire's backed against the island counters. "You're even more crazy than people say."

He moves the knife to his own neck. "Take me or I will."

"You want to die," he realizes.

"No." Hayden corrects, "I want to feel death. I need to feel alive."

"Those are two very different things." He holds the knife harder against his neck, and William holds up his hands. "Wait."

Hayden whispers, "Make me feel alive."

"Okay." William slowly takes the knife. "But we don't need that." He tosses it to the other end of the counter. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," he immediately answers.

"Okay." William bites into his neck, a minute passes, and Hayden collapses. "Sleep well." He hears shuffling near the doorway and sees the horror on the nurse's face. "Good timing. He needs a bandage."

"Good morning, Hayden."

He groans, "My head hurts."

The nurse hands him a vitamin water. "Hydrate."

He opens the bottle. "What happened?"

"Well." She takes a moment. "William claims you threatened to kill yourself if he didn't bring you close to death, so he drank from you until you became too weak to move."

He chugs the water. "I thought I'd remember more of it."

"I have orders to send you to Fairy Godmother, once you've recovered."

Hayden gets to his feet. "I'm recovered. Tell her I'm on my way." He starts to walk towards the door before turning back to her. "Where's my knife?"

Her eyes widen. "Sorry. Did you say knife?"

"Never mind," he dismisses before walking out to the hall. People stare at him. People quickly turn their eyes away. It's the same looks everyone had at that suicide awareness seminar. They don't know what to do with him.

He knocks on the headmistress's door, and she calls, "Come in." Hayden opens the door, and she smiles. "Oh. How nice to see you up and about. Take a seat, please."

He sits across from her. "I wasn't going to kill myself."

"Getting right into business, I see." She breathes. "Tell me, then, why William White seems to believe you were."

Hayden's frown deepens. "I just wanted to know how he'd react."

"And you had a knife. Is that correct?"

He takes a moment. "I'd like it back, if you have it."

"I'm afraid I can't do that." He glances at the door, and she snaps her fingers to close it. His attention returns to her, and she solemnly asks, "How did you feel last night, when everything was happening?"

"Me?" he evenly expresses. "Haven't you heard? I'm a psychopath. I don't feel anything. I get through life by living off the misery of others."

"Yes." Fairy Godmother straightens the sheets in her folder. "You do have a history of making other people's lives a tad bit more difficult." She faces him. "Except for last night. What were you planning?"

"I mean, I could have planned better," he admits. "It was pretty impulsive for me, but I just had to feel something."

"Forgive me if I'm wrong," Fairy Godmother mentions, "but you've spent a good portion of your life living with dampened emotions, haven't you? You've had moments where others would feel fear or embarrassment, but you just brush it off. You have so much confidence in who you are and what you're capable of. Why trade that for emotional insecurity?"

"I'm not jealous of other people's emotions." He clarifies, "I'm envy the fun they have."

She carefully observes him. "Where's your book? You normally have one with you."

"I'm tired of them," Hayden admits. "I'm just getting so tired of everything."

"You ditched me," Audrey outrages.

"I didn't mean to," he apologizes. "I just got tired."

"So, sit on a chair. Lay your head down." She swiftly turns towards him. "Don't just go and… where do you sleep?"

His eyes shift. "Someplace dark."

"Wow." She sarcastically says, "That clears things up."

"Come on." He begs, "Let me help you."

"Oh." Her eyebrows raise. "Now you want to help me?"

He frowns. "You know what I mean. I think we could help each other."

She sighs. "Evie didn't even bother to write down her recipes. They're all just ingredients and random gibberish."

"Let me take a look." She finds the notebook in her stack of books and hands it to him, but he merely stares at it. "What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He awkwardly smiles. "I was just kind of expecting you to open it."

"Seriously?"

"I mean," he excuses, "you opened it last time."

"Yeah." She holds it up to him. "Which is why you can open it this time." He opens his mouth but fails to speak. "Don't tell me you were raised to let woman do everything for you." He closes his mouth, and she shakes her head. "Fine." She opens to the page and drops the notebook onto the table.

"Strawberries," he reads. "I remember that she had them in a pot of water. After it became gooey, she started to mix the blood with it."

Audrey peeks over. "There's no sugar in here."

"No sugar in what?" Chad asks, as he sits across from her.

"Uh." She gapes. "I'm kind of busy here."

"Well, I need to talk to someone," Chad dismisses. "You doing another bake sale?"

"I found Evie's recipe book," Audrey informs. "There's a ton of stuff in here for carnivores, but it's all shorthand. And there's blood. It's not like I've ever worked with that before. There isn't even any sugar for the solids. Ninety percent of the ingredients are liquids."

"I heard that blood tastes sweet to carnivores," Chad comments.

"Right," Audrey slowly says, "but what's up with the strawberries?"

"Probably just to add flavor," Chad opinionates.

"Ah. Excuse me." Audrey widens her eyes at him. "Was I talking to you? Uh, no."

The boy mentions, "When I saw Evie cooking, the strawberries and blood turned into a sort of semi-solid. It looked sticky."

"No eggs," Audrey notes. "I guess there was no need for a binding agent."

"We should try to recreate it before the actual sale," he suggests.

"Right," Audrey agrees.

"Can I see?" Chad reaches for the notebook, but Audrey closes it.

"No need. We're done."

She gets to her feet, and Chad stands. "I just thought you could use some help."

She places a hand on her hip. "Did you see Evie cook it? No. Do you have any idea how these ingredients were used together? No." She asserts, "I have all the help I need. I definitely don't need yours."

"Fine." Chad glowers, "Figure it out yourself, then."

He marches away, and the boy says, "I hate to make you two fight."

"You didn't do anything." Audrey picks up her books. "Chad makes a mess of things all on his own."

"You cut class and trespassed onto the teachers' dorms," Fairy Godmother reiterates. "Would you like to explain yourself?"

Hayden glances at Professor Hawthorne. "Not presently, no."

Fairy Godmother frowns at Hawthorne. "Professor. May you excuse us?"

"It was my apartment he broke into," Hawthorne argues. "I'm the victim here!"

"Well, clearly, he doesn't feel comfortable confessing with your presence." She sternly eyes him. "Leave. You can be sure that I'll update you with any necessary information."

The professor stomps out of the office, and Fairy Godmother quiets her voice. "It's just us now." He glances at the closed door. "Come on, Hayden. I know you have your reasons."

He faces her. "I wanted the full story."

"Full story?" she inquires.

"Chad gave me like the most interesting plot, but he's leaving out all the details," Hayden explains. "I can't read a description like that and not even look into it."

"Hayden." She reminds him. "This isn't a book. You're not going to have a tidy storyline here. There's going to be things you can't answer for."

"But I need to find the answers." Hayden frowns. "Don't you get it? If I can get Chad out of whatever mess he's in, then I could be the hero. I'd be a hero, not some psychopath."

"Does it bother you," she asks, "people calling you that?"

He takes a moment. "It bothers me that just because I was born different, people automatically think that makes me a bad person. But the monster of Frankenstein wasn't born evil. He ended up that way, because his father abandoned him and left him to the whims of a village who only saw him as he first appeared to them."

"He was misunderstood." She nods.

"Yes." Hayden whispers, "But he finally found a way out. When he killed himself."

There's a knock at the door, and Fairy Godmother shouts, "Come in."

Hayden turns, and his parents rush up to him. His mother runs a hand over his head, as his father concerns, "What's happened?"

Fairy Godmother looks at Hayden. "Would you like to wait outside for a minute?"

"Not really," he answers, and Fairy Godmother looks between the parents. "Presently, I'm discussing with Hayden as to why he broke into a teacher's apartment."

Her attention returns to him, and he answers, "I told you. Chad's in trouble. I need to gather proof if I want to help him."

"Help with what?" she asks.

Hayden takes a moment. "He won't say. That's why I need evidence."

"I assure you," she widens her eyes, "I've been keeping a very close watch on the teacher you're speaking of."

He crosses his arms. "Then you're not doing your job right."

"Hayden," his mother whispers.

"No." Fairy Godmother faces him. "It is a very serious situation that needs to be handled carefully, but there won't be any evidence to collect if he suspects people are looking for it."

"I don't understand," his father interrupts. "Is the school not safe?"

"It's the safest," she reassures. "But, unfortunately, there has been an allegation of sorts, and the student who came forward quickly confessed that they lied about it."

"This student was Prince Chad," the mother assumes.

"We're handling it to the best of our abilities." She faces Hayden. "But to do that I can't let any evidence be tampered with."

He huffs. "I didn't take anything."

She looks back at the parents. "In the meantime, I suggest that your son takes a couple weeks off."

"You said the school was safe," the father reminds her.

"It's safer than any other school," she repeats. "Just not for him." The father holds his ground, and she eyes between the parents. "As I'm sure you know, your son has a very hard time finding activities he enjoys. It puts him at risk for getting into trouble. What I'd like is that you do whatever you can to remind him that life can be enjoyed."

"You're not saying that you think," the mother begins.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," she confirms.

The father unfolds his arms. "I don't understand."

Fairy Godmother explains, "I think your son is depressed."

"He can't be depressed," he rejects. "He doesn't feel anything."

"Which," the headmistress whispers, "might be exactly why he might not feel like life's worth the energy anymore."

His father stares at him. "Hayden."

"It's not like anyone wants me here," he mutters.

His mother knees in front of him and proclaims, "I want you here."

"You have to say that," he points out. "You're my mother."

"Clearly, she doesn't," the father remarks, "considering what the king's going through right now."

"Don't guilt trip him." The mother gets to her feet.

"He doesn't feel guilt," he argues. "That's the whole point. He lives his life on a set of morals. Of what he should do. And I say he should be grateful that we're still here for him after everything he's done."

Hayden gets to his feet, and his mother hugs him. "He didn't mean that."

He escapes her grasp and walks up to him. "I get it. I'm not the son you wanted."

"I had a son," he seethes. "You took him from me."

"So, if you can't have both of us, you want neither of us?" He meets his grey eyes. "If I'm not enough, then go. I don't need you if you don't want me."

The father slams the door behind him, and Hayden's mother hugs him from behind, kissing the top of his head. "I'm here. I'll always be here."

"You're not mad with me too?" he asks.

"It was an accident." She hugs him harder. "It was a very sad accident."

"I locked him in the car," he reminds her.

"You were too young." The tears fall to his neck. "There's no way you could've known."

"Why am I here?"

"Chad." Fairy Godmother instructs, "Have a seat."

He does as he's asked, and she informs, "You should know that Hayden is taking a little vacation."

"Good." Chad comments, "I won't have to wake up with a knife to my neck."

"In the meantime, I've arranged for Doug to keep an eye on you."

"Wait." Chad holds his hands up. "What?"

"Both of you are without roommates at the moment," she explains. "It's safer for everyone if I pair you two together."

Chad's eyes narrow. "What did Hayden tell you?"

"Nothing I didn't already know." Chad's eyes lower, and she says, "I'd like to ask you again, are you sure Professor Hawthorne hasn't hurt you in some way?"

He stares at her. "I'm not talking about this with you."

"Fine." She settles, "I'll let Jimmy know you're ready to talk to him about it in your Sunday session."

"What?" Chad slides to the edge of his seat. "No. I didn't say that!"

She calmly comments, "When Ben was mandated to see a counselor, he made her sign all this paperwork for privacy—to keep his parents from getting into trouble. I'm sure you can do something like that too."

Chad cautiously replies, "You're encouraging me to make it so that they can't say anything about me getting hurt or anything?"

"I want what's best for each individual student." Fairy Godmother answers, "If you feel you are not ready to press charges, you don't need to. But I'd rather not let you go through this alone. Which is also why I'm having Doug keep an eye on you."

"To make sure a teacher's not slipping into my room," he assumes.

"To keep you from overdosing," she corrects, and his head lowers. "There's very little at this school that I do not know is happening. There's no secrets. Can I be clear about that?"

Chad's voice shakes. "If there's no secrets, then why is he still here?"

"A lack of evidence," she answers. "I need a witness—a victim. I need proof."

"He has contacts in every field of science," Chad reminds her. "If I did have anything to say, my entire future would be ruined."

"I heard you've been skipping training," she mentions. "That doesn't seem like a very productive future either."

"So, what?"

"So," she evenly expresses, "if you have something weighing heavily on you, I highly recommend you get it off your chest."

"How?" he irritably replies.

"Well." She suggests, "You could always start with Jimmy."

- Posted: 05/16/2021