Something Like a Star

by recollins

Aria DiMaggio hadn't planned on uprooting her life to move to Quantico, but those things just sort of happen when Jason Gideon sets his mind to something. Life as the BAU's intern is a whirlwind of chaos and crime, but with her unique set of skills and a fiery temper, Aria has no problem fitting in with the team, but no matter how far she goes she can't outrun her past. [ReidxOC]

37. Girl's Night

TW: mentions of drug abuse & drug addiction near the end of the chapter. It can't be skipped, so please use your own judgement if this will be a difficult subject for you.

---

In the time it had taken me to stop and hug Haley goodbye on the porch, Jack had reattached himself to me. His little arms held tight to my leg as he plunked to the ground like an anchor into the ocean, tethering me to the spot.

Hotch had gotten held up at the office doing the paperwork he'd volunteered to go in and complete for Strauss, so I'd offered to drop Jack off with Haley for him. Honestly, I wasn't sure if he really was stuck at work, or if he just didn't want to see his soon-to-be-ex-wife today.

"Jack," Haley sighed, giving her son a bemused smile as she crossed her arms, looking down at him. "Miss Aria needs to go."

His arms tightened a little more and he gave a vehement shake of his head, burying his face into my calf. I laughed and leaned down, ruffling his hair as I reminded, "you and I are playing next weekend, remember? But I gotta leave for now."

Again, Jack shook his head and mumbled, "uh-uh. We gotta watch Spider-Man."

"Honey, how about you and I watch Spider-Man now, and you can watch it with Miss Aria again next weekend?" Haley offered, kneeling down beside him and gently trying to detach her child from me. Jack's arms and legs got impossibly tighter; Haley had no chance against the mini-octopus.

Normally, I wouldn't have even tried to fight Jack's refusal to let me leave. I probably would've asked to stay, and Haley probably would've let me. I'd promised to be at Emily's by five-thirty, though, and the clock was ticking.

Time to put my profiling training to work.

"I have a special assignment from Spider-Man, and I need your help, Jack. Do you wanna help me?"

Instantly, his grip loosened and he leaned back to look up at me curiously, eyes wide and bright with excitement. "Yeah! I wanna help!"

"Okay, I gotta go grab something top-secret really quick, okay?" I hedged, slowly trying to pull my leg free. The moment Jack let go, Haley swooped down and scooped her son up, keeping him from trapping me again.

She followed me to the front door and I grabbed my purse, digging inside for something I could give to Jack. There had to be something in here, Penelope always squirreled her extra desk accessories into my bag… aha!

Jack's eyes widened even more when I pulled out the fuzzy, bright pink pen and held it out to him. He took it instantly and studied it as I explained, "the Green Goblin is trying to steal this and Spider-Man needs us to keep it safe. Can you help me?"

"Yeah! I can help!" he promised me, clutching the pen to his chest and nodding vigorously. I feigned relief as I let out a huge sigh, pretending to wipe my brow.

"Oh, good! That's such a big help, Jack! Okay, you keep this safe, and I'm gonna go do some top-secret spy work. When I come back next weekend you can help me return it to Spider-Man, okay?"

"Okay, Miss Aria!" he said eagerly. As he looked down at the pen and then back up to me, he asked, "you're comin' back?"

Smiling, I stepped up to him and he twisted in Haley's arms, reaching out to me. I was risking my newly-gained freedom, but there was no denying a toddler a hug. After I nodded, she passed him over and he wrapped his arms around my neck, hugging me tight. "I'm coming back, kiddo."

Haley stepped around us and opened the door, offering, "Jack, how about we walk Miss Aria to her car?"

"Okay," he mumbled against my shoulder. Taking my chance at escape, I stepped into my heels and Haley grabbed my jacket, following me out as I carried Jack to my car. As I began the struggle to get my keys out of my purse without dropping the small child on my hip, Jack leaned back to stare up at me like he'd done earlier. "Promise?"

I went to answer when I caught the look on Haley's face. She had tears in her eyes, and she quickly turned away to hide the hurt that had taken over. It hit me instantly what Jack was thinking and it was enough to almost get me crying.

How many times had Hotch left, promising his son he'd be back that night, only to get called off on a week-long case? How often had Jack been told he'd see his dad that weekend, just to be let down? Our job was demanding, and relentless. It didn't care if you had dinner plans with your wife, or if you promised your son you'd be back to tuck him in that night.

Hotch couldn't help having to break promises to keep others safe, but I understood exactly why Haley couldn't do it anymore. Maybe if it was just the two of them, it'd be different. But her son – the little boy staring up at me doubtfully – didn't deserve the heartbreak. As much as I cared about Hotch, I'd come to care about Haley and Jack just the same.

Carefully kneeling and setting Jack on his feet, eye level with me now, I gave him a small smile. "I promise I'll be back. I might have to go to work and it might not be next weekend, but as soon as I can be here, I'll be here. I promise, kiddo."

He was only three, but he was smart for his age, and I really hoped he would understand what I'd promised. I knew Hotch had told him the same thing; he was a good dad. Hell, he was a good dad to me, and I wasn't even his kid. I knew he did all he could to make sure Jack (and Haley) knew how much he loved them.

Jack seemed to get it for now – or at least I hoped he did – because he nodded and smiled and reached out for one more hug. As I obliged and pulled him to me, I stood up and shuffled over to Haley. She'd wiped the tears away and had her smile back as she reached out and took her human octopus again before he could fully attach.

"Thank you again. He always has the best time with you," Haley told me. "I… I can't tell you how much you've helped us with all of this."

Sure, I'd agreed to babysit Jack because Hotch had asked, but I wasn't here just as a favor. As I opened my door I smiled gently and promised, "I love hanging out with Jack, and I'll be back over as soon as I can. If you need anything, I'm just a phone call away."

Haley understood my offer of help was good for more than just babysitting, and the tears started to well in her eyes again as she nodded briskly. In lieu of speaking – she'd probably start crying if she tried, speaking from my own experience – she knelt with Jack and they both waved at me one last time.

My heart hurt, driving away and watching them wave in my rearview mirror until I turned the corner. Part of me had wanted to say forget girl's night, this is more important, but I knew it wouldn't do any of us any good. There was a reason Haley and Hotch had clicked so well – they were both more alike than either of them wanted to admit. She was just as touchy-feely as he was, which meant the tearful smile and quick waves were as close as I'd get to a heart-to-heart with her.

For now, I'd done what I could to help Hotch, Haley, and Jack. It wasn't much, but it was all I had to offer. Now, I needed to help me. It'd been one hell of a…. well, honestly, I'd lost track of how long my life had been in turmoil. The chili, Connor, Chula Vista, Chester, and now whatever was going on with Spencer… if I didn't take some time for myself, I'd burn out soon.

So tonight there wasn't going to be any cases or crazy ex's or serial killers or the looming divorce of my adoptive parents (for all intents and purposes). Tonight was a night for me to have fun with my friends and push all the drama and chaos of our lives to the side.

Tonight was going to be a good night.

---

The moment I walked into the bar, I knew I was in trouble. JJ and Emily spotted me the second I came into view, and as they got Penelope's attention, all three of them watched me approach with devilish smiles on their faces.

Oh no. That's not good.

I'd only been a half hour late from the extra Jack hugs and the Saturday night traffic, but it had been enough to give the rest of the girls a head start on the drinks. Which meant that Penelope was tipsy, and a tipsy Penelope was a talkative Penelope. Well, more so than usual. The problem wasn't my best friend getting chatty, it was that she was already terrible at secret-keeping fully sober. After a couple of drinks…

There's always a chance they weren't talking about me, I tried to tell myself; I didn't even believe my own lies. Especially not when, the second I approached, Emily called out,

"Took you long enough. Busy moving furniture with Reid?"

Penelope dissolved into giggles, then instantly dove into her drink at the look I shot her. Looking back to Emily, I rolled my eyes and told her, "I was babysitting Jack, for your information. And it's just a bookshelf I'm gonna help him with."

"So you are gonna help Spence…. rearrange?" JJ prompted; Penelope snorted and tried to cover it up as a cough. Very poorly, I might add. I gave her and JJ a scowl as Emily pulled me into a hug. She gave my cheek a kiss before passing me to the others as she assured,

"We're just teasing you. Really. I think it's great you're helping him out. The poor kid got himself stuck on the Metro trying to haul home an office chair. Lord knows what would happen with an entire bookshelf."

After hugging the other two, I settled into the seat beside Penny, smiling at the thought of my favorite genius wrestling furniture as I told her, "trust me, it's still gonna be an adventure with the two of us and my tiny Subaru."

"That could be the name of your romance novel," Penelope hummed, tapping her chin as she examined me. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"I don't have a romance novel."

She shrugged, "Not yet you don't. Give me a couple hours with my laptop and a bottle of wine and I'll change that."

As I started to shoot down Penelope's surprisingly well thought out novel plan (seriously, she was already mentioning a six-part series), JJ pushed the empty glasses aside and declared, "Alright, Em, this round is on you. Let's catch Aria up and then we'll start the real fun."

"Woah, nope, hold up," I said instantly, cutting off my argument with Penny to snag Emily before she could leave for the bar. Getting plastered in front of these gossip-hungry profiling hyenas wasn't happening. "I'm not getting drunk. I'm gonna need to drive home –"

"I'm the designated responsible adult tonight," JJ told me, and I raised a brow at her.

"So you're gonna drive me back to Falls Church tonight?"

"Oh, absolutely not. I'll be driving you back to Penelope's," she corrected, and when I went to argue against her plan she pointed out, "come on. It's your first time out with us in a month. Tonight you deserve to just let loose and have some fun. I mean, out of all of us, you need to relax the most."

It was tempting… I mean, I'd wanted to relax. I just wasn't a big drinker, and the thought of a hangover tomorrow kept me on the fence. Until I made the mistake of looking to Penelope. As soon as I did, she put on her big puppy-dog-eyed pout, batting her lashes. JJ leaned into Penny and batted her lashes at me too as Emily draped an arm over my shoulders and smooshed our faces together.

"Pleeeeeease?" they all whined, and instantly my hopes of holding out were gone. I couldn't keep my smile back and as soon as the girls saw me relent, they erupted into victorious cheers. Emily was already scampering for the bar before I could change my mind.

"Just a couple drinks," I prefaced, and instantly Penny and JJ pouted again; Penny held up three fingers and I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Three."

Both of them grinned at me as I pretended to be grumpy about their peer-pressuring. Which, of course, with my friends that never lasted long. Penny slid me the bowl of peanuts they'd been snacking on, and as I popped a few in my mouth I caught the look JJ was giving me. Curiously, I raised a brow at her, inviting whatever question she was holding back.

As soon as I did she propped her elbow on the table, rested her chin in her hand, and fixed me with a grin as she asked, "so… any developments in your love life we need to know about?"

I shrugged and leaned back, smirking to cover up my embarrassed smile as I held her curious stare. Keeping my expressions in check mattered with her. Tipsy or not, JJ was just as keen as the actual profilers on the team. More so when she was snooping for information she wanted.

"Nope. None you need to know," I assured, and then threw right back, "what about the two of you?"

There was a brief, almost imperceptible twitch of JJ's brows that stopped as fast as it'd happened. Not fast enough to elude the one sober person at the table, though. When she realized I'd caught the micro expression, JJ instantly turned to Penelope and tried to divert,

"Yeah, how are things with Kevin? Rossi come interrupt any more late night showers?"

As expected, Penelope started getting all blushy and giggly about her boyfriend, but I wasn't so easily deterred. "Uh-uh, nice try, Jayje. Spill it."

"Spill what?" she feigned, taking a collected sip of her drink. Smooth, but not smooth enough. The cheeky grin they all had earlier crept onto my face.

"Any developments in your love life we oughta know about?"

There it was again! The twitchy brows, the slightly narrowed eyes, her hand tightening on her glass – she was totally hiding something and I was finding out what!... or, who. At least, that had been my plan. Before I could push further, Penelope let out a laugh of disbelief and said incredulously,

"Amazing, she's gone two minutes and already she's getting hit on!"

For a group of elite FBI agents, subtle was something we just really didn't grasp most of the time. All of us had turned to openly stare over at Emily and the man that'd been brave enough to approach her. The man himself wasn't all that interesting: average height, dark hair, a suit that was just a little too big on him… truth be told, he looked like the off-brand Dollar Store version of Hotch, and that was being generous.

No, what was fascinating about the man was that he'd managed to keep a conversation with Emily for more than thirty seconds. Whatever had her talking with him definitely wasn't his looks, and definitely wasn't his personality, judging by the forced smile and fake laugh we could hear across the bar.

"Oh, he's in way over his head with her," JJ tsk'd, popping a peanut in her mouth and shaking her head as we watched the extremely entertaining show unfolding before us. "He thinks he has it easy now that she's alone. He was just waiting for her to break away from the group and he used his over-inflated confidence to convince him he needed to make a move. Classic cookie-cutter bar guy behavior."

Penny and I chuckled and shook our heads as I tsk'd, "too bad for him that Emily's the exact opposite of cookie-cutter. This oughta be good."

To our surprise, though, instead of brushing him off – or making him cry, which had been the highlight of our last girl's night – she grabbed the tray of drinks and started our way with the man right behind her.

"Ooh, must be serious," I mused as they approached. Guess that meant we wouldn't be getting a good show. What had this plain little man done to convince Emily Prentiss to bring him to us? All of us were genuinely dumbfounded at this, but as Emily got closer, I could make out the mischievous glint in her dark eyes.

Okay, never mind, I was right. This was gonna be good.

"Ladies," she began, setting the drinks down and then turning to study the man at her side with nothing short of a shit-eating grin. "This is Brad, a real FBI agent!"

Thank god I'd had professional FBI training on how to control my reactions. I never would've kept my bewildered cackling back without it, especially when I turned to see the totally over-the-top look of feigned excitement JJ gave Penelope and I. We took the hint and matched her face as JJ gasped,

"No, really?"

"Really," Emily told us, her own bemused smirk nearly getting the laugh out of me I was trying to fight back. To cover up the grin I couldn't stop, I leaned forward and went, "that's so impressive!"

Penelope nodded in agreement and prompted him, "what's it like at kwan-tee-co?"

JJ snorted into her drink. Brad, unphased by this and focused on his lie, gave Penny an attempted smoldering smirk as he answered vaguely, "it's, uh, quite impressive."

"Yeah?" I asked him, tipping my head and enjoying watching the micro-expressions flit over his face. He was fighting so hard to play it cool… "What department are you in, Brad?"

"That's classified," he told me, giving a wink. I feigned giddiness as I turned to grin at JJ. We weren't gonna be able to keep this up for much longer. Penelope was on the verge of laughing – I couldn't even look at her right now or I would laugh – and Emily was literally biting her lip to keep her composure.

"Wow, it must be so hard keeping all those secrets," JJ told him. I didn't miss the braggadocious glance he gave the other guys lingering nearby, all clearly jealous this astoundingly plain man was able to captivate four women at once.

"You know, it's a skill just like anything else," he dismissed, almost literally puffing out his chest with pride as he continued his bold-face lie. "Carpenters are good at building stuff, measuring. The FBI is good at keeping secrets, kicking criminal ass…"

We were all giggling now, about to break completely. I swallowed my laughter and offered up a quick, "that's just so cool, Brad. Amazing."

"Oh! Do you have to carry your gun and badge with you everywhere you go?" Emily asked; I saw her reaching for her back pocket, and instantly caught on. Penelope saw me tugging my badge out of my purse under the table and she did the same. I went to nudge JJ, and saw her badge was already in her hand. Maybe a perk of the team was mind reading.

"Affirmative," he replied. Oh, this poor little man. Setting himself up so wonderfully for such a hard fall… was it wrong to completely tear him apart like we were about to? Maybe, but what was girl's night without crushing a small, egotistical man?

"Can we see it?" Emily pressed him, cocking her head to the side.

Brad blinked at her, not having expected her to ask, and asked meekly, "see what?"

"Your badge," JJ insisted, leaning forward a little more, brows up, daring him to make his next move. Clearly, he wasn't prepared to deal with the ladies of the BAU, because he was totally lost for what to say. All he managed was a meager,

"Uh… I'm sorry, that's…"

"Classified," we all sighed at the same time. Brad didn't see our next move coming. He was too busy mentally wiping the sweat from his brow, thankful we'd come up with the lie for him. In that same moment, though, Emily held up her badge and asked,

"Tell me, Brad. Does it look anything like this?"

His eyes widened to saucers and he blinked slowly, studying what she was showing him. Before he could speak, JJ lifted hers and teased,

"Or, this?"

Brad's face skipped pink and went straight to bright red, realizing exactly what he'd just walked himself into. Penelope held hers up and leaned closer.

"Or, maybe this?"

Brad turned to make his escape, facing me now, and instead of letting him pass I held up my badge directly in his path and asked sweetly, "or, what about this?"

Totally knocked on his ass, Brad looked over the four of us, trying to think of something he could say to salvage the situation. We all cocked our heads to the side – managing to go the same direction, impressively – and Brad took a heartbeat to let what had just happened fully sink in. He pressed his lips together, turned on his heel, and walked as fast as he could the opposite direction.

Now we all dissolved into laughter. Penny and I fell into each other as we cackled, only laughing harder when Emily almost fell over her chair. JJ grabbed her arm and pulled her into her seat, and for a moment we all pulled ourselves together.

"Kicking criminal ass," JJ mocked in a low voice, and we lost it all over again.

I was right. A girl's night with the BAU ladies was exactly what I'd needed.

---

Penelope sat yet another drink in front of me and instantly I shook my head. Which, I instantly regretted when the room swayed just a little. Emily slid it back and tapped the glass as she took her own. It was half gone in one sip, and she was somehow still able to stand and sway to the music. This had to be at least her sixth drink, and she was more composed than I was after my third. True, I really didn't drink often and I was already definitely a lightweight compared to the other three, but still…

"Penny, this isn't water," I pointed out, pushing the drink towards her. She bobbed her head as she sipped her fifth daiquiri. Like Emily had, she slid my drink back and said,

"Of course it's not water! It's a Malibu Sunset, your favorite, and it's nice and cool and delicious!"

Admittedly my mouth watered a little at that. I was a sucker for anything with Malibu in it… no, no. I didn't want a hangover. "I said I'm not having another. I'm at my limit."

"One more," Emily said as she swirled the ice around in her drink. When I started to argue again, she relented, "we'll play one last round and then we're all done."

JJ, down to just water now and not even fully tipsy anymore, leaned back and said, "might as well. You're not the one driving home, and you can't let your drink go to waste."

Giving her a narrow-eyed glare, I reluctantly took the glass. As Emily and Penny cheered I said pointedly, "this is the last one. Just for our game, and then I'm on water."

"Deal," Penny agreed instantly, and then followed up with, "okay. My turn. Never have I ever… gotten my tongue pierced."

She caught the look I gave her and gave me a sheepish, apologetic smile. As I reluctantly took a sip, Emily did as well. We both turned to stare at each other incredulously as JJ laughed, "yeah, I totally called that one."

"You have your tongue pierced?" Emily asked in disbelief. When I nodded, she scoffed. "Bullshit. I'd know if you –"

I stuck my tongue out and braced the clear barbell against my teeth, wiggling my brows. Emily laughed and stuck hers out. Though it was obvious she hadn't worn a piercing in a while, I could still see the indentation in her tongue. Penny, watching us with a fully entertained grin, admitted,

"Alright, I knew I was getting Aria with this one, but Emily's just a bonus."

"My turn," I decided, eyeing my best friend and not ignoring the fact she'd purposely set me up with that last one. "Never have I ever gotten caught by a coworker after having shower sex with my boyfriend."

Penelope narrowed her eyes as she took a sip and muttered, "oh. Oh, that's low."

When Emily lifted her glass too, I turned to stare at her in surprise and scoffed, "you're joking. There's no way that applies to you too."

She blinked at me as she took a sip and JJ instantly demanded, "story time! I need details of this!"

"Uh-uh, that's not how this works. My turn," Emily deflected; JJ and I shared a look. We were so getting the story out of her eventually. "Never have I ever…" her eyes went to me and she smirked dangerously as she said, "had a crush on a coworker."

Oh shit.

Emily and JJ leaned forward and watched me doggedly as I pointedly didn't lift my glass. Penny took a sip and Emily nodded to my drink. When I still didn't budge she asked,

"You're gonna look me in the eyes, a profiler with the FBI, and tell me that doesn't apply to you?"

Instantly I tried to argue, "that's totally a setup for me! We all know Penny is dating Kevin! That's leading the witness or something! Right, Pen?"

"Kevin?" she laughed and waved her hand in dismissal. "Please. I was totally thinking about Derek for that one."

Oh, she was gonna pay for that.

"This isn't a courtroom, I'm not leading any witnesses," Emily argued, the knowing smile still on her face. "I'm just playing the game. So go on, either tell me you don't, or take a sip."

All three of them watched with growing grins as I slowly lifted the glass. I paused, glanced at Emily, realized I didn't have a chance at lying, and took a fast sip before slamming my drink down.

"Okay, next question –"

"Oh, no, I think we have follow up questions," JJ argued, and I shrugged, motioning to Emily.

"If she doesn't have to explain the shower sex thing, I'm not explaining this one."

And, of course, Emily shrugged and said simply, "I was sharing a hotel room with another girl on my team, I thought she was out for the night, and it turns out I was wrong. Your turn."

It was JJ that intervened this time, scoffing and crossing her arms. "Hold on. I was that 'other girl on your team' and Mark from the coffee shop was not your boyfriend."

"See?! This entire game has been a setup against me!" I accused; Penelope gave my arm a placating pat. "Of course it has been, my naïve little cherry blossom. Now shh, I need to hear this!"

Emily smirked at JJ, took a sip, and shrugged as she dismissed, "I wasn't talking about Mark from the coffee shop."

Penelope and I ooh'd as I giggled, "you're telling me you've been caught by a coworker having shower sex multiple times?"

"Yes," JJ and Emily said at the same time. Penelope and I dissolved into giggles at the look on JJ's face as Emily waved her hand in her direction and turned to the two of us.

"Okay, fair's fair. I gave my explanation and now I think Miss DiMaggio owes us one too."

Oh… right. All three sets of eyes locked onto me and I froze like a deer in headlights. I opened my mouth, but admittedly had nothing to say. There was no way I was telling them about Spencer. No matter what Penelope had let slip earlier in the night, I wasn't fessing up to anything.

Well, if profiling had taught me anything, it was that fake it till you make it was actually a pretty good course of action in emergencies.

JJ tapped her watch and leaned back in her chair, smirking as she sing-songed, "tick-tock, Aria. We're waiting."

"I mean, I didn't think it was really a secret," I hedged, sipping my drink a little faster to finish it off. The girls leaned in, all ready for the juicy gossip they were expecting. "I thought I was being pretty out in the open, all things considered."

"That's putting it mildly," Emily laughed. "I mean, all the little touches, the hugs…"

"The cute little smiles and giggles between you two," JJ added on, and Penelope grinned as she agreed,

"Not to mention all the inside jokes, and I mean, the totally mutual chemistry?"

"I know, I know. And I've been meaning to say something," I began; all three were grinning wildly and I mentioned casually, "but, with Derek in the picture too…"

There was a good few seconds of silence as they all processed what I'd said; I finished off my drink with a pleased smirk as I watched the wheels turn. Finally, Penelope was the one to screw up her face and repeat,

"Derek? Derek Morgan?"

"The one and only," I confirmed, and at the noises from the other two, I explained, "I mean, I love you Penny, but I know there's no competing with your sculpted statue of dark cocoa delight –"

Penelope spluttered on her drink and I busted out laughing at the gaping look on her face. "I – what – me? You – you're such a liar! I'm not the one you have a crush on!"

"Oh you totally are," I corrected, hopping off my chair and smoothing my dress out, tossing my jacket over the back of it. "I mean, I'm always hugging you, we have more inside jokes than normal conversations, I can't think of a day where we haven't giggled to the point of Hotch threatening to separate us –"

"You are such a flimflammer! You flimflammed me!" she accused, which got all three of us looking at her, bewildered by her choice of words. JJ tipped her head and asked,

"Isn't flimflamming something to do with cheating someone out of money?"

Penelope huffed and shook her head. "It's someone who's practiced in deceitful sweet talk and general trickery. Synonymous with shenanigans and Aria!"

"It's definitely a money thing," Emily disagreed. Penelope scoffed and waved her hands at herself wildly.

"Are you really questioning my knowledge of ridiculous words?"

Before they could get going on this – because they would get going on this – I reached out and took one of the hands Penny was still waving. When she looked over at me I smiled and assured, "my love for you is nothing short of authentic and heartfelt, my precious Penny. Do you wanna dance with me?"

She dropped her pseudo-anger façade the instant I asked, and she was out of her seat in an instant. Emily and JJ – who had totally gotten derailed on the flimflam debate – didn't notice as we slipped away from the table. I couldn't help my victorious grin. The Spencer crisis had been diverted.

Normally I didn't like dancing in crowds like this, but with the warm thrum of alcohol and the only other option being interrogation if I went back to the table, I began to move with the beat. Penny, always up for dancing, matched my moves and we got lost in the rhythm of the upbeat song. As graceful as baby deer on ice, we spun and rocked with the pop song, singing totally off-key and off-kilter with no regards for anyone else around us.

As the song ended, we tried to stop our out-of-sync jiving and lost our balance, stumbling into each other and holding tight to keep us from falling over. We shared a startled look for half a second, and then broke into laughter that brought tears to our eyes. The other people around us weren't as carefree (or as drunk, if I had to guess) and we got a few weird looks, but it didn't matter as long as I was with my best friend.

Another song started up, slower in tempo, and we stayed holding onto each other as we started to sway. Our faces smooshed together and our feet tangled every couple of steps, but we both made it work. After a couple moments of awkward two-stepping around the other people nearby, Penelope shuffled us out of the dance area and stopped our swaying.

When I looked up and saw the apologetic look on her face I frowned and tipped my head in question. She pressed her lips together, took a breath, and then said quickly, "I didn't tell them about Reid. I promise. I just – they asked where you were and I said you might've been helping him with a bookshelf, and they just sort of ran with it. I'm really sorry, I didn't – I wasn't trying to like, give you away or –"

"Penny," I cut in, stopping her nervous rambling with a tight hug. She clung to me and let me shuffle us back out into the dancing crowd, spinning slowly with me as I assured, "I know. It's okay, really. I know you didn't tell them, I'm just, kind of, well. I think I'm maybe a little drunk and I already suck at pretending I don't like him when I'm not four drinks deep."

She giggled and nodded, "yeah. You're really – I mean, you hug the guy all the time! And he hates hugs, but he hugs you. That's not really lowkey secret crush stuff, you know."

Though I smiled and nodded with her, I couldn't help my heart twinging at the thought. I had hugged him all the time, but since Chula Vista I barely got a smile from him anymore. As much as I tried to put the thought out of my mind during the week, it always had a way of creeping back.

I wasn't just upset about losing the closeness we'd had, I was upset because I felt like we had all lost a part of Spencer. He wasn't his usual, sweet self. Sure, he was more reserved than the rest of us, but even then he'd still gone on tangents, and laughed along when we harassed Morgan, light up when one of us asked him a question…Now, he was just… withdrawn. Jack Vaughn had hurt Spencer that day in ways I didn't know how to fix.

"Honeybee?" Penelope prompted, her hand taking one of mine to squeeze it gently. "You okay? I lost you there for a couple moments."

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm alright. I just – it's kinda stuffy inhere. You know?"

Penelope nodded vigorously and, keeping hold of my hand, she turned and pulled me out of the crowd, back towards our table. Emily and JJ were still arguing, though at least they'd shifted off of flimflam to start debating what color chartreuse actually was.

"There are two different chartreuses!" Emily was insisting, motioning with her hands as she told JJ, "one's a magenta-red, one's a lime green-"

"That's – what? No, there aren't two different colors with one name!" JJ argued incredulously. "That's like saying there's a blue aqua and a red aqua! That's ridiculous!"

Penelope, of course, had to chime in right away with, "chartreuse has always been green, Em. There's no red chartreuse –"

Emily scoffed – to no one's surprise – and threw back, "there's the lime green chartreuse, but then there's a red chartreuse too –"

"First the doubt about flimflam, now questioning my wacky color knowledge? Consider me fully offended, Emily Prentiss."

Okay, if we were getting into the semantics of unorthodox colors, I needed another drink. I knew I was well past my self-appointed limit already, but the bar was hot, the conversation had taken a turn for the weird, and a cold Malibu sunset sounded like the best thing in the world right then. I'd planned to sneak off and get us another round unnoticed, but of course I couldn't get that lucky.

Penny actually gasped and paused her bickering with Emily to clutch at her chest and say proudly, "look! Our little cinnamon roll is getting another drink! We've broken her down!"

JJ grinned and gave me a wink as she teased, "you're now fully corrupted. How does it feel?"

I made a face as I pushed my curls back out of my face, regretting wearing my hair down for the umpteenth time that night. "Hot, and sticky."

Well, I should've known that comment wouldn't have been taken the right way with this group. Penny and JJ lost themselves to giggles as Emily snickered, "got a lot of experience with hot, sticky things? Wanna share? We're all ears."

"Keep it up and I'm not getting you another whiskey."

She put her hands up in mock surrender and gave me a wink before diving back into her ridiculous argument with Penny and JJ. I was all but scampering to the bar before she could come after me again. Mostly because the drinks were starting to mess with my rational thinking, and I didn't fully trust myself not to let something slip trying to be a smartass. Namely because the first comeback I'd thought of had been "I'll have Spencer tell you all about it". Because that would've been a great thing to throw out…

Grimacing at my own stupidity, I quickly ordered the drinks and leaned against the bar to wait. As I studied the pictures hanging up behind the counter, my mind drifted back to the one person I hadn't been able to get out of my head lately. What was Spencer doing tonight? What did he do on a Saturday night we didn't have to work?

Was he speed reading through his six thousand books? Did he like going to movies? If I asked, would he go out to a bar with me? Had he ever danced? Would he dance with me? As I ran through the last few questions, my heart sunk a little when I realized I knew the answers. Before Chula Vista, I bet he would have. Even if he didn't drink, I bet he'd have said yes to hanging out. And, I bet I could've gotten him up to dance just like I'd gotten Penny up.

Now, though, he probably wouldn't even answer my call. Almost unconsciously, I tugged my phone out and had it open before I realized what I was doing. I pulled up our messages and read the last one he'd sent me.

I'm fine. Thank you for offering.

As he had been for two weeks, he'd denied my offer of a ride into work. And rides home. It'd been something small, but driving in with Spencer had made my days better. If I wasn't feeling good, or even if it was just one of those awful days right from the beginning, Spencer could get a smile on my face. Even when he didn't tell me the random facts on his mind, just sitting in companionable silence soothed me in a way only Spencer could.

Now his silence hurt just the same.

Hey. Just wanted to make sure you're okay.

I went to hit send, paused, and quickly deleted the text. What was I thinking? Drunk texting Spencer wasn't gonna mend anything between us, it'd probably just irritate him more! When I started to put my phone away, though, I hesitated. Maybe he'd appreciate me checking on him. Maybe he was having a bad night and a text would make him smile.

I type the same message out again, and nearly hit send before stopping myself.

Don't talk to Spencer when you're drunk. You're bad enough with him when you DO have a filter, I chided myself, deleting the text and shoving my phone in my pocket before I could second-guess myself again.

In the midst of my mental war, I hadn't noticed the man at my side until he cleared his throat. My paranoid woman-alone-in-a-bar instincts were lacking, apparently. Now very aware of the person at my side, I looked up quickly aånd instantly went into Paranoid Hotch Observation mode. After my brief but thorough study, I relaxed a hint; he certainly didn't look like a threat.

Though he was taller than me – shocker, I know – he was leaning an elbow on the bar, relaxed enough in his stance to assure me he wasn't actively approaching me or ready to grab me and bolt. He was just hanging out, probably waiting for drinks as well, being polite and giving me a greeting. Giving him a smile, I turned away and went back to studying the pictures on the wall.

Back in my Spencer-thoughts, I heard the man at my side say something, but I didn't look up. I'd just assumed he was talking to the bartender, so when I felt him step a little closer I looked up again, curious and just this side of uncertain. The man paused his slow approach and the nervous smile on his face grew decidedly more apprehensive now that I was looking at him.

"Oh, you were talking to me?" I asked in genuine surprise, and when he gave a quick nod I smiled up at him once again. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Nothing. I mean, I said hi, but it's just – I wanted to come introduce myself." Ah, another man after Emily or JJ. The poor guy was so nervous just talking to me, no wonder he hadn't tried to approach the much more dominant women from our group -

"I'm Dean. I've, uh, I was watching you dance, and I knew I'd kick myself later if I didn't at least get to talk to you."

My inner thoughts came to a stumbling halt, and all I could do was stare blankly up at the man - Dean - as he smiled nervously and waited for my answer. So… he was interested in me? This… hadn't happened to me before. Like, ever. All I could do was blink up at him and offer a meek, "you wanted to talk to me?"

My absolute bewilderment at what he'd said seemed to put him at ease a little more, at least. He smiled wider and nodded quickly. "Yeah, totally. You're gorgeous, and from what I saw, you're a pretty good dancer."

Ope, there went my words again.

Maybe just introduce yourself like a normal human being, I realized, and did my best to look like I wasn't about ready to take off out of the bar.

"Oh, um - thank you. Thanks. I, ah, I'm Aria."

Such a way with words, I sighed to myself, but Dean didn't seem to mind my awkwardness. He held his hand out and I took it, instantly hearing Spencer saying, on average, we carry close to 3,200 bacteria from 150 different species on our hands. Considering most people don't adequately wash their hands, those numbers just increase.

"It's great meeting you, Aria. What brings you and your killer dance moves out here?"

Chuckling at that, I shook my head and joked, "killer moves, huh? I'm pretty sure it wasn't me you were watching then."

Dean tipped his head back as he laughed, dimples coming out full-force and widening my own smile. When he looked back down at me, he shrugged and admitted,

"Alright, so you won't be on Dancing with the Stars anytime soon, but you weren't bad." As I chuckled with him, he cleared his throat and offered, "I'm pretty good on the dancefloor. I could always teach you a thing or two."

I tried to play it casual, but the look on my face must've given me away. Instantly, Dean's smile pulled into a nervous near-grimace and he started quickly, "oh, I mean, if you don't want -"

"No, no, you're fine. It's just, um, I'm really not -"

The awkward moment was only made worse as the bartender slid two of the glasses to me, asking, "did you want ice with the water?"

Dean dropped his gaze to his shoes as he scratched the back of his neck, and I gave the woman a painfully fast nod. She glanced between the two of us, gave me a sympathetic smile, and shuffled away to get the other two drinks.

"I'm sorry," Dean said before I could try to come up with something. When he met my eyes again I could see the embarrassment burning bright in his dark eyes. "I shouldn't have been that forward."

"No, no, you're fine. It's not you," I assured, reaching out a resting an apologetic hand on his arm. He gave me a small smile. Don't get me wrong, he was cute. Dark hair, those dark eyes, olive skin, a warm smile, definitely the attitude of a gentleman... there was just one big problem. He wasn't Spencer.

When the bartender sat the last two drinks down, I started to look for a tray to snag when Dean reached out and took two of the glasses. "Here, let me help you. Least I can do for making your night awkward."

"Thanks," I told him, grabbing the other two drinks and stepping around him to lead him to the table. "Really, you didn't do anything wrong. I just…" How did I even explain what was going on with me in a quick, condensed recap to a nice stranger? "My last relationship was… really complicated, and I'm not really ready to jump into anything just yet. You know?"

Part of me expected some kind of passive aggressive answer, a quip about being rejected or how nice guys always got shut down, but all Dean did was give me a reassuring smile. "I get it, I do. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just saw a pretty girl smiling and having a good time, and wanted to get to know her."

In an alternate reality, one where I wasn't hopelessly head-over-heels for arguably the smartest man along the entire Eastern seaboard, I would've been swooning over the sweet, handsome man in front of me. Even now my cheeks heated up at the compliment and I gave him a smile in return, but the only thing running through my mind were more of Spencer's facts.

Did you know there actually IS a difference between 'whiskey' and 'whisky'? He'd whispered that to me on the jet one night as we listened to Emily and Morgan argue over the alleged misspelling of her favorite drink in a text he'd sent her. Even here, having a fun night with my friends, having a very attractive man openly flirt with me, all I wanted was to go back to that night on the jet. Curled up in my seat at Spencer's side, pretending to do my homework when really I was just studying the sweet smile on his face -

"Well, hello there."

Oh shit.

I was so caught up with my angsting over Spencer and my new conundrum with Dean that I'd forgotten exactly where he was helping me carry these drinks to. Penelope was leaning back in her seat, staring appreciatively up at him as he sat the glasses on the table.

"Who's this?" JJ asked, just as interested, leaning forward to smile up at him as I scrambled to get my thoughts back into a cohesive sentence. Thankfully, the man at my side really was a gentleman. He nodded to the ladies and introduced,

"I'm Dean. I was just helping Aria bring your drinks over." As if he knew how dangerous my friends had the potential to be, he turned to me before they could ask any of the questions I knew they were dying to ask and said, "it was really nice meeting you, Aria."

He stuck out his hand again and - pushing Spencer's germ statistics to the back of my mind - I shook it again and agreed, "yeah, you too Dean. Thanks again."

With a nod to me, he smiled at the ladies and then slipped past me into the crowd, heading back to his own table. There was about .002 seconds of silence before all three of my friends started talking at once.

"What just happened?!"

"Did you get his number?!"

"Was he just hitting on you? Oh, tell me he was hitting on you!"

"No, really, what about his number?" Emily pressed, as I gave them all a mildly startled glance, settling into my seat and passing everyone their drinks. I shook my head and insisted,

"I didn't get his number. He was at the bar, we talked, and he helped me bring everything over. That's literally all there is to it."

Emily and JJ shared looks as Penelope sipped at her daiquiri and asked hopefully, "but he was flirting with you, right?"

I debated my answer, knowing exactly how this would go, and settled on, "he just said he saw us dancing and offered to teach me -"

"He was flirting with you!" Emily and JJ chorused, both throwing their hands up excitedly. JJ clapped hers together, looking like she was about to get up and go after him. For being the mostly-sober one of the group, she was almost more trouble than Em and Penny.

"No, he was just - he was being a nice guy," I deflected, and then tried to get them off track with a quick question of, "what was decided? Is chartreuse red or green?"

Unfortunately, teasing me had priority over ridiculous color discussions, and none of them took the bait. To be fair, I'd just given them the best bit of excitement tonight since our run-in with Brad, and now we were much more inebriated.

"You're telling me," JJ began slowly, her tone telling me I'd already lost this conversation before it had fully started, "a cute guy like that, who's totally into you, who was sweet enough to carry your drinks over here and not even expect anything in return, was not flirting with you?"

I opened my mouth to say that was exactly what had just happened when Emily added incredulously, "and you're not interested in him?"

Penelope was being decidedly quiet, fully focused on her daiquiri and refusing to make eye contact with any of us. She knew exactly why I hadn't been interested in Dean, and she knew there was no way she could defend me without giving away my secret.

Realistically, right now, what would I even say? No, I'm not interested in that super cute guy with a really nice smile and a seemingly decent heart because I'm pining after a guy that has no matching socks and intricate knowledge on maps and tree species?

In my ongoing blank-stare silence, both JJ and Emily had taken notice of Penelope's lack of input on my teasing. I loved my best friend, but she'd crack like an egg tossed out a window if they started into her.

Backed into a proverbial corner, I did the only thing I could think of. I'd regret this in the morning, but desperate times, right? Before they could hone in on Penelope - or start into me any further - I lifted my glass and pointed out,

"Weren't we in the middle of a game?"

Okay, yeah, another round of never have I ever wasn't ideal, but I had a better chance of being evasive in the game rather than on my own. Plus, more playing meant more drinking, and eventually JJ would have to be responsible and take us home.

Once we were home, things would be fine…. I just had to hold out long enough to get there.

---

How JJ managed to wrangle all of us into her car - and keep us in there the whole way to Penelope's apartment - I had no idea. Mostly because I'd nodded off the second I slumped into her back seat, and didn't wake until Penelope started trying to drag me out.

As she fought with me, JJ worked on hauling Emily out too. It had to be pretty damn amusing for anyone watching us all stumble out of the car. Hell, it was fun just watching JJ try to keep Emily vertical and out of her purse.

Penelope and I finally managed to get out and somewhat upright, and we hung off each other as we trudged after the other two, listening to their bickering. As JJ paused to let us catch up in the lobby, Emily again went to reach into JJ's purse and got her hand swatted away.

"Em, if you touch my phone again, I'm handcuffing you to the car and leaving you outside all night."

"Bullshit. You like me too much," Emily scoffed; she had JJ on that front, at least. "You know, if you just tell me who W is, I wouldn't need to take it."

W, huh?

Well that got Penny and I a little more alert. Instantly we picked up the pace to crowd around JJ. As soon as she saw us coming, realizing what she was in for, she pushed Emily off onto us and took off ahead of us. Being the only somewhat sober one in the group, she had the unfair advantage and was nearly to Penny's apartment by the time we all coordinated enough to flock around her again.

"W?" Penny chirped, her slightly unfocused eyes glinting with excitement. "Who's W?"

As JJ desperately fumbled for the right key, Emily leaned a shoulder up against the doorframe and shrugged, "I don't know, but whoever it is has a heart next to their name."

"See? See, I was onto something," I told the others, putting my hands on my hips as I narrowed my eyes up at JJ. "I told you she was being shifty about her love life and you two wanted to pick on me about Spen – about stuff."

Well, shit. Way to go, Aria. The attention was instantly off JJ, and the two women on either side of her turned to give me devilish grins. I put my hands up and begged, "no, okay, don't start –"

"It sounded to me like she was about to say Spencer, didn't it?" Emily teased, her smile widening as I felt my cheeks instantly start burning. "Oh yeah, I'm totally right! Penelope, tell me I'm right. I know I'm right."

After what felt like a century, JJ finally opened the stupid door and I managed to beat her inside. I made a beeline for the couch and instantly dropped into my customary corner, grabbing my favorite throw pillow and curling around it. If I couldn't talk, I couldn't give away my deep secrets. Good plan.

Well, it was good. I'd kind of forgotten about the fact that the others could just follow me inside. I wasn't on top of my game right now, okay? I was six – or, eight? No, maybe seven… - drinks deep and even with my eyes shut it felt like the room was spinning. Just keeping myself sorted was hard enough, let alone hiding the feelings I was apparently dying to give away.

There was a feeble attempt of "Guys, quit picking on Aria!" from JJ but clearly no one wanted to listen. The couch sank down beside me and I risked a peek over the pillow; Emily was inches from my face. "Come on, just tell me I'm right! Tell me you're crushing on Reid, and I won't bother you about it anymore!"

"Okay, even drunk, I know that's not sound logic," I argued, shoving the pillow at her to push her away. She slumped back onto Penelope, who looked like she might already be asleep. I really didn't know if that was a good thing or bad thing. I needed backup against Emily's one-woman cross-examination schtick, but she was the one who started this… "I'm not – I'm not five! I don't just have crushes, okay, I –"

"You just totally loooove Reid," Emily agreed; I let out a frustrated whine. "Come on, admit it! I mean, it's pretty obvious –"

"Guys! Hey, what'd I tell you in the car, huh?" JJ demanded, making another attempt at controlling her three unruly children. When we all gave her blank, clueless looks she pinched the bridge of her nose. "We all agreed we were going to bed. Which means no more harassing Aria about Spence – I mean, about her crush –"

"Jennifer!" I groaned, dropping back against the couch to glare at her.

She pulled an oops face and pointed towards Penny's bed, already shuffling past and proverbially wiping her hands of the responsibilities she'd been laden with. "Okay, I think I'm done for the night. No one leaves the apartment until they're sober, no more drinking, and everyone has to be quiet, okay?"

"Yes, mom," all three of us chorused. I looked over, surprised to hear Penelope's voice back in the mix. She was awake again and slowly getting to her feet. She teetered a few steps around Emily and then plopped down at my side.

"Okay, look, it' just – we're just teasing you. Okay? I mean, it's cute, okay? It is. And Reid's a nice guy –"

"Weird, but nice," Emily agreed; I leaned forward a bit around Penelope to frown at her. "What? He is."

I shook my head, then instantly regretted the movement and flopped back again as I mumbled, "he's not weird. Be nice to him."

Penelope's arms jingled as she held up her hands and said simply, "I mean, to be fair, he is weird. It's not a bad thing!" she said quickly at the look I threw her. "I'm weird. And that's okay. And his weirdness is good. I mean, he's just… you know, he's –"

"He's soo smart," I finished for her, and as I let my own words sink in, a dopey grin came over my face. "Spencer's just… he's – did you know there's like a flammability rating for trees? I just, I thought they were all flammable, you know?"

Penelope frowned, rolling her head my direction to give me a thoroughly puzzled stare. "There's some not flammable trees?"

"I – well, no. Maybe? I dunno. But there's like, there's some trees that are more flammable than others. And you gotta keep those away from your house. Like Virginia Pines? Nu-uh." I mimed an explosion with my hands and shook my head. "House? Gone. Fwoosh. Up in flames. But Eastern Cottonwoods? Those babies are good."

There were a few moments of silence where the other two gave slow blinks, processing the unnecessary information I'd dumped on them. Emily shook her head and mumbled,

"Yeah, you've got it bad for Reid."

The squeak of alarm that left me startled the others - and got a groan of "I said be QUIET" from JJ - as I insisted immediately, "I – no, I'm just – we're friends, and he was showing me trees, and it was just a cool fact –"

"Spencer and Aria, sitting in a tree –" Emily began, and Penelope added,

"An Eastern Cottonwood tree –"

I groaned and shoved Penelope onto her side, whining pathetically, "you guys are so mean!"

"K-I-S-S-S-…" Emily paused, frowned, and guessed, "G?"

"That was way too many S's," Penelope critiqued, shaking her head. "It's K-I-S-I –"

"That wasn't enough S's," Emily cut in, but before she could go for round three of the song, a pillow flung (with surprising accuracy) from across the room hit her in the face. We looked back towards Penelope's bed, where JJ was wrapped up in the blankets, hands over her face as she groaned,

"Guys, oh my god, I love you all, but shut up. Spence is weird, Aria likes it, we get it."

"He's not – you guys are so mean to him," I whined, folding my arms over my chest. "He's such a… he's so sweet, and you're just mean."

Emily scoffed and Penelope asked indignantly, "when are we mean to him?"

"When you tell him to stop talking. He gets excited and talks about stuff and you guys just get annoyed with him," I mumbled, pouting up at them for a moment before looking across the room.

"No, look. We don't get annoyed, it's just –" Penelope paused, waved her hands around, and then tried to explain, "he rambles about all this weird stuff and then gets himself on a tangent… we just sometimes stop him before he gets himself down a wormhole of things we don't want to know about."

"I really like his rambles," I said quietly, shrugging my shoulder, sinking down a bit when I felt the tears starting to prick my eyes. "Liked. I liked when he used to talk to me and I liked hearing all his stuff he knew."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Penelope and Emily share a look as Penny pressed, "used to? As in, he doesn't talk to you anymore?"

"Not really. Not since Chula Vista," I sniffed. The tone of the room had gone from lighthearted to somber in just a few seconds, and I felt the weight of the world coming back to my shoulders. "He doesn't really talk to me much anymore but… I really liked when he did. I miss him. It just... Whatever. I just miss it all."

I felt my lip quiver, and when a tear slipped down my cheek I hurriedly wiped it away. Penelope instantly had me in a hug so tight I almost couldn't breath, and Emily leaned forward to give my knee a squeeze. I stared at her hand, then up at her, genuinely surprised to see tears in her eyes. Man, alcohol just really took down all our emotional barriers.

"Chula Vista was really hard on you two," she started, and when I nodded my eyes went back to my lap. She patted my leg and suggested softly, "so maybe he just… just tell him that. You know? Tell him you like his facts and remind him you're gonna listen when he's ready to talk again."

Penelope bobbed her head eagerly and nearly fell off the couch as she lost her balance. We both reached out to steady her as I asked them meekly, "really? I should?"

"Totally, yes. Yes," Penelope encouraged as she settled back against the cushions, keeping her eyes closed. "You need to tell him you miss him! I'm sure whatever's going on in that big, fancy brain of his, hearing you say that will make him feel better."

"It'll help him with whatever he's going through knowing he's got you waiting on the other side of all this," Emily assured. A little quieter, she added, "before the BAU, there was all this…" she cleared her throat, seeming to realize she was close to giving away something she didn't want to talk about. Instead, she diverted with a shrug and settled for saying, "if I'd had someone like you waiting to help pull me out of the hole I'd fallen into, it would've been a lot easier climbing out."

Hearing the raw honesty in her voice, seeing Penelope nodding eagerly in support… they were right. Even if Spencer wasn't ready to open up and talk about what he was going through, I could remind him I was here, and remind him of why being okay was so important to me. I had to tell him. I had to make sure he knew.

Slowly, I pushed myself up and, after making sure I was good, I got to my feet. The other two watched me curiously as I shuffled across the living room, making for the pile of purses on the dining table. When she heard me rifling, JJ poked her head up over the covers and called,

"Aria? What're you doing?" When I didn't answer, too intent on trying to find what I was looking for, she propped up on an elbow. "Aria. Hey. What's –"

I made a noise of victory and eagerly pulled out my cell phone, holding it up towards her. "I'm calling Spencer!"

"Oh, no, honey, that's not – let's not do that right now," she started, beginning to try and untangle herself from the blankets she'd rolled up into. I waved a hand at her as I flipped the phone open. "Aria. Put it down."

Emily and Penelope, both shushed JJ and Emily cheered, "do it! Call him!

"Emily," JJ huffed, still stuck on the bed. "Don't encourage her. Aria, put the phone away. It's almost midnight and he's probably asleep. Trust me, you don't want to call him when you're drunk, okay?"

Slowly, I typed out the numbers I knew by heart as I shook my head. "I do. I just – he doesn't like me anymore. I don't know why, but he just… I gotta tell him. I gotta make sure he knows he's important."

JJ couldn't free herself in time. With one last nod of reassurance from Emily and Penny after I dialed the last digit, I smiled and hit CALL.

---

Spencer

TW: mentions of drug abuse & drug addiction. It can't be skipped, so please use your own judgement if this will be a difficult subject for you.

"Do you know what this is?" Tobias Hankel asked, bending down to show the bullet he held between his fingers. It glinted in the dim light as he turned it slowly between them.

Pure, sickening fear clung to Spencer like a second skin. The words just spoken were lost on him, drowning in the panic that was bubbling up inside of him. Tobias straightened above him, pulling a gun from the waist of his jeans. "It's God's will."

He loaded the bullet into one chamber of the revolved and gave it a spin before clicking it back into place. Then, slowly, Tobias lifted the gun. Spencer's heart skittered to a painful stop and he sucked in a breath, squeezing his eyes shut, desperate to wake himself from the worst nightmare he'd ever had.

"Y-you don't have to do this," he whispered, gathering all of his courage to open his eyes and look up desperately at the man holding him hostage.

Tobias, unblinking, settled his finger on the trigger. He held Spencer's stare for just a heartbeat before saying simply,

"I'm just an instrument of God."

A loud thud pulled Spencer out of his dream just as Tobias pulled the trigger. For a terrifying moment, he could still hear Tobias' voice and he looked around in panic, expecting to see him emerging from the shadows of his apartment.

Only after he was fully certain he was alone did he look around to figure out what had woken him. As he made to stand, his foot knocked against something on the floor. The box he'd been staring at all night had toppled off his lap, the contents skittering across the hardwood in different directions.

The familiar mix of shame and frustration swirled in his aching chest and he slumped back on the couch, his trembling fingers pressing against his eyes, willing the remnants of his dream back to the recesses of his mind.

Though it was Chula Vista that shaken him, it was Tobias Hankel that haunted him.

Since that day at the high school, witnessing what Jack had done, Spencer had barely been able to sleep. His days were filled with the memories of Ryan Phillips begging for his life, and the sound of the shotgun silencing his pleas. The little bit of broken sleep he managed to get was plagued with nightmares he had where he begged Tobias for his own.

At first, Spencer hadn't understood why Chula Vista had gotten to him the way it did. It wasn't just the aftereffects of witnessing a murder. That was hard enough to process, yes, but that wasn't what was keeping him up at night. Trying – and failing – to save Ryan had brought him back to a place… to a mindset he thought he'd left in the woods with Tobias' lifeless body.

Weak. Vulnerable. Incompetent. Worthless.

The last time Spencer had felt like that, he had been left at the mercy of a psychopath's delusions, forced to play a game he wanted no part of. He had been helpless that night, with no choice but to sit and watch as Tobias murdered innocent people. The only relief he'd had from his pain – physical and mental – had been the hits of dilaudid that were forced upon him.

Dilaudid, that was now lying upended on the floor of his apartment, a syringe within reach.

Slowly, Spencer sat up. As he dropped his hands from his face, he saw the rolled-up sleeve of his sweater, and then the syringe just a few inches from his foot. It was right there, waiting for him, giving him an escape from the thoughts and emotions wreaking havoc inside of him –

The ringing of his phone shattered the deafening silence of the apartment, and he flinched back into the couch. Heart in his throat, he took a ragged breath to calm himself, repeating over and over, it's just your phone. You're not in danger. No one is going to hurt you.

After the second ring, reality came back to him and Spencer realized his phone ringing meant he had a call. He scrambled off the couch, skirting past the upturned box and its scattered contents as he rushed to his desk. He snatched his cell phone off the charger and went to answer it when he caught the name on the caller ID.

Aria.

His thumb hovered over the answer button as his stomach churned with equal parts excitement and dread. Talking to her was the highlight of any day, but since leaving so suddenly after their last case, after how he'd been acting with her the last few weeks, he half expected this call to be anything but pleasant. Though she was always sweet with him and had a heart softer than her smile, he knew the kind of temper she had.

But, it was nearly midnight, and Aria usually didn't call him this late. If something was wrong, if she needed his help… he had to be sure she was okay. She probably was mad, but he had to answer, even if she did just start chewing him out the second he spoke. Taking a breath, bracing for her fiery words, he answered on the fourth ring and asked timidly,

"Hello?"

There was a flurry of hushed whispers, a couple of muffled giggles, and then JJ gasping in the background, "wait, you DID call? No! Give me the phone!"

Almost instantly the scuffling doubled, and he heard the unmistakable sound of a hand being slapped away. It was a noise he'd grown accustomed to hearing the last couple of months, and even something that small sparked a little bit of warmth in his chilled, aching chest.

"Aria?" he prompted tentatively. There was a collective gasp on the other end from who he assumed were all the women of the BAU. Then, almost surprised, the voice he'd been wanting to hear most that night asked eagerly,

"Spencer?"

She sounded like she hadn't been expecting to talk to him, even though she'd called him. He frowned and said slowly, "...yes?"

"Hi!" she chirped, and despite the night he'd been having, a small smile played over his lips. He pushed aside the remnants of the painful dream - and the sight of the upturned box on the floor - as he offered up a bemused,

"Uh, hi –"

"Shh! It's Spencer, guys. Shut up!" she hissed; the sound of more hand-swatting drifted through the line. Then, to him, she said excitedly again, "hi Spencer!"

Now that she'd spoken more than two words, he could hear the subtle slur in her voice and the pieces clicked into place in his foggy mind. It must be girl's night, and they'd been drinking. For a moment, his heart sunk. She was only calling him because she was drunk.

Except, of course, he knew a lot about drinking. For someone who had only ever been tipsy a handful of times, he was more familiar with the experience than the rest of his teammates. Drunk words are sober thoughts, he recalled instantly. He'd seen it in action with Morgan, who had a tendency to go a little too far with his teasing after a number of drinks.

Now, Aria was drunk, and she'd called him to say – well, so far, just to say hi. Why had she called him? Was it just drunken antics? Had she called the rest of the team too? Was there a chance she'd called because she just wanted to talk to him? Had he been the first person she'd thought of in her inebriated state?

There was still hushed bickering and giggles on the other line, and he could hear Aria shushing them all irritably. The smile on his lips grew a little more; he didn't care what she'd called for. He was just happy to hear her voice.

"Are you drunk?" he asked her, pulling her unfocused mind back to the call. There was a noise of confusion from her, and she started,

"Um, no. I'm Aria –"

"Okay, that's it, give me the phone," JJ tried. After more scuffling, he could hear the sounds of Aria scampering away from the others.

"No! I need to tell Spencer - Spencer!" she spoke to him now, JJ forgotten, seeming to realize what she'd called for. Again, he braced for her drunken thoughts. Unhindered thanks to the alcohol, what would she say? What would come out with no filter? "Spencer, I need to tell you, I just – I wanted to tell you, I really like when you tell me things."

Spencer was so stunned he was genuinely speechless, and that was really hard for him to admit. That was quite possibly one of the last things he would've expected her to say, right along with I like you as much as you like me or I'd like to go out with you, and I was serious about the date we talked about before.

Knowing her attention span was limited right now, he fumbled and forced out a surprised, "I… you do?"

"Yes, I do. Very much so," she insisted immediately, no hesitation whatsoever. "And – and I get really mad when the others make you stop because I could listen to you talk for hours. Literal hours. Like sometimes when I'm sad, or I'm scared, or I can't sleep, or just – you know? Sometimes even when I'm okay, I just want to call you and ask you to tell me things because you make me happy and you know everything and –"

The sweet and partially-slurred sentiment was interrupted by a flurry of buttons being pressed. After a brief struggle Aria scolded, "Jennifer! I am on the phone! That's very rude!"

To his surprise, he actually giggled. The nose he made caught him off guard and he stopped almost immediately. He'd been having a very… difficult night, and giggling just didn't seem right. His eyes strayed again to the contents scattered across the floor and his stomach sunk again. In the background of the call, he could hear JJ telling Aria to hang up, to let him get back to his evening.

The thought of being left alone with himself and his dark, quiet apartment frightened him more than he wanted to admit. He couldn't trust himself. Please don't, he wanted to tell JJ. Please don't take her away.

"JJ says I'm annoying you. Do you think I'm annoying?" she pouted. He could picture her now, the same face she gave him when she whined about Morgan bothering her. Brows furrowed, full lips pushed out, and just a hint of mischief mixed into the greens and golds of her eyes. He smiled at the mental image as he assured,

"No. You never annoy me -"

"Spencer says I'm not annoying!" she announced excitedly. He heard an exasperated sigh and then JJ called to him faintly, "fine, fine, I give up. Sorry, Spence!"

Aria laughed as she told him excitedly, "good! I can still talk to you!"

The relief coursing through him was so overwhelming he had to turn back to the couch, stepping over the mess on the floor as he sank down onto the cushions once again. He wasn't going to be alone. For several minutes he sat silent, eyes shut, listening to Aria's soft laugh. For several minutes, he managed to get his head above the dark waters.

For those moments, Spencer was safe.

He was away from the bathroom of the high school in Chula Vista. He was away from the cabin hidden in the woods. He was away from Tobias Hankel. He was away from all of those memories that clawed at him, that tore him back down to the frightened, scared child he'd become when he'd been forced to face death. He was safe here, with Aria, and he tried to stay with her as long as he could.

"Spencer?" Aria's voice pulled him out of his thoughts, cutting through the guilt and regret he was drowning in. He took a breath, trying to ground himself there with her as she asked, "I have a question for you."

"What is it?" he managed, his voice rough, sounding miles away. Aria sighed and told him,

"You're the smartest person ever."

Again, against everything at war inside of him trying to tear him apart, he smiled. "That's not a question, and not an accurate statement."

"You are," she insisted. "What does 'flimflam' mean?"

Spencer opened his eyes, blinking a few times as he repeated her question, convinced he'd heard her wrong. "Flimflam?" he repeated, and at her noise of confirmation he rattled off, "it means nonsensical or insincere talk."

"Emily said it's about money or something," she reported to him, and Spencer shrugged to himself as he confirmed,

"Well, it's most often associated with being swindled out of money, though that's not it's exclusive definition. She's partially right, but not completely right."

"That's good enough for me to tell her she's wrong. She was picking on me all night so she doesn't get to be right."

The tone of her voice was just this side of whining, and he smiled a little more as he asked, "why was Emily picking on you?"

There was uncharacteristic silence from the other end of the phone, to the point he thought she might've hung up, until she muttered, "no reason. Um, can I ask you something else?"

"Of course."

"Is there a red chartreuse and a green chartreuse?" Well, he hadn't been expecting that. Where on earth were these questions coming from? Is this what normal people talked about with their friends? "It's very important. I need to make Emily extra wrong."

He chuckled, ignoring how foreign it felt to do so, as he explained, "there's only a green chartreuse. The color is a very vivid yellow-green, the shade of Chartreuse liqueur, which is where the name comes from. Many people incorrectly think that it's a shade of red, though there's really not a definitive reason as to why that's a common misconception. It could be because French nightclub singers, called chanteuses, often wore red dresses and lipstick when performing. So, no. Emily's not correct."

"I knew it," she giggled, keeping the smile on his face. "As soon as she's conscious again I'm telling her. Well, you might have to tell her. I don't think I'll remember all of that in the morning."

Spencer smiled and shook his head, teasing her gently, "alcohol isn't known for its memory enhancement."

Aria gave a delicate snort and giggled softly. He'd seen her do just that so often he could picture her warm smile. Always honest, always bright, wide enough to reach her eyes and make them crinkle at the edges. He never questioned why Morgan called her Sunshine.

"Hey, Spencer?" she asked after she'd gotten her giggles under control. He hmm'd, ready for another off-the-wall question, totally unprepared for her to murmur, "are you okay?"

Silence wasn't the answer he wanted to give, but it was the only one he had. Lying to her wasn't something he wanted to do. He was never one to be dishonest, especially not with Aria, but he couldn't bring himself to admit what he'd been struggling with.

She didn't know about Tobias. She didn't know about the terrible choices he'd had to make that got other people killed. She didn't know about the overwhelming guilt he felt for Ryan's death. His eyes fell to what had fallen on the floor, and he swallowed hard before he looked away; she didn't know about the dilaudid.

"It's okay if you're not," she promised him, breaking him back out of the dark thoughts rising up. Her voice was gentle, soft, like a hand reaching out tentatively to rest on his aching heart. "I just… I'm worried about you. You haven't… you don't really talk to me anymore. Or smile. Or tell me things like you used to."

"I know. I'm sorry," he told her genuinely, the regret heavy in his voice, weighing him down almost as much as his memories had been lately. "I shouldn't be pushing you away. You don't deserve that. I just, I thought I wanted to be alone, and I'm realizing I went about it the wrong way."

There was a long pause, and finally Aria asked him softly, "do you want to be alone?"

"No," Spencer answered, just as soft. Please don't leave me alone. I can't be alone.

Aria hmm'd on the other end, and after another couple of seconds she offered, "I can tell you things. Like you tell me."

A few tears fell down his cheeks unexpectedly; he reached up with a shaking hand to wipe them away. Aria's kindness caught him off guard. After how he'd treated her the last couple of weeks, he hadn't expected this from her. She was trying to comfort him the way she said he comforted her. Even drunk, even after being quiet and shut off with her, she still wanted to take care of him. Somehow, she always knew exactly what he needed, even when he didn't.

"That would… that'd be really nice," he whispered, trying to keep his voice from breaking.

"I don't know all the cool facts you do, but um…" Aria paused a moment, thinking, and then said, "I babysat Jack today."

"Hotch's son?"

"Mhmm. Haley went to have lunch with her sister, so Jack and I hung out. We have this game, um, he likes superheroes a lot. So he's Captain Jackalope and I'm his sidekick, Miss A. Jude used to call me A. Little A. So I like that Jack calls me that too. Um, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. So we're fighting the Green Goblin right now…"

Aria rambled through the recap of her afternoon with Jack, and Spencer hung on every word. Each laugh she gave about something they'd done kept his smile in place; every story she told him kept him above the water a little longer.

He shifted to stretch out on the couch when his foot knocked against the shoebox he'd dropped earlier. His heart plummeted into his stomach, his breath leaving him in a shaky exhale. Slowly, he sat up and stared down at it, at the vials scattered nearby, at the syringe in the midst of it all.

"Tell me it doesn't help," Tobias had said, and Spencer couldn't argue. He'd been right. The dilaudid had been the only solace from the pain and the remorse and the self-loathing that had taken ahold of him in the cabin. It had been his recompense for surviving and his comfort in the aftermath of the trauma he'd gone through.

He could have that release again.

Aria's voice faded out as he reached down, righting the box and then grabbing the nearest vial. He turned it over slowly in his hands, watching the liquid as it moved around, at war with himself. It'd be so easy – the needle was within reach, his sleeve was still rolled up – and he knew the instant relief would push away the overwhelming emotions swirling in his mind. He'd be pressing pause on his thoughts, on the pain inside of him he was trying so hard to ignore… he'd have peace, and all he had to do was grab the needle.

When he let out a shaky breath, hand twitching, begging for him to reach out and grab what he wanted most, a soft voice murmured,

"Spencer?"

He shut his eyes tight, arm recoiling to his chest, sinking back onto the cushions like he was stepping back from the precipice he'd been leaning over; his hand tightened around the vial. "Y-yeah?"

"Oh. I thought you fell asleep," she admitted; he heard her stifle a yawn. "Are you in bed?"

He focused on her voice as he opened his eyes, taking a breath to try and ground himself again. "No, I'm uh, I'm on the couch."

"Me too!" she chirped excitedly; from the background he heard JJ groan, Aria, shush! which got her giggling. "Oops. We need to be quiet."

Somehow, she got another smile out of him. He sat up slowly, and without looking at it, before he could second-guess himself, he dropped the vial into the shoebox. "Well, you need to be quiet. You're the one making all the noise."

"I am not," she began to say, cutting off with more hushed giggles. Spencer bit back one of his own, listening to her instead as he quickly scooped up the other vials and the syringe. As fast as he could, he dumped them into the box as well and put the lid on. As soon as it was secure, he let out the breath he'd been unconsciously holding.

For several moments, he stayed hunched over with a hand on the lid, holding it down like he was afraid Tobias himself would rise up out of it and shove the needle in his arm if he didn't. Instead of thinking about psychopaths, or drugs, or Jack Vaughn and Ryan's lifeless body, he focused on Aria.

"You're not a very good liar," he finally told her, and added as an afterthought, "you're borderline flimflamming."

The laugh she let out at his joke was more powerful than he remembered the dilaudid being. The peace that rushed through him was near ethereal, enough to knock a breath out of him and leave him laughing with her in its place. When JJ and Penelope snapped at her to be quiet, both of them just laughed harder.

The elation of that moment was indescribable. Reprieve swirled with adrenaline, his mind buzzing with the realization that he was okay. Like he'd truly kept himself from plummeting off a cliff, into something he couldn't have come back from. He hadn't. He was okay.

I'm okay. I didn't fall. I survived. I'm okay.

The relief from that realization was enough to get him to his feet, to let him scoop up the shoebox and carry it back to his room. He managed to tuck it back on the shelf in his closet and bury it under his old Caltech sweatshirt, where he wouldn't have to look at it. Where he could put it out of his mind; close but closeted, as he needed it to be.

He didn't really remember shimmying out of his clothes and into his pajamas, nor crawling into his bed or burrowing under the sheets. He couldn't even recall what Aria was saying as he put his phone on speaker and curled up beside it.

All Spencer could focus on was her soft whispers filling his room and pushing away the demons lurking in the shadows around him. He remembered feeling safe enough to finally shut his eyes and trust that nothing – not even Tobias, or Ryan, or the thoughts that came with them – would hurt him when he did. For the first time in much too long, his mind was calm.

He remembered peace, and he hadn't needed the dilaudid to do it.

Spencer was able to sleep.

---

Hello, my sweet Springtime strawberries! It's been way too long since we've gotten to hang out on Monday, and I can't tell you how much I've missed this!

I unintentionally took a pretty long hiatus (you can read more about it at recollins . tumblr . com if you'd like) and coming back to all of your love and support has been so amazing. I can't tell you how much I've missed writing for you all, and this is the first time in a long time I looked forward to Monday! You guys really keep me going and give me inspiration and happiness, so I hope today's chapter did the same for you!

You all had SO many ideas for a girls night, and don't worry, I know you were all eager for another Spencer POV. What do you think of Aria's night with the ladies? What are our thoughts on Dean? How about Spencer's struggle, or his call with Aria? Let me know what you thought!

I'll totally be doing another girl's night in the future since there were so many things you wanted to have the do, so if your idea wasn't in this one, I've probably got it saved for the next! If there's anything else you'd want to see the ladies get up to, let me know!

Again, I'm gonna be a broken record and tell you guys how much I love you. Truly. You make this feel like a little cyber family, I love chatting with you guys and sharing our love for Criminal Minds (and Aria!) all week. So, if you ever feel like you're just another person on the internet leaving a comment or just a soul reading a story, know that you're important to me. You make a difference in my life, and I love you.

Have a beautiful week!