CHARLES'S CHRISTMAS CAROL-37
Hello my dear people. I want to thank you very much for all your yesterdays reviews. It was so nice to read them and I can see that you are really liking this expanded Carson family and so do I. I will do my best to keep them interesting to you. In today's chapter we are skipping time a bit, but not a lot...Only one month later after the birth of boy twins. Hope you will like it.
May 28th 1906
Those last few weeks have been a real nightmare for Elsie and Charles. After Elsie discovered, that she wasn't able to feed the babies, she was terrified...Luckily for them, the solution soon came as a daughter of Elsie's good friend from the village-Mrs Cox, has just gave birth to a baby one month earlier and she had enough formula to help Elsie feed the twins..But this solution was only partly good for them, because as far as Logan tolerated the formula very well and his apetite was good, Carter was not handling it well and he started to loose weight, which made Elsie very worried...He was tiny even where he was born and now when he started to loose weight, Elsie was terrified to death...She couldn't sleep at night and she constantly kept checking little Carter.
She decided to consult Dr Clarkson about it and he advised Elsie to try to give the babies a special kind of formula and applied it to them in the baby bottles, if other woman's formula was not serving little Carter's right.
Elsie asked Charles to go to Ripon, to buy the best possible baby bottles and he brought her what she asked him, plus he also bought a special kind of formula, which Elsie was to give the boys from now on. To their great relief, little Carter reacted much better to this and very soon Elsie's face brightened, when she noticed that her little boy was starting to put on weight.
After all this nightmare that they had to went through, Elsie felt emotionally exhausted and she was acting more harshly than usual to her family, as she felt guilty for this situation. She thought that she has failed as a woman, who couldn't feed her own babies, plus she wasn't recovering after the birth of the boys, as quickly as after Charlie and the girls.
She assumed that it was a matter of her age...It wasn't natural for a 44 year old woman to give birth and feed the babies and even though nobody blamed her for this, Elsie was still devestated and she felt that she didn't execute her task correctly.
Charles was exhausted too...They almost managed to forgot what it means to have two screaming babies in the house, but now all the memories went back...Elsie was aware, that Charles had to work full time, so she again proposed to him, that he should sleep downstairs, just so he would be able to get up in the morning and have a full time job..He agreed to that, but he felt incredibly guilty, because he was aware, that he is leaving Elsie alone with all this...
As for the children, they seemed to be least concerned with the new situation. Charlie, who was reluctant to his brothers arrival at the beginning, still remembered his father's words, asking him to be responsible for the family and sometimes, he even overused that request-trying to command the girls to do this and that, which met with firm protest from them, especially Charlotte, who was determined to show the whole world that nobody will tell her what to do!
Victoria who had pretty simliar character to Charles's and a certain ability to nag from time to time, was sometimes complaining in the morning, saying that she couldn't sleep because the babies were crying.
Elsie and Charles talked few times about the proposition from Robert-to move to a bigger cottage, but Elsie thought, that at the moment it wasn't possible. They only had three rooms upstairs and one of them was their bedroom and two others were occupated by Charlie and the girls respectively. It was obvious, that the twins cribs will be in Charles's and Elsie's bedroom for now, till they won't be big enough to move them to the regular beds, so they put it away for a distant future.
Charles was working full time as usual and he came back home exhausted...Elsie was left alone in the cottage with the boys, whilst the older children went to school, but she was exhausted too...She felt again like she was not good enough for anyone...Like it was all too much for her...Being in the situation as she was, she had to gave up her work entirely for now, so she felt cut away from the big house. It's true that Mrs Patmore, Mrs Brown and even the family came to see her and the babies, but most of the time she spent alone in the cottage, trying to find a way to handle it all. It wasn't easy...Unfortunately, it resulted in short fights that they had with Charles from time to time, which has never happened before. In the afternoons Elsie was spending time with the girls and the little ones, while Charlie was usually at the Abbey.
In the evenings after the dinner, when all the kids were finally put to sleep, Elsie and Charles didn't have time to speak, let alone anything else and recently they even started to avoid it, because their every talk ended with a little fight...
So it was this morning, after a difficult night, when Elsie was trying to put Logan to sleep for a half of the night, but the boy from some reason, was not very willing to do that...Once she finally managed to calm him down and she was hoping to catch some sleep, Carter started crying quietly in his crib...It was almost dawning, when Elsie finally put her head on the pillow..It wasn't long when she had to get up again to feed the babies. She felt exhausted and she barely stopped herself from crying..At the breakfast, she thought that she was going to go crazy from the noise that the kids were making...At one point, she shouted at them to be quiet and they were so surprised, that they have stopped talking immediately..This was the first time when Elsie referred to them in such harsh manner...
Charles was very displeased about it..He didn't say a word, he waited till the kids finished their breakfast and told them to go and hurry, before they will be late. Once they went to school, Charles said to Elsie:
"Elsie there was no reason for you to shout at the children...Didn't you see how scared they were?"
"I'm sorry but I'm so exhausted...Logan was crying for the half of the night and when he stopped, Carter started...I only had like one hour of sleep..."
"I understand but still, you shouldn't.."
"Don't tell me what I should or shouldn't do! You don't think that I have a reason to feel tired? Are you the one who is with the boys all day and all night?"
"I'm not, because you are the mother Elsie and it is your job to be with the children..."
"My job? Really? So you are washing your hands and that's it..."
"Elsie! I'm your husband an their father-my job is to provide for you, whilst yours is to take care of them...This is how the world goes...And besides, let me just remind you that I'm not the cause that Logan and Carter came into this world..."
"Of course not...You had absolutely no contribution in that!"
"I didn't say that..I'm only reminding you, that you were the one who threw caution into the wind that night when we..."
"I can't believe that you said that! How could you?! How dare you even say that to my face...I've never been so disappointed with you!"
"I think that there is no point in dragging this conversation any further Elsie...I will go to the Abbey now..."
"And I have to go upstairs and take care of your sons, the sons with whose presence you are apparently disappointed!"
Elsie stormed out of the room, not wanting to look at Charles in this moment and Charles went to work, slamming the door loudly...
Elsie was crying for the half of the day...She still couldn't believe that she would hear something like that from Charles...Being exhausted was one thing, but throwing into her face the fact that she gave birth to their boys...
Luckily after a night concert, the boys slept a lot during the day and Elsie went downstairs and lied on the sofa, just to rest for a short while...She was still thinking about that awful conversation with Charles and she cried and cried, until she has fallen asleep.
Some time later, when she woke up in panic, thinking that she lost a track of time, she saw little Charlotte, sitting in the armchair and reading a book..
"Charlotte...Honey what are you doing in the house? Why are you not at school?"
"I came home earlier..."
"Why? Are you not well?"
"I'm fine...I just told our teacher at school that I'm not feeling well and that I want to go back home earlier and he let me.."
"But why?"
"Because I was worried about you mommy...You were so sad at breakfast and you shouted at us.. And daddy looked at you like he was angry...Mommy don't you love us and daddy anymore?"-Charlotte's lips started to tremble and she looked like she was about to cry..
"Charlotte sweetheart come here..."-Elsie took her favorite girl in her arms and she hugged her tightly, kissing her hair..."Mommy loves you very much...All of you...And I love daddy too...We are just very tired with the boys..They are crying a lot at night and mommy can't sleeep..."
"I know..I hear them too mommy...Maybe I can help you at night, so you could have some sleep.."
"Oh my precious girl...You don't have to help me...You need sleep yourself, so you could learn in the school..I will manage...I promise..."
"Because you know mommy...If you ever need help, you can always tell me and I will help you..I don't want you to be sad anymore..."
"I won't...I promise...Now come upstairs with me...We will feed your brothers together..."
"Ok mommy...Just don't tell daddy that I left the school...He would be crossed with me..."
"It will be our little secret...But don't do that again...
"I won't..."
Elsie took Charlotte upstairs and she let her help with feeding Carter and Logan...Even though she was tired, she couldn't stop smiling, seeing her little daughter's affection for her mommy and for her little brothers..It was so touching...
By the end of the day, when the dinner was almost over, Charles was feeling rather unsteady...He knew that Elsie was still angry at him and he couldn't think of the way to approach her. What was even worse, he was leaving for London for the season with the family...They both know that and even though Elsie was a strong woman, she was really frigthened, whenever she realized, that she will have to deal on her own for the next three months...Mrs Patmore and Mrs Brown promised to help her, as they had less obligations when the family was away...Still she knew, that for the next three months she will have to be a father and a mother for the children...
When she put the older children to sleep and she rocked the twins, she sat in front of the mirror, looking at her reflection sadly...Nowadays, she didn't have time to think about her look much, but now she noticed that a motherhood has left a trace on her...She still hasn't got rid of her extra pregnancy weight fully and her face showed a clear signs of exhaustation...There were bags under her eyes and she noticed first wrinkles on her forehead, which must have been a result of the stress, with not being able to feed the babies...She released her hair and started to brush them and when she finished, she put back the brush on the vanity mirror shelve and she looked down, fighting with tears again...
She was so preoccupied with her sad thoughts, that she hasn't noticed, that Charles went into the room...He neared her and hugged her in her waist, wanting to repair the thing that he broke this morning, but Elsie drew away from his embrace...
"No Charles...You can't fix it that way...You think that after what you told me in the morning, I may want to hug you? Sorry to disappoint you, but you know little about women..."
"Elsie...I'm sorry...I'm really sorry...I should never have said that...I don't blame you for anything...You know how much I love Logan and Carter..."
"It didn't look like it in the morning...I felt like you told me that you really didn't want them..."
"Elsie, no! Of course I wanted them..I could have ten children with you if we would be able to take it..."
"I wouldn't be able to take it.."
"I know...I'm a fool...Forgive me Elsie...I'm exhausted and sometimes..."
"And you think I' m not? You think that it's a vacation for me? You may think that it's easy, because I'm in the cottage all day...It's not...You have no idea how it is to take care of the babies 24/7...It's the hardest job in the world and you are not making it any easier..."
"I know...And now I have to go to London..."
"You do...And I have to manage everything on my own..."
"Elsie we've discussed this topic many times already...I can't refuse to go to London, because they will sack me...They are a tolerant family, but everything has it's limits..."
"I'm not telling you to refuse...It's your job...I know what it is all about...Don't forget that I know what that job means..I've been there...In your place, well maybe not exactly in your place, but almost...But you have no idea what I have to go through..."
"I'm trying to understand...Really...I am..."
"No Charles...You are not...You are judging me...Constantly...I can see your face when you come back at night...You are thinking that the cottage is messy and that the dinner is not good..I know you..The fact that you are not saying that, doesn't mean that you don't think that..."
"Elsie..It's a difficult time now, but it will get better...I'm not judging you really, it's just that..."
"Oh Charles...I would like to believe you...You think it's easy for me? I failed as a woman...I couldn't even feed my own babies...I wonder what people thought of that.."
"Elsie...You have not failed...You have given me five wonderful children...How can you say that it's a failure? Why do you care what people think?..It's our babies and our life and they are fine.."
"Yes, they are, but I'm sure that people commented on that...Saying that I'm too old to have babies..."
"You are not to old...You are young, beautiful and amazing..I admire you every day..."-Charles knelt down and he started to kiss Elsie's neck..."I love you and I will never say anything harsh to you again...I promise...My Elsie...My sweet, lovely Elsie..."-Charles's hands moved from her waist up and he squeezed her breasts gently...They didn't make love since the boys were born and Charles was starting to get imaptient about it, but Elsie was not in the mood...
"Charles...Charles no...I'm sorry...I can't...Not tonight..."
"But...But I'm leaving tomorrow and I will be back in three months, so I thought that we could..."
"No Charles...No...There are some things that need time to be amended and this is one of those things...You should go now and have some sleep, you have a long journey ahead of you tomorrow..."
"Yes...You are probably right...I will say good night..."
Charles left the room being totally disappointed..He respected Elsie's decision, but it was difficult for him to see that she rejected him not because she felt exhausted, but because he failed to understand her..
Elsie herself was crying for the half of the night and in the morning, when Charles was to leave, she felt even worse than yesterday...
She was upstairs with the boys and she listened, as he said goodbye to the children, before they went to school. After a while, he came upstairs and he kissed the boys heads, looking at them with love...Then he turned to Elsie's side and he said:
"Goodbye Elsie...We will see each other in three months..."-He turned around and was about to leave, when Elsie stopped him..
"Charles...Wait..."-She came closer to him, with tears in her eyes and she kissed him...With a deep and sensual kiss, full of love...Full of emotions...Charles embraced her tightly and they were kissing and kising, until the moment when Logan started to cry in his crib...That made them stop..
"I love you Charles...In spite of everything...I love you..Don't you ever forget it..."
"I love you too...So very much...I'm sorry for everything..."
"It's ok Charles...Maybe this separation will give us a chance to think over some things and it will get better between us..I hope so...You are my world, you know that..."
"And you are mine...I will miss you all so much...My love...If you need anything, just write..."
"I will, I promise...Go now, you will miss your train..."
"Bye my love..Bye babies..."
Charles wore his hat, took his bags and left, while Elsie took crying Logan out of his crib and while she was trying to calm him down, she noticed, that the baby tears were mixing with hers...
I know, I know...It was a sad chapter...But hey...Things like that happen in every marriage, especially with so many kids...Our Chelsie can't have only happy and sweet times...Some bumps along the road are necessary...Charles is a typical man-oblivious to some things and Elsie is overwhelmed with the situation...Hopefully they will be able to manage it somehow...Hope you liked it anyway...And if not, I will dig a big hole and hide in it...;-) Stay safe and see you soon!