Alfred hadn't gone on a nightwalk for what felt like months. After all, he had found it so difficult to be alone with his thoughts. But nowadays, although he had spent a lot of alone time weeping, he had actually been longing for that alone time. It wasn't something he usually longed for, but tonight it was as if his whole body told him to go for a stroll under the moonlight. Not that there was much moonlight to begin with. In fact, it was slightly cloudy with a shy drizzle.

Times had gone too fast, he thought today, and thought every day. Everything felt like yesterday. Matt had once proposed that time felt like it went faster as one grew because every year would become a slightly smaller portion of one's life. It was a curious observation, but scary and existentially dreadful enough that Alfred had shelved the thought, never to be brought up again. Until today. That February night when he coincidentally saw the article in the newspaper about a new university opening could have happened a week ago, and he wouldn't question it. Just yesterday he mailed the acceptance letter with a confirmation, earning a hearty ovation from the ones at home. Tomorrow he would be leaving. He had packed an old suitcase that he found on the flea market with Matt the other day, with a few clothes and books, and good luck-gifts from all the townsfolk. The fancy suit uncle Jack and uncle Francis had gifted him was neatly draped over the chair in his room, ready for use. Oh, the sheer class he would be carrying tomorrow... It was almost a tad intimidating. It made him appreciate the everyday clothes he was currently wearing more.

Smalltown was quiet, as it should be at night. The main street folded out in front of him as he walked. He wondered if perhaps the townsfolk should invest in streetlights, but then again, being only 30 inhabitants with relatively normal sleeping schedules, was it worth it? Probably not. What kind of idiots walked around at 3 AM anyway?

Alfred, and apparently Lily.

He noticed her in the corner of his eye as his gaze roamed. She was outside the hair salon, about to unlock the door.

"Hey, Lily!" Alfred silently called, and she turned around, smiling at him. Hurriedly she put the keys back in the pocket of her skirt before approaching him meagerly.

"Still looking for Peter?" she asked.

Surely, it would be nice if he would come home before sunrise.

"Yeah, but also just taking a walk."

"I do it so often, I think I know the stars by heart," Lily said spiritedly. Her eyes were roaming a lot as well, and when Alfred was about to speak, she did as well, resulting in none of them speaking.

"You first," she said, with a little gesture of her palm. Initially, Alfred had wanted to put it off for as long as possible because it only invoked painful memories, but good God, he had taken far bigger choices than this to make it into a big deal.

"Listen, I'm sorry," he said as earnestly as possible with a slight bowing of the head, "And thank you."

The fact that he hadn't apologized to her yet was shameful, and hopefully Lily would forgive him. However, she did not seem to catch the memo. Instead, her eyes widened as she threw her palms up in defense.

"Sorry? For what?" she asked with shallow breaths. This in turn made Alfred confused.

"You're not mad at me?"

"What made you think-"

"Well, I-"

Apparently, Alfred had done a good job in hiding it, though frankly the idea hadn't even hit him before yesterday. He quickly cleared his throat.

"When I said you could never handle my workload, compared you with Eliza, didn't trust your decision et cetera," he said, suddenly feeling the shame of bringing up so many undignified things about himself. However, Lily didn't seem fazed in the slightest. She laughed it off, something Alfred would normally have disliked strongly had it been any other situation. In this one, he didn't mind too much.

"You don't have to apologize, but I'll accept it," Lily shrugged and smiled.

The way she carried herself; She looked so mature where she stood now. With her even longer hair in loose braids with a little bowtie at the tips, seemingly more muscular, and with that calm and open expression on her face. During the very first days living in Smalltown, when Alfred was nine and Lily was seven, Alfred had called Lily 'li'l sis', but had stopped doing so after less than a month because she refused to call him 'big brother' in return. But the fact that he had started it in the first place was perhaps the reason Alfred felt a little pansy blossom in his chest when realizing how much she had grown.

"You're leaving tomorrow, aren't you?" she insinuated after a silence, her smile fading into that melancholy expression Alfred had once seen. He chuckled, somewhere within him, apologizing too.

"I may be."

At some point Alfred had worked his last shift with Lily without realizing. In March, during the lake-cleanup talking about whatever as she was probably cutting vegetables, was the last time he could recall having talked with her during work hours. And despite having met her on the streets many times after, first now it hit him how long it had been since he had truly seen her.

She looked at the ground, fiddling with her skirt.

"I would like to say thank you for something as well," she said. When she looked up at Alfred again, her eyes were watering, and her lips trembled.

"You've been so kind to me all these years," she started, her voice unsteady as she clenched her skirt, "Thank you for stepping in for my bruder."

Sometimes, Alfred had seen something so irresistibly protectible that he didn't know how to project the big-brother instinct he had mastered over the years, other than to squeal or laugh. But coming from the mouth of Lily, he did not know where to launch his energy other than to throw his arms around her and hug her with all the strength he could muster. And he had cried so much already, but dammit, was this a valid moment in which to cry as well.

"You're saying it as if I'm going to die or something," Alfred sobbed as quietly as possible so nobody would open their windows and complain.

And so, they stood there, not knowing how long, in the drizzle that was both symbolic and literal. Alfred had had many moments recently where he simply lost himself in a bubble that enclosed him from the rest of the world, but nothing quite as wet as this. Nothing quite as bittersweet that it gnawed on his heart, yet sprouted so many flowers within simultaneously. No matter how strongly Alfred believed he was going to see Lily and Smalltown again, it sure felt like a goodbye. The fact that he certainly would never know whether this was it or not was even more agonizing than if it had been settled that this was the last.

He truly despised wandering in uncertainty.

Pulling away wasn't something Alfred wanted to do, as he'd rather rest his chin on top of her head for a while longer, but he did anyway.

"Get inside before you catch a cold, li'l sis," Alfred tried, but immediately cringed once the once-so-affectionate nickname left his lips. It was as if he saw his and Lily's souls leaving their bodies as the shudders crept down their spines.

"That's so sweet of you, Alfred, but you really don't have to-"

"I am so sorry."

They laughed. They wiped their tears. It fell silent and none of them wanted to interrupt it, but Alfred had a point about catching a cold.

"I guess I'll see you around Christmas holiday," Alfred finally said, unable to say anything more before he began turning on his heels to return.

"Good luck with university," Lily said, before turning around as well, following the example of the rest of the town.

A/N: AAAAA next week is the final update yall :') It'll be chapter 38 + the epilogue, so stay updated! It's a bittersweet feeling man, thank yall for reading until now! I'm so grateful 3