They barely made it out of Liz and Ressler's office when they ran into Cooper. He looked over the first few agents at the ones still standing in the door frame and pulled a face in confusion. He wasn't sure what all of them were doing in there but he had learned that sometimes it was better not to ask.
"You find anything on the Restole father or son?" he asked the group.
"No" said Aram in shock. "I - we - we completely forgot."
"Forgot?" asked Cooper, doubt on his face. "What have you been doing?"
"I - uh - we" he felt suddenly like a school boy answering to the principal, unable to get the words out.
"I have a son" blurted Ressler.
"Say that again?" exclaimed Cooper.
"I have a son" repeated Ressler.
Now it was Cooper's turn to be speechless. The look he had though was enough to prompt the conversation to continue as he clearly needed an explanation.
"About two years ago I was going out with a woman named Hannah for a while."
"I never knew that" said Cooper.
"No, nobody did. Actually, Liz knew once it was pretty much over. Whatever, that part is suprisingly unimportant. What is important is that apparently she got pregnant. She must not have found out until after we broke up because I certainly never knew."
"Then how do you know now?" asked Cooper, doubtful and with good reason.
"Well that's the part I don't understand" said Ressler. "She still gave him my name. Two days ago they were in a car accident, she died and Ethan, that's his name, wound up in the hospital with some broken bones. That's how they found him in the system, while searching for Bo Restole" he gestured at his fellow agents.
It was a pile of information to take in at once but Cooper seemed to be handling it and Ressler was in a hurry to go and see Ethan.
"Ethan?" asked Cooper. "This boy is in the hospital?"
"Yah, Liz and I are on our way now."
"Oh" said Cooper. "Okay".
"That's okay right?" asked Ressler as an after thought. "I want to go see him. They probably want to do some test or something to prove that he's mine, but I just want to see him."
"Don't you want to find out for sure that this isn't some - setup?" asked Cooper.
"Well, I don't think it is, sir" put in Aram, opening his laptop to the picture and showing Cooper.
"Well whoever that boy is my money's on you" said Cooper, pointing to Ressler after a glance.
"Yah, I know, that's why I really want to meet him. If I have a son, I want be there, I want my boy."
"Yah, yah, go" said Cooper, his eyebrows still furrowed.
"We will keep looking for the Restole boy in the system" said Aram.
"Well, if he's at the hospital we can look and ask just as well there" said Cooper. "We will keep looking for him on the way, but it's always easier to talk to an actual person. How about we all go with. I want to see this boy of yours too." Cooper clapped Ressler on the shoulder.
On the way to the hospital Aram and Colin found Bo Restole, he was in the same hospital as Ethan, but in much worse condition unfortunately. His Dad was not in the system.
They called Cooper who was in the same vehicle as Liz and Ressler to tell him that they had found the boy who had started the whole thing. Cooper called the hospital as they were still 15 minutes out and the doctor said that the boy was stable but unconscious and recovering from surgery. He had been left on the bench out front and there was nobody with him. Then he made the call to D.C.P.D. saying that he needed a squad car to pick up the boys mother at his aunt's house and bring them in to see her son.
"Don't you think one of us should do that ourselves?" asked Ressler.
"You kidding. They will be fine." said Cooper. "We're family. You had a baby, we all had a baby. We are all going to see your son."
"I mean not really, but okay" said Ressler. He knew what Cooper meant about them being a family, but at the end of the day Ethan was his son, nobody else's.
"Don't worry, we won't overwhelm him, we don't even have to come in, I just want to see him". And make sure that this is real and you aren't being set up. The unspoken was glaringly obvious to all of them. The taskforce claimed to be there for support but Ressler and Liz weren't stupid, they knew that the equally as big reason was protection.
"I know that's only half of it" said Ressler, feeling he should address it. "I know you are trying to protect us, and it's not necessary." He paused and swallowed hard. "But thank-you."
Too much had happened lately for them not to take this with a grain of salt.
They arrived at the hospital at the same time as the squad car that was bringing Mrs. Restole to her son.
"I'm glad that she has him, that are being cared for" said Liz to Ressler as they climbed out.
He nodded and looked up at the forbidding building, not particularly fond of his last stay in it. "Alright" he said steeling himself with a big breath.
Liz reached for his hand. "Ready to meet him?" she asked.
"Yah" he smiled at her, his eyes shining, and leaned in for a quick peck on her lips.
They walked across the parking lot and into the main entrance, following signs up to the third floor and the pediatric unit. The rest of the group followed dutifully on their heals. Ressler and Liz knew they were there but they weren't paying attention to anything but where they were heading.
When they entered the pediatric unit they paused.
"We'll ask here" said Liz, pulling Ressler to the nurse's station.
It looked busy, everyone around them was rushing with places to be. It took a minute but eventually the big group of federal agents raised a red flag and a nurse who looked like she was in charge hurried over.
"Who are you here for?" she asked, assuming they were coming to camp out in a room or take a kid for protection reasons. To be fair that was usually their reason for coming.
"I uh - Ethan Ressler" said Ressler.
"Ressler - Ressler - ah yes - let me see." She was sifting through papers in her hand. "Sorry it was just shift hand off and I have been out for a few days. This is a new patient for me." It was just after three in the afternoon so that made sense. "I know you probably aren't going to tell me, but what's going on?"
"He's my son" said Ressler.
"Oh, okay, was not expecting that" said the nurse looking up briefly. "And here we go" she pulled out a paper with hand written notes jotted down. "Room 312, 18 months. Ate lunch good. Lonely." She read her own notes from shift change. "Here I will pull up his chart. I'm sorry" she said, dumping everything in her hands on the counter of the nurse's station. "We are short staffed and - it's been a day. Give me a second."
Ressler nodded. She did find his chart on her tablet and started leading them down the hall to room 312. They were nearing the door when it opened and a surgeon let herself out. She was wearing scrubs and looked like she had just come from surgery. Shutting the door quietly she almost walked right into Ressler. She looked up at him and did a double take.
"Hi" said Ressler awkwardly, "I - I'm Ethan's father."
"I can see that. He's a chip off the old block if ever I've seen one." She offered him her hand and he let go of Liz to shake it. "I'm the surgeon who set his leg two days ago. I heard the mother died and he was alone and I felt bad so I've just been keeping an eye on him."
"Yah - I - I didn't know" said Ressler. He didn't want it to seem like he had deserted his child or the woman he was clearly with at some point.
"We just found out today" said Liz, stepping forward and touching Ressler again to show their relationship status and her support of him "She never told us. We've never met him. But we want to take him, raise him."
Nothing beyond meeting him had really reached Ressler's mind yet so he was a little taken aback by Liz's words but he didn't show it.
"Okay, well that's going to make this a slightly bigger process" said the surgeon. "I can see the genetic influence but still - legally - we are going to have to run a background check and DNA test."
"Okay" said Ressler, already undoing his buttons and rolling up his sleeve. "What is that - that's blood right?" He was in a rush to get the proof that they needed that the little boy he could just see through the half-closed blinds was in fact his.
"Blood and the lab will probably also want hair or saliva. I'll call them and I'm sure they will be up soon for a cheek swab and bit of blood."
"Okay" said Ressler, relaxing from his efforts to expose his elbow. Liz smiled at him reassuringly.
"As for your background check" said Cooper stepping forward. from the shadows. "He's an FBI agent. I'm Assistant Director Cooper. I'd be more than happy to sit down with whoever is necessary and view his profile on our secure national database."
"That's perfect thanks. I'll arrange it as soon as I can, but for now I believe you, you can go in." The surgeon stepped aside. Ressler smiled at her and thanked her. He was about to enter the room when she spoke again. "He's asleep right now, he didn't sleep much last night. Spent most of it crying. He's missing his Mom, keeps asking for her. I'm sure he won't take kindly to another woman, he didn't really like me. And he's never met you either" she reminded Ressler. "You're strangers so if he cries when he wakes up don't take it personally."
"Okay" said Ressler, "thanks."
"Always" said the surgeon, "this is the best part of my job."
Ressler and Liz entered the room, but the nurse cut off the others saying that it might be best not to overwhelm him. They weren't sure whether she meant Ethan or Ressler but either way. "He'll likely not wake until the morning anyway. He needs his sleep and he missed out yesterday. You'll get a chance, don't worry."
They stood at the side of the hall and Liz opened the blinds so that they could all see the little boy.
He was lying in a full sized hospital bed and Liz was shocked by how tiny he was. The picture of him had been close up and had made him seen larger then he really was. Liz reminded herself that he was only 18 months old and so of course he was going to be small. Even for all his build he was still a little human.
Ressler stood at the edge of his bed, hands resting on the rails as he looked down at his son. Liz stepped up next to him and covered his hand with her own, placing the other one on his back.
She tried to picture Agnes at his age and found that this little boy was still much bigger than she would have been. A hospital bed like this would drown her too. He was actually quite big for his age, tall and he looked heavy, yet his features betrayed him, making him look chubby like a baby. His head and torso were still bigger proportionally, like that of a small child, and his limbs seemed thin where they stuck out of his body. His chest was wide and thick, even for a child and his shoulders gave away his sturdy build. He was a block really. A block with an adorable mini version of Ressler's face.
In person he looked even more like his father. His father. She looked up at Ressler.
"Wow" he said, just a whisper. "He's so small and so perfect. Look at him Liz." He was getting emotional.
"I know" she whispered back, running her hand on his back and fighting her own tears.
A few times Ressler's hand hesitantly reached out as though to touch the child, brush his cheek or hold his hand, but every time he pulled it back. Liz could tell he really wanted to hold him, but something was holding him back. Maybe he just needs to be encouraged.
"Do you want to hold him?" she asked. He nodded emphatically, his head bobbing on his shoulders but his eyes never leaving the form of his child. "You can touch him you know. He's hurt, but he's not going to break".
Ressler looked at her, his eyes swimming in emotion. "I've never held a baby Liz. I don't know how."
Liz racked her brain trying to think of a time when he would have held a baby and came up empty. But still, "you've held children before Don. What about Agnes?"
"Yah, but never this young" said Ressler. "He's just a baby Liz. Agnes is probably the youngest kid I've held and the first time I actually held her was after her dance recital last year. She was three or four. It's different Liz. She could move on her own and everything. It was like a hug, not like actually holding her. Ethan - he - he's so little Liz. I don't want to hurt him more by trying to pick him up." He looked back down at the boy. Liz could see the war going on in his body, his muscles physically twitching with the desire to reach for the boy and cradle him to his chest and his fear paralyzing him. "And I love Agnes, Liz, I do. I love her like she were my own, but - she's not. It's just - it's different somehow."
"I know" said Liz, "it is. No matter how many babies I've held nothing was the same the first time I held Agnes, looked down at her little face and knew she was mine."
"See, you know what I mean. As long as I don't touch him Liz, it's not really real."
"But it is real, Don." Liz turned his face to see her. "He's real."
"Uhuh" said Ressler, nodding big as his bottom lip quivered.
"You've waited forever for this moment. Hold him." Ressler nodded again. "Here, I'll help you. Take these off" she nudged his feet and he stepped out of his shoes, toeing them off his heals. "And this" she said, lifting his suit jacket off his shoulders and pulling it down his arms. "And this" she said, loosing his tie and pulling it off his head. He cooperated as she undressed him, but he never stopped looking at Ethan. "Here" she said, lowering the side rail of the bed and pushing the button to bring it to the same height as his waist. It was already in a half seated position. She pulled the blanket aside until it was right along Ethan who jerked and then kept sleeping. "Sit down" she said and patted the bed.
"Okay" said Ressler and he sat. He lifted his legs to his chest, slipping his socked feet carefully under the covers and down to the end of the bed. Shuffling over he paused as he touched Ethan. Liz helped him gently slide his hands underneath his son's body to cradle him, slowly bringing his head to rest in Don's elbow. He was a bit big to be cradled like a newborn, but there was no way Liz was going to say that. Who knows if he'd ever get another chance. She finally got him situated in Ressler's arms, his head in Ressler's left elbow, good arm cradled along his belly, bad one on his fathers arm, his little bum resting on Ressler's pelvis and his legs, one in a cast and the other not, hanging over Ressler's thigh.
With his free right hand Ressler examined his son, counting his fingers and toes, examining every inch of his body. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he looked up at Liz and said, "he's perfect."
Liz pulled the covers up over his legs and around Ethan's body, getting a pillow for Ressler to rest his arm on so he wouldn't get sore as fast. She put up the side rail on that side before taking off her own shoes and getting in carefully on the other side.
Ressler hardly seemed to notice, he was so caught up in the child he held. Liz could remember that. That feeling. He looked at Ethan like he held the world in his arms and for the moment he did.
Liz turned to her side, resting her head on Ressler's shoulder and looking down at her new son. Ressler looked up at her and laughed softly with joy although the tears never stopped. He made no move to brush them away and neither did she. They ran down his cheeks and fell in his son's messy red curls. She gently reached down and ran her hand through his hair, working the tears in. His hair was a shade redder than Ressler's, about the color of his beard instead of his hair, but she imagined that it was much the same as his had looked at that age before time had made it into a lighter shade of ginger. It was soft though in a way that only babies hair seemed to be.
"He's mine Liz. All mine." Ressler continued to whisper, not saying anything new, just repeating what he now knew to be true. His thoughts had no control or line of construct, he was simply taken by the moment. "I made him Liz. Can you believe I made something so perfect?"
He didn't even realize he'd asked a question and he didn't need an answer but Liz provided one anyway.
"I can" she said, though he didn't really hear her. "I can believe it. You're right - he is perfect."
It was amazing, she reflected. How fast a child could claim a heart. He wasn't her son. She hadn't helped make him, she hadn't carried him for nine months, she had never felt him kick, had never labored to bring him into the world, but in that moment he was every bit as much her child as Agnes. Because he was his. For the first time she truly understood the bond between her daughter and the man she loved.
For a long time their world was that hospital bed, they were oblivious to anything else. The noises on the street outside, the beeping of medical equipment, the soft faces watching them through the window, none of it mattered.
At long last, the spell broke a little. Ressler's shoulder was screaming in pain, had been for some time. It had just been through the wringer and wasn't totally recovered and now it had been holding the weight of Ethan for over an hour in the same position.
Ressler groaned and gently shifted Ethan to lay on his chest, stretched full length on his body while he slept, instead of on the matress. That freed up his shoulder and eased the pain. Liz rested her hand on Ethan's back as he slept with his stomach pressed to Ressler.
"Thank-you" said Ressler seriously as he actually looked at her for the first time since he had laid eyes on his son an hour earlier. "Thank-you so much Liz."
"Hey" she said, "I didn't give him to you."
"But you're here. And you got me here to hold my son."
"Why would I do anything but?" she asked.
"Well you have no obligation to him" said Ressler. "He's not yours and yet here you are."
"No" said Liz, "you're right. I don't. But you don't have any obligation to Agnes either and yet you are there for her all the time. Besides, he's yours. I could never hate any child that came from your body."
"It means more to me than you know" said Ressler quietly.
"You mean more to me than you know" said Liz, kissing him.
"God I love him so much already" said Ressler, exhaling. "I just met him but I - I would die for him."
She had no doubt that he would. He put his life on the line for his country, perfect strangers, all the time. She had no doubt he'd do that and more for his own flesh and blood.
"I know" she said. "They steal your heart so fast. I love him too, Don. Really, I do."
"Ethan" said Ressler, rolling it around in his mouth. "Ethan. I like it."
"Yah, it's a good name" said Liz, "better than Donald."
"Yah, anything's better than Donald" said Ressler, "I don't know what they were thinking. But Ethan, I like it. It's strong, short, masculine. I like names like that."
"Yah" she stroked his back again. "Should we let the others in now? They've been standing there a while."
"Yah, I guess they can come in" said Ressler, smiling. He wrapped an arm around Ethan as Liz got out of the bed and made her way to the door.
She opened it and the remaining 5 members of the taskforce all found their way inside and to the edge of the bed. Liz reclaimed her spot next to Ressler. They watched as they all looked at him and formed first impressions.
"Wow, he's adorable" said Aram.
"Congrats guys. Such a huge baby - poor you" said Alina lightly as she squeezed Liz's shoulder.
"My God, he looks like you Donald" said Yvonne. "And look at you two, gushing like proud parents."
"Congrats, man" said Colin, patting Ressler's shoulder, "best gift life has to offer."
"He's not wrong" said Cooper, the last parent in the group.
"I wish he were a baby so we could pass him around" said Liz, "but he's too big and he's hurt and he'd probably wake up. And if he does wake up we don't really know what to expect."
"And I don't really want to give him up knowing that that's going to happen" finished Ressler.
"No, of course not" said Cooper, "you hold him, you are his Dad after all."
"He is cute though" said Alina, gently touching his back above where Ressler was holding him. "I mean I thought you were cute" she told Ressler honestly, "but your son is cuter. The baby face looks better on your baby."
"I don't have a baby face" objected Ressler.
"You do"
"Yah" came the unanimous agreement.
Ressler turned to look at Liz. "You do Don, especially if you shave off the scruff and you are clean faced. But that's okay, it's what makes you beautiful. And those genetics are what make your baby beautiful."
"Yah, not like 'you say the baby is cute because all babies are cute' sorta deal" said Yvonne, waving her hands in the air, "but actually, truly beautiful."
"You do make beautiful babies" said Colin. "Perks of being a pretty boy."
"Well I'm glad I got him" said Ressler. "I mean I'm sorry that Hannah had to die so that I got to meet him. Although - she didn't have to, she could have just told me. Whatever - I mean, I'm -" he sighed self-consciously and scanned the circle. "you guys know a bit. You know that I might not be able to have kids anymore. I mean - the doctors are hopeful but they also said it should have happened by now so- I don't really know. So I guess I'm extra thankful that I do get a chance to at least raise a child of my own, even if I meet him under less than ideal circumstances."
"Yah" said a few of them, the rest nodded. They knew that that was the status and so far they hadn't heard any updates so they had assumed. Now they knew for sure. They all felt bad for him even though they didn't really talk about it much because it wasn't really something that made easy conversation.
"We are so glad for you" said Cooper, "you two are going to need some time off, I'll write it off as maternity and paternity leave if anyone asks. I mean for all intents and purposes you did just have a baby."
"Yah" said Ressler, looking down again. "I feel like I just got back and I don't really want to go, but yah, I'm going to need some time. Thanks Cooper."
"Thanks" said Liz, looking up at Cooper.
"It'll take getting used to" he said, looking at the couple in the bed, absorbed in the child, "but a year from now you'll look back and it will all be worth it." Cooper's hand fell to cradle the back of Ethan's head. "Children are life's greatest gift. Every single one. I speak from experience."
"Yah, but he's going to have to readjust. I mean I know he's only one and a half but still," Ressler continued. "The doctor said he was crying for his Mom and didn't want a different woman."
"That's understandable" said Yvonne, "I mean she was his whole world."
"I'm a bit scared that he won't like me" said Liz. "I'm sure he'll love Don. All kids love him."
"Eventually he will" said Alina, "I mean he's got to. You have to remember long term he's not even going to remember Hannah, because he's too young".
"He'll come around" said Colin, "kids are resilient. They adapt to loss better then us adults I think. At least I know my kids did. Besides, whether he knows it or not - he's a little boy. Little boys need their parents. He will be clinging to you in no time."
It was quiet for a minute as they all contemplated different things. This had changed their lives, but for the better. And when he woke up they would all get to know the person he was, his personality.
"Well when he's up for it, we will have to see him again" said Cooper. "But for now we should probably leave, we don't want to be here when he wakes up. Too much at once."
"Yah" said the other agents, gently touching Ethan with a smile one last time before they stood and stretched. "In the mean time, here-" they produced various gift bags from behind their backs. "we went down to the gift store while we waited. I know you guys are going to need a lot of things for him, so we thought it couldn't hurt. Got you some stuff."
"Oh, you didn't have to" said Liz even as she accepted the bags.
"We know" said Cooper for the group. "But that's what you do when there's an addition to the family. Our family grew by one today, so let's all thank God for that."
There were a few murmurs of agreement as everyone took their leave. Liz opened the gift bags which contained little outfits and toys from the gift shop downstairs. She showed Ressler who thought that they were cute and had a hard time believing that they would fit him.
Ethan stirred in Ressler's arms and Liz sat up, prepared to back away a little in case he woke, but he settled again so she snuggled up to Ressler again, the baby he had made settled between thier bodies and looked up at him.
"Congratulations Daddy" she said.
"You too Mommy" he said, "if you want. I mean when he's old enough I'll tell him about Hannah obviously, but-"
"I know what you mean" she said, cupping his cheek with her hand, "and yes - absolutely - Mommy."
"Let's sleep while we can" said Liz, "We might not get much when he's awake."
"Yah, but lab was going to come to get some blood and whatever else they needed the doctor said" said Ressler.
"They'll wake us" said Liz. "Or you at least, you're the one they want."
"Yah, I guess you're right. I just don't know if I'm gonna be able to sleep. I'm so pumped full of - I - I don't even know what right now."
"Endorphins?" said Liz, "hormones? I know. Let's try at least."
"I'll try" agreed Ressler. And he did, they both did, but they wound up just watching Ethan sleep. It was hours later, after they had both eaten dinner and the nurse had come to report that the lab hadn't been able to make it and they would be by in the morning that they both fell asleep. The nurse offered to bring up a cot but they declined. She also gently changed Ethan's diaper and clothes, allowing them to see his son in his entirety (minus the casts) for the first time, as well as giving Ressler his first lesson on diaper changing.
He failed but agreed to try again in the morning. Then they all crawled back in the squishy hospital bed. When they did fall asleep it was with both of them on their sides facing each other, their arms meeting over the prone body of Ethan, his son protected from everything in the world by their hearts and their bodies. And he would be, forever, no matter the cost.