A/N: Thank you so, so, so much for the very kind reviews after that last chapter. It was surprisingly therapeutic to write, while also emotionally draining. Your words really meant a lot.

Now, I think it's time for a little healing.

Soundtrack for this chapter:

Birdy – Let It All Go

Dodie – Intertwined

Hozier – Like Real People Do

With the combination of three kids, two pregnancies and the job, Amanda was no stranger to the sight of vomit. But as she cleaned the kitchen sink she kept thinking how it looked more like blood than anything else. How this room could've looked so different if she hadn't gotten there in time.

Olivia's blood.

Or if she had just ignored Garland, they wouldn't have been here at all.

Would it had happened either way?

She kept looking over her shoulder to check that Olivia was still sleeping on the couch. And every time, she let out a silent sigh of relief when she saw that the brunette was sound asleep, steady and even breaths making her chest rise and fall in a comforting rhythm.

After washing her hands, Amanda poured herself a glass of wine, white, not red. As exhausted as she was, her heart was still racing and she needed something to help calm her nerves.

She carefully lifted Olivia's legs as she sat down next to her. With the gun locked away in the car, knowing her kids were home and safe with their nanny, Olivia's legs resting in her lap and a glass of wine in her hand, Amanda finally let herself breathe. And then she cried.

Quietly, she cried for the woman next to her. For how she had failed to open her eyes and really see her, really see her pain, for everything Olivia had been through. She cried for herself, knowing that this, tonight, also added to her own list of trauma, and knowing how bad Olivia would feel about it.

She cried from the thought of just how close she had been, again, to losing the love of her life. A love she had spent so many years thinking she didn't deserve.

She cried for the squad and the unit, and what they would lose now that Olivia wasn't coming back. She had been a warrior, the warrior, from day one. Saved countless lives, and turned countless victims into survivors, time and time again.

If only New York, hell, the entire country, knew how much gratitude they owed to this woman sleeping next to her.

She cried for the days ahead of them. Because she knew this wasn't over. It didn't end here. The storm hadn't passed yet.

While wiping away her final tears, Amanda made a decision, a promise, to Olivia, the kids and herself.

Through their relationship they had managed to break one unhealthy pattern after the other, but the need to power through with gritted teeth had stayed with both of them. And nearly taken a life.

Going back to work would have to wait.

It wasn't worth it.

Amanda emptied her glass and placed it on the table, suddenly realizing just how tired she really was. As much as she wanted to stay awake, to keep watching over Olivia, she lost the fight to keep her eyes open, and eventually she drifted off.

She was confused when she woke up a couple of hours later. She wasn't sitting anymore, but lying on the couch under a blanket. She blinked a few times and slowly took in the scene in front of her. Olivia, sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace where flames slightly lit up the room in different shades of red and orange.

It looked like a beautiful painting. Olivia Benson, a work of art.

"You're awake." Amanda said, her voice husky from sleep, and from crying.

"It was getting cold."

Amanda lifted herself up, wrapped the blanket around herself and joined the brunette on the soft carpet.

Only then did she realize that Olivia was holding the envelopes in her hand. Four envelopes to be exact.

One was marked "To everyone on my squad, past and present."

The second "Elliot."

The third was marked "My beautiful children."

And the last one, as expected, was marked "Amanda."

One by one, she threw them into the fire and watched as what was supposed to be her final words to the people she loved the most, went up in flames.

When she was done, Amanda reached inside of the back pocket on her jeans and pulled out the note that Olivia had left for her in the apartment. Without a word, she handed it to her and watched as that too was thrown away and erased.

For a while they just sat in silence and stared into the flames, until Olivia reached for Amanda's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

It felt like a signal. Like a "I'm ready to talk now."

"When was the last time you felt truly happy, Liv?"

She hadn't planned the question at all. It just slipped out and almost felt like an ill-timed joke. But once the words had left her, she found that she really wanted to know the answer.

"I was really, truly happy on Christmas morning. That was like coming up for some much needed air. You saying yes, Billie calling me mama for the first time. Just us, just family."

A soft smile spread across Amanda's face as she remembered that perfect day.

"But before that... Probably Rome. Everything about that trip was perfect. I really just wanted to have Lucy or Sienna fly the kids over and stay there forever."

Another beautiful memory. But all of it was laced with so much sadness. Because it wasn't enough. There should've been more memories. More happiness.

"I'm so sorry, Liv. I didn't know. I should've known."

Olivia turned to look at her then. Her eyes weren't black anymore, and all though still tired, Amanda could see a hint of life coming back to them.

"You couldn't have known. I didn't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't understand what was going on. Didn't understand why I felt the way I did. I was just so tired, all the time. I just wanted to be left alone, sleep."

"I'm no Dr. Hill or Dr. Hanover, but that sounds like a really bad depression and I should've noticed."

"No, Amanda. If anything, I should've just told you how I felt. But, I... After everything we've been through, I didn't know how. I just wanted you, us, to be ok."

"I know what you mean."

Olivia nodded and turned to look at the flames again.

"And I've gotten so used to it, you know. Dreading the job, but doing it anyway, that by the time I realized how much damage it was doing to me, it was too late. And yesterday..."

"Was the last straw?"

"Mhm. Listening to that monster, watching you in there with him, and when he attacked you, I just... I didn't care anymore. I wanted to kill him. Probably would've if Garland hadn't been there."

Amanda believed her.

"You were great by the way. I know that interrogation must've been excruciating for you."

"It was worth it."

"Do you think he'll press charges?"

"Nah, he attacked me first, and either way he's facing life in prison for what he did. Probably being arraigned in a couple of hours."

"Oh god, the kids?" Olivia asked suddenly, her voice thick with worry and guilt.

"Home with Sienna, thinking we're working. I texted Carisi and he's picking them up after school."

"So Sienna and Carisi... They know?"

"No. Sienna knew something was up, and I told her you were sick. Didn't go into detail or anything. Carisi and me have this "no questions asked" thing. It's a pretty sweet deal."

"Do I even want to know how that deal has played out in the past?"

"I got him out of a pair of handcuffs once. Not mine."

Olivia laughed then, a real, genuine laugh, and Amanda wondered if it was the sweetest sound she had ever heard in her life.

When the laugh died down, she turned to Amanda again.

"I don't think I'm ready to drive back just yet. Can we wait a couple of hours?"

"Liv, we'll take all the time you need."

Brown eyes filled with tears as they looked at each other.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Hey, hey, honey, come here." The blonde pulled the other woman against her and hugged her tight. "I know."

She kept holding her and closed her eyes when she felt Olivia nuzzle her head against the crook of her neck. "I know."

As the flames lit up the room, they stayed like that, tangled together on the floor.

"I love you." Amanda whispered.

Olivia moved her head slightly and placed her lips on Amanda's neck. Slowly and a little hesitantly, she moved her mouth higher, over Amanda's chin and to the corner of her mouth. "I love you, too." She whispered back before tilting her head enough for their lips to align.

Somehow, it felt like their first kiss, like neither of them were entirely sure what to do, how to move.

"Liv..." Amanda breathed the name out when Olivia shifted just a little and their lips were momentarily disconnected. She didn't know what she wanted to say or how to say it. She wanted, needed, to feel close to her. To feel and know that she was here, that her body was alive. But somewhere along the way, that kind of intimacy had become so complicated for them.

If she was being honest with herself, she couldn't remember the last time she had truly felt connected to her, like that.

"I need you." Olivia said. Putting into simple words how Amanda felt.

The brunette pulled off her T-shirt and without a bra underneath she suddenly looked so vulnerable, giving Amanda an urgent need to protect her. Again.

She did the only thing that felt natural, pulled off her own sweater, and quickly discarded her bra. Leveling the playing field.

"Come here." Olivia said and pulled her in for another kiss. This time it didn't feel like their first kiss. This time it felt like finally coming home.

Amanda fumbled for a pillow and placed it on the floor behind Olivia before she lowered her down on the carpet.

"Is this ok? Are you sure?" The detective asked cautiously.

"Yes. I need this. I need you." The brunette closed the distance between their lips again. "Just... slow."

Through the kisses and all the touches that followed, Olivia felt her body gradually come alive again. It was like she had been asleep for decades, drowning slowly, falling deeper and deeper, eventually losing all hope of ever coming back up.

But with Amanda's lips and hands on her, she felt herself finally being pulled to the surface.

Gone was the guilt she too often felt in moments like this. A completely irrational guilt, years in the making, that told her she didn't deserve to be touched like this when she knew that somewhere, someone was being touched in a very different way.

Gone was the shame of giving herself over to the pleasure when there was so much pain in the world.

And for the first time in what felt like forever, she let it all go.

When she came, there was only her and Amanda, and the sounds they were making, and the light from the fireplace, and love. A lot of unconditional love that didn't come with any expectations or limitations.

She savored all of it, just like she savored what came after when Amanda pulled the blanket over them and rested her head on her chest. As the blonde listened to that wild, beautiful heart under her ear, Olivia listened to the crackling sound from the fireplace while she dragged her fingers through blonde hair.

"Your stomach is growling, Liv. We need to eat." Amanda said after a while.

"I know." She didn't want to move from their spot, but realized that she had barely eaten in two days and that Amanda was right.

"I'll go see if I can find something in the freezer."

While they were getting dressed, Olivia looked outside to see that the sun was just starting to rise and she got a sudden and somewhat unexpected need to hear a familiar voice. She needed that last nod of approval from the only person who had come close to loving her like Amanda did.

"I need to make a phone call. I'll be just outside."

Olivia didn't have to tell her, Amanda knew who she was going to call and found that not only was she ok with it, she understood completely.

"Tell Elliot I said hello."

The brunette gave her a short and grateful smile, and as quick as it was, Amanda noticed that for the first time in months, the smile finally reached her eyes.

"Liv?"

"Hi, El. Did I wake you?"

"No, I was already up. What's going on?"

Nothing. Everything.

"Liv, are you ok?"

"I will be."

She had needed to hear his voice, to tell him about her decision, but now that she was actually talking to him, she had no idea where or how to start.

"You finally made the decision. You're leaving SVU."

She almost laughed out loud then. At the way he still knew her, how he could tell, just by the sound of her voice and the fact that she was calling him at 6.30 in the morning.

"I'm leaving."

"Good. If anyone's earned it, it's you."

"So you don't think I'm making a terrible and stupid decision that I'll regret for the rest of my life?"

"Are you kidding? This is your time. You need to do this. And I'm so proud of you, Liv."

She choked up and simply nodded against the phone. She needed to hear this.

"Are you doing ok? Is Amanda with you?"

"Yeah," Olivia smiled and turned to look inside where Amanda was moving around in the kitchen. Her hair still a total mess after what had just happened on the floor. "She's here."

"Good. You know... Last time I saw you, I got this feeling that something was off. I should've asked, Liv. I'm sorry."

"It's ok, El. It's been... A lot of things have been complicated lately."

"Get together, next week maybe?"

"I'd like that."

After hanging up, she wrapped her arms around herself and stared at the sunrise. She closed her eyes as she slowly let the morning air fill her lungs.

It's a new day. And I'm still here.

"You know, I never thought frozen pizza and beer would taste this good at 7 am." Olivia said while cleaning her hands with a napkin.

"I know right? New weekend tradition at home?"

"Beers with the kids every Saturday morning? I'm down."

Amanda snickered at the thought as she started to clean up their impromptu breakfast.

"So, what now, Liv?" She said as she jumped up on the countertop and placed her legs on either side of the brunette.

"Now?" Olivia smiled while pulling Amanda closer. "Whatever we want, I guess."

"How 'bout… we plan a wedding?"

A/N: Are we getting a Rolivia wedding next chapter? We might…

I'm sad to say that this story is now coming to an end. I have two more chapters to write and then A Little Pretty will be over.

But! Thanks to a very good SVU friend, I've already got an entirely new story planned. So don't go anywhere.