Chapter Thirty-Seven
Having not expected anyone to be awake in the early hours of the morning, it was with mild surprise that Kagome noticed the welcome glow of a kitchen light on. Grabbing a spare key from under the mat, she unlocked the Higurashi's front door, stepping inside.
Standing within her home shouldn't have been an alien experience. The familiar walls and wooden flooring she'd known since childhood felt nostalgic but strange. Distant. There were no open spaces of clearings or cool breezes. Everything was enclosed. Safe, but squashed in, packed too tight.
Kagome took off battered loafers and slid cold feet inside warm house slippers, setting her bag down.
Walking carefully into the threshold of the kitchen revealed Mama Higurashi sitting at their family table, mug in hand. She looked up from her book, startled eyes widening further and flitting about Kagome's face rapidly.
The bruising thrummed. Kagome forced a smile.
"H-hi. I'm back."
With a thin noise, Mama lurched up. Crossing the distance between them, she gathered Kagome into a tight, inescapable hug.
"Oh, Honey. What happened? Who did that to you? Are you alright?!"
"Mom, I'm fine," Kagome's words were muffled against her shoulder. Inhaling her wonderful smell of home-cooked dinners and fresh linens, she felt all tension leak out of her body. "I'm fine," she repeated, vision blurring with the hot sting of tears as her face suddenly felt stuffy, buried emotions rising, crawling up her windpipe and clogging it tight. Shuddering, Kagome let the first sob slip free.
The rest followed like a burst dam. She let it all out.
Her grief-stricken noises reached that of a high-keening pitch, like a wounded animal. It awoke Souta and Grandpa, who hurried downstairs in alarm, only to find Kagome collapsed in her mother's arms. The woman cradled her like an overgrown child, limbs too gangly and form much too big to sit in her lap anymore, but Mama endeavoured to keep holding her.
They eventually managed to get some coherent sense out of her, the words 'everyone' and 'dead' resounding much too loud in their humble, peaceful home.
It was Mama who stayed up with her until dawn broke and the birds began chirping like any other day. Only Kagome didn't feel like everything was normal. Something silent had changed; insidious and lurking. It was there in the way Mama looked at her now, with pity and sympathy. How Souta awkwardly searched for something to say, and Grandpa watched her with knowing, solemn eyes.
'Normal' had become irreparably damaged.
Rousing herself, Kagome groaned into a plumpy pillow, putting a hand to her head. Sweaty temples throbbed, a headache pounding behind her eyes.
She had to admit, sleeping in her own bed had been downright heavenly. Soft pink bedding and a comfy mattress beat leaning against hard, unforgiving armour any day.
Then why did I kind of miss it?
Perhaps it was because the sensation of being held while she slept had become a new favourite. Better than camping or even home comforts could provide. What an odd thought.
Shaking herself, Kagome rubbed at tired, drooping eyes. Wrestling with the covers tangled about her legs, she groggily padded downstairs.
"Morning," she yawned, stiffening as she caught notice of the time. "M-mom! Did you let me sleep in?"
Mama Higurashi smiled indulgently from the stove, "hm? Oh, maybe a little. You seemed like you needed the rest."
"Not until 7 pm! I've practically missed the whole day!" Kagome groaned. Sesshoumaru wasn't going to be happy. "Most of the stores will be closing soon- gah! I won't have time to pick up everything I needed," hurrying to the fridge, she grabbed a snack.
Mama looked at her with confusion. "Why are you rushing around? Your doctor's appointment isn't until tomorrow."
"Sure, but I wanted to grab extra camping gear, some early learning books on how to read for Rin- maybe a portable charger for Jaken's music and-"
"Kagome."
She stopped. Mama never used that tone.
The older woman stared at her soberly, worry etched into her features. Sighing, she took a seat at the table, implying they needed a serious talk. Kagome swallowed, carefully sitting opposite.
Mama took a long, steadying breath, settling into 'parent' mode. "Honey, I know you feel as though you have to return for Inuyasha's sake, and because of your duty to the jewel. However, I think it would be best if we heavily considered the option of you... not going back."
Unbidden, panic ceased Kagome's heart. She shook, something fragile quivering inside her. "M-mom! You can't just- I have to-!"
"You don't have to do anything," the words were uttered gently, her sad brown eyes kind and warm. She only ever wanted the best for her. "After what you've experienced, it's so admirable that you want to continue on. However, you're only 15. Sweetheart- girls your age should be more concerned with school and their love lives rather than coping with trauma from the feudal era."
Mama sighed, "I know I'm usually a 'go with the flow' type of Mom, but this is...too much. I always regretted keeping your father here in Japan to raise our family when he expressed the wish to travel-"
"I know, Mom," Kagome tried to interject, hearing the wobble in her voice.
"-so I've tried to be as hands off as possible with you- letting you run wild and free in a way that he couldn't before he died. After seeing you walk in last night though, I have to put my foot down."
Mrs Higurashi raised her head, setting her shoulders. "I want you to put it behind you and start focusing on your life here. A place where you can heal- where your school friends are."
Kagome's hands drew into loose fists resting upon her knees. "You're asking me to bury everything that happened?" she asked softly.
"No! I would never-!" Mama fretted, hands fluttering mid-air like a bird. "We can arrange therapy sessions for you, and you know you'll always have our support. What I am asking- is for you to start living in the present again. We've... missed you."
Closing her eyes, Kagome remembered the faces of her friends. What they sounded like, or the little things. How Miroku preferred chamomile tea and how he'd stand, staff resting against his shoulder. How Sango always bought her useful things from the market if she could spare the coin. How Inuyasha slept protectively by the door to any hut they happened to take shelter in. The way Shippo would hide his face in her dark hair after a nightmare.
There were other things too- like how during the night sometimes she'd glimpse Miroku lying awake, staring at his cursed palm. Sango would constantly search the faces of people they passed on the road for any glimpse of Kohaku. Shippo used to chatter about his fallen father- stolen from him too young. The way Inuyasha murmured Kikyo's name like a verse in a prayer. Their lives, and many others had suffered because of the jewel and Naraku. Many people would never regain their 'normal' either.
"I'm sorry, Mama."
"You don't have to decide right away," she said hurriedly, the lines under her eyes looking more pronounced. "Just think about it, for me."
Kagome forced a smile, feeling as though there was nothing to decide. She simply couldn't envision herself 'putting it behind her' and starting over. To do so felt like a betrayal to her friend's memories.
"Alright."
Putting that aside, Kagome touched her chin absentmindedly, recalling the firm grip of claws. The prospect of leaving her new group behind made panic erupt silently in her chest, weighing it down with heavy sadness.
Golden eyes remained focused and intent on the small, distant figure of a man on horseback below. A survivor. Just one fleeing soldier had escaped the massacre back at the Western district, his comrades dead; killed by a pale demon.
The Daiyoukai smirked slightly from his position in the air, silver hair swept back to dance in the breeze. The fool thought he'd slipped away unnoticed. As if Sesshoumaru would let him go without good reason.
Bannerless they'd been, racing through the town and killing people at their leisure. Kagome had called the men who attacked her 'bandits' but Sesshoumaru knew humans. Or at least, knew evil men. Their inclinations and greed.
True to form, the lone soldier raced into a camp filled with colourful green banners, belonging to a certain clan.
As I thought.
Sometimes in order to avoid all out war or skirmishes, a leader would secretly deploy 'bannerless' men to attack a neighbouring lord's territory. It helped gauge defences, response time- sometimes even won them new ground. Employing this method usually let leaders avoid all blame and consequence if things turned sour. They had no connection to mere bandits.
Drifting down from the sky, Sesshoumaru allowed sharp claws to lengthen into talons. All complicated thoughts and notions that had built up over the past few days vanished like a hearty blow to dandelion seeds- scattering them to the wind.
This was what he'd been born for. War, bloodshed and duty. He'd do well to remember that.