A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry for the slow update, but it is about twice as long as usual, at least? :P

Chapter 38

June 9, 1996

Sookie had been a mess all week. Eric hadn't opened the bond again, and she was so thankful. But, at the same time, she was really disappointed. Her stomach was in knots, but it was also full of butterflies. And she realized that she had loved him all along, but she had maybe fallen out of love with him after Dawn. And now, she was falling in love with him all over again. It was a very different feeling as an adult - or almost, at least - than it had been as a little girl, or even a gawky thirteen year old having her first kiss. And it was ridiculous that it was happening now; she had hardly even spoken to him.

It was Sunday again, and Eric would be coming for his visitation that night. Sookie decided to go to church to maybe make the time pass a little faster, and to maybe heal things a little with Gran. She hoped that she could shield, or at least that that many thoughts would just drown each other out, and she could deal with the headache later.

She dressed the baby for church in one of his new outfits - one that Pam had insisted on buying, even though it had cost a fortune. But it was buttery soft and looked so cute on him. He was smiling at her, and cooing, and she really thought he was the prettiest baby she'd ever seen. And she told him so.

Sookie stayed in the car after they'd arrived so that she could feed the baby. Really, she wanted to wait until the last minute to go inside, or even near the front of the church where a large number of the congregation was congregating. A few minutes before the service was set to start, the stragglers went inside, and Sookie took a deep breath. She had Leif sitting sort of upright on her lap, facing her, with his head cupped in her hands. He was smiling up at her again. "We can do this, right? We can hold our heads up high and just ignore any ugly things they think, right, Sweetie?" He stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry, and she laughed and decided that she was ready if he was. "I'll have to help you hold your head up for a little bit longer, though. Let's go before Mommy loses her nerve."

She had tried very hard to forgive her mother, and had mostly succeeded. But she didn't want to forget the good things or the bad things that her Mama had done. She didn't want to demonize her mother, but she didn't want to lionize her, either. So, even though Mommy had felt wrong in her mouth at first, she just hadn't wanted to be a Mama. She was not her mother. She loved Leif. She would protect him. She wasn't going to hurt him, or let anyone else hurt him. And Mommy had grown on her, and that was how she thought of herself now, in relation to him.

She pulled the big wooden door open, and said a prayer as she walked inside. That people would be kind to her, that they wouldn't be too mean in their thoughts, and, if they were, that she would have the grace to not lose her temper and make a scene.

She slid into the pew next to Gran and smiled at her. Her shields were holding up pretty well, but she could feel how proud Gran was to show off her great grandbaby to all of her friends. It was a big turnaround from how ashamed she'd been before, but this wasn't the result of Godric's glamour. Gran's love and pride for Leif were completely genuine.

Sookie enjoyed the service very much. The baby didn't make a peep, and she was able to keep her shields up pretty well for the whole thing. The thoughts she did hear about her were maybe a little judgy, but nothing worse than what she would hear on any given Sunday. And, yeah, everyone was still dying to know who the daddy was, but they were also thinking how cute and happy and quiet Leif was.

Afterwards, she let Gran show off the baby outside the church, and made light conversation with people she'd known all her life. She was making small talk with a couple of kids she had gone to school with when she saw Eric's father standing off to the side with his family. He was staring at Leif, who was being passed around and fawned over by Gran's friends. Mr. Northman's face was almost as pale as Eric's. He met her eyes, and she had to force herself not to look away.

Oskar Northman wasn't interested in town gossip, and didn't really know anything about Sookie except that people thought she was strange, that she was that idiot Jason Stackhouse's sister, that her mother had abused her and had exposed his son to it, and that Eric had had some sort of fascination with her almost since they had come to America. Eric hadn't been back to the States in almost three years, but her baby looked almost exactly like Eric had at the same age. Of course, most babies look somewhat alike, but it was almost uncanny. And why did the girl look so damn guilty? He walked over to her.

"Hello Sookie. Congratulations on the new baby. I was just wondering if you'd heard from Eric."

"Thank you. Um. I'm sorry, but I haven't talked to him in a long while."

He looked at the baby again, and he was trying to decide whether or not to ask. She mentally begged him not to. It was bad enough that she'd already had to stretch the truth, although a week could be considered a long while, depending on the circumstances. But flat out asking if Eric was the father would require a yes or no answer. And, if she said no, his Far would someday know that she'd lied to him.

Instead, she was surprised when he asked something else. "What is his name?"

She swallowed. It was so obviously Scandinavian, and it was unusual, especially in rural Louisiana. "His name is Leif. It was really nice to see you again, Mr. Northman. I'll let you know if I hear from Eric."

She turned to her grandmother, "I think I left my purse inside, Gran. I'm going to run in to take a look."

She rushed back into the church, closed the door, and slumped back against it. She needed to pull herself together, and she would just make sure he was gone by the time she went back outside.

And then she realized that she had left Gran out there with the baby, and if

Mr. Northman asked, Gran wasn't going to lie to him standing in the churchyard not six feet away from Reverend Daniels.

She let down her shields and tried to drown out everyone except Eric's father and Gran, but she was kind of freaking out and her head was aching, and her brain was just tired from shielding after so little practice lately. She closed her eyes and took some deep breaths and, when she felt a little bit calmer, she tried again. The crowd had thinned out a little since she had tucked tail and run, and she was almost positive that The Northmans had gone home, too. She counted to one hundred, scanned the people that were left, and stuck her head out the door. The coast was clear, and she gathered up Gran and Leif, and got everyone into the car.

"Did Mr. Northman say anything to you, Gran?"

"He just told me that it was nice to see me, and said how handsome Leif is."

Sookie sighed and put her head down on the steering wheel. "I think he knows. I told you the baby looks like Eric."

"I don't like keeping this from him, Sookie. I would be devastated if I had a Grandbaby that I didn't know about."

"I know. But it's not our secret to tell."

She started the car and drove home to wait.

…

Bill Compton had spent the week trying to get his affairs in order and tying up loose ends. He hadn't hired a dayman yet, he was in the middle of nowhere, and it was a hassle to get anything done after 5pm. Especially when he didn't want to attract any attention in Shreveport or New Orleans. He didn't want any vampire to know what he was doing or where they were going. Of course Lorena would always be able to find him, but he hoped not to attract her attention, either. She had left him alone for a long while, and he was hoping that she would stay away at least until the girl was getting too old to keep human. He needed to keep his emotions in check to stay off his Maker's radar.

He was used to having to pick up and move in a hurry, but disappearing was a whole other matter, especially now with all of the technological advances. And, of course, he needed to be able to keep her safe, alive, and secure along the way. He had considered drugging them and shipping them in coffins in the baggage compartment and going by plane, but if there was a problem with the dosage and the infant didn't survive, she would become unmanageable. He needed to wait until she thought of herself as his before he got rid of the child. And turning her so she could be commanded would be a last resort. He wanted her warm and alive.

He had considered keeping his ancestor around as a handy blood source, but a certain feeling of familial duty prevented him. Bill actually did park Jessie Compton in a senior living facility near Baton Rouge. After glamouring the old man to sign a power of attorney, leaving Bill in care of the house, and to volunteer to go into the nursing home on his own.

Once everything was in place, he would lure the Sheriff and his child away, dispose of the boyfriend, and then take the girl and her infant and head south. He was sure that she would come willingly to protect the life and comfort of her child.

…

Eric was looking in the mirror over the mantle and fussing with his hair. Pam walked by and smacked him on the back of the head. "You look fine. And her problem isn't with what you look like, anyway. Although I suppose you can't fix your personality in a mirror before it's time to leave."

Eric shot her a dirty look and smoothed down the hair she had messed up. "I just want everything to be perfect."

Pam sat down on the couch and opened the newest issue of Vogue. "You're going to see your son, not on a date. You will do more to impress her if you remember that."

He took a deep breath he didn't need and nodded. "Yeah. Ok. I guess you're right."

But five minutes later he was looking in the mirror and fiddling with his hair again. Pam looked up, rolled her eyes, and went right back to reading.

Godric walked in and hid a smirk at Eric's jitters. "Are we ready to go?"

"Yes! I mean, sure."

"Just let me finish this article…"

Eric started to object, but then scowled at Pam as she grinned at him and stood up. "I suppose I can finish it in the car. Shotgun! For eternity."

…

As soon as Gran walked out the door, Sookie ran into her room and started getting ready. She couldn't really get dressed up and do her make-up when Gran thought she was spending a quiet night at home with the baby. She had gotten a shower and blow dried her hair before church, and did her nails after she'd laid out all afternoon. And she felt kind of like that was fighting dirty, a little. She remembered what the smell did to him. And did she really need him to want her even more? She didn't know. But she sure wanted him to. And part of it was because she wanted to keep as much power in their dynamic as she could for now. She needed the advantage to make up for how quickly her resolve was crumbling.

Mostly she wanted him to want her because it felt so good. And that was a different kind of power. Not to maintain strength against him, but to draw him to her, and keep him hers.

She put on a new sundress that set off her tan, and finished up her make-up. She thought she had pretty much nailed natural but better. She wished she'd had some of his blood recently, because once it was gone, and after the post-pregnancy hair loss, her hair just wasn't what it was last fall. Of course, it was pretty much exactly what it had been this time last year. But still.

She went out into the livingroom and paced until she heard car tires crunching on the gravel. She took a couple of deep breaths and checked herself in the mirror one last time. "Everything is going to be Ok, Sookie. You can do this."

The baby called out to her in his head. It had scared her the first time he'd done it, but he still didn't seem to be able to read anyone's mind. He just somehow knew that she could read his. It might have just been something he learned the way he learned everything else. When he thought about what he needed, she gave it to him, so maybe he learned to think at her to get what he wanted. Godric and Pam confirmed that he still just smelled pretty much like a baby, but dialed up to a two. Maybe two and a half.

She went into their bedroom, and Leif smiled up at her. "Hey, handsome. Your Daddy is here to see you." She picked him up from his crib, and carried him outside.

Last week, she'd been nervous, but it had been overwhelming feelings of impending doom with a hint of anticipation. Tonight, the butterflies had choked out most of the doom, and even the part of her insisting that she was being a total idiot for even thinking about taking him back had a few butterflies, too.

This time, when their eyes met across the dooryard, her breath caught in her throat. It felt like a hundred things passed between them all at once.

Pam leaned over to kiss Sookie's cheek and, of course, delicately sniffed. Then she ruined it by snorting. "That is completely unfair, Sookie. Chemical warfare? The poor thing doesn't stand a chance."

Sookie gave her a pleading shut the fuck up kind of look, and Pam winked at her, gave her cheek a kiss, and went inside. Godric followed, grinning at her. She amused the hell out of him for some reason. Eric climbed up on the porch and stood in front of her again. But this time it didn't feel like it had the week before. It felt like there was some kind of crazy energy going back and forth between them.

In those few days last July, they had gone from discovering each other's bodies to almost possessing them. And she had been tucking his hair behind his ear almost since forever, but she had only plunged her hands into it a couple of times before those few days. Then, though, her fingers were always threaded through it when she kissed him or made love to him or when he pleasured her with his mouth.

His hair was loose tonight and she wanted so badly to run her fingers through it. But she made do with reaching up and tucking it behind his ear. She had to swallow before she could speak. "Hi."

He smiled. She was so beautiful. He would do anything to get her back. "Hi. Hi, Leif."

He leaned down to kiss the baby's head, and then leaned over to kiss Sookie's cheek. She let him this time. She smelled absolutely incredible, and the memory of just this moment was going to be jack off fuel for a week. At least.

"Come on in. I think me and Pam are going to go to the cemetery to talk for a little while, but I'll come back in plenty of time. I thought maybe we could spend a few minutes with him together. If that's Ok."

If his heart still beat, it would have been hammering in his chest. Kind of like hers was. But the tightness there loosened a little. "Of course. I'd like that a lot."

She kissed the baby, and then handed him off to Eric. This time, they both definitely lingered when they touched, and he couldn't help but moan when he had his face in her hair. He tried not to get ahead of himself, but he sure as hell hoped that their signals weren't crossed, and that he might actually have a chance to get her back. Sooner than later. And, he hated that he was thinking with his dick, too, especially when the ice he was treading was so fucking thin, but he had never wanted anyone more. Even in those first days after he'd been turned.

Their eyes met, and hers were full of heat as well. His chest loosened a little more, and his dick got even harder. He smiled the half smile that he knew drove her crazy and took Leif inside.

Sookie sat down on the swing and scrubbed her face with her hands. If the baby hadn't been between them, she might have just jumped him right here on the porch. Again. Last time was certainly worth repeating.

The door opened and Pam came out. "I haven't seen chemistry like that since my fling with Marie Curie."

"This is really dumb, isn't it?"

"I don't know. How does it feel?"

Sookie sighed. "Dumb? But also right. And really scary. I thought I was going to be the one in control, but I just totally threw away the upper hand."

Pam smiled and sat down next to her. "He was so nervous tonight, you just wouldn't believe it. He spent all evening in the mirror trying to make himself look perfect for you. He talks a good game but he just made you think he had the upper hand. He's a cocky little shit. But you're still the one who decides, Sookie. You don't have to forgive him if you don't want to. And you don't have to take him back even if you do."

"I feel like I have no control when I'm around him."

"That's bullshit, and you know it. You looked him square in the eye the night after you found out what he did, while holding your newborn son. You told him exactly what he needed to hear, and you didn't back down once. You are tough as nails, and don't you ever forget it. You didn't give all of your power to him. He just made you think you did. You aren't weak, you're just almost ready to forgive him and want him back."

Sookie leaned her cheek against the swing's chain. "I don't even know what taking him back means. I'm not going to move him back into my bedroom so he can sleep in the cubby while we try to keep him a secret from Gran. And I'm not going to move right into Godric's, as much as I really want to. I am not ready to put my life at his mercy like that. I don't want to feel like I'm just one boneheaded move away from having to pick us up and move us out."

"So, you take things slow."

Sookie sighed. "But I really want to have sex with him."

Pam laughed until she had to wipe a bloody tear from the corner of her eye. "Oh, Sookie, I do love you. For the last time, you are in charge. If you want to have sex with him, I'm sure he won't complain. You can set up the rules however you like. He knows he has nothing to negotiate with other than a charming smile, a big dick, and a nice ass. You are a grown woman, even if you're still a few days away from 18. If you want to get laid, get laid. And you don't have to make any other decisions than that until you're ready."

"It won't make me a slut?"

"You're an unwed teen mother, Sookie. I'm afraid that ship has sailed."

Sookie snorted and jabbed Pam with her elbow, but then put her head on Pam's shoulder. "I'm really scared."

"I know. But if he hurts you again, I told him I'd kill him. And I'm very scary, so I'm sure everything will be fine."

Sookie really did feel better. And more in control. She thought that she would be able to keep her cool, at least a little bit, when she was ready to go back inside.

A few minutes before the visitation was due to end, Sookie gave herself a pep talk and stood up. "I can do this."

"Yes, you can."

Sookie took a deep breath and went inside to the living room. And of course, Godric picked that moment to "stretch his legs". As if he really needed to.

Eric had looked up when she came in, and his eyes were soft instead of heated. Vulnerable. And she saw that she really was in control. He was desperate for her to take him back. She thought about sitting in a chair, but she sat next to him on the couch.

"He talks to me, sort of, in his head. Not in words, and not really in pictures, either. But, so far, I know when he's hungry or tired or wet or happy or when he has a tummy ache. It used to be that he'd just think, and I would take care of whatever it was he needed, but now he calls out to me in his head when he wakes up or wants me when I'm not holding him. And I think he has a name for me, too, and thinks it when he's looking at me sometimes. And he dreams about me. But he can't read thoughts, as far as I know."

"Fuck, you're incredible. And I'm happy for him, because I know how hard it was for you. But it wouldn't make me love him any less. The woman I love is a telepath, and I think she's pretty great."

Her butterflies kind of went crazy for a little while there, but she went on as if he hadn't said anything. "I don't think he tries to talk to anyone else. I haven't seen anything so far, anyway."

"Sookie, I know I shouldn't say anything, but I am so sorry. I really mean it. I hate that I hurt you so much."

She looked up at him. "I know."

Eric had planned to maintain his cool and try to fake his way through the evening. He could no longer go for liquid courage, so he had to rely on cockiness and bravado. But with her sitting so close that he could feel her warmth, and smelling so fucking good, it all just crumbled away to nothing. He was at her mercy. And he hoped that soft look in her eyes was merciful and not apologetic.

"I want you back, Sookie. More than anything. You're mine, and I need you with me."

"I'm not ready to jump in with both feet, Eric. We have hardly spoken in almost a year, I have hardly seen you in three, and we didn't really talk for a couple of years before that. You hurt me real bad. It's going to take time to make that all go away."

"What can I do to make it up to you?"

Sookie sighed. "I don't want you to make it up to me. I'm not going to play that game. I won't keep getting disrespected and treated bad just to have you bend over backwards to try to make it up to me until you hurt me again. I can't live my life always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And flowers and chocolates are nice, but they don't make the hurt go away. You can't buy my forgiveness, Eric. All I want is for you to want to treat me well because you love me and it's the right thing to do."

"I do want to treat you well. Please give me another chance to."

Sookie closed her eyes and tried to will her tears back. Then she looked up at him again. "If you ask me out on a date sometime, I might say yes. As long as you don't mind a very young and handsome chaperone. I'm not going to promise anything past that."

He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him so he could kiss her head. She froze, and Eric realized what he'd just impulsively done. But then she sort of melted into his side. He had their baby in one arm, and Sookie in the other, and he couldn't have been happier. Well, unless he and Sookie were naked.

A while later Sookie reached out and Leif grabbed her finger and smiled at her. She smiled back. "I wanted us to be a family so bad. I hope it isn't too late. Or too early."

He kissed her head again. "It isn't. We can make this work. I know we can. I will do whatever it takes."

She smiled a little, but her stomach dropped, and she was so scared of being hurt again. But her heart didn't hurt as bad as it had last week, let alone two months ago. And maybe if she spent a lot more time with him, and took a lot more chances, it would up her confidence in him a little bit, if he didn't hurt her again.

It was long past time for visitation to end, and Leif had fallen asleep. Eric laid him gently down in his crib. "So, I guess that's it for another week."

"Yeah."

He took a deep breath and blew it out. "Will you please go out with me? On a date?"

She bit her lip. "I've kind of actually never been on a date before."

Of course, she wouldn't have. The Homecoming dance his senior year was probably the only time she was even asked. "Please? I'll take care of everything. If that works for you, of course."

Eric really was nervous, and he had almost always oozed confidence. She felt the balance tip back into her favour a little more. "Alright. But it's just a date, Eric. That's all I'm ready to agree to just yet."

"Is Tuesday night Ok? I'm sorry, but I can't wait until the weekend."

"Sure."

They had sort of mutually decided to say their goodbyes inside, away from prying eyes. Eric said, "I guess that's my time. Tuesday night at 9:00, Ok?"

"Ok. I'm really looking forward to it." Eric leaned down and kissed her cheek. Impulsively, and before he could pull away, she pulled back, turned her head a bit, and kissed him on the mouth. lt was little more than a peck, but her lips were so soft. She ended the kiss when he tried to deepen it.

"Good night Eric."

"Good night. I love you, Sookie."

"I know. You know how I feel, too. But I'm not ready to say it again right now."

Eric nodded and headed for the door. He turned to look at her before he opened it. "Thank you. For everything."

After he closed the door, she said, "I love you too, Eric."

Out on the porch, Eric smiled.