"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

Proverbs 27:17

"Yeah, I'm like a magician or somethin', man. You never know when or where I'm going to pop up."

TwoBit switched off the television, as Soda was joining him in the living room. "Sodapop likes to pop into my house from nowhere, huh?"

Soda perched on the arm of the sofa, his elbow propped up on the back of it, as he grinned at his friend. "Yep, I'm just full of magic. But, um, I really came by cause I wanted to tell you thanks for the letter. It meant a lot to me to read it, especially since I know you don't write stuff down a whole lot."

TwoBit moved to stand near Soda, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You're welcome, bud. I meant everything that's in it."

"I know me and you ain't really the ones who usually have heart-to-hearts or any of that, but I felt like it was important to tell you. I mean, I always want everybody in my life to know they matter, so they don't gotta doubt it."

"Have you met me, man?"

Soda saw TwoBit's cocked eyebrow that accompanied an easy smile. "Huh? Of course I have. We're both standin' here, ain't we?"

"Nah. Not like that. I meant don't you know I've got no problem with knowing I matter? To me, it's a fact of life."

Soda smiled back at his friend, the certainty and confidence creating a vibe. "Yeah. I'm sure it is, TwoBit. Not to burst your bubble or anything, but I'm also sure those kinds of feelings that make you doubt or wonder can creep in and mess with you. They have with me a lot of times now, and I never used to have a problem with thinkin' stuff about not being important or loved. Or even worse, like wondering if I shouldn't be alive. And nobody would've known if I hadn't started needing to talk about it."

"Aw, listen to you with all your wisdom there, man. I know what you're saying too. Feelings can eat you alive from the inside out." TwoBit put his arms around Soda, hugging him in a rare, but welcome, moment of affection between the two. "I know that real well myself, and it's one reason I've been focused on changing the world one Curtis brother at a time."

"Hey, Dar, what are you looking for?"

Darry's eyes finished scanning the inside of Soda's room, before he turned around to face Pony, who had come to stand behind him in the hallway. "Oh. Nothin', Pone. Just got a little sidetracked. Soda say when he's coming home?"

Pony looked inside Soda's room himself, seeing his middle brother's unmade bed and a pile of laundry on the floor. "No. But I know he was going by TwoBit's house and Penny's too."

Darry's eyes snuck another peek into Soda's room, seeing the dresser that held a few framed pictures, a bottle of cologne, and a DX cap. "Okay then. I should have plenty of time to shower and change."

"Are you sure you're not looking for something?"

Darry turned away from Soda's room, heading toward his own. "Yeah. I'm sure, Pone. If Soda comes home, tell him I'm getting myself cleaned up."

"Sure thing, Dar." Pony cast one more glance into Soda's room, seeing the shoebox under the bed and the splint on the nightstand. Whatever he's looking for, he thought, it sure ain't in here.

"You're welcome, sweetheart. I was glad to do something to help."

Soda rested his head near Penny's the couple snuggled together on her bed. "Somehow, having all those letters makes things feel less scary. Just cause I've got all this love, life feels better to me."

Penny kissed Soda's cheek, then put her head on his chest, feeling it move with the breaths he drew in at a steady pace. "You've always had the love though. That's why I'm sure every word written in those is as special as can be."

"I bet Steve never would've guessed he'd be starting somethin' when he wrote his. I put somethin' you said to me on one of the cards cause I want to remember it too."

"You did? What did I say?"

"You told me I have beautiful soul."

"It's true. You do."

"I put the ring back in my mom's jewelry box. I understand what you meant about making promises right now, and I never meant for you to feel any pressure."

"I didn't, Sodapop. That's not what I felt at all. I do hope I didn't hurt you by giving it back."

"It did hurt at first, but since I understood, I got over it pretty fast. So, um, how are you feeling about the baby and all?"

"I'm okay. I'm not second-guessing the choice or anything."

"I went to see Samuel on Thursday. I just wanted to talk to him, you know? He's always been easy for me to say things to, and he still is. He says he wants us all to get together again soon and plan stuff."

"Yeah. We'll have to do that. Right now, I honestly feel like I'll be pregnant forever. But the time will be here before we know it." Penny sat up, both hands on her belly that had begun to get rounder beneath the material of her yellow blouse. "We'll blink, and there'll be a baby."

"Is the road that mesmerizing, little buddy?"

Soda sat in the passenger seat of Darry's pickup, his eyes gazing out the window, as they moved along the highway. "Thanks for doin' this, even though you had to work, Dar."

Darry had both hands on the steering wheel, the truck cruising at a stable speed. "I couldn't turn down a chance to spend time with you."

"I don't want you to be pissed at me, big brother. But I think you might be, and I ain't just sayin' that out of feeling bad about myself or anything. I really think so, and I just hope-"

"I won't, Sodapop. Just talk to me. The way you keep going on, I can tell something is getting to you, and talking around whatever it is won't help. I'm not about to be mad at you, I promise."

Soda let a beat of silence pass between them, his eyes moving to the windshield to see the road stretched out in a daunting, yet encouraging, anticipation. "There is, uh, something I didn't tell you before. Not from a real long time ago. Not even two weeks, actually. Do you remember that day you yelled at me to get out of bed?"

"Yeah. Of course I do. What about it?"

"Well, I had kind of a rough day after that. Not cause of you, but those memories shook me up. Then, Pony was upset with me when I told him I was going to Steve's for dinner. I had already invited him to my appointment with Dr. Morgan, but he got mad and said he didn't want to go. So I was hurtin' about everything that day, and my head got in a pretty dark place."

"Okay. Did something else happen because of how you were feeling?"

"Sort of. I went and picked up the pictures I had developed, then went to Steve's. I kept thinkin' about going to sleep for a long time and forgettin' about stuff. I'd been thinkin' of it already, but the fight with Pony made it worse. I felt bad that you were feelin' guilty too."

Darry glanced over at Soda, seeing the pause in his expression and what he believed to be a hesitancy that could lead the middle brother to cease opening up. "Keep going, little buddy."

"When I first told Steve about the cough syrup, we were on the side of the road."

"Okay."

"I told him to stop the car cause I felt sick. But I wasn't really sick from that. It was from keepin' the secret."

"That was too much for you to be keeping to yourself."

"And I just couldn't stop thinkin' about it, Dar."

"All right. So what's this have to do with the day you were just talking about?"

"Cause the cough syrup made me sleep. I couldn't think or even dream. I didn't have to feel anything."

"And you wanted to sleep for a long time then because of all that had been going on."

"Yeah. So I couldn't be sad and nothing could hurt."

"Sodapop, what is there that had you thinking I'd be mad at you? What happened?"

"I, um, did a little more than think about the cough syrup. Cause I had this idea that I could just take some, you know? Not enough to hurt me, but enough to sleep like I did when I had the bronchitis."

"I think I'm the one who needs to pull over now." Darry slowed the truck down, veering to the right, before coming to a stop on the side of the road. He then turned to Soda, resisting the urge to pepper him with questions. "Okay. So you had that idea. What did you do that was more than thinking about it?"

"I got a bottle of cough syrup from the drug store. But I wasn't- I swear I wouldn't try to do what I said before. I wasn't going to try to die. I wouldn't do that, Dar. I promise I wouldn't."

Darry swallowed down the sharp edge of panic, the words Soda had spoken during his first appointment with Dr. Morgan still fresh in his memory. "I would've known if you took something like that. We talked as soon as you came home, and you were fine the next morning. So you didn't. Right?"

"Yeah. You're right. I didn't. I told Steve cause I got so scared of how I was feeling, and I knew I shouldn't mess with that when it could turn into a temptation for me. I knew it wasn't safe, but in my head, I was getting convinced it could be all right. I wanted it to be all right."

"I bet that's what Steve told you. It wouldn't be something that's okay for you to do. You can't abuse medicine like that. It'd be the same as playing with fire when you've had the suicidal feelings. Wanting to drug yourself to get away from pain is pretty close to that too because when you wake up, and it's still there, what happens then? Sleep can't fix what's hurting you."

"I know that, Dar. And Steve did tell me it wouldn't be okay. He said it was a risk cause of how I've felt before and what I planned to do. I asked him not to tell you about this, and he didn't because I let him pour the cough syrup out. He just wanted to know I'd be safe from doin' anything that could make me decide to take a lot of it."

"I hope you told Dr. Morgan."

"I did. It'd be hard to keep somethin' like that from her anyway." Soda looked at Darry, seeing how still he was, his expression seemingly frozen in place. "You aren't mad at me, are you? I won't do anything like that again. Not even if I get to where it sounds okay. You're right, Dar. It's like playin' with fire, and it ain't safe for me to go there. I know it could end up bein' real dangerous, and no matter how I've felt sometimes before, I don't want to die. I don't want to give Dr. Morgan any reason to think she should put me in a hospital either. That thought still scares me, so I always want her to be able to see that I can do what I'm supposed to if I'm havin' a hard time. I want her to see that I can find a way to cope that's healthy."

Darry's eyes stared straight ahead, even as he listened to every word that Soda was speaking, drinking in the balm of reassurance. "I never told you what it felt like for me."

"What, Dar? You never told me what what felt like?"

"It can be hard not to look at you and wonder. I'll look in your eyes and pray I'm not missing something."

"I swear I'm bein' totally up front with you. You're not missin' anything."

"It terrifies me to know I could be completely helpless if you were to ever hurt yourself. You could be thinking of what to do and how, and I'd have no idea because I can't see inside your head."

"I know, Dar. But I'm not doin' that now. You can check in with me all you want, okay? I know what it's like to worry, so you can always tell me if you are. You can even ask a lot of questions, and I won't get upset. Whatever it takes to make you feel better."

Darry reached for Soda's hand, finding it easily, even as his gaze remained fixed ahead. "I want you to know I'm not mad at you, little buddy. I can't even feel any anger toward you. Not about something like this. Because I know what could happen if you ever really believed you couldn't tell me something. I don't ever want to give you a reason to think you can't come to me and be honest. Especially when you didn't do anything to hurt yourself. It makes me think about how awful it would be if you did, then felt like I'd be too angry for you to tell me. I don't want to scare you into closing up when your life could depend on it."

Soda felt Darry's hand tighten around his own, the grip so strong, it almost hurt. "You won't, Dar. You've been so great about listening to me and makin' sure I know I can talk to you about this kind of stuff. You ain't the one creatin' the fear either. It just comes along with the feelings I have. I even get scared of Steve bein' mad at me, and he definitely hasn't been."

Darry closed his eyes, the last few months of trauma fueling his next words. "You could've died when you got shot. But you're here. You didn't bleed to death. I think about it everyday because I'm so thankful. Losing you would devastate me, Pepsi Cola. It would tear me to pieces."

"I know, Darry. I know it's been tough for you too. You've seen me at the scariest times, big brother. You've saved me when there was nothin' I could do to help myself."

Darry kept his grip on Soda's hand, his eyes moving to look at his brother, their present surroundings completely forgotten, as he focused on the man next to him, who was on every page of his memory. "If I lost you to suicide, I'd break into so many pieces that nothing in this whole damn world could put me back together again. I mean it, little buddy. That first day when you went to see Dr. Morgan, and I was in there with you, it's exactly what I was thinking when you told her what you'd been planning to do. I imagined coming in the bathroom to find you underwater. Drowned. Dead. When I walked in the DX the night you got shot, I could call for help. I could hold you and talk to you. But if you went through with overdosing on that medicine, and I didn't know what was happening, I wouldn't get to rescue you. I'd be too late, and that thought is the worst one that's ever come into my mind."

Soda didn't give any words time to leave his mouth, before he pushed the passenger door open, pulling his hand out of Darry's grip, as he jumped out of the truck. His feet hit the ground, knees on the verge of collapse.

Darry quickly followed, scooting over to also climb out the passenger door, just as he saw Soda drop down into the grass. He went to his brother's side, instinct as urgent as ever. "Are you okay, Sodapop? Please talk to me. Even if it's only to say I shouldn't have gone into all of that out here. It's just what's on my heart, and you're the only one I could ever be so open with. Hell, I'm dating a woman I can see myself marrying someday, and even she hasn't seen me be so vulnerable yet. But even that comes back to you cause I never would've asked Maryanne out if you weren't there to cheer me on."

Soda felt the grass pressing into the knees of his jeans, dizzy, as his mind fully dissected the image Darry had described, death no longer dressed in the disguise of relief. He felt his brother's touch on his neck, the hand then moving down to rub circles on his back, as the magnitude of a would-be tragedy ceased to be hidden. "It's just a lot, Dar. Cause it's not like I didn't know it'd hurt ya'll if I ever did anything to myself. But I've never really thought about what it would mean for you and what I'd be leaving behind." Soda leaned into Darry, feeling arms wrap him in an embrace whose safety had existed since he was a little boy. "I love you, and I'm sorry you've had to think about what you were telling me. I know how bad that must hurt to imagine."

"I love you too, Pepsi Cola. And it's okay." Darry looked at Soda's face, heart swelling with gratitude for the baby brother he'd never been without. "It'll never be your fault that your mind took you where it did. All that matters now is that you're here with me, with us. You didn't give up on life, and love rescued you from the darkness."

"Hey, Steve. Soda took a drive with Darry."

Steve walked into the Curtis' living room, finding Pony there with a pencil and his open sketchbook. "Yeah. I knew they were doing that. But I figured they'd be back pretty soon. Besides, I wanted a second with you."

Pony's pencil sketched lines, creating shades of gray. "Yeah, and I'm Cleopatra."

Steve rolled his eyes, as he took a seat next to Pony. "Huh, could've fooled me, Kid. You sure don't look Egyptian."

"I told Soda his pancake looked like you."

Steve laughed, finding that he wasn't insulted in the least. "How the hell could a pancake look like me? Am I light and fluffy?"

"No. But your hair is swirly, and so was the maple syrup Soda was putting on it."

"You're something else, Kid. Ain't anybody else in the world who'd look at a pancake and think of me."

"There's nobody else who'd be drawing a face and hair out of maple syrup the way Soda did either."

"Yep. He's one of a kind too. I said I wanted a second with you because I need to tell you it was great what you did with those letters for Soda. I could see how much he loved that."

"Yeah. I could too. But you deserve some of the credit. I wouldn't have thought about it if I didn't know about the letter you gave him."

"Nah, Kid. You hang onto that credit." Steve looked at the page where Pony was drawing, seeing the outline of a sky with patterns and lines in a the center of it, stars in the background. "What is that?"

"The fireworks from last night. I'm going to color it too and draw Soda down here on the ground watching them."

"That's tuff, Pony."

Pony paused his sketching to look at Steve. "What did you mean about some things being unconditional? You said it when I was being a jerk to you, and you hugged me anyway."

"What do you think it meant?"

"That you'd be nice to me, even if I was an ass to you?"

"Something like that, Kid. But I meant I'd love you, no matter how you acted."

"Aw, damn, my world really has flipped upside down. I'd have thought hell would freeze over before Steve Randle said he loves me."

"Hey, who knows? Maybe it did freeze over. But of course I do. It ain't like I got much of a choice when you're Soda's little brother."

"Now that sounds more like the Steve I know. You love me cause you have to."

"It'd be kind of hard not to love a kid that's always been in my life. But you know what choice I do get to make?"

"What?"

"Showing it. I'm kind because I want to be, Pony. Nobody's expecting me to be loving. At least not toward anyone, besides my dad or Soda."

"I know I never expected you to be kind to me. I used to think you hated me."

"I never hated you, so let's just be crystal clear about that. It'd be like hating a part of Soda, and I could never hate anything about him. We're about as unconditional as it can get."

"I used to feel like I hated you too, but I don't think I really did."

"Well, I know you don't now, Kid. So let's focus on that, and keep moving forward."

"Do you really think you'll marry her, Dar?"

Darry drove his pickup toward home, as he replied to Soda. "Yeah. I do. It's not anything we've talked about yet, but like I said, I could see it."

Soda laid his head back against the seat, as warm air blew in through the window, sprinkles of rain mixing with it. "I think you'd make such a great husband."

"Why's that, little buddy?"

"I think the last couple of hours says it all, even if I don't add the last couple of years to it. You're amazing, Dar, and any woman would be lucky to have you. You're do damn loyal and dedicated, and I know you'd be the same way in a marriage."

"You would be too, Sodapop, and don't even argue with me about it. Can you still see yourself marrying Penny one day?"

"Yeah. I can." Soda felt bigger drops of rain begin to fall through the window, nature's water wetting his face and shirt. "But, sometimes, the picture gets fuzzy. I try to look ahead, and it just ain't very clear."

"Hey, man, I thought you might like to know I heard about your pancake looking like me."

Soda sat on the top step of the back porch, a light rain falling on his bare feet, as Steve was sitting down next to him. "Oh. Pony told you about that, huh?"

Steve saw a bolt of lightning flash in the clouded sky, a hallmark of the summer storm that was looming over them. "Yeah. He did. I can't say I ever saw that one coming either. I've gotta admit it's nice to laugh about something with Pony. Even when it did somehow end up becoming a heart-to-heart right after. How was the drive with Darry?"

"We, um, talked a lot. I told him what I said I would sometime. You know, about getting the cough syrup and thinkin' of taking it just to sleep a while. I think hearing about that gave him an opening to tell me what was on his mind too."

"He worried about you?"

"Yeah. Cause of how bad stuff can be going on in my head with him having no idea. I don't blame him either. It is scary. We ended up on the side of the road, like me and you did that time. Except we even got out of the truck."

Steve felt the rain start to pick up its pace, as he heard a rumble of thunder. "We should probably head inside, man."

"I can't, Stevie. I can't."

Steve rose to his feet, nudging Soda's shoulder. "Well, let's at least get on the porch."

"Okay." Soda stood too, following his best friend to a corner of the porch.

Steve took a seat next to the window that looked into the Curtis' living room, as Soda settled closer to the railing. "So why'd you guys get out of the truck?"

Soda turned his face toward the wind, feeling rain drops land on his cheeks. "I got out first cause what Darry said hit me real hard, so he followed me. You should've seen us, Stevie. Huddled together like that near the highway. Hanging onto each other for dear life. Holdin' on so tight cause we were talkin' about death."

Steve shivered, goosebumps popping up on his skin, as he put a a hand on Soda's shoulder. "I'm sure it was quite a sight, buddy. And no wonder you had to pull over for that. What'd Superman say that hit you hard?"

"He was talkin' about what it would be like for him if I died. Not just died, but if I killed myself, and he found me. Cause it would mean he couldn't rescue me. I'd be dead."

Steve sucked in a breath, the goosebumps replaced by a surrealness that encompassed his body and spirit, a cushion helping him cope, as he imagined the most grievous scenario. "That's a tough one to think about, brother."

"Yeah, and it made me realize all that the suicidal thoughts didn't let me see before. They pulled me in, and I couldn't see what else was there. I couldn't see what dying would mean."

Steve put his arm around Soda, giving him a squeeze, before guiding his head to rest on his shoulder. "I can think of so many things it would mean, man. For you, for your brothers, for me. For Penny and for your kid."

"I wouldn't get to see the baby grow up. I wouldn't be part of my kid's life at all."

"Yeah. That's right, buddy."

"How have I not thought of that before, Stevie?"

"It's like you said. The suicidal thoughts don't let you see everything. And you only just found out you'll get the chance to be around your kid. At your worst, you didn't even know Penny was pregnant."

"Yeah. That's true. When Darry said that about finding me dead, it made me think of Pony seeing me too. And of you seeing me. I never thought about what would happen afterward when I felt so much like going through with it."

"That's cause it's hindsight, man. You were only thinking about a way to make the pain stop. You were caught up in the suicidal thoughts and trying to reach out and survive at the same time. Going any deeper might've just made you feel worse and kept the cycle going."

"I remember when me and you went to the cemetery, and it made me think about bein' buried in the ground. I just saw that as not bein' able to hurt anymore. But it'd leave you guys to have a funeral and bury me."

"Jesus, I hate that thought, buddy." Steve looked out into the yard, seeing the rain that steadily fell, as another streak of lightning was immediately followed by a crack of thunder. "You're in a place now where you can see the aftermath. You aren't in those moments that hurt you so much, you're blind to everything else. You're seeing straight, and death ain't seeming like it's a solution. It took overdosing for me to get to that. I had already taken the pills before I got the finality of what I was doing."

"Darry said, if he lost me like that, he'd break into so many pieces, nothin' could put him back together."

"I'm with him on that one, brother. I would too." Steve wound both arms around Soda, seeking comfort for both his best friend and himself. "It wouldn't just be the worst kind of pain I can imagine, it'd be the kind that could never heal."

Soda felt the wind blow onto the porch, the rain picking up speed, as he let himself be held, the two friends each other's shelter from every kind of storm.