For once, it wasn't nausea that caused Nikita to bolt out of bed. Though, a furious headache did take over as she stalked around the kitchen. She intended to get water, hoping that would calm her down somewhat. Instead, her anxieties overwhelmed her. She rarely ever freaked out over a mission- usually the aftermath caused her to spiral. It was ridiculous to be so worked that she was blaming herself for any possible failures. The weight of her world was simply ever so present on her shoulders. She should've been resting- stress was so bad for her at the moment. But she couldn't calm down (or ease her migraine). Pacing the kitchen with a glass of water was her last ditch effort to shut her brain off and go to sleep. She was just frustrated and worried and frightened; it caused her to startle at the familiar, deep, smoky voice that entered behind her, "I know you can't sleep. But at least pace in the bedroom so I can keep an eye on you."
"I don't know who's nerves are worse. Mine or yours?" Nikita attempted to cover her jolted reaction with some sort of quip. She shot her husband a small smirk, but he didn't buy it. Michael closed the gap between them, heavy concern in his gaze. Although he knew she should burn off her nervous energy somehow, he simply preferred to be close by. She could take care of herself; he didn't necessarily have to watch her. But, she needed to keep him in the loop. No one should've gone through those intense waves of emotions alone, especially her. He had to be with her every step of the way.
Gently, Michael took hold of Nikita's hand and led her to sit at the table. She sighed, but followed his silent command. There was no use in fighting against him. Besides, talking it out might help her. No doubt he was consumed by the same worrying thoughts. The two had talked and comforted one another about what was at risk enough times, though. Maybe it would've been best for them to simply sit and joke about it. Or pet Barkhoff who had followed his owners into the kitchen. Michael went for a mixture of both, scratching at his dog's soft fur with one hand while caressing his wife's warm skin with the other, "Well, considering your changing hormones, I'm going with yours."
"Yeah. You know, I wouldn't mind it if I didn't feel sick all the fucking time," Shrugging, Nikita was kind of honest. The raging emotions definitely were a terrible outcome of all the changes her body was going through. That was probably why she couldn't completely relax or stop feeling like the worst was about to happen. She desperately needed new ways to settle her anxiety. The tender way Michael was massaging her hand appeared to help. Her breathing evened out, and her tense thoughts of the upcoming mission melted away. It was only her and her husband at the moment, which gave him an idea.
"Not to… not to bring up past experiences. But, uh, with Lizzie massages helped," Michael probably could've phrased it better, yet it was true. Whenever his late wife had become anxious during her pregnancy with Hayley, a massage from him put her at ease. He would never compare Elizabeth and Nikita- he didn't think he could. He simply wanted to float the idea out there, let his wife know there were plenty of options. They weren't stuck or helpless; they'd find a way to fight and survive like they always had.
"Michael it's okay. Kinda need your 'I've been through this before' knowledge," She squeezed his hand in hers, and reached under the table to pet Barkhoff as well. Nikita knew what Michael had meant. It wasn't a comparison, just a suggestion. She didn't have to worry about that kind of stuff from her husband. He only had good intentions when it came to her. Besides, he had given her massages after tense ops before and she had loved them. She'd kill for another one at the moment. She'd also kill for any more advice or suggestions he could give her. Although she had joked about him having kids from the different women he had slept with, those experiences left him with far more knowledge than she ever had. With the terrifying new world of parenthood awaiting her, she needed all the support she could get.
"But I haven't been through this before with you, Nikita," Despite the fact that he was a father, Michael was still walking into the unknown with Nikita. They were fighting a war, and they had to settle into a stable life. They also had a dog and an insane family. It was new territory for him as well. He might've been a bit more prepared than his wife, yet the two of them were on that journey together. Considering the alternative- the times they had been torn apart when they desperately needed one another- that was a blessing.
"Just shut up and comfort me," However, Nikita rolled her eyes. Michael chuckled along with her, following her orders. He refilled her glass of water, settled Barkhoff at her feet so she could pet him easier, and massaged her tight shoulders. Her stress instantly fell away at his soothing touch. She smiled softly and glanced up at her husband adoringly. Returning the affection, he placed a tender kiss to his wife's temple. Together, they'd survive it all.
Sonya thought she had been asleep. But quiet, muffled sounds coming from somewhere else in the safehouse seemed to easily pull her from sleep. She laid against the pillows, staring blankly at the ceiling in an attempt to quiet the thoughts that rushed into her head. Apparently, she was more stressed about the upcoming mission than she imagined. The end of the war seemed so near. Yet one mistake could set them back indefinitely. She couldn't allow that to happen- meaning, she had to shake her anxiety before the op went active. Maybe if she shared some thoughts with her fiancé, she'd settle. She just hoped he was awake, "Is it weird that I never want to see a computer again after this?"
"We might as well merge our tech company with that security thing they're doing," Although his voice was full of sleep, Birkhoff was just as alert as his fiancée. Sonya hadn't necessarily woken him. His own nerves already had him in a restless sleep. Instead of fighting to sleep, however, it'd be better to discuss their future. Having a goal in mind just might help settle some fears. Sure, there was a lot to lose. But there was so much more to fight for. They were going to keep their happily ever after if it was the last thing they did- which hopefully it wasn't.
"So we can give them legitimate startup money? Or because you hate whenever the team's not working together," Sonya and Birkhoff had talked about merging their tech company, that the team was invested in, with whatever security firm Michael, Nikita, and Alex were planning. It'd be a great way for them to have legal startup funds, and it'd be great to continuously work with one another. Their time to time missions were great. Yet things were always so much better when they were together. She teased her fiancé for that, however, knowing how much his love for the team annoyed him.
"Shh. If they know I miss them, they'll never let it down," It was such a ridiculous thing to be annoyed by, but Sonya thought it was somewhat endearing- mostly because Birkhoff played it up for appearance sake. He cared deeply for the family he had built around himself; it was the same intense feeling he had for his biological family and for his fiancée. He'd do anything for all the people in his life, no matter how much he teased them or denied his feelings. That was just a part of who he was.
It was something Sonya adored. However, it was also something she could use to rile Birkhoff up. The night before an important mission probably wasn't the best time to mention their wedding. But she needed something else to focus on. And maybe they'd finally come to a decision about what they both wanted. There was nothing to distract them, nor were there any other pressing matters. They could settle their argument once and for all, "Is that why you want a big family wedding then? To shut them up for good? Shouldn't it be all about us?"
"You want to bring this up now?" Shifting to turn on a bedside lamp, Birkhoff glanced incredulously at his fiancée. Although humor lit her eyes as though she was slightly teasing him, she was completely serious. He sighed. He should've known better to fight against Sonya. When they were on opposite sides of the war with Division (not quite enemies) she handed his ass to him a couple of times. Where they were then, it was better to simply go along with her. Or perhaps settle on a happy medium, "How about instead of eloping or having a big wedding, we have a small intimate thing."
"Sounds perfect," Sonya beamed and kissed her fiancé. Despite enjoying the affection she showed him, Birkhoff was confused. He thought he'd have to sell his point a little more before she agreed to it; she had been deadset on eloping. But maybe, like him, she realized something in between would work best. Their family could still be involved, yet their wedding day would remain all about them. Everyone would be happy, especially the couple. Who wouldn't agree to that.
"Did I just get duped?" The idea might've been his, yet his fiancée could've planted it there. They had both decided to propose to one another in the same way; could that have been the same. However, Sonya just giggled and shook her head. Birkhoff relaxed at the sound and laughed with her. Together they moved on from the thought, creating more plans for their wedding. It wasn't anything concrete, yet it erased all anxiety. That was all the two hoped for.
Although she was startled, Alex wasn't that surprised to see Kyle awake in the livingroom. Of course she wasn't the only one awake in the safehouse (there were lights coming from the kitchen and whispered conversations down the hall). Wayward nerves appeared to have gripped them all. But the team had developed their ways around it. Or at least they were trying to. What was Alex doing in the livingroom if not to pace and roam away her fear. Kyle might've had the same thought. Yet at the moment, he was slumped on the couch, his eyes unfocused, "I want to say it's my injuries that's keeping me up. But my anxiety disagrees."
"It's a lot, having a secret black ops group ruin your life," Alex couldn't help but chuckle. The fact wasn't funny. But if they didn't laugh at their absurd lives, then they'd easily be drowned by it. Kyle was still struggling with adjusting to being an enemy of the bastards. She didn't blame him. Conspiracies like that were a lot to take in. He also wasn't afforded time to process. He was thrown into the craziness that was the team, and was forced to keep up with all the intel he had to share. In the intense moments, he seemed to be managing fine. However, panic crept up on him during the quiet night.
"Is the general public ever going to know the full details of Alexandra Udinov and her team?" Kyle had to find some way to laugh as well. Despite hearing a lot about the team when their story first broke on the news, and learning more and more as he helped investigate trafficking, he barely knew anything about the team or what they had been through. Alex laughed louder at the fact. The amount of secrets multiple governments wanted to keep hidden made the majority of what the rogues experienced highly classified. Hell, they probably shouldn't have shared as much as they did. But people needed to know how much evil was in the world.
"We barely know the full details," Being completely honest, Alex joined Kyle on the couch. Even with how deep in the war they had gotten, the team didn't know everything Division, Oversight, Gogol, and the Shop did. She wasn't sure if she wanted to. Knowing they were evil and some of the atrocities they were responsible for was good enough for her. She already had enough nightmares to battle; she didn't need any more. Besides, there was no use digging into that past. They had their future; they didn't need to look back.
"So why still play the hero? You have the chance to pack it up and leave it for someone else? Why don't you?" His question was genuine. The team didn't have to keep fighting; Alex didn't have to keep fighting. Others who were just as equipped as them were aware of the threat and they could handle it. The former rogues could let go of that stress and enjoy the freedom they rightfully deserved. No one was really stopping them.
Alex had had that conversation before with different people- Michael, Nikita, her mother, Sean. Why did she remain the hero when she had multiple opportunities to leave. The answer changed each time. However, in that moment, she was confident and certain with what she was doing. The good she put in the world with the UN and with her team battled all the evil she and her family had done and seen. They were providing people the freedom and happiness they had. That wasn't something she could stop anytime soon, "The things we've seen and the things we've done… we just want to make sure no one else is like us. You know. Everyone should have the chance at happiness."
"I'm glad you guys were the ones to rescue me," Though the situation continued to be insane, Kyle was glad he was helping people who were so righteous. The team was still very much human with their flaws and frustrations. But they ensured others were safe and sound above all else. Although he frequently worked with Interpol, he had never met anyone more heroic than Alexandra Udinov and her team. It was awe inspiring. And it filled him with hope that the treat on his family would end soon.
"Yeah. We're awesome," Alex smiled warmly. The noises from the kitchen soon drew her attention, and she left Kyle to process and adjust on his own. Barkhoff was the first to greet her, followed by teases from Michael and Nikita. She fired back with her own quips, beaming at her friends. It didn't take long for Birkhoff and Sonya to join in on the fun as well. The family was all together, laughing and relaxing. They'd need that moment moving forward. But, mostly, they just needed each other.