Chapter 37

JENNIE: NOW

Present Day

New York City

THE LOOK ON LISA'S face said a million words. Still speechless, she was staring blankly at the block on my bracelet and running her fingers through my hair. She shook her head every few seconds and sighed, but she didn't say anything else.

My heart felt heavy at the realization that I'd been manipulated for all these years, that everything I thought I'd known was never true. I wasn't sure why, but a small part of me still needed to hear Lisa say that she didn't know what was happening with me back then.

"Seulgi never told you anything about me being pregnant?" I asked.

"No." Her voice was hoarse. "I take it she never actually sent you your ticket for draft night?"

"No."

"Okay." She turned to face me. "I need you to believe me when I say that I would've dropped everything and flown to see you immediately if I knew you were pregnant." She clasped my hand. "Everything. No questions asked."

"I believe you."

"And I'm sorry you had to suffer through a miscarriage by yourself." She looked wounded. "Someone should've been there for you."

"Jisoo came and held my hand when I went back," I said.

"That explains why she wouldn't look at me when I saw her that summer." Her voice was soft.

"She told me you called her every year."

"It took her a year just to pick up the phone." A faint smile crossed her lips. "She told me you moved overseas."

"I told her to lie."

"I figured, but—" She shook her head. "I hired at least three private investigators to look for you and they all said you moved overseas, too. They all verified it."

"Did they consider Alaska overseas?" I asked. "I was only there for a year, so maybe that's what they found."

"No, Seulgi said that—" She stopped herself. "I trusted Seulgi to hire all the firms. I didn't handle that personally."

Silence.

"I guess now I know why she was insistent on buying me new phones and installing 'alerts' in the event you ever called." She gritted her teeth. "All this time. All this goddamn time..."

We didn't say anything else to each other. We just sat in silence, both regretting the lost and stolen years. The lies and lines of botched miscommunication.

At three a.m., Lisa stood up and reached for my hand. "Let me drive you home."

"Can we walk instead?"

"Absolutely."

I stood up and gave her my hand, and we walked out of the café amidst New York's chilly night air. When we made it to my brownstone, she walked me up the steps and looked into my eyes.

"I'm sorry I allowed this to happen," she said. "I don't know what to do next regarding 'us' or how to begin processing this, but I do need you to promise me something."

"What?"

"Open the letter you get from me this week." She kissed my forehead. "Can you do that?"

"Yes."

She watched me unlock the door and I stepped inside. "Goodnight, Lisa."

"Goodnight, Jennie."