CHAPTER 38

"I'll take these things down to the car. It'll be less to pack up when you come home in a couple of days," said Matt as he piled the last of the flowers, cards, teddy bears and balloons onto one of the hospital carts. "I'll be back as soon as I can. Finn, you stay here with Momma and Aunt Em." Finn was too busy playing on the floor, pushing Matchbox cars around with Em to even hear what Matt said to him. Matt gave me a knowing look, then pushed the cart out of the room just as the nurse was bringing the baby in to be fed.

"He's hungry, Momma," she said, handing him to me. "Here's your big boy." She unwrapped him from the blanket and placed him on the nursing pillow. I tucked him under my arm like a football, rubbed my nipple across his pursed little lips and he immediately latched on like a little piranha.

"Jesus, that looks so barbaric," said Em, shuddering.

"Yes, Em...using breasts to feed babies is a barbaric idea. You do realize that that's the reason we have them. They weren't solely made for men to play with, you know."

"Yeah, yeah...tell that to Severide," she said, turning her attention back to Finn and his parade of cars.

I gazed down at my beautiful little boy as he happily suckled away. His little hand was tightly gripping my index finger and he was making the sweetest little "ahhh" sounds as he swallowed. At this moment, I didn't care who was the father of this child. Finn suddenly climbed up on the bed with me and settled in next to my hip. He rested his little blond head against my arm and studied us both closely.

"He's hungry, huh Momma?"

"Yeah, he's pretty hungry," I said.

"Dat's Wyatt, right Momma?"

"Right, buddy. That's Wyatt, your baby brother. What do you think about him?"

"He's little," he said, his blue eyes wide with wonder.

"He is. He's only two days old."

"I'm two," he said, holding up two fingers.

"Yep, you're two years old and Wyatt is two days old. You're his big brother because you were born first," I said.

"Uh huh," he said. "Does he wuv me?"

"Yes, Finny. He loves you very much. Do you love him?"

"Yeah, I wuv him," he said. He reached out his hand and gently stroked the baby's head. "Okay, Momma?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's okay. Just be gentle," I said, feeling tears begin to well up in my eyes. How I wish Matthew was here to witness this.

"Hello, baby," said a familiar deep voice. I didn't have to look up to know who it was. His booming voice always sent a shiver down my spine. I looked up to see him standing in the doorway, his shoulder leaning on the door jamb. He was dressed in a pair of heavy gauge denim pants and a pale pink button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His long dark hair cascaded around his shoulders and down his back, just like a lion's mane. His beard was trimmed close to his face and his piercing blue eyes were as intimidating as ever. His face was more full and robust from when I had last seen him in Texas six months ago. He was holding a bouquet of wildflowers and a large manila envelope in his hand.

"Jay! Jay!" yelled Finn, bouncing up and down. Before I could acknowledge Jace's presence, Finn clambered down off the bed and made a beeline for him, who immediately scooped him up in his arms and kissed the side of his head.

"Hey there, pardner! How have you been, my little buddy?" asked Jace.

"I got a new baby brudder," said Finn, pointing to the baby and me.

"I see that, big guy! What's his name?"

"Wyatt Maffew," said Finn.

"Wyatt Matthew, huh?" asked Jace. "Well, that's a real nice name."

"Jace, please…" I said, trying to stop this conversation from going somewhere that we both couldn't handle.

"I'll go get Casey," said Em, standing up from the floor and brushing the dirt from the knees of her pants.

"Em, stop. You'll do no such thing. In fact, I want you to keep Matt out of here for the next few minutes. Do you understand me?" I spoke in a stern tone. She stopped in her tracks and turned around to face me. The look on her face was one of disbelief. She nodded her head and trudged out of the room, like a child who had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

"Goddamn, baby...you are definitely the most beautiful sight I've seen in the last six months. I can't believe I tried to deny myself of ever seeing your face again. They say whiskey is supposed to be able to drown your bad memories, but I'm living proof that your memory is a hell of a lot stronger than eighty proof Jack Daniels. Here...these are for you," he said, handing me the bouquet of flowers.

"Wildflowers. My favorite," I said, quietly.

"I remember. They always were your favorite over any other flower, even roses."

"What are you doing here, Jackson? Last time I talked to Junior, you were still in the hospital in Houston." I asked. He walked over to the side of the bed and sat down next to me with Finn on his lap.

"I was released a few weeks ago. I had to see you, baby. I wanted to talk to you," he said. My heart began to race.

"Why didn't you just call me?"

"I tried to call you several times while I was in the hospital in Houston, but you never answered your phone. When you finally did answer, you said you wanted nothing to do with me anymore."

"That's not true, Jackson. I never got one phone call from you and when I tried to call you, some nurse named Loretta told me that you wanted nothing more to do with me, so I gave up."

"Goddamn her. I knew she was lying to me. Why didn't you call Junior?" he asked.

"I tried to call him several times, but the call would never go through, saying the number was no longer in service."

"Shit, that's my fault, baby. I took his phone when he came to visit to try to call you and a few other people. Loretta found it and confiscated it. He had to get a new phone and number. It doesn't matter anyway, because what I need to talk to you about couldn't be done over the phone, Cook. I needed to see your face, look into your eyes to know if it's true," he said.

"To know if what's true?"

"What you said to me while I was in the coma," he said. His eyes were burning brightly with that intense fire that had always brought me to my knees..

"I said a lot of things to you that night, Jackson. I was terrified that you were going to die," I said, trying to skirt around the issue.

"I know and I heard everything you said. I heard you singing to me. The song was "I'll Carry You Home" by Trisha Yearwood. It's what made me fight to come back," he said.

"If my singing and the things you think I said meant so much to you, then why did you refuse to see me and your family after you regained consciousness, Jackson? It hurt all of us," I said.

"Because I was so goddamn angry at everyone...especially you for telling me we could never see each other again," he replied.

"And yet you had the opportunity to see me again and refused it."

"I know, Cook...but I was out of my head when I first woke up. I wasn't thinking straight. The longer I thought about everything, the more urgent it became for me to find out if all the things I heard you say were real. I already know that one of the things I heard you say to me was true."

"Oh? And what was that?"

"That Harper knows we're her real parents. I heard you tell me that, baby...and when I was finally able to have visitors in Houston, she told me herself. But there's one more thing I need to know, Cook."

"What?" I said, already knowing the answer to that question. My heart was beating out of my chest in anticipation of hearing it.

"I heard you tell me that the baby you were carrying was mine and I want to know the truth, Madeleine."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Jackson. Why would I tell you something like that?"

"Don't lie to me, baby. I can see the truth written all over your face. I saw it in your eyes when you first looked up at me a few minutes ago. I can tell just by looking at him that he's my boy," he said, caressing the baby's head. "I should have put two and two together when I read the results of my fertility test that last night you were in Texas, but it didn't register with me until I was in Houston when I had nothing but time to think about all the things that had happened."

"That doesn't mean anything. We were together once and you have no idea when your sterility reversed itself."

"You can deny it all you want, but I know what I heard. Please...if you ever really loved me, please don't deny me the chance to be a father, Cook. Just tell me if there is a possibility that I'm this baby's father, Madeleine...please," he said, his voice cracking from all of the pent up emotions of the last six months.

"Yes, Jackson...of course I loved you...I still do. How can you even say that?"

"Because I'm asking you to use those feelings to tell me the truth." As I looked into his beautiful blue eyes, I could feel my resolve weakening. I had kept this secret to myself for so long, that finally answering the question when it was asked felt like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. Tears spilled over onto my cheeks.

"Yes, Jackson...it is possible that you are Wyatt's father, but please understand...things between Matt and I are better than they've ever been. Please don't do anything that could jeopardize that!" I pleaded with him, hoping to appeal to his practical sensibilities and praying that he would realize that this confession would hurt a lot of people, mostly Matt.

"Matt and you are doing better than ever, huh? Then it's obvious you don't know what I know," he said, the look on his face was incredulous. He put Finn down on the floor and picked up the manila envelope that he had laid on the bed.

"You might want to look at this." He pinched the metal clasp together and opened the flap. He took out two papers and held them up in front of me. The one on top was a facsimile copy of hospital records Everything was written in Spanish.

"What is this? What are these supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Look at the name, baby," he said, pointing to the top of the hospital paper. I scanned the top portion of the form until my eyes focused on one thing.

"PACIENTE: Gabriella Dawson"

"ADMITIR DIAGNOSTICO: El Ambarazo"

"Gabby Dawson was in a hospital in Puerto Rico? What does that have to do with Matt and me?"

"Look at this," he said, pulling out the paper that was underneath. It was a birth certificate. It was all in Spanish. From what I could make out, Gabby had given birth to a baby girl just a few weeks ago.

"So, Gabby Dawson got herself knocked up. That's no surprise. She was the firehouse carnival ride when she was here. Why do you even care?" I said, pushing the papers away.

"I care because of this," he said, his big finger pointing at one particular box on the birth certificate.

"PADRE: Matthew Alan Casey"

I couldn't stop staring at the name on the page. I felt as though someone had kicked me in the stomach, knocking all the air out of me. My mind raced back over the past six months, trying to remember if there were any tell tale signs that this was something that Matthew had known and didn't tell me. Maybe the unexplained phone calls on our anniversary or Matt abruptly ending several calls at home when I entered the room...his disappearance from bed in the middle of the night several times, claiming he couldn't sleep. Could they have all been connected? Better yet, if this was true, how could I justify confronting him about it when I had lied to him for months about my due date?

"Why are you doing this, Jackson? Why do you want to cause trouble for me and Matthew? What do you think you're going to get out of it?"

"I'm doing this because I want you to know the kind of man you're married to...and what I'll get out of this is a son and maybe, just maybe I'll get back the only woman that I will ever love in this lifetime," he said. The door to the room suddenly swung open, revealing Matt and Em standing there.

"I tried to stop him, Mads...really, I did," said Em.

"Maddy, what the hell is going on?" said Matt, sounding both surprised and angry.

"She didn't know I was coming, so don't even think about getting angry at her," growled Jace.

"I wasn't talking to you, Walker...I was talking to my wife," said Matt, putting an emphasis on the last two words.

'You want to know why I'm here, then ask me, goddammit, not her."

"OK, then I'll ask you...what the hell are you doing here?" said Matt, putting his hands on his hips and puffing out his chest.

"I came here to see her and the baby," said Jace, picking up the papers from the bed.

"Why in God's name would you come all the way from Houston...from a psychiatric hospital no less...to see Maddy and our baby?"

"Matthew, Jace, please…don't do this in front of Finn," I said. Jace held his hand up to me.

"Don't worry, baby...I got this," said Jace, putting up his hand to me before turning towards Matt. " I came here for two reasons...first, to show her these," said Jace, shoving the papers into Matt's chest. Matt took them from Jace's hand and slowly scanned them, his face draining of color.

"This proves nothing. She could have put 'Mickey Mouse' as the father of this baby if she wanted to," said Matt, shoving the papers back at Jackson.

"Then you're not denying that you knew she was pregnant? It's pretty obvious you did know, so don't even try to backpedal now," said Jace. A panicked look set in on Matt's face as he turned to look at me and he began to stammer.

"Look, she told me she was pregnant, but I was sure she was lying. She'd had an ectopic pregnancy when we were married and the doctors told her then that she would probably never carry a baby to term, even if she was able to conceive, which they said was highly unlikely. I didn't tell you because I didn't take it seriously, Maddy, and I didn't want anything more to interfere with us. Please believe me," he pleaded. I looked at Matt, then at Jace, then down at the sleeping baby attached to my breast. It was at that moment that I knew what I had to do.

"I do believe you, Matt...because...I did the same exact thing," I said, my voice choked with emotion.

"What do you mean?" asked Matt.

"Em, would you take Finn outside please?" I said. She nodded and picked Finn up. She carried him out of the room, promising him ice cream as they left. "What I mean is that...Jesus, this is going to be hard to say because once I do, everything as we know it will change," I said, trying to hold back tears.

"Maddy, please don't say what I think you're going to say," said Matt.

"I have to, Matthew...it's something you need to know. This baby in my arms...this beautiful, innocent little boy...wasn't born early. My due date was the eighth of April, not May. I lied to you," I said.

"But why would you do that?" he asked.

"Because unless the calculations were wrong, this baby was conceived while you and I were separated...and that's why I have every reason to believe that Wyatt...is... Jackson's son," I said, frantically wiping the tears away from my face with my free hand.

"But that's not possible. You told me he was sterile," said Matt.

"He found out the night before I was due to fly home from Texas that that's no longer the case," I said. "And you and I were using condoms before we separated, if you remember, so unless one of them broke and you didn't tell me, then this has to be his. I didn't tell you because I didn't want anything else coming between us either, but thinking back on everything now, that wasn't fair to any of us," I said, in a full blown cry. The baby began to cry, too. I picked him up and kissed his cheek. I rubbed and gently patted his back before putting him down to nurse from the other breast. He was oblivious to the chaos around him as he happily latched on and began to suckle.

"Baby, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to be upset by it, but the last time we

were together before we separated, the condom did break. You were so adamant about not going back on the pill until Finn was completely weaned, so when I found that the condom had broken, I didn't say anything because I didn't want you to worry. You had such a struggle getting pregnant with Finn that I thought one accident wouldn't amount to anything," said Matt. His eyes were red and rimmed with unshed tears. I looked over at Jace to see him wiping a few tears away with his hand. The three of us needed answers and there was only one way to do it.

"He's lying through his goddamn teeth, Cook," said Jace.

"Shut up, Walker and stop interfering in mine and Maddy's marriage," snapped Matt.

"Like you fucking your ex-wife didn't interfere with it at all, huh? Or how about all the times you saw her in the past six months and never told Madeleine? How about that, motherfucker?" asked Jace.

"Is that true, Matt? You've been seeing Gabby all along?"

"I saw her a few times, but it's not what he's making it out to be. I needed to know if she was telling the truth, so I met with her to have the paternity test done. It was months ago. That was all there was to it, Maddy. I swear," he said, pressing his thumb and forefinger into his eyes.

"You're a lying sack of shit, Casey, and you know it. Tell her the goddamn truth or I'll show her the proof that you're lying," Jace glared at Matt, his nostrils flaring and his chest heaving. He pulled his cell phone out of the back pocket of his jeans and held it in front of Matt. Matt's face turned white as he looked at the screen of Jace's phone.

"Tell me what he's talking about, Matthew," I said. He silently stood there, unable to make eye contact with me.

"This is what I'm talking about, baby," said Jace, sitting down next to me on the bed. He handed me his phone. On the screen was a picture of Matt standing next to a very pregnant Gabby Dawson outside of a restaurant in downtown Chicago.

"This proves nothing, Jackson. He's already admitted to meeting her to take a paternity test," I said.

"Keep scrolling left, baby...you'll see it," he said. I scrolled through several pictures that were similar to the first one, until I landed on one with Matt and Gabby in his truck. He was in the driver's seat and Gabby was straddling his lap and they were kissing. The date stamp on the picture was several months ago. I scrolled left again and saw a picture of Matt holding a baby. The date stamp was less than two weeks ago. I felt the bile rise in my throat as I struggled to keep from vomiting.

"I don't need to see any more," I said, shoving the phone back into Jace's hand. "I'm guilty of lying to you about this baby's due date," I said, addressing Matt. "But that's where my dishonesty ends. I was honest with you about my feelings for Jace and everything that happened between him and me because you deserved to know that. Feeling the love I used to have for him again was completely unexpected and has been a tremendous struggle for me, Matthew, and totally unfair to you. But I was able to fight against it as long as I had you and kept the faith in what we had together. These last six months have been amazing...you've been so sweet and loving and your devotion to me and our marriage is what made me believe that we could get through all of this. But now, I don't know what to think. The foundation that we've built our life on is cracked and it's as much my fault as it is yours.

"The birth of a new baby should be a joyous occasion, yet here we are shedding anything but happy tears," I said. "For whatever it's worth, Matt...I prayed that this baby was, by some miracle, yours and you just gave me a reason to believe that it could be, but if you fathered a child with Gabby Dawson, it will complicate everything even more and I know I'm not in any position to judge you or punish you for that."

"Let's quit dancing around the other elephant in the room here. A paternity test needs to be done," said Jackson. "I need to know if that's my boy."

"And if he's not your boy, will you get the hell out of Chicago and leave us alone once and for all?" snapped Matt.

"And if that's your daughter, will you finally get the fuck away from Madeleine? I've waited a long goddamn time for her," said Jace

"That'll be up to Maddy and not you," growled Matt.

"Will the two of you stop this, please!?" I pleaded with tears streaming down my face. "This baby and I are not possessions to be bargained for between the two of you so one of you can get the upper hand, for Christ's sake!" I hissed. "I will call Claire and have her set up the paternity test, but until then I need to ask the two of you to remain respectful of me, Finn and this baby. If you can't speak civilly to one another, take it outside away from us. Do you understand?" Both of them nodded in silent agreement. "First things first, Matthew...what were the results of your paternity test?"

"The baby is mine, Maddy. I'm so sorry." His eyes were filled with unshed tears.

"Don't you fucking call her 'baby' again. You just lost that right," growled Jace.

"Stop it, Jackson! So you've known this for months and didn't bother to tell me?" I said, directing my gaze back to Matt.

"I didn't know where to begin, Maddy. We spent the last nine months working on our marriage. How the hell was I supposed to bring this up without ruining everything?"

"And you thought waiting would help?"

"I needed to know if Gabby was telling the truth. The only reason I waited is because I didn't want to upset you before you had the baby and honestly, I was afraid of what you might do," he said.

"And if Jackson hadn't shown up and confronted you with these papers and pictures today, would you have said anything ever? If I'm being honest, I feel like you would have kept this to yourself, Matt," I said.

"Maddy, it wasn't like that, I swear," said Matt, stepping closer to the bed.

"It doesn't matter anyway. If Jackson hadn't shown up today, I would have lived the rest of my life not telling you about the possibility that he fathered this baby. I'm just as guilty of deception as you are," I said, wiping tears away from my face on the sleeve of my hospital gown.

"Madeleine, for Christ's sake, wake up! His promises don't mean shit, baby! I can give you the life you want, he can't and he never will," said Jace.

"Maddy's not impressed by your money, big shot. What she and I have is more valuable than that. You can't stand that Maddy belongs to me and that's all that this is about...your big as Texas ego," said Matt.

"My ego? Who out of the two of us jumped into bed with another woman when his ego took a hit, huh? It wasn't me, asshole...that was all you," said Jace.

"Maddy is mine and that baby in her arms is mine. You have no place in our lives," said Matt.

"That's yet to be proven, hot shot."

"Will the two of you please stop this?! With the way both of you are acting right now, I'm inclined to take this baby and Finn and get as far away from both of you as I possibly can," I cried. I pushed the call light, signalling the nurse to come. "He's finished eating," I said, picking him up and kissing his little cheek.

"Wait, his Daddy wants to hold him before you take him back to the nursery," said Matt, taking him from my arms. I saw Jace bristle at the words as he silently watched Matt cradling Wyatt. Matt kissed the baby on his forehead and handed him to the nurse. I could see the heartache on Jace's face as the nurse carried the baby back to the nursery. I picked up the phone from the bedside table and dialed Claire McAdams' extension. I wanted this over sooner rather than later.

"Hi Claire...it's Maddy Casey. No, no..I'm fine and the baby is fine. I just wanted to know if I could talk to you sometime today. There's something I'd like to discuss with you. Now would be a good time, if you can manage it. OK...I'll see you in a few minutes. Thanks, Claire." I put the receiver back in its cradle. "Claire is on her way, so the two of you need to call a truce for the next few days until we find out the results of the test. Do you understand me?"

They both looked at each other, then at me and nodded their heads in agreement. The next few days were going to be hell for all of us.