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Dear reader, this chapter is internal monologues, and therefore the reader may be subject to far more slang, vulgarities, and questionable expressions than any would even consider saying aloud or within company.

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Note: This is Thursday morning. The assembly was on Tuesday the week prior.

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I heard nearly every word that was uttered from that room. It was as clear as if I had been standing within its walls.

I was not the only one. Every member of our party heard it as well, save Charles. He had yet to return from the stables after assisting the driver with the team.

From a man's violent outburst that had me concerning for the safety of others who might have been within, to a woman's nearly intemperate retort... John Robert Lucas. At least I now knew the name of the man in the room. Although it did leave me to briefly wonder as to why he would be within at such an early hour.

The lot of us stood near the house, transfixed. To move elsewhere could alert the house to our presence, and thus inflame an already precarious situation. Conversely, to remain where we were further subjected us to bear witness to what could only be considered very much a private matter.

His fierce words of affection should not have taken me unaware. His intense looks at the assembly were quite clear. I am the interloper here, with no honorable way with which to extricate myself. I had no desire to expose myself or the rest of the party to our inopportune listen to a man so humble himself, to go so far as to plead her acceptance. Even so, his voice was...odd. Perhaps I would perceive differently if I were within the room. Nevertheless, some of his expressions were presented as if half-swallowed in his throat. If it were further into the day, I would have thought him foxed. There was most certainly some peculiarity at work in this...mare's nest.

Malformed words or no, his purpose was clear. I had little doubt of his offer of marriage to one the Bennett twins. I looked to Fitz. His eyes were to his boots, as were us all, so it seemed. His teeth appeared clenched. His mouth showed an expression of unease that I was experiencing as well. Although Fitz and I had discussed our intentions with Miss Elizabeth and Miss Mary, we arrogantly made no allowance for one of us to be unsuccessful in our suit. If it should come to pass, would Fitz harbor a dissatisfaction of long standing towards me? If he is unable to secure her, would he demand that I quit Miss Mary? Would I ask the same of him if matters were transposed? I chastise myself in an attempt to regain my peace. The imbroglio appeared to be as yet incomplete, and if any of us wished to emerge from it with our pride or prize intact, level heads must be kept.

It was only then I heard the name, 'Mary Bennett'. Blast! I wanted to kick the gravel at my feet, but that would defeat our purpose of remaining unobserved. I have tarried overlong, devil it! I drop my eyes back to my boots and refuse to accept the looks of pity I know I shall see from the others.

Could my ears deceive me? Is she refusing him? Oh. I must be a wicked man! Garnering joy at hearing what would only cause suffering to another. Yet again, I desiderate for us to leave without drawing notice. I would be most violently displeased if another were to bear witness to such a scene as this.

'Why ever not, my dearest Mary?' I hear through the window. I can endure this no further. The desire to remain unnoticed is quickly becoming less important than listening to a man beseech her to reconsider.

In much effort, I move to shadow James' path to the back of the house. Perhaps there is a garden where I may bide my time. I move quickly across the window, and hope I remain unnoticed.

'As I am over here! ...You…. You…noxious cur!' Surely not. My ears must be deceiving me. Could it possibly be that he offered for the wrong twin? How the Devil can a man be in possession of such ardency, yet be able to discern one twin from t'other. I simply cannot grasp how a person could make such a public offer of affection and not be certain that they are fully aware of which woman they are offering for! I know not whether to curse his luck, or celebrate my own. Regardless, I must remove myself from this debacle.

Less than a dozen steps takes me around the corner and in easy sight of a utilitarian kitchen garden. Perhaps I may stay in shelter here for a time, whilst the remainder of the storm passes. I am at quite a loss. No man ever intends to be witness to a display of the phrase, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.", yet I heard much of it in full splendor.

If I had ever given credence to Mr. Lucas as a competitor for Miss Mary's affections, I should give it even less now.

I expect Fitz to attempt to sway me away from her. The spectacle before us was most … unfortunate to witness. Even so, had our call been of a more reasonable hour…

Furthermore, a gentleman would have no knowledge of prior suitors. Or offers ...and with a lady as lovely, as kind, as gentle, as sharp as Miss Mary, it would cast aspersions upon the eyesight of all men if there were no prior callers, admirers. I presume since all the Bennett sisters are out, they certainly are all of age.

I must divert my thoughts away from the happenings within. If I cannot do so, I should return to Netherfield. This garden. It must be perfectly suited for the needs of a small household, although it is rather barren due to the season. I am hardly given a moment to spare a thought to consider as to why the garden bench appears sticky, when the door opens. A woman, likely a companion or tutor, is physically persuading my Mary into the garden. Dare I call her such? I would not cast aspersions upon her if she were to detest us as a species.

I listen as the woman bids Miss Mary to get herself under good regulation, but it appears ineffective. I bear witness as a litany of words come flowing from her mouth like a flooding torrent. I note German and Italian, with a trifle of French and perhaps Latin? I know not if I should be impressed by the number of languages she can grasp, or be alarmed at the quite unladylike display before me. I do know I am drawn towards her ire. I utter a quick prayer, 'If ever she should accept me, may I never have it in full display at me directly.'

It is within her polemic that I am brought to my own discovery. I, like my cousin Richard, do not desire a woman who would cower. While I am rather certain that my wife would not have to endure as frequent ill-tempers as Richard's bride might, it is to be expected that every man has a day when their patience is sorely tested. Although she is yet to be made aware of my presence, I cannot help but marvel at her strength. This. This! Here is why our pursuit for a bride was ill-fated within Town. I can only surmise that her governess did little to quell such display, although the woman who brought her to the garden had removed her from the others. She has been reticent, but has not been wholly in agreement with my every utterance. She neither simpers, nor fawns...I noted that with all of her sisters.

While it is true we have spent little time in company, I have kept her under my observation when we have been within similar circles. She and her twin may be clothed in similar fashion, but the watchful eye would quickly take note that their differences are vast. Miss Mary does not speak as often, showing preference to allow Miss Elizabeth to speak for them both. Yet, when she does, her voice is of lower pitch than her sister. I would wager my saddle that she was the alto voice when they exhibited at the card party and when Fitz and I crossed over the property. I would likewise wager on Miss Mary being the second born, pushed to the side, compelling her to be more of a shadow. Knowing what I have observed of her, her current air assures me that she would be an excellent wife. If she will have me, that is.

The woman who compelled her here; I have caught her eye. I cannot tell if she is alarmed or embarrassed, although both would be appropriate. I give her a curt nod, which she returns. For now, so many rules of propriety have been dashed to the cesspit, what is one more.

Regardless, I must alert Miss Mary to my presence. I cough, twice. Yet she does not hear me. Perhaps this is the time for boldness.

'Es ist sind, nicht sein.'

I watch as she turns about sharply upon her heel, likely ready to denounce me. I do not know who she expected to see, but it was not me.

With much caution, I take a step towards her. Only one. 'Your choice of the verb to be the incorrect tense.' It takes every bit of control to not react at the wealth of reactions that crosses her countenance. 'I did not intend to intrude, my father would caution me on occasion that if I were to eff and blind, I should use the proper conjugation.' I attempted to reassure her with my humor, hoping to bring her ease.

She was fully colored up, her eyes darting between the woman near the door and myself. Her mouth opened and closed as if searching for the words to respond. I feared she was near to swoon. Or flee.

'I, myself, have discovered that there are times when English is sorely lacking to fully express myself. Allow me to assure you. Your confidence is safe with me.' I said softly.

I watched as she adjusted her stance. Perhaps my pinched manner of managing the issue had relaxed her. 'May I inquire as to how long you have been here? Why were you not announced?' she asked.

'Our party has displayed the most deplorable manners. My cousin Ricard had need to return to Town, and he bade us to call far early so he may take proper leave of you and your sisters; that he may complete his journey while the day is still fair. It was never our intent to intrude. I came to the garden in pursuit of hearing nothing further. I can well see that you have no wish to entertain callers today. I bid you better day, Miss Mary.' I could not bring myself to subject her to further scrutiny. The discomfiture she must be enduring...to have such an occurrence to be witnessed. I do not care to consider what might occur if any of this Gordian knot were to be brought out. It is my every wish to end this disastrous call and inform my brother and the others that I will make my own return to Netherfield.

I can overlook all that transpired here today. Nonetheless, will she be of mind to receive me once good order is restored. ...and I am unaware if her heart was affected.

…***...

If questioned, no one would ever consider describing the contrariety that exists being both gentleman and soldier. The soldier that I am - no, was - demanded to crack into action when I heard the rough words that flowed through the window from within. I knew not the extent of the current threat. Even so, if it was enough to draw James into the thick of it, that was all the purpose I required. The aspect of my character that is a gentleman, a bred and raised member of the gentry and all responsibilities forthwith, demanded that I clap my cousins upon the shoulder and suggest our immediate leaving. I was all too aware of the very real potential of upsetting their household by our early call. The complexity that appeared to be unfolding within our hearing simply solidifies my earlier concern. In the midst my personal wars of training and expectation, a rarely expressed aspect rears its opinion.

The man. The part which generally remains concealed after the gentleman's education and soldier's training is complete.

Her voice.

It was not a Bennett, of that I was certain. If she exhibits with her voice, it would be a contralto. The timbre holds neither the brashness of a full young, nor the gravel of an aged. If I hear correctly, I would put her to be of age, yet not fully on the shelf. Even so, judging her age by voice alone is unwise. I desire to know better, she who is in possession of such spirit.

Her words.

God's Beard! Her words! Many ladies would shrink or flee from his rough language. No, not she! I cannot see, but I can envision her standing tall against Mr. Lucas' wrath.

John Robert Lucas. Does he not have a sister. He does, if I recall. Could this woman be she? If we were introduced at the assembly, I am unable to bring her look to mind. Pity.

I hear much rustling of skirts and overall movement within. I know not if it is my desire to hear her again speak, or my conflict within my warring natures that has me unable to move.

I have been foolish in my ways during the entirety of this excursion. It is better that I do not behave rashly. It is possible I have brought conjecture and censure upon the twins as it is. I cannot permit myself to risk further damage to their reputations. For a moment, I begrudge James on his capacity to act. I cannot fault his diligence to his duties. After all, it is that very reason he was tasked with his position. Father was correct in his insistence that if I were to persevere in having the twins remain under my protection, distance must be maintained. I have been pathetic at remaining proper distance. James was right. My cousins were correct as well.

Mr. Lucas' voice draws me away from my own thoughts. I hear his entreaty and plead within my mind for his silence. 'For the love of all that is Holy, close your damn mouth!' If overhearing him pour out the contents of his heart in such a public a fashion were not sufficiently shocking...the man apparently was unable to discern his Miss Mary from his Miss Elizabeth. I cannot discern the difference between the two reliably, but I am not making the offer of matrimony either.

'Saints be and help this daft bugger.'

Dash it, Darce! As if this were not goat rope enough! Could you be more daft as to reveal our position? As clearly as I could discern what was spoken within, it is certain our attendance was revealed.

Where the devil is James in all this? I hear neither his voice, nor the heavy boot of a man. Should he not intervene in some manner? As I stand stock-still like a loon, who am I to cast aspersions!

Did an occurrence pass over me? I can only hear the sounds of disturbance.

Her voice.

She has spoken again. Bloody hell, she is most put out! Hold. Can a woman turn your head through words alone? Through her spirit alone? This would come at a most inconvenient time, dash it all!

Charlotte. Miss Charlotte Lucas, his sister. It is she.

A woman whose father is of the knighthood. That would speak of connections. Outspoken. Fierce. Manners can be taught. Behaviors can be polished if need be. But oh, that fire!

Woman aside, our position has been revealed. The household could not possibly be in any condition beyond turmoil. Nevertheless. I see little option but to formally make ourselves known, although our party is not as large as it was upon our arrival. Better to leave my card and make a hasty retreat.

I am uncertain as to whom is deserving of more censure. Not a one has been the prize sow today.

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What sort of family have I acquainted myself? Such a list of peculiar occurrences to reconcile. If I were to conduct a call as our group has done this morning with the confines of Town, I would likely be shunned; and deservedly so. Conversely, if I were to bear witness to such events as today, I would remove myself forthwith. It is only through the obvious close connection of Mr. Fitzwilliam to the Bennetts, as well as the Darcys seeming interest in the twins that I have connections to be gained would have been worth overlooking the exceptional behavior. However, after overhearing all I have heard this morning...

I shall seek my father's counsel, but as of now...I am best to make my own return to Netherfield, as has Mr. Darcy the younger.

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Doubtless, Charles will see the wisdom of my previously given advise when he returns from assisting with the horses. The direction to which he paid no heed. The guidance that the lot of us wholly discarded, myself included. I was aware of how frightfully early we were arriving to pay call. I was aware that our early arrival would cause upset to the household. Perhaps we would have borne witness to a maid airing the linens, or other item along similar lines.

I was prepared to and anticipated such potentials, but nothing as such. The upset we have stumbled upon is more so than any of us could have anticipated. Here the lot of us stand, our eyes staring at our boots without, while a man with violent outbursts makes an offer of marriage to a Bennett twin within. I am not certain as to how to proceed which at this juncture. I am granted little comfort to note that I am not the only man at such impasse.

My jaw aches from clenching it so, as do my fists. It is of rare instance that I find myself in question of my own good sense. Yet, today is one of those moments. How could I have allowed myself to again be drawn on the cusp of such scandal. Did our troubles with Charles's sister teach us nothing?

If father were in attendance, he would have insisted upon our taking leave without concern of drawing attention within the household. I would agree with his action, yet I so desire to not offend.

Yet I remain fixed to the spot beneath the portico with behavior on display more fitting for a child caught in the pantry than a grown man halted in approach of calling upon the woman who has caught his eye.

Am I hearing correctly? Am I correct in the understanding that Mr. Lucas has made offer to Miss Elizabeth under the belief that was in fact desiring to offer for Miss Mary. What in Blazes would possess a man to propose marriage when he cannot discern between sisters? I am well aware that holding discernment between male twins holds greater import than that of female twins. I cannot fathom what would possess this man to proceed as such.

Dear Lord, but this is a mare's nest! Although, as with the issue with Richard, I anticipate there is more in play than it would appear.

Perchance it would be of the better option to accompany Richard to Town. Give the benefit of distance for the preservation of cooler heads? Bid farewell to my wood sprite. Leave tales of love to the stories of children.

This is overmuch for one man to overlook; or endure.

Although, Richard still must take his leave of the Bennetts. All that has transpired has left the lot of us quite befuddled. Yes. Perhaps returning to Town prematurely would be ideal.

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I thought I had brought this all about to reason.

All I had seen could not be in truth, so it must be a dream. Not an ordinary dream, but a fevered one. I believed myself in my sickbed. I heard my Charlotte's voice drift in as the morning mists, her tone most worrisome. I must have been grievously unwell. Precariously so.

With the full understanding that all I have seen to be no more than a fit of my own calenture, I venture to give voice to what I cannot do in actuality. My love, my dearest stood before me and I could not help but express what had been dwelling within myself for some time.

It was alleged to be a dream. It was not. It was real. I find myself back to the origin of it all. I cannot discern betwixt dream and awake.

...and I have cast it all. Blast!

Is this what it is like to go mad?

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I was correct, to our misfortune. The gentlemen were indeed here. They heard. Every word, or enough. It matters not that their arrival was far earlier than what is deemed proper. They bore witness to our ignominy. I know not why they did not make their presence known.

They had not bade entry. One of the maids must have alerted Mrs. Phillips to their presence, as I did not. Sufficiently pressing that she went without to address them, rather than to entertain within.

I listened to their conversation, just as they had to ours. It seemed only fitting. I concern not so fully for Mary or myself, but for Jane and Kitty. Mayhaps Frannie was correct. Our behavior shall be the ruin of the rest of our sisters. Other than not succumbing to the waters as did our brother, how have we erred?

I see little reason to remain in Merryton. I have no desire to receive pity when those who know what occurred, or gossip from those who do not. Uncle has taken great pains to establish our own household. Although I am all too aware that we place ourselves on the shelf at its immediate establishment. Perchance we ought leave for uncle's as soon as we might. Tomorrow? The next?

I shall not sorrow for what cannot be. I shall not move aside the curtain for one final glimpse.

I shall not despair over the notion of being crossed in love. Could it even have been called as such?

Farewell, my giant. I cannot help but hold you dear.

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Glossary:

Irascible - having or showing a tendency to be easily angered

Foxed - drunk

Mare's nest - an extremely confused, complicated, or embarrassing situation

Vociferate - shout, complain, or argue loudly or vehemently

Desiderate - feel a keen desire or wish for

Torrent - a sudden, violent, and copious outpouring of something, typically words or feelings

Quell - put an end to an incident or behavior, typically with force.

Marriage of mutual benefit - aka, marriage of convenience

Gordian knot - an extremely difficult or involved problem

Imbroglio - an extremely confused, complicated, or embarrassing situation

Polemic - a verbal attack on someone or something

Es ist sind, nicht sein - He is correcting her grammar on the conjugation of the words to be

Eff and blind - Using language so vulgar, it could blind a Saint.

Odds-on: as in horse racing

Plant a facer - punch in the nose

Contrariety - opposition or inconsistency between two or more things

Contralto - the lowest of the female voices

Goat rope - vulgar - an extremely confused, complicated, or embarrassing situation

Deep water predicament - a confusing, complicated, situation, where all factors may not be known

Rue - regretful

Calenture - feverish delirium

Ignominy - public shame or disgrace

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