A/N: So here is the next update. This chapter is a lot longer than all the other ones. We've come to a quite crucial moment in the story and I couldn't find the right way to cut this chapter without being too mean about leaving you hanging. I hope it'll be worth the wait! Hold on to your hats!
Thank you all for taking the time to read and review my story. I'm so happy to see people like what I'm doing (or trying to do!).
As usual, thank you to Babyjamo for keeping me in line and encouraging me. For someone who said they don't know how to beta, you are doing a VERY fine job!
Chapter XXXIX
Callie cursed under her breath while she tried to find a parking spot. She was late. Of all things she could be late for, it had to be this. Sofia's first T-ball game. "Asshole!" She shouted at the guy that obviously stole her parking spot. If there had not been kids around, she would have flipped him the finger. Fortunately, she found a spot shortly after. It was quite the walk from the entrance of the fields, but she was going to make it work. She walked to the trunk and took her Yankees jersey out of a bag and put it on. She was going to be the super supportive mom in the stands, she was prepared.
She hurried over to the field, where the children were already in their positions in their respective dugouts. Fortunately, she was not that late, the game had not started yet. When she got closer, she noticed Arizona was talking to Anne. They were sitting together in the bleachers and looked mighty cozy. Apparently, the redhead said something really funny because Arizona threw her head back and laughed out loud.
Callie's eyes narrowed and she felt something indescribable in the pit of her stomach. It was not like she was jealous, but she just did not like what she saw. The animated conversation between Anne and Arizona continued until her ex-wife's eyes connected with hers and she waved at Callie. The blonde's face seemed to light up when she noticed Callie coming closer. "Hey, you are just in time, the team is about to start hitting."
"Sorry, I'm late," Callie said as she sat down next to Arizona, leaning in to plant a kiss on the blonde's cheek. Arizona had decided to go in for a hug, which resulted in an awkward few seconds. The weird interaction caused them both to laugh, their gazes lingering for a moment before Callie opened her arms for Arizona. "Morning traffic is the worst," she said apologetically as she ran her hand over Arizona's back. Just before she pulled back from the hug, her eyes locked with Anne's, who was watching their interaction like a hawk. Callie flashed her a sweet smile and nodded in acknowledgment.
"You didn't miss anything," Arizona assured her.
"Hey, Torres, welcome to the mommy supporters club," Anne butted in. "I was just telling Arizona here that we take turns in bringing snacks. It's my turn today and I brought doughnuts for everyone. You want one?"
"Hi Williams," Callie greeted the redhead. She shook her head. "No, thanks, I just had breakfast." Arizona did not pass on the doughnut though, she eagerly picked one and started eating it. The powdered sugar immediately stuck to the blonde's cheek and Callie could not help but to lick her thumb and gently wipe it off.
"Thanks," Arizona's cheeks turned a light pink, which did not get lost on Callie.
She flashed Arizona her trademark megawatt smile. "Some things never change," she replied with a wink before turning her attention to Anne. "Looks like Brayden and Sofia are finally having their playdate. It's good to see him out on the field."
Anne chuckled. "Yeah, kids nowadays seem to have busier schedules than their parents." The redhead put her hand on Arizona's arm. "Callie and my ex-wife fixed him up," she said proudly. "You wouldn't believe he was in a car accident less than eight months ago."
"Wow," Arizona responded. "You don't say."
"It was mostly Emma's work," Callie said her eyes fixed on Anne's hand that was still resting on Arizona's arm. She let out a soft breath of air when the redhead's hand retreated and she repeated the words she always said when Anne complimented her on the surgery. There was a lot to be said about the redheaded General Surgery hot shot, but it was obvious she was grateful for the work Callie had done. And she would tell anyone and everyone. It was just a shame she never really gave Emma the credit she deserved.
Callie trained her eyes on the field, just in time to see Sofia hit the ball and run for the base. She got up from her seat and cheered loudly as the little girl ran safely into first base. "Well done, baby! Go Bombers!"
Sofia firmly kept her foot on first base and waved at her mothers with a beaming smile on her face. "God, she is amazing," Callie mused as she leaned against Arizona, who had gotten up to cheer as well.
"Yes, she is," Arizona replied in a dreamy tone of voice.
In response, Callie's hand found Arizona's and gently squeezed. Their eyes met and both women smiled, sharing the moment of pride for their daughter.
Sofia's team ended up winning the game by two points. As soon as the game was done, the little girl had run over to their mothers to hug them. "Did you see me run, mama?"
"I totally did," Callie replied. "Although it was almost too fast for me to see. You were great out there!"
"Mr. Alex taught us," she said. "But you always have to keep your foot on the base, or else you're out. Except for first base."
Callie nodded and ruffled Sofia's hair. "So smart."
"Maaamaaaa," Sofia whined. "Mommy did my hair all neat and now you're messing it up."
Arizona chuckled. "Your hair looks fine, don't worry."
Callie got up. "I have to go to work, baby. I'm so proud of you," she said before leaning in to plant a kiss on the top of Sofia's head. "Looks like you're needed, the coach is calling your name."
"Bye, Mama." With that Sofia was off to join her teammates.
"This was a really good idea," Callie mused as she watched how Sofia mingled with the team. Arizona did not answer, she just nodded as she looked in the same direction.
"Torres, sorry to rain on your parade, but they need us," Anne called out from behind them. "Big fight in Central Park, multiple victims. We need our resident bonesetter for this one as well." She winked at Callie.
"I'm on my way, see you there," Callie replied before turning to Arizona. "This was fun, we should do this every weekend."
"I wish," Arizona responded. "We'll have to come up with a schedule. One of us should be at every game."
Callie could not agree more. "I kinda like doing this with you."
"Me too," Arizona replied. "We'll figure something out. Miss resident bonesetter, huh? With that new nickname is like you're a whole new person."
Callie chuckled. "No one calls me that. But I guess I am a bit of a new person..." she paused and smiled at her ex-wife. "I'm still a badass Ortho Goddess though, that will never change." She pulled Arizona into a quick hug before walking off.
As she headed to her car, Callie thought back to how Arizona had responded to the news about Emma. She had seen the blonde was lying to her and deep down it was slightly satisfying. Because if Arizona was jealous or even just feeling something about Emma and her being more than friends at one point, it meant she cared. Right? Or was that just wishful thinking on her part?
###
Within no time, Callie got sucked into the rush of working on emergency cases. Hours had passed before she managed to get a few free minutes to sit down and work on her research. She was staring at her screen and sighed before pinching the bridge of her nose and turning towards Emma, who was sitting next to her.
The blonde turned to her head, her green eyes locking with Callie's, indicating she now had her full attention.
"How are you getting along?" Callie was not even sure if she had the brain space to know the answer. But maybe talking about work would help distract her from her thoughts. Her top priority had been for Arizona and her to get along, to be able to make this new situation work. It was just going much better than planned. She had not taken into account that being around Arizona again, without the fighting and the pressure of trying to fix things could lead to feelings stirring up. Not that she was complaining, the light teasing and flirting that had been going on, the slight touches here and there, and the looks Arizona had given her were nothing but extremely enjoyable. But the second she was left with her thoughts, her mind would go in overdrive, warning her that she was playing a dangerous game. Developing new, romantic feelings for Arizona could potentially ruin everything they had so carefully tried to build back up.
Emma chuckled. "Just fine, thank you," she replied simply. "You seem to be distracted though. What's up?"
Callie shrugged. "Just one of those days, I guess."
"How about a coffee break?" The blonde suggested.
She just nodded at the blonde and without saying another word they got up and left the lab. They walked towards the coffee cart that was located just outside of the hospital building. Once they both had their orders, they sat down on a nearby bench. Callie leaned back and closed her eyes, letting the September sun warm her face. She had been spending most of her time cooped up in the lab and she could almost feel her skin soaking up the warmth.
"Can I ask you something?" Callie asked, her eyes remaining closed.
The blonde sitting next to her was sitting in the exact same position. Emma cracked her eyes open and glanced at Callie. When she noticed the dark-haired woman's eyes were closed, she closed hers again as well. "Fire away," she answered before facing the sun again.
"When you decided to go through with the divorce, how did you know for sure it was the right decision?"
Emma's eyes opened again and she turned to Callie, sitting up straight. "I had to protect myself," the blonde replied. It was obvious she did not need to think about that answer. "There were so many reasons why I could have stayed with her, but in the end, I realized that none of those reasons were beneficial for me in the long run. You know Anne. As much as I loved her, I knew there were things that were never going to change. I couldn't waste my life waiting for her to fight for me."
Callie had now opened her eyes again and was turned towards Emma. She had an idea what the blonde was talking about. "Do you regret your decision?"
The blonde bit her lip before taking a sip of her coffee. "No," she answered simply. "It took a long time to find myself again and there are days that it still hurts, but I don't regret it. I'd rather have us be civil like we are now." She flashed Callie a puzzling look, studying the woman next to her. "Why? Do you have regrets?"
The dark-haired woman pursed her lips before letting out a soft sigh. "I don't know. I….at the time it was the right decision. Arizona and I….we've been through so much and it had us stuck. All we did was fight and hurt each other. But now…the way things are now…." Her voice trailed off, as did her stare. Her eyes were focused on something far away from their conversation.
"I have only met her twice," Emma said. "But…..." She bit on the inside of her cheek, pondering whether she should continue. "It…ahh…it looked like the chemistry is still there."
Callie's head shot up, locking eyes with the blonde. She raised her eyebrow and flashed Emma a questioning look. The shock on her face was almost like Emma had caught her doing something illegal.
Once Emma noticed that she was not really touching upon a sore subject, she broke into a smile. "Come on, Torres, even a blind man can see that."
"It's weird…" Callie started. "It seems we have settled into some kind of friendship and….well, not fighting is making me remember all the good things. The reasons I fell in love with her in the first place. This morning, at the game, I saw her talking to Anne, laughing with her and….I don't know, I guess I got a little jealous? It's kind of confusing."
"I can see that. Being able to step back and having the space to figure yourself out, makes you see people and things in a different way. It can be confusing," Emma mused. "I've had my fair share of wondering whether I made the right decision and being jealous." The blonde chuckled and shook her head. "I think it was more the fear of ending up alone and not the fear of having made a mistake by ending our marriage. I think it's very different from what's happening between you two."
"Arizona knows about us," Callie said, staring at her coffee cup.
Emma raised her eyebrow and looked at her friend in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"The other day Arizona and I went for drinks and we talked. She asked me if there had been anyone since Penny and I…well I said there was someone sort of, but I didn't say it was you. She figured that out last night."
"Wait…what?" Emma narrowed her eyes slightly. "Why would you do that?"
The raven-haired woman sighed and pursed her lips. "When she met you the other day, I was glad to see you guys get along. You are my friend and she is….well, you know. I didn't want to mess that up."
She waited for Callie's eyes to meet hers. "What did she say?"
"She said it's none of her business. That I can date whomever I want."
"Right," Emma replied, drawing out the i. "If that isn't code for exactly the opposite, then I don't know what is." The blonde looked at Callie expectantly, her eyebrow raised. "You talk about her all the time, when I see you two together you are both all blushy and googly-eyed…..If she noticed anything between you and me it's because she was watching, looking for it…..Come on, there is clearly something going on."
"What?" Her voice was high-pitched as if Emma had just said the most ridiculous thing ever. Callie shook her head. "No…ah…no, we're just friends."
"Sure you are." An all-knowing grin appeared on Emma's face as she intently watched for Callie's reaction.
She sighed and looked away, not wanting those green eyes to read her. Her mind was screaming at her, telling her to not say it. Saying the words out loud would make it real. She was not ready for it to be real. No matter how far in she already was. No matter how much she could no longer deny it.
"What's wrong, Callie?" Emma asked, her grin changing into a more concerned look.
"I think I'm falling for my ex-wife again." And there they were, the words that had been playing on her mind for a little while now. The words that she had been afraid to speak. They were out in the open. And as much as she had dreaded that, it also brought her some sense of relief.
"You think?" Emma replied with a slight smirk on her lips.
Callie let out a deep sigh and toyed with the lid of her cup. "I know, it's ridiculous, right?" The light and teasing reaction Emma had to her confession made her feel less on edge. She knew it was safe to tell her friend how she felt and she knew Emma knew it was a serious topic. How the blonde almost always seemed to know how to react was beyond her. But whatever it was, it made Emma a damn good friend.
"Oh come on, Torres, stop it," Emma shut her down right away. "Nothing wrong with feeling things, right? A wise woman once told me that," she added, referring to the words Callie had said to her not so long ago. "I could see the chemistry from all the way across the room. It's not ridiculous at all. I just didn't realize you didn't know it yet."
If Emma had seen it, did that mean Arizona was also aware of it? And if she was, what did she think of it? Did Arizona know how she was feeling? "Arizona and I…" Callie paused for a moment. "We've been through so much."
"You can't choose who you fall in love with," Emma replied with a shrug. "It's undeniable that you two have a special bond."
"I can't go there again, Emma," Callie said, her voice changing from slightly hopeful to more fearful. Even the mere thought of the pain Arizona and her had caused each other, felt like a punch in the gut.
"It's not like you're going back," the blonde replied. "You are different, and from what you've told me she is different, the whole situation is different. So, it's not like going back to something, it's like a whole new thing. You can't know what comes out of it."
Callie shook her head. "I just need to listen to my head more than my heart," she said. "In the past, I'd fall in love at the drop of a hat. I've made some rash decisions because of that. I need to break that cycle. I'm stronger than that now. And I'm no longer the only person I'm accountable for. I have Sofia. She's already hoping her mommies are getting back together, I can't just get her hopes up only to crush them."
"The fact that you care so deeply is one of the things that makes you who you are," Emma replied gently. It was obvious she was trying to tread lightly. "It's one of the things that make you who you are. You should never change that. There's nothing wrong with following your heart."
Callie let out another deep sigh and held her friend's gaze for a moment while she contemplated what the blonde had just said. With a slight shake of her head, she found herself admitting her deepest feelings. "When I see her smile, my heart starts beating faster. When I feel her near me, I can feel my temperature rising, and when she looks at me…."
The amused look Emma gave her cracked Callie up. "Yeah, yeah, I know…..I sound like a twelve-year-old with her first crush. You can mock me all you want."
"Hey! I resent that," Emma flashed Callie a mock hurt look. "You know I'd never do that. Besides, I don't know about you, but I was in love with softball when I was twelve. I still believed boys had cooties at that age."
Again, Emma had turned a tough moment into something lighter with some playful banter, something Callie was grateful for. She was still processing her earlier confession. "Were you even into boys?" Callie raised her eyebrow, happily accepting the change of subject. The fact that she had confessed her feelings for Arizona out loud was a big enough step for today. They did not have to sit here and go through everything with a fine-toothed comb to analyze the situation she found herself in.
"I was into softball."
"You are so gay," Callie teased.
"I know, right?" Emma flashed Callie a sly grin, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "But, seriously though, I don't know her at all, but from the way I saw her look at you…"
"Don't," Callie interrupted. She did not want to hear that Arizona looked at her with her googly eyes. She did not want to hear there was a possibility that her ex-wife might be going through the same thing.
"Callie."
"No, just don't. This is so wrong. It's not going to happen. I won't let it. I can't."
"Callie, look at me." When Callie complied and their eyes met, she continued, "Why don't you just live a little? You tell everyone that what they are feeling is okay and to just live their lives, not fight things you can't control. Why don't you listen to your own advice for once?" Emma retorted. Her voice had changed slightly, indicating to Callie that she was serious.
Callie huffed. Emma did have a point there, but she was not going to admit it.
"Look at what you have right now," Emma continued. "Your daughter is back and so is your ex-wife. They are both here. I've seen you longing to be with Sofia, hell, probably even with Arizona. Now you have the chance to do so…..go do it."
"But…,"Callie protested, ready to list the 101 reasons why she could not fall back in love with her ex-wife, but her friend obviously did not want to hear them as she cut her off.
"Time to put on your big girl pants, Torres," Emma said while getting up from the bench. She walked over to the bin and discarded her empty coffee cup. "Stop being a coward and live a little. You are putting the Ortho Goddess title to shame."
Callie raised her eyebrow and got up as well. "Wow, don't hold back on my account," she replied, her voice a little subdued. Emma did not seem to be backing down and it made her feel like she was being berated.
"Look," Emma watched Callie throw away her empty cup as well. "I always think that regretting something you did is better than regretting something you didn't do. Life is not meant to be spent wondering what if." Emma bumped her shoulder into Callie's, trying to lighten the mood a little before they turned and both started making their way back into the hospital. "I get that it's scary. I get that you've been hurt…."
"No, you don't get it, you don't get it at all," Callie replied, her voice sounding harsher than she had intended. She needed to set a boundary here. Yes, Emma was a good friend and she certainly had a way of reading people. But she did obviously not understand the situation Callie found herself in. She probably never could. "This isn't JUST about me. Sofia is my number one priority. I have to think about her before I do anything."
Emma did not reply and they walked towards the hospital in silence. Callie starting feeling bad for the way she spoke to her. Emma was just listening to her and offering advice. Callie took the blonde not replying as a sign she was upset with her, so she just left it there. She did not want to get into it right now. And besides, if Emma was upset she was going to have to come out and say it. Callie was kind of done with having to guess how the blonde felt. Emma's face was practically Switzerland, she could hardly ever tell what was going on behind her friend's intense green eyes.
Just before they entered the hospital again, Emma spoke up. "You do realize you're lashing out at me because you are scared, right?"
Callie stopped dead in her tracks and stared at Emma. Ok, so apparently they were getting into it. Why could Emma not just get the hint and leave it be? "Look, Emma, I'm sorry, I just…."
Emma also stopped. "You're scared because you care," she continued. "I mean, it isn't a coincidence you spell scared that way." Her voice was calm and gentle, much like how she always talked to Callie. The blonde shrugged and as Callie studied her, she realized that Emma did not seem the least bit affected by her earlier harsh words. It was like nothing could phase her. Fucking Switzerland.
"You say you think you're falling for her, but I think you already have….And there's nothing wrong with that." She did not give the dark-haired woman a chance to reply. Emma just gently squeezed Callie's arm before walking off into the hospital, leaving her standing there with a blank look on her face.
"Dammit," Callie cursed under her breath. This was just what she did not need right now. The dust was finally starting to settle. They had found a rhythm here in New York. She should be happy and enjoy what she had right now. But all she could think about right now were Emma's words. Was Emma right? Did Arizona feel the same way? She had to know.