Remus awoke from the October full moon and immediately knew he'd broken at least a couple of ribs. His head pounded and he wondered which pack member he'd brawled with to cause him such injuries. He was grateful at least that even his wolf-self had sought solitude to transform back to human form and he allowed himself to stay on the forest floor a while, becoming absorbed by the pain. He was disgusted with himself that even lying there naked, the air around him heavy with the scent of wolf, he couldn't keep thoughts of Dora at bay. In his post moon fog, the memories swirling round his mind seemed more like dreams than recollections of anything that had once been. She'd been showing off in Order duelling practice, then laughing with Hestia about something or other, then she was waking up in his arms, snuggling up to him sleepily before she realised the hideous shade of green her hair had morphed to in her sleep and leapt out of bed with a yelp. Then he lost consciousness again.

He resurfaced some time later and shivered from the bitter autumn air against his bare skin which was now caked in dried blood. It took him many more moments to decide whether his need to be clean of whoever's blood he was coated in outweighed his need to be clothed and warm.

That evening brought torrential rain and it was clear the late British heatwave was well and truly over. Remus lay on his back under the thickest tree he could find, watching the ripples the raindrops created in the ever-growing puddles of water, remembering the time he'd taken Dora to the beach and the way she hadn't hesitate to huddle close to his side under the umbrella. The rain had seemed beautiful then, but now he couldn't imagine anything ever seeming beautiful again. His stomach growled violently as though trying to make itself heard over the heavy rainfall. He'd been so late back to camp that his nets and traps had already been emptied and their contents devoured by the other starved werewolves.

The next day he barely felt any better but he knew he had to pull himself together and start making some decent progress with his mission. He at least needed information if he couldn't get allies, he'd need something to tell Bill when they checked in. Remus wondered whether Bill would bring any news of Dora. Her suffering before Remus had left to go underground had been so clear to everyone that Remus thought it may not seem so suspicious to ask Bill if she was alright. But deep down Remus knew there was nothing Bill could tell him to appease him. If Dora was still struggling, there was nothing Remus could do for her. And if she was well again... well as desperately as he wanted her to be happy, he couldn't truly bring himself to rejoice at the idea of her going about her life without him. If he learned she was dating someone from the Auror office, would that really allow him to fall asleep with a smile on his face?

The third day after full moon, Remus finally mustered himself to attempt a short walk. His whole body still ached, and his muscles threatened to give up on him with each step, but he kept going.

He returned to the camp at dusk and saw many of his fellow pack members were huddled in thick coats or blankets. Remus knew the rules, food was shared if possible, anything else was finders keepers. If he wanted warmer layers, he'd have to make a trip to the village and find something for himself.

Remus was just battling the urge to sit on his own instead of better integrating himself into the pack, when something in the air shifted and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. At 3 days after full moon, his wolf senses were weak enough as to be mostly just a feint whisper, but they were still there just enough to make themselves known in moments such as these.

With the surge of adrenaline, his head snapped round on impulse and his eyes homed in on the three men he'd seen some weeks previously, making their way out of the Alpha's tent. But it was who they were flanking that made his heart plummet.

Perhaps the infamous monster had smelt Remus's fear for Remus had barely had time to process his presence when Greyback turned and caught his eye. For a heart stopping moment they just stared at each other but then Greyback's lips twisted into a sick sort of smile that revealed his yellowed teeth and made a beeline for the pack's newest member.

"Remus Lupin" Greyback announced loudly as he got closer, "you've finally decided to join us?"

Greyback held out his hands, perhaps to an observer he seemed genuinely welcoming, but Remus didn't miss the threatening glint in Greyback's cold amber eyes.

Remus nodded, not trusting himself to speak and keep his voice steady.

There was a moment of tense silence before Greyback threw his head back and let out a barking laugh that more closely resembled a howl.

When Greyback finally recovered from whatever he'd found so amusing, he fixed Remus with another searching look. "There's always an arrogant ones who thinks he's better than us and that he knows best, thinks he can... integrate... with wizards. I gotta hand it to you though, don't think anyone's ever held on as long as you did." Remus remained silent until Greyback asked him "and what brought about this change of heart?"

Remus swallowed and finally spoke up, sticking to his rehearsed cover story, "I lost everything because of wizards."

Greyback's eyes narrowed and he lowered his voice, "so I heard... that traitorous cousin of Bellatrix's... You were friends once, weren't you?" Remus didn't know whether it was the mention of Sirius or Greyback's ominous whisper that gave him goosebumps.

"Once." Remus insisted, surprising himself at how detached he sounded.

"But your loyalties have changed?" Greyback pushed.

"Of course" Remus responded. Dora had told him once, and Mad-Eye had reminded him more recently, that keeping to as few words as possible was always best when trying to maintain a cover story.

"I'll see to it you prove that." Greyback snarled threateningly before looking over his shoulder and announcing to anyone who was listening, which turned out to be near enough the whole pack. "I'll be back. Cyprian, make sure to keep a close eye on this one 'til I return."

Remus saw Cyprian give a curt nod before Greyback turned his back and disappeared through the trees leaving Remus's legs feeling distinctly like jelly as his heart hammered in his chest.

Remus tried to brush the whole exchange off and act as though it hadn't phased him as he made his way over to the campfire and took a seat next to Randall whom he'd been growing increasingly amicable with.

"You know Greyback?" Randall gawked at him once the rest of the pack had gone back to their various activities.

"Oh yes, him and I go way back..." Remus muttered.

Randall's eyes widened, "he bit you?"

"Mmm" came Remus's eloquent response.

"When?" Randall pressed, leaning in with intrigue.

Remus sighed before admitting, "30 years ago"

Randall continued to gawk at Remus as Remus just stared into the flames of the fire in front of him.

"And you lived among wizards that whole time?" Remus couldn't help but notice that Randall sounded almost impressed by this revelation, certainly not disgusted or judgemental which was the reaction from most pack wolves. "How?!" Randall asked, taking Remus's silence as an affirmative response.

Remus shook his head, lost in the memory that somehow simultaneously seemed as though it were just yesterday and yet was also so distant that he could hardly believe it had been him who'd lived through it. "I had help... from... friends"

"Where are your friends now?" Randall asked.

"It doesn't matter." Remus tried to brush him off, just because he was trying to make acquaintances, it certainly didn't mean he was willing to take a trip down memory lane with anyone around this campfire.

"You mean they knew... what you were?" At Randall's words, and the disbelief in his tone, Remus felt a pang in his chest. But this time it wasn't from the hurt that he was so accustomed to, but from appreciation that he'd had what so few others of his kind had.

"I tried to hide it" Remus confessed, "but they found out eventually"

"And they stuck around?"

Remus paused and turned to face his younger companion. His next words were barely audible over the crackling fire and the raucous of the rest of the pack. "Not all wizards follow the thinking of the majority"

"If you believe that then what are you doing here?" Randall's question wasn't accusatory, indeed like all his preceding questions he sounded curious, hungry even for some sort of hope that there could be more to a werewolf's life than the one he had known.

Remus just looked at him meaningfully, hoping that if Randall was that way inclined, he'd work it out on his own. He had Greyback on his case now, he couldn't afford to be too forthright about his views else his mission would be over before it had even really begun.

The terrible nightmares started the night after Greyback's appearance. Flashbacks to that fateful night some 30 years ago, close ups of those yellow teeth sinking into the flesh of some other helpless child, then suddenly Greyback moved away and upon closer inspection it wasn't a child at all but Dora, blood slowly seeping through her brilliant pink locks and turning them mahogany as he had seen on her boggart form in Grimauld Place.

Remus awoke sweaty and panicked. The forest was eerily quiet. He got up from his patch of grass under an oak tree and walked through the darkness aimlessly, he just needed to keep moving.

Each night followed a similar pattern. Each day Remus would travel to the village and ransack the bins for newspapers to use for Cecily's reading lessons and to keep track of the date.

Come mid-October, it was time for his first Order check-in with Bill. At this point he couldn't bring himself to care that he knew how badly he smelt, or that his clothes were covered in mud and his hair and beard had grown into a feral looking mess. They met in the day when the pack were all busy scavenging so his absence wouldn't draw attention. He walked a reasonable distance into the woods to ensure the tell-tale pop wouldn't give him away before apparating to their previously agreed meeting spot.

Remus appeared in a smaller woodland area that was accessible from the next village across from where his pack scavenged. As Remus neared the tree stump where he knew Bill would be waiting under Mad-Eye's invisibility cloak, a voice asked, "what did you promise never to tell Fleur about?"

"The time I found you passed out on the front lawn of the Burrow after you'd stayed out too late with your school friends and had one too many firewhiskies" Remus responded without a beat.

"More like 5 too many" came the response, seemingly from out of thin air.

Remus walked and the sound of footsteps next to him told him Bill was following.

"How's it going?" Came Bill's voice.

Remus was almost tempted to laugh for he was sure his appearance alone answered that question, but he was grateful to Bill for acting as though everything was normal. Remus told Bill that his pack's Alpha had regular visits from Greyback's cronies and some from Greyback himself and that although he hadn't been able to hear what they discussed, he felt it was obvious that Greyback was preparing his packs to fight alongside Voldemort.

"I'm afraid I haven't had much luck bringing anyone over to our way of thinking yet, but I have my eye on a couple of potential allies" Remus informed his invisible companion.

Bill updated Remus on everything the Order had been doing, Remus wasn't surprised to hear they were having no more luck than he was. There'd been more closures in Diagon Alley since he'd been away and more 'disappearances' being swept under the rug. Remus squeezed his eyes shut when Bill told him that Emmeline Vance had been the next Order member to fall. Remus wanted to grieve for the stoic woman he'd fought alongside but couldn't help the relief he felt that it hadn't been a certain other female Order member.

"How is... everyone else?" Remus asked. Really he was only concerned about one person and he wasn't sure whether Bill knew that, but in his desperation to hear some news of her he could hardly bring himself to care.

"Well, everyone's..." Bill hesitated, "keeping going best they can" then as an afterthought he added, "we're grateful to you... for doing this you know"

Remus snorted, "it has to be done"

"Yeah but, we know it isn't easy..." The footsteps stopped and the sound was replaced by a ruffling sound. Remus looked down to see a floating bar of honeydukes chocolate and frowned in confusion.

"Take it" Bill instructed him, "I'm under strict instruction to ensure it's delivered to you and I don't fancy taking my chances against a fully trained Auror..."

It was incredible the physiological affect that the mere inference to her could have on him. As his hand closed around the bar of chocolate suddenly his heart was hammering against his chest and he felt sick to his stomach whilst his legs turned to jelly and he felt sure they would give way any moment.

"Thank you" Remus muttered his embarrassed thanks. "How... um... How are Kingsley and Tonks managing the changes in the Auror department?" He hoped that this was a less suspect way of enquiring about Dora's wellbeing.

It took Bill a long while to answer that question. "Well you know Kingsley, nothing ever seems to get in the way of his composure. Tonks is... in Hogsmeade, keeping an eye on Harry. She's... well... you know... the place is crawling with dementors so..." Bill trailed off. Remus desperately wanted to push for more information about her, but this was only meant to be a short check in and hearing any more news of her would only make it harder to try and keep his mind off her.

"I'd best be getting back" Remus announced.

"Yeah" came the voice from beside him, "Dumbledore wanted me to tell you to make an Order meeting at the end of month if you can."

Remus nodded, as much as he didn't want to show his face around that table looking as wild and unruly as he did at present, he couldn't turn down a request from Dumbledore.

A/N: Sorry I didn't get round to updating last weekend. I really hope you like my interpretation of events so far, I'd love to know what you think!