CHARLES'S CHRISTMAS CAROL-39
Hello all. I see that I have given you a hard nut to crack with yesterday's chapter...It wasn't easy for me too, because normally I'm trying to keep them happy all the time...In this chapter, Charles is coming back from London and he has to face the fact that his wife knows more than he expects...
September 1906
Ever since Elsie received this dreadful letter from London, informing her about Charles and the head house maid, she felt so sad and disappointed...After a while, the initial shock has passed, but her heart was still full of deep sorrow...She thought, that she knew Charles so well. He was stiff, grumpy and difficult to handle, but she always thought of him as someone who would never let her down...Who would never betray her in any way...
The worst part was, that she actually didn't know what else happened there...She knew about the kiss in the pantry, but that was all...Her mind showed her terrifying visions...She imagined, that Charles won't be able to resist the temptation, especially such huge temptation-young, beautiful woman..Especially being away and alone for so long...
When she put children to sleep at night, she was lying in the bed, tossing and turning and wondering, if Charles was alone in his bed or was he...She couldn't even stand the thought...All those dreadful visions of Charles kissing, touching and caressing other woman, was too much to bear...She was quietly crying into her pillow, thinking that her perfect life has just ended...
She was analyzing what pushed him into such behavior-she was wondering, if it was the fact that ever since the boys were born, she rejected him and put him aside, never showing him any warm feelings...Maybe she was the one to be blamed for that too...All her life she heard, that men have needs, needs that have to be satisfied and if they didn't find what they need in their own houses, they tend to look somewhere else...But Charles was different...Elsie thought, that their marriage was special...That things like marriage infidelity was unknown to both of them...Sometimes she cried so hard at night, that her tears lullied her to sleep...Other nights, she was lying with her eyes opened, getting up whenever boys were crying or mewling, until the moment when night transferred into day and it was time to get up and start another day...
Children saw the change in their mummy...Of course Elsie never said a word about what she found out to them, but they sensed that something was different...They just weren't sure what it was...Charlie was being more protective than usual of his mummy and the girls were seeking for Elsie's tenderness, cuddling to her, like they wanted to show her, that they are there for her, which made Elsie fall into pieces inside...
She felt almost a huge relief, when the school started after summer break and Charlie with the girls were gone for some part of the day..Elsie was left alone with Logan and Carter, who luckily for her, were to little to ask any questions...It was enough for them to be fed and put to sleep by their mommy...
Elsie was becoming more and more restless, as the time of Charles's return approached...He didn't let her know when he will be back exactly, but she suspected, that he will come few days earlier before the family's arrival...
Finally this day has come...On one Friday, rainy day, when the children were at school and Elsie has just fed the boys and she was trying to get them to sleep, she heard footsteps downstairs...At first she thought that maybe that was Beryl or Mrs Brown, but when she heard a heavy footsteps, so characteristic for Charles, her heart began to beat faster than usual...And then he stood at the door...
"Elsie...I'm home...I came back..."-His eyes were shining with love, his face was full of joy and he took Elsie in his arms and hugged her so tightly, that she couldn't breathe...
"Charles...I never expected that you will be back today..."
"It was meant to be a surprise...Oh Elsie...I've missed you..."-his lips landed on hers, before she had a chance to reply and he kissed her, but she swiflty backed down from the kiss...
When Charles noticed that, his face expression changed, from joyful to sad one...He decided not to start his come back from a fight, instead he focused on the cribs...
"Oh my God Elsie! The boys...How they've grown...It's amazing...How big they are..."
"You haven't seen them for almost four months Charles...It's natural that you see the changes..."
"Carter put on some weight...He is now almost as big as Logan...Does he eat properly?"
"He does and he definitely has your apetite.."
"Hello sonny...Did you miss daddy? Because daddy missed you both so much..."-Charles took Carter out of his crib, but he started to cry...He wasn't used to his presence...
"Charles..Let me...I will take him...He doesn't recognize you...Shhh...My boy...Shh..."-Elsie was rocking Carter in her arms, trying to calm him down...
Charles's face was now even sadder than before...Not only his wife showed mild enthusiasm seeing him, but his own son didn't recognize him...He bent down over Logan's crib and stroked his bold head gently...Logan, who was much more braver than his brother, was not crying...He lied calmly, wondering who this man was..Looking at him with those big, blue eyes, which were so similar to Elsie's eyes...
"At least Logan is not crying when he sees me...Hello my dearest boy..."
"He is not as shy as Carter...They are twins, but their characters are very different.."
Charles watched as Elsie gradually managed to calm Carter and very soon, both boys fell asleep..Elsie asked Charles to leave the room, so the boys would not be disturbed during their nap...They went downstairs to the living room...
"Charlie and the girls are at school?"
"Yes, but they will be thrill to see you...Recently they didn't speak about anything else, rather than your come back.."
"I missed them all so much..."
"I'm sure you have..."
"You know who else I missed tremendously? My beautiful wife...Elsie...Can't even express to you how much I've missed you..."-Charles neared Elsie and he put his arms around her waist...His lips touched her creamy neck...Elsie shivered, when she felt that, but not from love and not from lust, like usual...She shivered, because she was wondering if he kissed Margaret's neck like that in London...
"You really missed me Charles? Are you sure...?"
"What kind of question is that Elsie...Of course I have...Is there something wrong?"
"Nothing really Charles...Except that..I was wondering when you missed me the most..."
"What do you mean? I've missed you all the time...I was thinking about you and the children constantly..."
"Have you indeed? Did you also miss me when you were kissing Margaret in your pantry late at night?"-Elsie asked, looking at Charles with a penetrating look...
"Elsie...How?...How do you know this? Who told you?"
"It doesn't matter Charles...This is the most important question that you have? Who told me? However did it, I'm grateful for that...Becasue otherwise, I would have been a betrayed and unaware wife..."
"Elsie it's not like that...I have not cheated on you..I haven't..."
"You haven't gone to bed with her Charles? And why should I believe that?"
"Because it's the truth! I swear...On my mothers grave and on our children's life!"
"Don't you dare to drag our children into this filthy topic...How could you Charles? How could you?..."-Elsie had tears in her eyes and Charles felt like he wanted to disappear...
"Elsie I'm sorry...I never planned it...It just happened...I was..I was so lonely...Away from you and children...I felt so terribly lonely..."
"Well Charles...I felt terribly lonely too...However I do not recall kissing any man while you were away..."
"That's different..."
"Oh really Charles? And how is that different? Because I'm a woman? I don't have needs like men do? I'm not allowed to have needs? You are so very wrong my darling...Maybe I should have done the same thing, find some man and kiss him late at night, let him touch me and even let him..."
"Stop it Elsie! Stop it right now! I can't listen to this! I can't...!"-Charles's face was red and anger danced inside him...
"It's difficult to imagine, is it Charles? You think that it wasn't difficult for me lying in bed at night, thinking if you are just having sex with this beautiful, young woman?"
"Elsie I would never...I would never hurt you like that..Never...Even if I...If I felt like a felt...I woud never..."
"You already hurt me Charles...So much...I was never so disappointed with anyone in my life, as I am now, with you...Never..."
"Elsie...Forgive me...I...I will never do it again..Elsie...Don't walk away...Don't leave me now..."
"I have to...Logan is crying upstairs...I have to calm him down..."
"Elsie..."-Charles grabbed Elsie's hand and he looked at her..There was so much pain in his eyes and he looked like he was about to cry...Elsie swallowed her tears and she took away her hand and went upstairs...
Charles was on the brink of a break down...He barely managed to think and in this terrible moment, he had to put away his depression, as the children just got back from school...When they saw their beloved daddy, after such a long time, the erruption of joy was unimaginable...
The girls were fighting to be in daddy's arms and he had to hug them both and each one separately...Charlie was next in line...
"My beautiful princesses...You have grown again...Daddy missed you so much..."
"Daddy, daddy...I thought that you will never go back...Don't leave us anymore for so long...Or take me with you next time..."-Victoria was holding daddy's hand and she didn't want to let go...
"I can't take you with me my precious...You need to stay in school and help mummy...Did you help mummy when I was away?"
"I did..All the time..."
"Victoria let daddy go...He is my daddy too..."-Charlotte hugged her daddy and she didn't want to let go either...
"Charlotte my sweet, of course I'm your daddy too...My beautiful sweet pea..."
"Come her my boy..."-Charles finally was able to get to Charlie...-he tousled his hair and gave his oldest a chaste kiss..."Did you take care of the family like I've asked you?"
"Yes daddy...I was taking care of everyone...And I was checking if everything was in order at the Abbey..."
"My brave boy...!"
Elsie stood on the stairs and she watched this scene with tears in her eyes...It was obvious, that their children loved Charles with all their hearts and he felt the same...It was so touching, but at the same time so very painful...They've created such a lovely family and now the core of this family was breaking apart...
Till the late evening, Elsie and Charles didn't have a chance to finish their conversation...The children totally monopolized Charles, talking over each other..Victoria didn't want to leave daddy's laps and Charlotte was fighting with her about it...Charlie was constantly telling Charles how good he managed to replace him when he was absent...
Elsie was even grateful for this confusion...After dinner, she had to literally force the children to go to sleep...They were craving Charles's presence so much, that they didn't want to leave...
They finally agreed, when Charles promised them that they will spent all next day together on a picnic...It was the only way to make them go to bed...Of course he had to stay in their room and read them some bedtime stories...
At the same time, Elsie took her bath and she returned to their bedroom to check on the twins...They were not sleeping yet and she bent down over their craddles, in her night gown, with her hair down...That's how Charles found her, when he finally put the older children to sleep...He stood on the doorstep and looked at her with adoration in his eyes..There was nothing more beautiful, than the sight of Elsie taking care of their children...Five undeniable proofs of their love...He closed the door behind him and Elsie finally noticed him..He stood near her and watched, as little Carter yawned lazily...He no longer cried when he saw Charles...And Charles was looking at his twin boys with love...He kissed their heads tenderly...
"Oh Elsie...They are such a cute babies..."
"They are...Aren't you tired Charles? You should get some sleep..The children worn you out..."
"I can't go to sleep before we will talk..."
"I don't think that..."
"No Elsie...We have to talk...Right here and right now..."
"All right...I'm listening..."
"Elsie...I know that I behaved like an idiot...I have no idea how that happened..On that night, I was so exhausted, I felt so terribly lonely and your letters..."
"What my letters have got to do with it?!"
"They were different than before...You didn't tell me once that you love me or miss me...I thought you don't want me anymore..."
"It's not an excuse Charles..."
"I know it isn't...But please let me finish...I had to much to drink that night and because I was so tired and felt so lonely, that for a moment I forgot myself...When I was kissing Margaret for a moment I thought that it was you...When I realized what I was doing, I stopped immediately and asked her to leave...Nothing else happened between us...I swear..."
"I believe you Charles...I don't know why, maybe I'm being naive, but I believe you...I know you...You are not a type of man who would...Who would do such things.."
"I am not...I never was...It won't happen again...Never.."
"I've been thinking about it a lot Charles..Of course I'm not trying to justify your behavior in any way, but perhaps this is partly my fault too...Ever since the boys were born, I was neglecting you...I've pushed you away and away...You felt rejected and alone...Am I right?"
"Yes Elsie...But I understood your motives...You were exhausted...After giving birth to the twins I couldn't expect that we will..."
"I know...You were very much a gentleman...Not many men would behave the same...In fact, I'm sure that most men would not ask their wives how they felt...They would just take what they wanted..."
"But I'm not a man of that kind...You know that Elsie...I've always taken your feelings under consideration...I just need...I need..."
"What do you need Charles? Just please tell me...What do you need?"
"I just need your love Elsie...I need your tenderness...I know that we have our job, our cottage and five children to take care of and we are both overwhelmed with duties, but, I want us to still love each other like we did before...I want force you to be intimate with me, if you are not ready for that yet, but please...Don't push me away...I also need you, just like our children do..."
"Charles...I need you too...It's not easy...In fact it's extremely difficult to reconcile all those things together...I'm just one Elsie..Who has to manage everything...I'm not ideal...There is always something that I will devote much more time to, neglecting something else..."
"And in this case, I was the thing that was neglected..."
"I'm afraid you are right...I'm sorry...I will try to be a better wife..."
"No Elsie...I'm the one who should be apologizing to you...What I did was inexcusable..."
"It was...But considering everything else that we just talked about, I will forgive you...But don't ever do it again..."
"Never Elsie..Never.."-Charles took Elsie in his arms and he cuddled her closely...He never wanted to let her out of his arms...
"We should get some sleep now..It's been a long day..."
"It was...Long and tiring day...You probably want me to...To sleep downstairs, on the sofa?"
Elsie looked at Charles and she saw his brown, trusting eyes, so uncertain, so lost...
"Actually Charles, I want you to stay, to sleep here, with me...But just sleep...I'm still not ready to..."
"Oh Elsie..I understand...It's enough for me that you are letting me stay here..."
They both lied to bed and after a moment of hesitation, Elsie nestled into Charles's body and he held her tightly, kissing her hair and inhaling her scent...
"I love you Charles...I've missed you so much..."
"I love you too my precious treasure...If you will agree, from now on , I would like to sleep with you, here, even if the boys will cry at night...I don't mind...At least I can help you with calming them down"
"But you need some sleep, if you are to go to work next day..."
"I will manage...I want to participate in our parenthood...Not just leaving you alone with everything.."
"Thank you Charles...Thank you very much..."
"You don't need to thank me...These are my children too and I love them all so much.."
"And they love you..."
"Oh Els...I almost forgot how wonderful it is to have you in my arms at night, to feel you so close..."
"I missed that too...I feel so safe and calm with you...But will you be able to take, that for now we won't be intimate?"
"I will...There will come a time when you will be ready again...For now, it's enough for me to have you close, to breathe in your scent and to hold your hand while I fall asleep...I love you my sweetest flower...As I've never loved anyone before and as I will never love again..."
"I love you too Charles...You are the love of my life and we have to try to build that wonderful thing that we had..This miracle that helped us create our wonderful family..."
"We will Elsie...I promise to you that we will..."
That's all for today...I know that some of you were really worried about Chelsie yesterday, so I decided not to keep you in suspense any longer and I think that they made a first step to build their relationship and to fight this crisis...It should be better from now on...Once again, I want to thank you all for all the reviews, comments and everything...Without you my writing would make no sense...Stay safe and will see you soon!