A/N: Hiii. I'm still here, I promised I would never abandon my stories and I'm holding to that. I should ramp up with some more chapters for anything I have published this season. Thank you for sticking around 3

Today Clarke was busier than normal. She was tired, as the week had been long. Three twelve-hour days and one busy day on the latest worksite had drained her. Even so, she managed to get by and work the rest of her week. Today Bellamy had off, so she didn't see him at work at all and it was odd. They always worked together. Wanting a little bit of comfort and love from her boyfriend, she decided she'd drop by his place with lunch. They often shared little gestures like that between one another, more Bellamy than Clarke. He would bring her lunch at the hospital a few times a week some weeks. She proudly wanted to return the gesture today so she grabbed their favorite sandwiches from the little mom and pop deli a few blocks over from his apartment. On a whim, she ordered two fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies for the hell of it.

After pulling up to his building, she armed herself with their lunch and let herself in having long since had not only the security code for the building but a key for his door. Her free hand jostled the knob and to her surprise, it wasn't locked, so she let herself in.

"Bell? I brought you noms." She called out, her eyes tracking in front of her so she didn't misstep and crash with their lunch. Bellamy had an affinity for leaving his shoes at the door, to be fair though he learned the habit from her.

"I even got you a coo-"

"Clarke." His tone was surprised, panicked.

Her eyes looked up, brows knitted together in response to his tone, this only taking a matter of seconds and in that one tiny shadow of a moment, her heart dropped, plunking into the now churning acid in her stomach. Before her st Bellamy, normally the most beautiful thing for her to ever lay eyes upon. Her breath was shallow, pained, and staggered. The love of her life, the man she literally could have only dreamed of sat back on his own couch, shirtless and with a woman straddling his lap. A gorgeous, svelte, long-haired brunette woman and his hands looked precariously perched near her hips. Bellamy looked frantic, he grabbed the woman and hoisted her off of him, not caring if she landed on her feet or the floor. He moved toward the door, but Clarke wanted none of it. She couldn't think. She couldn't speak. The last thing she could do right now is look at him. The takeout back hit the floor and his house key flew across the room toward him. Where or what it hit, she didn't care. With pain and urgency, she never felt, even after Finn, she ran. Clarke tore through the hall and out the building. A looming pain followed her, presumably Bellamy. He could outrun her any day but today wasn't just any day. Her heart sat rotting in the pit of her stomach as she recklessly got into her car and peeled out of the lot.

Shaking and barely coherent, Clarke found herself speeding. She couldn't stop herself, she had to leave, had to go. She needed comfort and the one place she could find it, just ruined her. Not an hour later she pulled up to a large house just outside of the city, two cities away from her own home. Turning her car off, she allowed herself a moment of composure through swollen red eyes and trembling hands. Her cheeks were crisp, stained from salty tears. A sudden tap on the window jolted her to her awareness and she looked up to see a friendly old face.

"Clarke? Is that you?" The voice was soft, familiar. With a lot of effort, she put on a fake, meager smile and got out of the car.

"CeCe, hi." Her voice was raspy.

"Sweety, what's wrong?" The woman took Clarke into her arms as if it hadn't been years since they saw one another. Clarke simply shook her head knowing if she tried to explain right now she would become a ball of tears.

"You here to see your mom? She's not home right now. I can let you in though." CeCe explained.

"That would be nice, thank you." Clarke was confused as to why Abby's old best friend was at her house without her, but she didn't care to ask right now. She just assumed they made up. CeCe was always close with Abby, up until the painkiller addiction.

CeCe had an arm over Clarke's shoulders and the girls walked up to the front door, the older woman letting them in. The house smelled clean and familiar. It almost helped mask the pain she was currently in. Autonomously she shed her shoes at the door. It was as though she had never stopped living here.

"Can I get you something, or help at all?" They stood in the kitchen for a moment and CeCe rubbed her back as she set down a glass of water.

"Thank you." She sipped the water. "I think I need to be alone right now, I might go lay down." Clarke was candid, not to be rude.

"Okay honey. Do you need me to stay?"

"Oh no, I'll be okay CeCe. I'm glad you're around again, I missed you." The woman hugged and CeCe left her with her number. They shared a wave before she walked out the door, Clarke locking it behind her.

It felt almost surreal being in her childhood home again. There was a mix of emotions swirling within her as she padded around the house, her water in hand. That warm comfort of familiarity and decades of memories mixed with the pain of her first love and losing her father. Of course, that was all an undertone to the nearly numbing pain of a currently broken heart. Memories washed over her as she made her way to her old room. Cracking open the door, it was the same as it was when she moved out so many years ago. The walls were still a soft powder blue which contrasted mostly white furniture from the tall headboard on the four-post bead to the vanity, dresser, and even the large rug in the middle of the room. One wall was a chalkboard covered in memories that had never been wiped away and that made Clarke tear up. The bed was made up as if this was a hotel, but it never looked more inviting. Setting her glass down, Clarke climbed into it, literally, as it had always been a touch too high. She peeled back the layers of blankets and sheets and slid under them allowing the soft fabrics to encompass her and coddle her. From sheer exhaustion alone, it didn't take very long for her to fall into a restful sleep.

Earlier that day…

"Well, that's not true." Bellamy mocked the man on TV who tried to make a claim about something that he clearly knew better on. Relaxing into the sofa, Bellamy had his feet up on the coffee table and a small bowl of peanuts nearby. He really looked like he was enjoying his day off, that is until someone knocked on the door.

"Coming." He begrudgingly got up out of his comfy spot and padded to the door. He opened it without a thought of hesitation or looking through the peephole, which he would instantly regret.

"Hey, handsome." Roma leaned in the door frame eye-fucking him the moment she could.

"Roma." He replied back in the curtest of tones.

"Miss me?" She let herself in, brushing past him with her hand grazing his pants.

"No, I don't, and I didn't invite you in either." He sighed, shutting the door. He knew she would be stubborn and hard to remove, so he figured he would amuse her for a moment all the while making it very clear she's not welcome there.

"You sure about that?" She pulled her jacket off and laid it on the couch. He made sure to ignore her and go back to what he was doing, hoping she would take a hint. Little did he know how much he would come to regret that choice. Plopping back down onto his couch, he went to reach for his peanuts but was cut off by the weight of Roma climbing into his lap. Like a fucking Ninja, she just manifested herself into his lap. He quickly went to remove her.

"No, Roma. Get off of me and get out of my house." He was stern and loud.

"Afraid to get caught, Bellamy? You had no problem sharing before." She leaned in on him and he grabbed her hips to throw her off of him but it was as if times stopped because the front door opened and Clarke walked in offering food.

"Clarke." His voice betrayed him, showing every ounce of fear he had for what she just walked in on. He knew it would look bad even though it wasn't. The timing couldn't be more of a slap in the face. Watching Clarke, her eyes clocked him and his uninvited guest. What literally couldn't have even taken a solid second felt like years as the pain welled up behind her baby blues and her face drained of color. He watched the food fall from her hands and quickly tossed Roma off of him, jumping up off the couch and taking off after her. He nearly caught up to her in the stairwell but he tripped and fell which gave her just enough of a lead that when he stepped into the lot she was already in her car.

"CLARKE!" He yelled the most painful and heartfelt yell of his life. It drew attention from two people nearby, but not her. Desperate, angry, heartbroken, and restless Bellamy nearly ran back up to his apartment where he found Roma standing indignantly as if he owed her an apology. Without hesitation, he grabbed her jacket and threw it out into the hallway.

"Get the fuck out of my apartment and never come back." He demanded. She flinched but decided to be a brat.

"No, apologize to me."

Enraged by her sheer audacity, he lifted her over his shoulder as if she were nothing more than a feather, walked her out into the hallway and set her down.

"Do not come back, ever." He looked her dead in the eye, deep into her soul, and slammed the door behind himself locking the door. He put away the food Clarke brought over and threw on some clothes as he frantically called and texted her. The calls weren't connected which told him her phone was off and made him even more worried. The idea of what she could be feeling and thinking right now shred him to his core and made him brew with rage toward Roma. Shaking his leg anxiously he called Raven.

"Sup Bell?" She wasn't mad, so she didn't know.

"Do you know where Clarke is?" He asked.

"At work probably, why?" She sounded confused.

"Yeah, no. She was here, at my place. She came to bring me lunch and saw an ex-fling sitting in my fucking lap." He rattled off the truth before he could even think about it.

"WHA-"

"BEFORE YOU YELL AT ME" He spoke over her to get her attention. "The bitch just showed up at my fucking door, invited herself in, and climbed into my lap. I couldn't make this shit up Raven, it happened within actual seconds and Clarke walked in at the perfect time as I went to get her off of me and out of my house. I would never fucking hurt Clarke." He choked up at his own last words and the other end of the line was silent for moments too long.

"Okay." Raven finally said.

"She's not home, I can try to reach her." She offered.

"I think her phone is off. Ray, I need to find her." Bellamy's own words threatened to make him cry.

"I'll call around. I need you to chill before you go do something stupid. She's devastated right now." Raven reasoned.

"I know, and it's killing me to think she has to feel that way for one fucking moment. So please, help me find her."

"Okay, I'll call you back. Try to relax."

Off the phone, he felt aimless and did not know what to do. He paced his apartment looking at his phone hoping to hear back from her. Every ten to fifteen minutes he would text Raven and she'd tell him to chill or let her have time. This was eating him alive. It took two hours, and in those two hours, he never did relax.

"Hello?" The caller ID was unknown, so he feared answering the call but did so very quickly.

"Hello Bellamy, this is Abby. Cl-"

"Clarke's mom, I know. Is she okay? Is she with you?" He cut her off rudely.

"Yes, she's here at home. Raven talked to me and told me this is all a misunderstanding?" She asked quietly.

"Yes. A huge misunderstanding Abby. Clarke is my world, I would never dream of hurting her or being with anyone else." His voice shook.

"Funnily enough Bellamy, I believe you. I know how you fought for her before you two were a thing and honestly I've never seen Clarke as happy as she is with you in her life." Abby reasoned.

Bellamy teared up. "I need to see her, Abby." He choked.

"I'll text you the address, she won't know you're coming though. I don't want to get into this. She's sleeping right now but I will wake her up."

"Thank you so much Abby." He clutched his own heart, finally feeling like he could calm down after two hours of pure panic, worry, and dread. He was already behind the wheel when she shot over the text and he took off.

Now...

Clarke was nestled in bed fast asleep, her eyes swollen and crusty. She felt a soft pat over the blankets. It was Abby gently rubbing her back to get her to wake up.

"Hi baby," Abby said softly.

"Mom." Clarke sat up and hugged her mom as her tears threatened to surface again.

"What happened honey, why are you home?" Abby asked, despite knowing the answer. She brushed hair out of Clarke's face.

She hesitated, swallowing. "I walked in on Bellamy with a girl in his lap." She choked out.

Abby pulled her in and rubbed her back. "Are you sure that is what you saw?" She asked cautiously.

Clarke almost looked offended. "He's sitting on the couch without a shirt on and this gorgeous fucking woman straddling him. Yes, I saw what I saw." She explained angrily, tears falling.

"I'm so sorry sweety." She continued to comfort her daughter but knew Bellamy was en route. "I hope it was a misunderstanding. That boy is head over heels for you." She offered.

Clarke sobbed. "I thought so too." She shrugged. "I don't know what to think right now but this hurts."

"Why don't we get you up, maybe get some food in you and talk this out?" Abby suggested but Clarke shook her head pulling away from her mom.

"I just want to stay here, and be alone."

Abby nodded and understood. "Let me know if you need me. I'll be here."

Clarke didn't acknowledge her mother, she instead curled back up into her bedding and let her idle tears fall into the pillow.

Clarke was once again awoken by a gentle touch over the top of the blankets.

"Mom, I just want to be alone." She mumbled.

"Babe." His voice was broken, cautious, and very soft. Her heart backflipped in the pool it sat in within her belly and her eyes sprung open suddenly very awake. She didn't dare move or turn, she didn't want to see him. The image of another woman in his lap played in her mind's eye.

"Baby, we need to talk." He knew she was awake. Her breathing changed and the room felt warmer from anxiety and anger. He felt so small in the world right now.

"No." She whispered back and felt him get up as he was sitting on the bed. What she didn't expect was him walking around to the side of the bed she was facing and squatting down to be eye level with her. He looked just as broken as she felt and it confused her. His eyes were red and glassy, his hair a mess no doubt from the countless times he'd run his hands through it.

She flipped over.

He choked. "Clarke, please. This is killing me." He groveled.

"YOU?" She got angry and sat up.

"What you saw was real, but not what you think it was." He stood up and spoke up.

"How could another fucking woman in YOUR lap be anything other than literally that?" She bit back at him, a fervor in her voice. She pulled herself out of bed, away from the side where he now stood. She paced away from him as if he was repulsive.

"Trust me when I say it is not what it looked like. If you'll let me explain." He begged.

"I trusted you." Her voice was a memory of its own strength, broken and meager. The tears came back and she turned away from him if not to shield herself from seeing him, but to protect her own vulnerability. Bellamy snuck up to her and got by her side. He tried to turn her around to face him but she shrugged his attempt off and she kept looking away so he stood there, defeated, and explained.

"And you still can, Clarke. I did not invite her into my home. I did not invite her onto my lap. I can't express enough how impeccable the timing was that you walked in as she sat in my lap. I had my hands on her to push her off of me. I would never dream of having another woman around me like that. You are genuinely the ONLY person I want. I more than want, I need. You are my literal everything." Bellamy declared with tears of his own, and it shocked Clarke.

Flashes of their past raced over her face and filtered her through many emotions in a mere moment. She knew he was being true. Now she felt bad for having doubted him. This man pined for her before they ever got together. He fought for her in her lowest. How could she even think he'd cheat on her. Suddenly, her dams broke and the tears tore through her. Shaking and limp she felt arms frame her but not quite touch her, should she fall.

"I" She couldn't breathe, and Bellamy instantly took her into his arms, facing her to his chest.

"It's okay." He soothed her. She balled against his shirt but protested, pushing off of him enough to see his face through her swollen red eyes.

"I can't believe I'd think that of you." She managed.

"Clarke, you walked in with a girl on top of me. It's exactly what you should have thought. It's the running away without talking to me that kills me." He reasoned.

"I am so sorry." She cried more, gripping onto him with a worldly force. "So sorry." She mumbled.

"Baby, I'm sorry." He smoothed her hair and pulled her chin up. "You should never feel like we can't talk. Anything, everything, we can talk about it." Their eyes met at his command and she knew he meant it. Her emotions got the better of her, and she felt guilty for it.

"I'm so-" He kissed her, cutting her off. It made her snort involuntarily which made them both laugh when the kiss broke.

"No more apologies. I only have eyes for you, Clarke. You have my heart, you are my life. Don't you ever forget that or think otherwise." He whispered, their lips meeting again.

"I've been cheated on before." She explained, still trying to justify to him, about how she responded.

He nodded. "I know, and on my life, I will never, ever fucking do that to you. Hell, on my mother, I would never do that to you, Clarke." He shed a few tears, understanding her pain and hoping she could see how serious he was. She did because she leaned up and took his lips to hers again. This time was different, it was a kiss that said so many things. His promise and on his own mother's name of all people really hit her. She couldn't cry anymore, but she could kiss him. She could breathe him in and really take in the man she was lucky enough to have in her life.

They could have stood there for hours in each other's arms, or moved to the bed but both of their stomachs hilariously broke the moment and begged for attention to the point of laughter. Hand in hand, they joined Abby downstairs and spent the rest of the evening there. A moment for them was well needed right now, work be damned. Happily in their own little world, they enjoyed their time with Abby and eventually Marcus before Bellamy became the first and only man to ever sleep in Clarke's childhood bed, where they made love that night.