There Is (No) Hope

by BardInTheForest

Shinji Ikari was not a young man that lived an easy life. Each good that the universe teased him with was typically met with a greater evil. Now the only pilot capable of fielding an Evangelion against a series of reborn Angels, he will have to adapt to new allies and new foes. The world has changed, and there is no running away from it anymore.

39. Chapter 39

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Wednesday + 11)

Shinji awoke from slumber he hadn't remembered beginning, briefly confused and panicking because he could feel an unfamiliar presence curled into his side. His heart stopped beating when he looked down into the crook of his arm and saw Usagi, asleep, smiling with such perfect bliss that were it not for last night any other emotion ever to cross her face again would seem tragic in comparison. He, however, remembered the previous night all too clearly. The way she used her mouth. The way her eyes rolled back as she induced the final display of his pleasure. The ravenous, nearly painful, hunger with which she insured that she had consumed every last drop.

I must have passed out. The thought didn't shock him much, from start to finish she had made his heart race faster than it had even in the worst of the fights against the Angels. Painful pleasure had stripped him even further of the strength to remain aware, and his body giving out should not have come as a surprise. …How do I feel about this? He had things to do. He also had no earthly idea what time it was. He also, also, was now extremely hungry. He felt drained, despite feeling as if he'd had the best sleep of his life, yet again.

It was with more than a touch of reluctance that he used a creative application of the youkai's shared gifts to keep Usagi from feeling him pull himself away. It was, additionally, with more than a touch of shame that he covered over her glorious nudity to be certain that she would not catch cold…or continue to tempt him with what he could only describe as perfection given flesh. Moving with the same silence that he'd exercised frequently in Misato's apartment, he made it to and through the door without any further issues.

Outside the door, however, new issues arose to replace those that had not been appropriately triggered in the cosmos' opinion. Sitting above the table, on her usual seat of nothingness, Yukiko was calmly reading through a packet of papers he didn't recognize. Her eyes lifted from those pages to consider him for a moment, then dropped back down to continue her task. "Good morning. It has only been a pair of hours, you have not overslept. I believe most of the rest of the shrine itself is also sleeping at the moment, so you should have time to prepare yourself for the day."

Naoko, from her place in the kitchen, approached with a smile that hovered between amused and content. "Please, sit." Setting down a large basin of steaming water on the table, she pulled out the chair closest to it and set a towel over the seat itself. "I would appreciate the opportunity to perform a medical examination, to properly ensure your health. We will be observed, as is appropriate while we build trust."

At that moment, Shinji realized that he was completely nude. Panic, embarrassment, and the anger produced by both all collided with one another in his mind and equally lost the battle for dominance with regards to how he reacted to the moment. Instead, the omnipresent urge to simply perform whatever task had been presented to him completed those autonomic actions necessary. Without further thought, he took a seat.

"Thank you." The statement itself was not the simple platitude that he had become accustomed to from people that had only as much need to put up with him as business was required to perform, but instead seemed genuine and heartfelt. A soapy cloth was worked with tender firmness along his left arm, starting with a far more socially acceptable area to help him ease into being touched. "Your general range of motion seems appropriate," as she washed she professionally manipulated his limb to test its comfortable limits, "but I would like the chance to work through some flexibility exercises with you to reduce any risks of strains or pulls. You are far too important, for everyone, to allow laziness on my part to let you come to harm."

His mind schooled studiously to avoid forming words or phrases, he instead focused on what his limited understanding of his emotions was trying to tell him while she continued her bath-slash-examination. This woman was the mother of a different version of the Ritsuko Akagi that was lying in state in the next room, the mother of the Ritsuko Akagi he knew back where he'd come from. When this world's Ritsuko touched him, it always felt…right. When the Naoko Akagi he'd met here touched him, it had felt wrong enough to incite Unit-01 to appear in an effort to kill her. This Naoko Akagi, however, seemed free of her actual daughter's somewhat cold and aloof demeanor. A part of him began to see her in a much warmer light, simply by comparing her against the two 'bad' Akagi he'd worked with.

Her fingers lingered on the scar that had formed where the reborn Fourth Angel had stabbed him through with its tentacle. "Whoever helped stitch this together…it's odd, it seems like a master's work, then it transitions around here," she tapped a specific point gently, "to where it looks like someone used a misbalanced sewing machine with a sideways needle."

The image that statement conjured prompted a chuckle. A sense of humor was also something he could appreciate. The loss of Ami didn't seem to sting quite as bad anymore, the memory more akin to a somber reflection on the fragility of life instead. What, after all, was one life lost amongst a sea of billions? Her tragedy was no greater than any other, no more so for its proximity to himself. Her attempts at healing him the night he got that scar were no greater or lesser an accomplishment than those of others that were no longer among the living.

"I would say that you're in phenomenal shape, if this was just the result of a car accident or some bout of young male foolishness…but this is very much not the case." Wiping off the water and soap she'd put on him with a towel, her eyes focused on his intently as she moved to kneel before him. "Please. I understand that your mission is dangerous, I even understand that the Angels absolutely must not be allowed to live…do not give up on living. Not for my sake, not even for the world's sake." She began to work her cloth along his thighs, cleansing ever closer to places that had only last night been touched for the first time by a female. "But because you deserve to live. Death may end up being the price of victory…but at least try and make the bastards earn it?" Instead of pouncing with her hands to clean his member, she purposefully took control of it long enough to work the cloth around and ensure it was clean. "Remember, any lie I tell you, even a half-truth in an effort to sell you on an idea for your own good, will end in my death."

Shinji was too busy processing the honest demand that he not sell his life cheaply to take real note of how she had just caressed his person. By the time it registered in his forebrain, she was already through cleaning the rest of his legs and drying him off. He watched her as she stood back up, completely sanguine about her own actions, and continued to follow her as she went to empty the basin of water into the sink. She had somehow managed to give him a complete bath without once setting off any of the peculiarities that he had. A rather intimate interaction between two people…made seemingly normal.

When she came back to the table, Naoko held a bundle of clothing between her hands. "If you feel you have to wear Unit-01, I understand. However, I thought you might like to walk around in some comfortable clothing until violence becomes necessary. I asked one of the spiders that come by from time to time to check and see if anything is needed to bring some clothes, and they said they already had your measurements. I asked for comfortable jeans and shirts that would breathe while retaining some heat. It's cold outside here. Far different than back home, I feel." Offering the set to him, her lips remained in the same pleasant, neutral, smile that avoided any emotional extremes.

There was no way that he could turn accepting the garments as 'communication', and so he took the opportunity to dress himself appropriately. Partway through the action, he realized that he could have created clothing for himself at any moment he'd so desired, using the attachment he had to the Jorōgumo and Kodama clans. With only a pair of socks, boxer-briefs and jeans on, he leaned against the table and sighed heavily. His restrictions for himself prevented so much, forcing him to completely change how he thought. The old way of thinking was going to continue to get people killed, the new way of thinking was going to create these moments of pointless embarrassment. It was just life.

"I would not say that you should feel embarrassed," Yukiko opined. When he lifted his head to look at her, she gave him a smile of commiseration. "To the first point, really, your form is most pleasing to behold. No, it is not the marbleized perfection that the artisans of your world have given form to, but it is quite pleasant to see you in motion without the social trappings. To the second…any skill that one chooses to take up requires practice. This skill, and the practice it requires, is no different."

Once more, it seemed normal to hear someone seeking to encourage him. Yukiko didn't tell him that he was 'abnormal' and that he simply had to accept 'being different'. She humanized it. She praised his figure, in an effort to encourage him to not think about what he'd done as 'shameful' but instead as 'sharing'. Neither woman had gasped or turned away. Neither woman had berated him. He'd been nude. They…didn't mind.

From behind him, the door to his room opened and a fully dressed and immaculately preened Usagi Tsukino walked out without a hint of shame or hesitation. "I wish I could have slept longer like that." Stretching cutely, she walked over and wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug, whispering, "I am not going to tell anyone what we did. That is between us. I am not ashamed of it, nor am I saying that this will forever be our state of affairs. You do not need to deal with a whole host of women sniping at each other, or you, for what I offered freely to you. We are not any different today than we were yesterday. Allies, friends, people who have lost much and been given little. I love you, Shinji Ikari. I love you far more than you know, even after last night. Please, listen to Rei and Minako. Their idea is not without its own merit." Another kiss on his cheek, and she broke the hug off to back away sadly and move towards the door. "We both have matters we need to attend to. I promise, I'll do everything I can to make more time for you later today…but I can't promise that I'll be able to give you that time."

"Please be safe today, Your Majesty." Naoko spoke up from where she'd stood, far enough away to not overhear the private discussion. "I believe I am not mistaken when I say he regards you very fondly, and it would be a tragedy for everyone should he lose you as well. If there is anything I might do for you, or anything you feel he needs, please do not be afraid to task me as appropriate. I trust that he would approve, were he able to speak."

Usagi paused, eyeing the woman curiously. "Please be certain that he eats. His magic does not work like most others, and without dense nutrition he's going to grow weaker. He also has a tendency to ignore himself in his zeal to take care of everyone else."

"Of course," she bowed in willing obedience, "I will press him to take at least two meals today. I can only impose so much on him, as you know." Usagi inclined her head regally, then turned and left without another word exchanged. After the outer door closed, Naoko stood back tall once again. "That, Master, is an aggressively beautiful young lady." Fanning herself with one hand, she tittered a laugh as Shinji eyed her sideways. "I've never been one to limit my tastes to any particular subset of humanity. Even forced by my own decision to pure honesty as I am, I am not ashamed to say that I have never seen a more attractive woman than her."

Shinji couldn't see any reason to contradict her, or any reason to judge her poorly for the comment. She was attempting to speak to him, to build up their understanding of one another, and she had chosen to offer positive commentary on Usagi to do so. It made sense. He looked to Yukiko, who he believed could tell his intentions without ever needing him to voice them or 'voice' them, and turned around to walk back into his room. He needed to talk to Naoko.

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Wednesday + 11)

Usagi was barely outside of appropriate social distance from Shinji's tree when she stopped and made to address a woman that had little chance of overcoming a glowing distaste in her mind, "That might be your opinion, Na'amah. It is not his, nor is it mine."

"Except he's never had a succubus, even a half-breed like you, use that particular charm on him." Allowing herself to become visible again, Maria was not shy about getting in Usagi's personal space. "What you just did-"

"Ensures that he understands how much I love him. No more. No less." Taking one more step forward, Usagi radiated menace as she stood tall over the much shorter woman. "I did not lay claim to him. I did not demand he become mine and mine alone. I gifted him pleasure that he would never, ever, have thought to ask for, let alone insist I provide. His mind is, was, and remains, his own. Feel free to attempt a seduction of your own, if that's what you're so upset about." Her voice darkened, bringing a cold pall to the area, "When he shoots you down, maybe then you'll start to understand what exists between me and him." Moving forward, she forced Maria out of her way by sheer presence. The woman would either be walked directly over, or would dodge, she didn't care which.

Maria nearly stumbled clearing out of the way, glaring after Usagi and growing nervous over whether or not there was more truth to the little bitch's statement than there ought to have been.

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Wednesday + 11)

When Naoko walked into the room alone, closing the door behind her, Shinji was seated on a new stool he'd created for himself, examining the band that Usagi had given him. He knew that the piece was capable of sensing Angels nearby. He was fairly sure that it would also sense other similar threats to him. It was not, however, limited to that function at all. He'd forgotten to ask, and she hadn't seemed to make a point out of it beyond him wearing it. He used the act of examination to give him time to phrase his thoughts properly so that he wouldn't create a bigger headache for himself. "Why did the Angel send you here?"

"To bond with you, to offer you an olive branch, to cause you to reduce the pace of your attacks against them long enough that they could organize a coordinated assault against the creature calling itself Chaos, to give you information regarding the false Crystals so that you might instead go searching for the true Crystals." Her head tilted slightly to the side, her memory being searched for further answers. "If there are other reasons, she did not tell me in so many words. I can make educated guesses, but I caution that will be all they are. She's alien. Her thought processes only tangentially compare to our own. A lot that we do, as a species, confuses the hell out of her. If I remember anything else, I will pass it along as soon as I can reasonably be expected to do so."

He still wore no shirt, the feel of the cool air pleasant against his skin. "Are you here to harm me?"

"No. Categorically, unconditionally, without any possible contortions or permutations of the concept: no." She frowned, "Unless you wish me to, but that is not why I am here. I'm not…interested, is probably the best word to choose, in sadism as an activity. I'm capable of it, I'm certainly curious as to what motivates the person engaging in it and what motivates the person to seek it out from another person, but that isn't why I'm here, no."

She's…really open about things. "What do you want from this, then? You could have just asked for protection. What drove you to actually tie yourself to me?"

"The same reason I joined Project E: a desperate, almost compulsive, need to climb as high as possible so that I can see further and better prove my superiority to the world by finding ways to get there instead of just staring at it," if there was humility in her, it wasn't present in her voice. "After seeing a picture of you, I will also admit to a hope to get to know you better as well. Your father left a rather dim impression with his single-minded devotion to the idea of bringing Doctor Ikari back out of Unit-01. His relationship with me was purely business related, from his end. Silly me, I had thought he might actually be interested in me as a woman. As a peer. But no," she sighed, "instead I was 'the old hag'. Not worth any more than my willingness to let him get himself off and my abilities with A.I., engineering, and biomechanics. I wasn't even aware of that first part until the clone used it to taunt me before I killed it."

"…A picture?"

"You have very kind eyes." Clasping her hands loosely together before her, she shrugged. "In my experience 'kind' and 'Ikari' are not words often used together without either sarcasm or modifiers denoting a negative correlation. Beyond you being the only other person I'll ever see again from the world of my birth, I was curious how a despotic, monomaniacal, asshole like Gendo and a sociopath like Yui managed to create someone who actually managed to appear like he might have a heart. Then, seeing you up close and watching you restrain yourself from using Unit-01 to lash out in anger and violence, I realized that you weren't just putting on a face. You're…just not them. I guess 'nurture' won out over 'nature'."

He snorted a laugh, standing up and shoving his hands in his pockets. "Hardly. I guess father never even told the people he worked with what he'd done with me."

"Unfortunately, no. I know you were sent to live with 'a distant relative' so that you could be recalled when it was convenient. I had assumed you would be sent somewhere that would prepare you for the trials ahead. Strengthen your mind, your body. That kind of 'nurture'."

"Sensei…." His voice drifted off. "No. No attempts were made to prepare me for anything."

"Curiouser and curiouser."

"…Are you through the looking glass, Alice?"

His quip on the quote he recognized sparked a brilliant, and heartfelt, smile. The change animated her typically reserved demeanor, prompting her to begin speaking with her hands as well, "I've often thought of myself as such, yes. This world, so like ours and yet so alien, and me held prisoner by a queen willing to behead everyone and anyone that dares to counter her mad whims for what felt like centuries. This, this is what I want from you! A chance to teach, to learn, to develop a bond that goes beyond friendship. Let me walk the halls of eternity with you, experience and experiment by your side; let me show you what I am, what I can become. What humanity itself is capable of, with the right support and direction!"

The echo of Usagi's pleas caused a cascading series of questions to float through his forebrain. Once was a data point, twice was a coincidence. She can't lie…out loud at least. "What can you become?" He hesitated. "Please…be specific."

Her smile dimmed, old memories resurfacing. "Well…I guess 'can' in this case is probably tilted more towards what I would like to become. It is a rare man that has any interest in being around an 'old hag', after all. Your father certainly proved that out."

"You do not look…like a hag." Shinji thought carefully, trying to choose words that wouldn't lead or prejudice the conversation. "You…you look like the Ritsuko Akagi from this world…just…."

"Old?"

"More mature. I don't see any visible signs of wrinkles, your hair isn't greying, you look like you need to eat more because 'skeletal' is not a good look for anyone, your mannerisms and colloquialisms all come across as understandable…. No. You don't look like a 'hag', and you don't look 'old'. Just older than I am." Several more logical steps followed in his mind. "Doctor Akagi, your daughter…the one from our world, dyed her hair, right?"

"She…did?" Naoko blinked, a slight frown forming. "Why do you ask? I loved her hair color. It was much more vibrant than mine, and it paired with her eyes so vividly."

"She was blonde. Her father?"

"No, her father was not named 'Clorox'." Clicking her tongue in exasperation, she crossed her arms and glared off to the side. "There is simply no logical reason for her to dye her hair! She was more than attractive enough to draw any man or woman she wanted without it. She was distinguished, and worth just as much for her physical beauty as she was for her own intellect."

On that we agree. "I…." She was dyeing her hair. Women have a tendency to do things that made them more interesting to potential mates. She spent a lot of time with father and Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki. She disappeared into his office after most of the attacks. Would always spend time near him, tended to preen herself like Minako does. Would father…. "I think she was sleeping with my father."

Naoko had turned back to him and watched his eyes, seen how they flicked lightly as if reading a book as he collapsed inwards in thought. More information than he'd just processed had informed that statement, and she knew that he wasn't aware of how he knew what he knew. "That's…unfortunate. She deserved someone better." She had a loose smile as she gestured with one hand to him. "The day I picked you up and ran out of the testing facility when Yui fused with Unit-01, I tried to ask her, my daughter, to watch after you and keep you from dwelling on anything. She turned her nose up at the thought and grabbed one of the nearby data-entry clerks to do it. I wound up keeping you to myself, not trusting someone as important as you to someone that wasn't even trusted with tertiary access to the secondary data clusters." Her eyes rolled in self-disparagement. "I had a fleeting thought on my way there that I might be introducing my daughter to her future husband. After keeping you safe for half of a day I remember how earnest you were when you told me that you were very sorry for being hungry. It was…adorable."

It wasn't Ritsuko? He had a terrible memory for faces, he always had. He'd honestly never managed to really remember his own mother's face, until she showed up in his soul. He remembered the hair of the woman that had carried him out of the testing chamber, the color of her lab coat…. "I remember a hug. A candy bar that you handed me with a hushed whisper to not say that you'd done that."

"The cafeteria, if it was worthy of even being called one, had been evacuated that morning to limit potential casualties." Her eyes rolled again, this time in irritation. "If the prototype core rejected the test violently, it wouldn't have mattered where on Earth they were. We were fighting a losing war against time, and risks had to be taken to ensure that you had a fighting chance." A light laugh brought a smile back into her eyes at the memory. "I figured if the vending machine was my only option anyway, you at least deserved chocolate and caramel instead of the sparingly-flavored cardboard they called crackers."

"…And now I finally understand why I hate candy bars." Shaking his head slowly, quietly laughing at the way his mind worked, he let out a small sigh. "I never put together that they were a reminder of a day I'll never forget but can't fully remember. Of a woman I thought I missed, only to find out I never knew…and now have killed." Taking a few deep breaths, he tried to slap his emotions back into line. "No, I do not view you as a hag, and I would not guess at your age, but you are certainly not 'old'. My homeroom teacher, from Nebukawa, he was old."

She pursed her lips, thinking through what he'd said. "I don't mind if you guess, how old would you say I am?"

He ran the request through the filters he'd developed, the ones that prevented him from being thoughtlessly rude to someone by being overly literal or careless. "I really only have Ritsuko-san to go off of, other than your appearance. I think she was around Misato-san's age, and Misato-san was…probably around twenty-five? If she was twenty-five, subtract fourteen, makes her eleven…early to mid-thirties?"

"Concise and effective reasoning, well done." With a polite and honest golf clap, she signaled her approval. "I am, to the best of my knowledge, thirty-four. I'm not entirely sure how many years I've been on this world, but I doubt I'm older than thirty-six. I kept track of the days by when she brought me food, but I'm sure she didn't follow a consistent schedule and I never saw a calendar or newspaper to judge the date I arrived here."

"I'll make a point of asking her before I kill her." Glancing at the door, he began to worry he was wasting time. "You were saying…something about me not wanting to have you around?"

"Oh, yes. I would like to see the capacity and extent to which our relationship can grow. Due to the time I 'lost', which you spent growing into a handsome and driven young man, I feel comfortable ignoring the previous power dynamics that would have existed between us. Now all there is, is an age gap that…well, I don't feel it's overly large. Perhaps love can grow, perhaps only a deep and abiding friendship, maybe even just mutual physical attraction without the trappings of officiality. We, after all, have an eternity to feel each other out." She hesitated, then shrugged with a rueful grin. "I also have to admit that I don't have any other options than you for that, regardless of how you feel about me."

His brow knit tight. "Why?"

"Matthew 6:24, though I wouldn't really refer to you as either material goods or spiritual well-being. The core concept remains the same, regardless."

"I'm afraid I'm not familiar with…whatever it is you're referencing."

Naoko nodded, having anticipated the lack of knowledge. "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other, or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other, ye cannot serve God and mammon." She shrugged her shoulders lightly, content for the moment with her position. "You are my Master; I will have no other before you."

"I'm not anyone's master."

"That is not true. If it were, I would not be able to state otherwise. You, Shinji Ikari, are my Master. I will keep you, comfort you, see to your lands and holdings, and ensure that you have what you must to survive for as long as you will allow me to live." An honest smile loomed over the certitude of her position, "I have, and will, sacrifice everything I have to serve you in any way you will allow me to. I will stand by your side, I will walk in your shadow, whatever it is you ask of me. I had a choice when I saw you in person. I could have denied you; I could have turned my back on you and accepted death or whatever freedom I might have found outside the walls of this shrine in a world devastated by the Angels. Instead, I chose to reach past your mask for the kindness I saw in those eyes of yours. I have done terrible things to buy humanity one more chance, Shinji. This?" She gestured between the two of them. "This is quite possibly the best thing I will ever do."

He was flummoxed. There was no other word that he could think of to describe how he felt. To him, the possibility that he might one day be freed of all his duties, able to live and choose what he would, ranked as the brightest star in his sky. Freedom was something he'd never known and had become something he knew he'd never know. For someone to just throw it away, and to do so to serve him of all people, was like a fish barking. It was insanity. "You…. I…." He closed his eyes, trying to force the world to make sense. "I would have let you go, once I knew you weren't the Angel."

"I know." The soft whisper of her clothes as she crossed closer was scarcely louder than her words as she wrapped her arms around his torso to hug him close. "That helped me choose to stay. What good is my freedom if I have to live in constant fear? What point is having the freedom to do anything I want, if my options are limited to scrounging for food or hiding from predators? With you I can help humanity stand on its feet once again." She took a deep breath as he cautiously returned the embrace, enjoying the feel of his torso under her hands, the strength of his arms as he cradled her gently. "And who knows? Maybe eventually you could be the first person other than me to finally get me to climax." The heat that suddenly radiated from his body as he blushed deeply told her everything that she needed to know for the moment. He wasn't disinterested, he just didn't know how to handle his interest. She would enjoy her servitude, and she'd damn well make sure he enjoyed it as well.

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Wednesday + 11)

The night was cold, though he didn't really feel it much. Sitting atop the closed main gate, Shinji frowned down at the base of the stairs as he listened to the construction plans that had been developed so far. The elderly Mujina sitting next to him was studiously avoiding speaking to him, focusing her attention on Yukiko to avoid forcing a situation where he felt obligated to respond. They were not proposing a simple expansion anymore. After the battle against yet another copy of the Third Angel, they were now intending a near complete rebuild of the entire area.

The hill and shrine would remain mostly intact, minus the apartment complex which would be removed and rebuilt where it wouldn't stand out as much. Radiating outwards, separated by walls intended to provide fallback positions for compromised sectors, would be 'villages' composed of suitable structures for those cultures that would be dominant in the evacuees that they were planning on retrieving. Not everyone would be comfortable in a Japanese-style house, after all. Heavy fortifications would surround the entire area, an enormous dome of translucent crystal providing cover from above. They were confident that it would be all but impenetrable, so long as he kept the Angels away from it. He was contemplating means of procuring, or building, some sort of long-range scanners when a voice from behind and below reminded him that his troubles were not limited to outside the shrine itself.

"If I might ask for a few moments of your time?" Hera's tone made it fairly clear that she was unamused that she had to ask, and even clearer that she was disappointed that it had been quite so long since they'd spoken at all.

His body remained as it had been, in a seated position atop the gate, facing out towards the world, and comfortably loose. His mind, however, snapped and snarled for him to lash out violently. Keeping any words from his thoughts was becoming easier, which was ultimately meaningless at that moment because 'easier' was not hard to accomplish when compared against less than a week ago when he hadn't even started attempting the act.

"Must I throw myself upon the ground before you? Grovel like some common trollop?" Her voice, while pitched to not carry very far, was growing in volume. "I had believed we were approaching something resembling an understanding of one another. I had thought you understood that I would not do even the least of what I have done with you with any other man! Am I so meaningless now? Have I no value in your eyes?"

If he went down there, if he recognized that she had spoken to him, he risked obligating himself to anything she asked of him…or worse, being put in a situation where he would have to strike her for asking something of him. He had too much to do. Too many people finding niches in his life. He knew he was far too attracted to the statuesque goddess; it was almost impossible to not be. Other men could be weak, other men could risk falling for those loving eyes, those dangerous curves. Other men did not have the whole of humanity balanced on their shoulders.

"I do apologize, Badger-friend," Yukiko announced from his right, "it seems I must remind someone else of appropriate social manners. Please excuse me."

"Of course. We all must do what we can to ensure the tranquility of the clan." When Yukiko's presence dropped from the gate, the elder Mujina scooted slightly closer to Shinji and began talking to herself. "It will be good to have work again. We've been cooped up for days, finding ways to keep idle claws busy. Truly blessed to have an Elder that understands when to take their hands off the project to let others succeed, yes, we are. Truly blessed. It takes a strength of character to know when you don't know enough to form an opinion, and a strength of mind to seek out that missing knowledge to fill in that gap…but the real strength comes in accepting that while we might not like the answers we get, those are the answers to hand."

Behind him Shinji heard Yukiko berating Hera for risking 'blackening the sky with clouds that rained serpents' and herding her away from the area, causing his temper to recede enough that the urge to layer himself in Unit-01 was manageable. The woman sitting to his right helped in her own way, reminding him without speaking to him that he was doing the right thing. If he was making a mess of everything, it would be unlikely that she'd be so happy. He still wanted to smash something, but the shame he'd feel afterwards stayed his hand.

"Pilot?" This time, it was Kyoko's voice. This time, he didn't feel the urge to kill the speaker.

Lifting her up to where he sat, using a pillar of stone he created from nothing, he created a small bridge for her to cross over and sit down next to him. The first action, in his mind, was simply a response to being addressed at all. The second might have been understood to be an offer to sit by him, approach him, or even take a flying leap off the top of the gate if she were so inclined. He'd made it clear that she was welcome, what happened next was up to her.

"Thank you," her manners would never be in question, despite the hint of reproach for his lifting her up to him without warning. Taking a seat next to him, she spoke her mind as she always would, "I've been given to understand that we're about to be ambitious. My engineers have been coordinating with our Mujina allies, and they think we've got a good plan of action for taking this one stage at a time. What I'd like you to do, but I will leave it up to your discretion, is sit back and allow my Marines to provide primary overwatch. I have to improve coordination between our disparate allies, so that we can all cooperate with you as smoothly as possible. If I let my kids get rusty, we're just asking for accidents."

That was a big ask, in his opinion. Her reasoning was sound, though, and he couldn't disagree with the concept of practicing the way you intended to play. It wasn't like he couldn't act, if necessary…. The words of the Mujina beside him reminded him that taking his hands off the reins from time to time wasn't a negative, leaving him to nod slowly in agreement. He'd focus his attention on Haruka's group and stay out of Kyoko's way until or unless it became necessary for him to jump in and save lives. Kyoko's hand landed on his upper quadricep, a gentle pat and then a squeeze of understanding. It hurt him to know how much she seemed to trust him, and how little he could show he trusted her in return.

"Thank you," this time her voice was soft, the way she spoke telling of the difference between 'General' and 'Woman'. "Too many in your position would insist they know what they were doing, would let inner uncertainty become outward bravado to mask over deeper insecurities. I promise, I'm not interested in commanding you around like some puppeteer. We can work together, as close as you like, and I'll always listen to your perspective if you give me the same respect."

He wanted to look at her. To tell her with no uncertainties that her presence in his life was something he desperately needed. She managed with confidence and grace what it took Misato, Gendo, and Ritsuko to accomplish with volume and threat of force. She made it seem like there was no fight they couldn't win, no battle so far gone that they couldn't triumph. It didn't hurt her case that he thought she was unreasonably beautiful, polished in her manners and appearance in a way that Asuka quite possibly never would have managed. She hadn't pushed him towards anything, had always asked him one way or another….

Kyoko's hand moved off his leg as he presented his closed fist to her above her lap, the much smaller appendage joining its mate to form a bowl beneath that offering. She had an educated guess as to what was about to happen, and was not surprised when he firmly set a ring down for her to consider. Two of the young witches had received rings, according to her intelligence assets, and the kitsune triplets had received one only to lose it within a day. These were considered tokens of trust, given to women that he likely felt would understand him. She was not going to lose out on a chance to keep him tethered to humanity.

Rolling the band between her forefinger and thumb, she contemplated the design with appropriately tuned admiration. "Well, I certainly never expected to receive one of these from a man that I was willing to actually accept it from." Her light titter of laughter paired well with his deep blush. She had his interest before, now she'd have his attention. Slipping the ring onto the appropriate finger of her right hand, she tilted her head towards him to admire it at a new angle. "Polished wood…and a sinuous vein of some sort."

"Chrysanthemum." The Mujina had an easy smile about her lips, seemingly comforted simply by being a witness to the act taking place near her. "It appears that the Elder would prefer that you remain close to him forevermore, that he trusts you deeply. The Mujina clan will rip your body and soul apart if you should betray that trust."

Before Shinji could react, Kyoko nodded her head firmly without taking her eyes off the ring. "I do enjoy good company, and it would be a shame to lose his simply because I decided to try lying for the first time in my life." A smile that stopped his heart spoke of reciprocity as she looked over at him. "It would also be a shame if I had to kill the only remaining Elder for betraying my trust."

He couldn't help the grim smile from spreading. She understood. Trust was a heavy blade that had another heavy blade for a hilt. So long as everyone cooperated, nobody was cut, nobody was hurt. All it took was either side letting go, however, to leave a scar on the person who kept holding on that would never heal no matter how much effort the guilty party put in to hold the blade level again.

"I'd like to have dinner with you, somewhere you feel comfortable talking." Leaning over, she placed a kiss on his jaw before standing up and dusting off her pants. "It's been too long since you and I have had a chance to catch up, and I'd rather have enough time to discuss business and pleasure without significant interruptions." Kyoko bowed politely to the Mujina. "I'll have my First Sergeant brief your Foreman on our security posture in an hour. Please feel free to have whomever you've tabbed for security there to consolidate our efforts."

"With pleasure, General." The Mujina waved her on, intending to help Shinji stop himself from blushing any further by removing the cause of the blushing. After he'd returned Kyoko to the ground, using the same method he had to bring her up, the old badger spoke to herself once more, "The world of humanity, the world of the unseen, the world of the spirits…so many cultures to have to balance and counterbalance. We are blessed to have those among us willing to dig deeper, to press harder, to bring those cultures together in harmony instead of dismissing any as irrelevant or superfluous." She reached over and patted his knee, a grandmother comforting a favored grandchild. "Blessed indeed."

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Wednesday + 11)

"Oh, we had a discussion earlier," Yukiko answered Haruka's question with a bright smile. "I feel it was quite edifying, we managed to learn quite a bit about one another…and what we consider 'proper'."

Mizore added her own seasoning to the stewing of Hera, "It would seem to me that some people have a difficult time adapting to changes in their circumstances. The Silent One is far more of an example for people to follow, in my opinion. I personally suck at diplomacy," she shrugged without shame at her weakness, "and so I have an easier time seeing things from his perspective. He wants to focus on saving lives, and making sure people are safe here. I can respect that. There will be enough time to figure out who has the right to kisses after we've done our jobs."

The Sailor for Uranus snorted out a laugh, ruffling Shinji's hair and pulling him into a familiar side-hug. "That makes sense, then. If he's comfortable working with her, then she can stay." Her heart settled some when she felt Shinji's hand alight on her waist, returning the hug that she had intended to comfort him with. "I need you, Frosty, to focus on keeping any zombies away from us. If we can't kill them, we can at least trust that you'll be able to slow them down with ice and snow."

"Easy enough to do," the yuki-onna agreed. "They may not die, but they will not move either."

"Yep." Haruka looked towards Hera. "You are going to help me calm tempers. They're going to see strangers drop out of nowhere. These people have been on edge for days, possibly jumping at shadows. We'll attempt diplomacy first, try to get them to see that we're only there to help. If they remain defensively hostile, we shut them down hard enough to get them to safety. Lives first, feelings second."

Hera still refused to look at Shinji, hurt hanging from her visibly. "I have some abilities to call upon that might aid in soothing frayed nerves, if I'm allowed to use them things will go easier."

Shinji inwardly growled. The thought of 'mind control' did not sit well with him, and if that was not what she was referring to, she was still attempting to throw barbs at him for not allowing her to distract them all by overwhelming him with that damnable lust she inspired in him.

"And I assume you wish for me to provide overwatch and coordination on-site?" Yukiko bobbed around in the air, drawing his gaze away from Hera and reminding him that he had allies helping him with his problems. "To warn the Frostmother of incoming threats, and you of potential impediments to success?"

"And to keep Shinji appraised of numbers," Haruka amended. "I know him well enough to know that he's going to count every head that comes through that portal, and I want numbers to match up appropriately. No saboteurs sneaking in, and no innocents left behind."

That, among many other reasons, was why he had given Haruka a ring. She understood him, she agreed that lives needed to matter more than feelings, and she had a keen eye for details that many of the others lacked. A huge part of him wished that he'd had her back in his own world, to lean upon while he tried to save the world. She was brash, she was brazen…but she was a fearless defender of those she considered worthy of that defense. He realized, with a burst of insight that confused him, that he actually believed he loved her.

"Ok then," with a final squeeze of her arm around Shinji, she gestured towards where they'd marked off for the portal to appear after running tests earlier, "let's get this show on the road."

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Wednesday + 11)

"…Fuck." Suzuhara leaned with his back against the door to the interrogation room, glowering at Inari. He'd received the exact same responses from the people tasked with interrogating Maria, everything lining up with what they'd learned independently. "I've seen some really stupid moves in my life…but I never honestly believed you would use them like that."

"What use do children have, if not to take care of chores?" The kitsune matriarch wouldn't pretend she'd suddenly grown a conscience. "Their failure to seal the deal was its own punishment, and what they've learned is simply going to have to stand on its own. If he honestly took everything a kitsune said at face value, I think we have bigger problems than his devotion to celibacy, don't you think?"

"Not all of us lie to our partners," he grated out through clenched teeth. "I supported them pairing up with him because he is an honest man, a good man, and the kind of man that would have treated them as individuals and a unit at the same time. He's the first man, other than me, that I've ever known to be able to tell them apart at a glance. He's the first man, since I've always viewed them as my sisters and never as 'women', that didn't look at them and just think, 'Neat, I can fuck triplets!'. You ordered them to ruin their future, all because you don't trust anybody." He held his frown for another moment, then turned and spat on the floor. "You've abused your position. Sun Goddess or not, there's going to be a punishment for that."

"As there should be." The binds tying her to the chair fell away, and she stood up and stretched. "I didn't go into this without understanding the consequences, child. I have an eternity to make things right with him, but I only had one chance at showing him the right path to walk down. A little pain in the now is worth the glory of the future."

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Wednesday + 11)

Shinji hated 'standing back'. At first, he thought that there might be some benefit to being inactive. A chance to watch others do the 'heavy lifting'. To not be the one that is told to fix everything. To not have to lead by example. That thought survived, at most, three seconds before he desperately needed to involve himself. If it weren't for the fact that he'd been asked very politely by the women he respected, he would have already bulled in and started doing what he could. The sympathy he felt for Misato at that moment was pure in its sorrow.

Down the stairs leading out of the Shrine Proper, several combat teams were positioned to provide overwatch for the construction of the first new annex. They had already killed several random 'zombies', Shinji's A.T. Field apparently reached far enough that the red cores had no additional protection to stop them from being shredded to bits by the ammunition he'd provided for the humans and youkai to use. The first monster, an amalgamation of a stray dog and an old woman, had only managed to creep within three hundred meters unnoticed before two snipers put two high caliber rounds on target. A volley of machinegun fire from the closest emplacement verified the kill, and a flaming arrow from Rei Hino incinerated the remains.

The Sailors that remained behind while Haruka led the evacuations were rotating independently between the various nests, passing reports and supplies as needed whenever they weren't cleansing fallen enemies so that nobody needed to risk infection by touching the virus-laden dead. His compulsion to jump to their aid was no less than that which he felt for the youkai and military. Each time his eyes landed on Rei he felt a surge of fear, of elation, of worry. She was a capable warrior, a valued ally, and had only her own skills to protect her against infection. He couldn't shelter her, not and allow her to be who and what she was. That realization hurt, deeply. He had to trust her, despite her vulnerability, just as she trusted him, despite his invulnerability.

Either sensing that he was considering her, or simply because she was as worried about him as he was about her, the long-haired Sailor for Mars looked up to where he stood and gave him a brilliant smile and warm wave. She knew he was watching. She knew he would act the instant she truly needed him to do so. She was confident in her abilities, confident in his trust, and just plain old confident. She was just as beautiful as Kyoko, just as beautiful as Usagi, just as beautiful as Hera. Her confidence, her poise, her dedication to doing and being good…she reminded him of Asuka without the incessant need to denigrate everything around her.

A loud sigh from behind him pulled his eyes away from the woman down the hill. "That's a real problem, then, Corpsman. All I have available is denatured alcohol, my grandda told me that stuff isn't really the best to be using on things for human consumption. Methanol's poisonous, if I reckon right."

Temple, a woman he'd not seen in what felt like forever, was scrubbing one hand through her hair in irritation. It was obvious that she had need of something, and her response filled in the blanks, "Yeah…I don't want to keep using heat to sterilize everything. We're wasting fuel that way. From what I understand, none of the youkai can make anything but grain alcohol, which is only so useful and is a real drain on their energy after a while. Thanks, suppo. I'll have to ask around."

Shinji frowned, wondering why this problem hadn't been brought to him or someone he knew. If the people responsible for medical care needed anything, they should be given the first priority in his opinion. They were the only team higher than physical security! A quick moment of focus brought the chemistry lesson on isopropyl alcohol to the fore, the need for shale to be steam cracked to produce the propene, and then the mixture with water to provide the chemical stability. With the hand not holding the portal in place, he created ten six-hundred-pound steel barrels filled with the proper mixture behind Temple in plain view of the Supply Officer she was speaking to.

The man gave an impressed whistle, then a smile and a nod at the man he'd been ordered not to directly bother. "Looks like you've got the ear of the highers, Doc." He gestured towards her new bounty. "Thems look a might heavy for one squid, though. Kitagawa, Ooi, give our shipmate a hand with the pretties while she thanks the Old Man."

Temple awkwardly watched as two Sailors jumped up and began manhandling the barrels onto a flatbed cart they'd rigged up to haul heavy materials, then turned with clear trepidation to face Shinji. Whatever it was that she saw in his bearing did not match up at all with what she had anticipated, leading to her suddenly appearing incredibly confused. The pilot of Unit-01 stood calmly, a force of nature given flesh, holding open a portal that was slowly ejecting new citizens that were being hurried off to the medical tents while also scanning the horizon for potential threats. What she did not see was the worry in his heart that his actions were unwelcome somehow. A few tentative steps in his direction were followed by a quiet, "Thank you…I'm sorry that I denied you my help when you needed it most. I…hate to ask, but when you have a few moments…could…could we talk?"

Shinji was spared having to respond by Hera barreling out of the portal carrying two small children with Haruka hot on her heels carrying two more. Just behind them, covered over by the clamor, Yukiko and Mizore calmly backed out while layering thick ice behind them to stop the pursuit that chased them out of Liaoning. Temple hurried over to perform medical assessments on one of the children that was having what appeared to be an asthma attack, and Shinji slammed the portal shut before stalking over and looking to Yukiko for answers.

"They are adaptive," she offered with a pained frown. "We lost two people that did not properly follow instructions, citizens of that city that were too proud or too stupid to do what was asked of them by 洋鬼子. Both a shame and an unneeded tragedy."

Mizore rubbed one hand along his upper arm, recognizing in him what she'd seen so many times in the first man she thought she'd loved. "We cannot save people from themselves, Shinji. We can only ever offer them a path to safety and advice on how to walk it."

He looked between the two women, his anger draining and weary acceptance growing. They were right, and it wasn't anyone's fault that was present. If they ignored the orders of the people sent to save them, then they had committed suicide. His eyes closed and his head drooped forward. He had gone beyond tired, reaching a bone-deep weariness that further sucked the wind out of his wrath. This was the two hundred and seventh person they'd saved, and it was all he could do to keep his feet under him. How pathetic am I that I've been doing nothing but standing here and I'm still drained?

The vocalized thought, a rarity outside of his room, drew the eyes of each of the away team and those youkai that were helping Temple. Firmly gesturing for everyone else to stay back, Haruka placed herself before Shinji and forced him to look at her. "I love you." Without any warning, her hand flashed through a slap that rang across the courtyard like a tree snapping in half. "But we're going to start working on that problem of yours. If you are as tired as you look like you are, we're going to pack it in for now. The last thing we need is you collapsing with us in the field, stranding us however many kilometers away. This is a safety issue, you big dork. It's not like you've been sitting back in a lounge chair sipping on a margarita. You're folding space and time together, holding a tunnel in place that goes well over a thousand kilometers, and providing materials for people here! Of course you're fucking tired you ass!" Spinning to where she stood under his arm, she forced him to walk with her towards the apartments. "Now, let's go check on Michi-chan and Sarah-chan. We'll still be able to see if we are attacked, and both of us can respond from the top floor easily. We'll get something to eat, something to drink, and see how we're doing after an hour."

"I'll see to your feeding, Lady of the Skies," Yukiko offered, bobbing and dancing her way through the air towards Shinji's trees. "Please focus your efforts on keeping our hero from being heroically stupid."

Mizore flowed past, a small wave of snow carrying her towards the medical tents. "I will check on our new tenants, see how my sisters are doing, and spend some time in the freezer. I haven't had to work this hard since High School."

Whatever it was that Hera was going to do, it was going to be done somewhere he wasn't immediately aware of. Shinji did not see the direction she departed in, nor hear anything from her regarding his lapse in attention. Instead of following Haruka's lead towards the front door of the apartment, he gripped onto her side tightly and used the same trick he had earlier with Kyoko to get both of them up to the balcony above. Stepping off the pillar of stone, he offered the platinum blonde a hand to steady herself upon.

"Why, thank you, dear sir." With a winsome smile she accepted his offer, picking her way down the steps he'd made with immaculate grace. Standing before him once again, she pressed a kiss to the cheek she'd struck. "I'm sorry for hitting you, but I am going to do so every time I catch you saying something foolish like that again. You're thickheaded, and I remember rather well that sometimes words just don't quite work for you."

There was nothing he could say in response, since everything she'd said was true. Even if he wanted to retort, it would be lies. He hated himself. He hated how he hated himself. His inability to take care of himself, to consider what actions would cost him, all of it reinforced the reason why she had slapped him. He needed to be forced out of the cycle of self-loathing, and sometimes that would take a solid thwack to do so.

"I'm glad you agree." She had been watching his self-analysis, and clearly saw what he'd been thinking written across his face. "Now, let's go say 'Hi' to my baby."

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Wednesday + 11)

Lithion, as was typical for the man, did not look up from his book while being spoken to. He had concerns of his own over the way things were progressing, and those concerns had answers within his Cogitationes a Chao. The process of deriving those answers in any meaningful fashion was, itself, mostly a product of luck however.

"It is rather rude to ignore a lady when she's speaking," Hera uttered with ominous chill.

"When one starts speaking to me, I'll be sure to keep that in mind." Flipping a page over, he sighed in frustration at the pressure wave he felt building. "I'm not sure you understand your position, Stepmother of the Gods. Last of your kind, revered by few, loathed by more, your power is not growing any greater. If you truly want to use a portion of what remains in useless combat against me, proving that you shouldn't be trusted within the grounds of the Sanctuary the Silent One has built, then by all means…feel free, but don't expect mercy."

The powerful Olympian snapped, "What is so important in that disgusting book that it prevents you from listening to me?"

"Answers to questions." He scanned another page, smirking at the incongruities.

"Such as?"

"Yoko-Maria performs Russian romances, German Lieder, French and Italian art songs, operatic arias, and Japanese Songs. The Théâtre Du Jorat is listed as a Swiss heritage site of national significance. Dini's theorem says that if a monotone sequence of continuous functions converges pointwise on a compact space and if the limit function is also continuous, then the convergence is uniform. Jacques and Berthe Lipchitz is a 1916 oil on canvas painting by Amedeo Modigliani. In 1855, the United States government signed the Treaty of Point Elliott with the putative leaders of most of the Puget Sound tribes, including Chief Seattle of the Duwamish. Leucargyra is a genus of moths of the family Crambidae. Sheikh Muhammad Ibrahim Zauq was an Urdu poet and scholar of literature, poetry and religion." He finally took his eyes off of the book long enough to look at Hera and drive the point home. "Answers to questions."

"…So what are your questions?"

He returned to his rumination on the book. "I'm not the one asking the questions. I'm not sure who is, if anyone. The answers, however, have proven useful more than once. They led me to question my father, led me to recognize what the Silent One represented, led me to accept that our only chance at survival lies squarely with a heavily damaged young man with serious self-esteem issues being pressured into actions and relationships by women that ought to know better."

"And why are you here, then? I haven't seen you lift a hand to help, haven't seen you petitioning him for anything. You sit there judging my actions, yet your own would have me label you a laggard."

"I'm here to watch the metamorphosis, and the aftermath. He's already walking the path I'd like him to walk, I don't have a need to prod him further. If he needs my help, he knows where I am."

"Or you might consider helping him walk further along it."

"At which point I might become the butterfly that flaps its wings in Brazil, causing a hurricane in Texas. Pass."

+++++ Author's Notes:

My apologies for the lack of additional commentary. I am fighting a legal battle against someone who is abusing the legal system to force me to incur heavy financial damage to protect myself, and the legal system itself is not set up in a manner to prevent that from happening in my jurisdiction. I'm focusing on writing to keep a steady keel, which is preventing the little hints I enjoy dropping in these notes.

I appreciate the reviews and commentary, though. They bring much needed levity to my spare time.