Extreme apologies for the wait. The last chapter always takes me forever to get out. And this story will have 2 ending chapters, i.e. 2 versions. Yes, you read that right. We've come a long way, and I've tried to include every bit of the anime into this story for completeness. Therefore, it only makes sense for it to have a proper ending. However, I had a feeling the ending route I personally wanted to take wasn't going to please everyone since it would take an unexpected turn—and I would hate for this to be one of those stories where the ending sucked. Hence, I'm adding both versions (they're very similar, the roles are just reversed). Okay on with it.

Replies to Reviews:

AoiAki8: Thanks for replying!

Joalin: Hahaha, we do. Yeah I needed to add Hisoka to young illumi/flashbacks to make it complete. I'd be missing out if I didn't it. Yay~ you're going with my option. I don't know where that came from but I was envisioning Killua standing up for Illumi, like after Illu comes back (you'll find out what im talking about in this chapter), Killua taller, bolder, and loving him as a seme while Illu is now a little more humanly, vulnerable. Etc. Thanks as always for the review!

Disclaimer in first chapter.

Chapter 39: For Better Times [Version 1]

"And then we didn't talk or contact each other. By coincidence we met during the hunter exam. He didn't recognize me at first—of course, with my disguise." Illumi finished his story.

"Did you win?" Killua was dying to know, considering those were Hisoka's conditions.

"What?"

"Did you win the card game?"

"Against Hisoka? I doubt it…Or maybe I did. I can't really remember that bit."

"How could you not remember something like that?!" The silverette waved his arms. Illumi only shrugged.

"I didn't care at the time."

All this time Illumi had locked those memories and emotions away. He wiped away the concept of feelings and sensations and focused on nothing more than his mission and the family. He was the heir to the Zoldyck's, he needed to be like his father and grandfather and make them proud. Nothing else mattered.

That was simple. However, ever since that door had been unlocked, and old memories resurfaced, his nonexistent emotional stability rocked. At least that's what Killua noticed whether the older noticed it or not.

For instance, right now. Illumi was standing in the kitchen assorting his pins…in one of the drawers? Killua blinked in confusion before glancing around and tapping the elder's arm. "Uh, aniki?"

Illumi slowly turned his head towards the silverette. Illumi's expression didn't change much but his eyes appeared distant and cold. Killua couldn't decipher what was going on in the other's head until his senses registered a hand with a needle almost inches away from his face, coming in for a kill-!

"Illumi?!" the younger automatically fixed his hands in front, catching the other's wrist and struggling to hold it in place. "Aniki?! Snap out of it?! What are you thinking?!" Killua exclaimed, hoping to knock some sense into his erratic brother. It must have worked because Illumi visibly relaxed his features and withdrew his hand away.

"Kiru?"

"What the hell was that?" The younger demanded right away.

"Uh…my bad…" Illumi rubbed his forehead once, coming off whatever trance he was in. He looked back at Killua's inquisitive face once more. '…he could've sworn he saw that white haired demon again…that kid he supposedly killed. Was it the white hair? The same features…?'

"I don't think you're feeling alright…"

"Why do you say that?" His younger brother pointed to the kitchen counter with the pins and spoons and the open drawer. "Oops." Illumi annunciated when he realized he wasn't in his own room and assembling his pins in the kitchen instead. Killua waited for an explanation, but instead, the elder gathered his stuff and about turned.

"Hey hold on! What's going on with you? This isn't even the first time you tried to attack me." The teen inevitably followed him.

"Mh…" Illumi hummed in thought.

"…Are you sure you're not overwhelmed…?" The younger followed him up the stairs.

"Overwhelmed with what?"

"I don't know…with whatever is going on in your head. You're clearly out of it."

"How so?"

"Do I have to remind you? You're more spaced out than usual. You're doing things wrong. And not to mention you keep trying to kill me!"

"Ouch. Sorry." That last one sting. "I'm okay Kiru. I think I've just been tired. I'm going to take a nap."

Killua sighed and let Illumi be, as he entered his room and closed the door behind him. It's not like he had an option either way. Illumi could be stubborn at times and he wasn't going to open up if he didn't want to.

With nothing else to do, and hoping it really was only the fatigue, the teen headed back to his own room.

Another week went by uneventfully. Illumi was still partially out of it, for the most part it seemed as if he was avoiding Killua and would minimally touch or kiss him. Of course, Killua noticed that instantly and he wasn't happy with that attitude. Yes, it was nice to be able to breathe for once without Illumi's weight and love smothering him but this was unusual. Every time Illumi would claim he was sleeping, he would only come out with darker bangs under his eyes and appear paler. Whenever Killua asked, he would mumble something about nightmares or not feeling sleepy. It was beginning to concern the teen if not already.

"Hey, aniki." Killua called out, knocking on his brother's door. No response. The teen tried again and after knocking again, he peered his head inside a fraction. "Aniki? You there?"

"Hm? Oh hey, Kiru. Come in." Illumi was sitting on the floor against the bed, not doing anything in particular.

"Did you not here me? What are you doing?"

"…Nothing really."

"So, you're just sitting there?"

"So?" Illumi saw nothing wrong with that as he looked up at him. Killua frowned at first, not sure where to begin and which raging thought to translate first. To start, he heaved a sigh and sat down next to the other.

"I know this might be too normal for you, but do you want to talk about it?" The silverette offered, features gentle as he gazed straight into his brother's eyes.

"Talk about what?"

"Whatever you're feeling. You're clearly distressed."

"There's nothing to talk about Kiru."

Okay, now this was beginning to piss him off and his patience was running thin. "Liar! Why don't you acknowledge it already! You're unstable! You're not yourself at all!"

"Calm down, Kiru." The ravenette absent-mindedly cupped the younger's cheek, affectively calming him down. It had been a while since Illumi so tenderly touched him like that. Illumi must have thought the same as the next minute before they realized it, their lips were glued together. Kissing, and intertwining tongues like there was no tomorrow. In that moment it seemed like all their worries had magically dissipated.

'No, don't get distracted…shit.' The younger couldn't help being swept away, by this point his body was pretty much conditioned to go along. He moaned as Illumi sucked his lower lip and cupped the sides of his face with both hands, delving deeper by the minute.

The ravenette probed his tongue further into the younger's mouth, chasing after the warmth that'd he'd been away from for so many days. God, he missed this. Lately his mind had been so warped into another dimension or distracted trying to find balance that he hadn't been spending much time with his Kiru.

"Aniki…wai…" Killua moaned but the elder ignored him. "uwa—" The teen found himself falling backward as the elder pushed him to the floor and guided his legs to either side of his hips. Illumi kissed once more before nuzzling under chin. "H-hold on—" As much as the teen wanted to continue as well, feeling the blood rushing to his cheeks and other parts, he needed to talk to the other first. "This isn't going to solve anything—" When Illumi went into a drunken stupor, he had no choice but to physically shove the other away and attempt to sit up. "Aniki!" The teen panted as he held the other away with a hand over his mouth. Illumi blankly stared at him for a good minute, allowing the small hand to rest against his lips.

"You…you need help… I want this too but you're not in the right mindset." Killua pleaded. The elder closed his eyes briefly before gently peeling the hand away and standing up. The teen flinched when the other began walking away. "No!" Killua immediately twisted his body and grabbed his elder brother's arm. "Don't screw this up, Illumi." Illumi raised a brow. "You've always been the one to screw this up. The reason we had such a bad relationship in the past was all your fault. We finally fixed something so don't you dare screw it up."

The silverette hopped to his feet and grabbed the elder's ears, forcing him to meet him eye to eye. "Don't try to pretend. I know you've been seeing someone else in me—your nightmares or fear or whatever around you. Look at me." He urged. "Don't know who you're seeing but this is Killua! Your brother! ...Your Kiru!" Illumi's eyes widened as he stared straight at him. "And I know all of our childhoods have been fxcked up, and it's hard to revisit those memories but I accept you. I love you back."

The ravenette was speechless. Eyes still bulging and mind short circuiting, he felt like he was eight again when he heard those words from Killua's mouth. That's all he ever yearned to hear when he was younger. He could see himself short again, with dark bangs curtaining over his eyes, wearing his usual oversized hoodie as he stared at Kiru who looked much bigger than him.

"You love me?" He heard his younger voice clarifying the statement once more.

"That's right, I love you, aniki. We all do." Killua confidently smiled back. Illumi didn't hesitate to jump into his arms, burying himself into his chest as the silverette wrapped his arms over the other's shoulders and head. "I got you." They stayed frozen in time like that for a long time.

"Killua, you wanted to see me?" Silva opened the door to his lair for the younger teen who boldly walked in. He recalled in the past when he would some days be nervous or cautious step into his father's massive room, but now as the next head of the Zoldyck, it was but another space in their large manor.

Nevertheless, he took a breath before he began. "I need you to let Illumi go."

"Pardon?" His father almost snorted at the random, unanticipated request.

"I want you to set him free from your shambles. You've been controlling him for far too long. And I'm going to fix him."

"Killua, I don't know what you're talking about." Silva took a seat in his usual spot on the edge of the bed. "Illumi does everything according to his own accord."

"He does now, maybe. But he's always been your perfect puppet and it's eating him from the inside, even if he denies it. Thanks to your great job, his childhood is haunting him. Illumi's powerful when he has all his shields up, but it's insane that just one small crack can shatter that barrier completely to the point where he's completely off his game these days. He was already half dead inside but now his soul is stranded. He needs help to re-ground himself."

"Hm, so you claim. But what about you? You went through the same childhood."

"Not nearly the same, apparently. I've learned to master my emotions, not lock them like Illumi. It's only made me stronger, but all his life he's shun them away that now he doesn't know how to deal with them. He may be stronger than me but if he's shook mentally, that doesn't matter anymore."

"So, what exactly do you plan on doing?"

"…I want him to visit someone who can help restore his inner peace and teach him how to deal with this PTSD in a healthier way." Silva quietly listened, a brow raised and with a face that clearly didn't give him credit.

"And who would this person be? Do you really believe Illumi's that weak? That this would help or he would agree to this?"

"Mentally yes. Or at least right now he is. And I'll find someone—how hard can it be? I have my connections after all." The teen could care less if his father agreed with him. "I'm going to talk to him anyway. He isn't helping anyone in this state—especially not himself."

"You two are old enough to decide what you want to do with your time." His father shrugged in the end, resting his case.

"And when he comes back, I want you to hand him over to me." Silva was speechless once again as he stared at him. Killua continued. "I want him to be my right hand but at the same time, he's free to do whatever. Though I'm sure he'll be glad to help me out. Of course, this isn't the same as when he worked for you. I don't need a puppet; I need him to be willful and more…human."

"I'd watch your tone son, you're not the head yet." Silva gently reminded.

The younger silverette swallowed hard, realizing he was stepping slightly out of line but continued to stare back into his father's eyes without a hint of fear.

"…you want me to do what?" Illumi repeated the moment Killua finished explaining.

"It's for you. He's willing to help. He's an expert in spiritual stuff and meditation."

"Kiru this is—"

"Please. Won't you try? For me, at least." The silverette stopped him there to show him how serious he was. Illumi sighed, almost losing to the argument already. To Killua's saving grace, Illumi's stubbornness and resilience only buried to the ground with all the other subconscious stress on his mind.

"And I'm supposed to believe this is going to help me?"

"It will. He's helped a lot of people and really knows his shit. But you have to keep an open mind. You can't keep going on like this and no one here can help you beside yourself. Even I don't know what's going on with you."

"I don't know Kiru, I'm not that weak."

"Weak? This has nothing to do with being weak. Obviously, you're the strongest one out of us siblings—though I could probably compare—but you've been shook. If you can't keep your head straight then all that physical strength means nothing. Don't you get it?"

Illumi's silence was a sign of contemplation. "Who is this person then?"

"I'll give you his contact information and where to meet him." Killua answered with a shed of delight. 'Um, depending on his interaction with you, he'll decide how long the training will be…' The teen felt like saying but since it was difficult enough to convince him to go in the first place, he kept that info to himself.

"Fine… I surrender…" The silverette threw his arms around the other's stomach upon that while the elder planted a hand on his spiky head.

"Unbelievable. Kiru has grown up to be quite deceptive." Illumi complained after he returned from his 'interview' with the Spiritual Guru.

"Ahem, I learned from the best…" The teen acted coy, fully aware of why Illumi was complaining and vexed.

"Two years? Is he out of his mind?"

"Hey, it's probably a slow sustainable process… maybe he's decided that you need to start from square one…"

"You're going to pay for this."

Killua gulped. He wasn't a fan of that. He was currently in Illumi's room standing aside while his older brother threw clothes around and packed his bag. "Maybe it won't be as bad as you think…I mean it's like training in a way—well it is. Spiritual training." The younger was too busy explaining that he wasn't prepared for Illumi swinging him around and throwing him on his bed. The teen yelped as his body bounced on the head with the elder hovering right on top of him.

"Kiru needs to be punished."

"Heyyy." The teen whined but was soon moaning when Illumi nuzzled his neck. It was almost a conditioned response when his brother's fingers began stroking between his legs. And to add on the fact that they hadn't done anything for a while… "Mhhmm…Aniki…" Killua closed his legs instinctively but Illumi pillared his own knee in between.

It was evident the elder missed it just as much, as his fingers were already undoing his pants and pulling them down. The ravenette smacked his lips on to the younger's, kissing the dear life out of them. Killua lost track very quick as his legs were being pried open and long raven locks were on his navel. The teen threw his head back as Illumi ate him up. The elder backed away just as the teen was about to come not allowing him that relief and on the contrary, fixed his thumb right on the head.

"Ugh! Hey!"

"Did you forget this was punishment? Kiru's been a naughty boy." Kiru let out another groan of displeasure.

"Stop…" The teen complained but the elder grinded himself against the other instead. The silverette's knees trembled as he was chasing his relief. "Illumi…!" The younger clawed at his hands. However, the elder only released his hand after he entered the teen after lubricating him enough. The teen ended up cuming right away as his body rocked mercilessly from Illumi's force.

The teen panted as Illumi only continued. "Since I won't be around for a long while…I'm going to make up for it…"

"Ah! Urh! D-don't people do that after-r…ah—"

Illumi always did work backwards.

"Kiru, I always wanted to mark you…"

"What…? Ah! I'm not a thing!" Killua retorted but in the midst of it he didn't realize when and how efficiently Illumi pierced his ear with a needle. The teen only felt a small pinch at his ear before he realized what had happened. "Hey! Who said you could—!"

"But it suits you a lot, Kiru."

"Ughh," Kiru rolled his eyes, he wasn't against piercings or anything—but whatever, he'd let it slide this time for Illumi's sake.

Illumi didn't have an earring so he kept his small bob headed needle trapped in place in the other's ear lobe with a piece of plastic behind it.

"I'm off then. Unfortunately. Why am I always the one to leave?"

"I also spent a whole year training with grandpa once."

"Meh, once."

"Well, you're the one who needs it." Killua averted his eyes and mumbled.

"I heard that." Illumi grabbed hold of his cheeks and stretched them painfully wide.

"Ow-ow-hey!"

"I have one last request." The ravenette told.

"What? Wait—this better not be weird." However, Illumi didn't answer immediately and disappeared momentarily to fetch something. When he returned he held a polaroid camera and to Killua's surprise took a photo of him right then and there without any preparation. Killua blinked while the photo printed. It was an innocent, taken aback expression, but it was perfect at the same time. "Why do you need that?"

"Now Kiru will always be with me." The elder's pupils dilated as he said that.

"You're acting creepy again." 'But whatever. It was the least he could do.' The younger shrugged. He tiptoed to kiss the elder once before he was officially off. He would wait patiently for Illumi to return as the best, more sane version of himself.

Two years Later

Ages: Killua- 17, Illumi-29

Killua was up early the day Illumi was to return. He had received a message from the elder a week ago, informing him when he would be returning. Illumi had said he initially wanted to keep it a surprise but he couldn't help himself after not being able to meet for two whole years. So, the silverette decided to surprise Illumi instead by showing up to pick him from the shrine itself. He shot out of bed, took a quick shower throwing his spiky hair back and got dressed in an open button downed shirt and a pair of shorts. He slid down the staircase railing and shoved a piece of bread in his mouth before heading towards his shoes. He wanted to ensure he had enough time to make it to the shrine before Illumi left without knowing he was even coming.

The seventeen year old teen was now a head taller but still no where near as tall as Illumi. His hair was spiky as ever but much longer, especially on his neck. He would usually trim them but recently he had been allowing the hair on his nape to grow a bit more freely. He passed by Kalluto who was outside training on his own.

"Yo." Killua casually said, not expecting a response in return and certainly didn't receive one—but he was used to it by now.

The teen finally made it to the designated shrine where Illumi had transferred to about a year ago. Though it didn't seem like Illumi was overtly against it, judging by the tone of his voice during their phone calls. Illumi wasn't allowed to call every single day, at most just once a week. Their master believed it was too distracting. Hence, he wasn't allowed any communication for the first year or so.

Killua slowly walked past the pillars partially masked by clouds of mist, down the brick road into the open front yard of the shrine. It seemed like an overall serene environment to be in. He soon noticed a handful of students (?) exit the building, and his eyes began roaming around in search for his brother. At last, the teen noticed a tall man with pale skin and short black hair exit the building. He didn't recognize him at first but he was certain it was none other than his brother from the vibe he eluded. Killua was momentarily stunned, studying Illumi who looked so much younger with the short bangs and hair. It almost seemed like he had reverted back in time to when he was a teenager.

Illumi felt the strong endearing gaze and looked up to notice the teen instantly. Killua didn't fail to miss the look of astonishment on the elder's face. "Kiru?"

"Surprise?" The silverette shrugged and ran towards him. The ravenette also stepped forward and the two automatically met in an embrace. They hugged for a good minute, ignoring everything around them and only focusing on the warmth of each other in the cold misty air.

"You got taller."

"Well no duh, I'm growing."

"But still not as tall as me." Illumi smirked and Killua rolled his eyes before staring back into the other's eyes. They were the familiar balls of hollowness but at the same time something seemed mildly different about the elder. He had picked up on it during their phone calls as well, but he inevitably thought that Illumi seemed more honest than before.

"How do you feel?"

"Much better now."

"No, I mean in general."

"…I don't know how to explain it, it's indescribable…but in one word…liberated?"

Killua smiled. That sounded just about right. "So, you're not going to try to actively kill me once we get home, right?" He joked, still loosely wrapped in his brother's arms, looking up at him.

Illumi looked slightly hurt as his face twisted, which caught the younger off-guard at first. "I never meant to intentionally kill you Kiru."

"I know, I was just joking. Wow you really have changed." Killua slowly straightened himself. "It refreshing to see you act a little more human. So, ready to head back home?"

"Mh." Illumi's lips tugged upward as they locked their hands together and began walking away, down the cloudy path away from the shrine in the mountains.

"By the way, I like the hair, it's like the teen Illumi switched placed with the current time Illumi." Killua praised as they became smaller shadows drifting down the road.

"I wanted to restart, so it felt like the right move." The elder responded, eyes not leaving his brother the entire time. "I see you still have the piercing." He noticed the earring in the younger's left ear glisten now and then as the light reflected on it.

"Yup, it looks badass I'm not gonna lie."

"I think I'll get one too, that way we'll have matching ones."

"Sweet, but this time I'm gonna do it, as payback." The silverette grinned.

"Sounds good to me." He smiled back.

Killua was as stunning as ever, he could never get enough. And now that they were finally reunited, with no more obstacles, he was going to make up the entire two years they missed.

_:[The End]:_

*breathes* This took forever, don't know why, but I'm glad it's finally out. I'm gonna post version 2 now, it's literally the same except for the last bit which is tweaked a bit to reflect their roles. Stay tuned for the author's note. And as always Thank you so much for hanging in there. See you soon.