Chapter 39

Hello friends, another chapter for you guys. Hope you like it. :)

She gulped down her glass of water and sighed heavily. It was just four still. She turned around to leave when suddenly she spotted a figure and jumped back in fear. It was Jay. She managed, "You scared me."

"Sorry," he replied.

"What are you doing awake Jay?" she asked, really wondering.

"I should be asking you the same question," he replied back.

"I just came to have a glass of water," she said, hoping to end this conversation as quickly as possible.

He looked at her not convinced and finally decided to shoot directly, "Hailey, what's wrong?"

She sighed again, not knowing what to say. She really didn't want to have this conversation right now. He urged her, "Talk to me."

"Jay, I can't do this now. Please," she said getting to the point directly.

"Just for your information, I know that you're hiding something from me. I don't want to call it lying but just know that I know," he said.

"There is a reason for everything Jay," she replied back.

"Honestly, I am worried about you. Are you okay?" he asked.

She looked at him, certain that if she said she was fine, she would be caught lying. She went with, "What do you want to know Jay?"

"What is going on with you, you are acting distant. But I can understand why you would do that. But something is bothering you a lot," he said, psychoanalysing her.

She had had enough of this already. Everybody was either questioning or advising her for something or the other. She started, "Fine, I'll tell you what's going on. You're not going to like it Jay."

"Let me be the judge of that," he replied back, his way of telling her that she better start speaking now.

"I am angry. I am beyond angry," she said.

"At me?" he asked.

"Yeah," she replied bluntly.

"Why?" he continued.

This was the cherry on top of everything. The way he was asking her this was getting on her nerves. How could he be so casual about all this? She answered rather loudly, "Because you bloody got shot again and almost died. That's bloody why I am angry and pissed off."

He looked at her with a neutral expression. When he sensed she was done he spoke, "Hailey, I didn't want to get"—

"You can't keep saying that all the time!" she shot back. "You can't say you didn't mean to."

He still looked at her, no particular expression on his face. She exhaled loudly, having gotten some weight off of her chest, though it was just the beginning. Finally Jay asked, "What do you want me to say?"

Now she looked at him intently, not sure what she really wanted out of this conversation. "I don't know Jay, but honestly, I can't keep going through this anymore. Whenever you are outside, my heart is always in my throat and when you do such things, it really takes a lot away from my stability and balance."

"It's part of the job," he countered.

Well, I am sorry. I really didn't sign up for this. I didn't sign up for my heart to be on constant fear and worry," she replied, meaning it.

"So what do you want to do Hailey?" he asked, hoping to get to the crux of the matter.

"I can't be so close to you Jay. There needs to be a distance," she said bluntly.

He just stared at her. She felt the need to add, "I am just being totally honest with you since we are having this conversation."

"Are you saying you want to break up?" he asked, still not showing any expression.

She looked at him immediately and said, "No."

"Then what do you want?" he pushed further.

"I don't know," she said looking at him.

"Well, I know what I want. I want you Hailey. I am sorry that I got shot but you were the only one on my mind," he confessed.

She looked at him shaking her head. What was this guy? He really wasn't not giving up on them. He continued, "I am not going to give up on us so easily."

She was still in disbelief. Every time they had a serious conversation about their relationship it felt as though Jay was trying to open her heart inch by inch, causing her both pain and relief at the same time. He was really leading her down a path she rarely ventured. Finally words came to her mouth, "What do you want me to do Jay?"

"Believe in me?" he said simply.

"I do," she replied.

"Then more? Because I am really trying to make this work," he said.

"Jay, you need to understand that almost losing you every week is not something I look forward to. I believe in you, I know your heart, I love you, but I can't go through this trauma again. And it's not even over."

Her last sentence caught his attention. He asked, "What do you mean? You didn't see anything, so what are you talking about?"

She sighed again, realising it was time to move on to the second part now. She answered straightforwardly, "I was there that day, I was the one who shot Angela."

He just looked at her, not believing her. He managed, "What? You were there?"

"Yeah, I was there. I shot her because she shot you first," Hailey said in a matter of fact manner.

"Hailey, I didn't know that. Why didn't anyone tell me anything?" he questioned.

"Because I asked them not to," if she was going with it she might go all the way now.

"And it was not pleasant Jay, it really wasn't."

He thought for a moment, then spoke, "No offence Hailey, but you have shot so many people. What was so painful about this shoot?"

"Jay, she shot at you. I don't know why you think that's okay. Because if you think like that, it really means you are carrying that old guilt still," she finished.

"I am not thinking like that Hailey, but I am just trying to understand why you're so affected by this. More so, because it is over and you're still mulling over it."

"Jay, why are you doing this? It's literally four in the morning," she said sighing.

"Hailey stop trying to avoid every situation. Just talk to me," he said, irritated by her behaviour.

She knew this was not going to end here so she decided to spill all the beans in one go and get it over with, "I shot her in front of her son. Bobby saw his mother bleed to death. I saw that little boy shriek for his mother, but I still shot her. You wanted to know what happened right, here you go, this is what happened that day."

Jay looked at her as though she had shot him. She added, "And I woke up because I had a nightmare, I saw Bobby screaming again."

Jay still looked at her, trying to register all the information. He had no idea so many things had happened and that Hailey was involved so deeply. And the bluntness with which she spoke only sent chills down his spine. The only thing he knew he had to do now was to go give her a hug, because words would surely fall short. He approached her but she instantaneously backed off and held her hand up saying, "No, I am fine Jay. I don't need this, not now. I need some time."

He stopped short, searching her eyes and knowing very well that she needed this but she wouldn't let herself feel comforted. She was really stubborn most of the time and recently it had caused her more harm than good. He understood her situation now but he needed to know one more thing, "Hailey, do you want to stay with me?"

She looked at him exasperated, "What do you mean Jay?"

"What I mean is that if I am in a relationship I want to be in the relationship and not be like how we are right now. So close, yet so damn far away. That's one thing I cannot do."

"So what do you really want Jay? You want me to sleep with you? You want to be physical like we used to be before? Is that what you really want?" she asked, angered by his question.

"Hailey! Just stop! Really just stop. I don't know why you always bring down our relationship to just sex. I just don't get it," he said, himself angry by the way she was talking.

He added, "You know what Hailey, I have always given you all the space and time you needed, but I will not accept this sort of behaviour, especially towards our relationship, which it seems you have forgotten, we built with so much trust and respect and so much love. So I am not going to let you just demean it for the heck of an argument. Hell, I am not going to let you do that under any circumstance."

He was serious and she knew it. She had crossed a line and her statement had really hurt him. Though he wasn't done yet, "You can attack me, talk about any other thing, bring up any other crap, I won't stop you. But if ever again you talk trash about our relationship, we're done and I mean it."

Hailey had not expected this kind of reaction but she knew for sure that she would never ever talk like this about their relationship again. It had angered Jay to a level which she had never seen and she didn't want to see again either. He was looking at her still, making sure she understood every damn word from his honest speech. It seemed she did. He spoke and turned on his heel, "I am going home. It's better if we stay away for a while."

What she had feared was happening.

And here's the end. I would say it was an emotional one to a certain extent. What did you guys think of the chapter? Did you like it?